She smiled at him bewitchingly and held out her hand. James hesitated, then laughed and took it. He bent over it in a bow and said, with a solemnity belied by the twinkle in his eyes, ‘May I have the honour of this waltz, ma’am? Er…riding boots and all?’
Anne fluttered her eyelashes at him over an imaginary fan and said, ‘Why, of course, my lord! And we always dance in riding boots at Roade. It’s a family tradition.’
Still laughing, James put his other hand on her waist, gave her a nod and they started off down the room. They discovered that they were in such perfect step that no music was needed. In spite of the riding boots she was not at all stiff or awkward, but was as light as a feather in his arms, immediately responsive to the slightest pressure of his guiding hand. And soon they were lost in a strange enchantment, and forgot that they were dancing in an empty room, without music, and dressed for riding rather than a ballroom.
When at last Anne held up her hand and said, ‘I’m breathless again!’ he stopped, but did not immediately release her. His hands still firmly at her waist, they looked into each other’s eyes in silence for a long moment, until he slowly bent his head and kissed her…This, their first kiss, was like nothing she could have imagined. It was neither light-hearted nor careless, no impulsive gesture made in laughter or mock anger, but deliberate and very, very sweet. Anne felt her whole being melting in response to its slow delight. When it came to an end he looked deep into her eyes, then, tracing her features one by one with his finger, said softly, ‘What the devil am I to do about you? A short while ago I didn’t even know you existed, and now I can’t think what life would be like without you. You make me laugh, you intrigue me, you enchant me with your smile, and you can turn my heart over with one look from those lovely eyes of yours. You can even take a small boy’s unhappy memories and magic them away with your warmth and gaiety. And you waltz like a dream. I think you would haunt this room for ever if I were to let you go.’
The spell was broken. For a brief hour or two she had put aside harsh reality and been part of a world of fun and laughter, of love and a vision of what life with James could be. But now reality was back. ‘But you must,’ she said sadly. ‘Before very long I’ll have to go.’
‘Why? Why, Anne?’ he demanded.
‘You should know that yourself. I…I’m not a suitable person for you. You have a family, a distinguished name. I haven’t even the memory of one!’
She removed herself from his arms and stood at the window with her back to him. ‘You’ve been so kind to me, so patient. When I’m with you I can sometimes forget what is wrong with me. Yesterday and today I foolishly put the real state of affairs out of my mind and indulged in dreams. Dreams of what it could be like if we discovered that I was…that I would be a suitable partner for you. But the truth is that I’m a girl without a past, without a home. I suppose I belong somewhere, with someone, but no one seems interested in looking for me—not even the men who took me in the first place.’ She turned round and faced him. ‘It’s perfectly possible that I will never remember who I am.’
‘I refuse to believe that. You’ve already remembered something of your past. The rest will follow, I’m sure of it.’
‘Oh, yes!’ she said with a sob. ‘I remember the nightmares. I remember how to play chess. I remember how to ride, how to play the piano and dance the waltz. But none of it means very much when I don’t have any idea where I belong—’ She broke off, and tried to calm herself. But then she cried out, ‘Oh, it’s all so impossible! I don’t want to be dependent on anyone, but where can I go in my present state? What can I possibly do?’
‘This must stop!’ James came over to her and took her quite roughly into his arms again. At first she fought to escape, but suddenly she gave a cry of despair and melted against him. Soon they were holding each other in a fiercely passionate embrace, the world around them forgotten once more in an explosion of feeling. Eventually he murmured, somewhat unsteadily, ‘Anne! Darling Anne! You’ll stay with me, of course! You must.’
She shut her eyes and stayed quietly in his arms for a moment. Then with a sigh she moved away, shaking her head. ‘I’d give anything to accept. But I can’t.’
‘Why not?’ he demanded.
‘Hatherton has been a retreat for both of us, but what about your life in the world outside? Your position in society? Any sort of scandalous liaison would break your grandmother’s heart, you know it would. And you love her too much to do that to her.’
‘There must be a way…’ he said, frowning.
‘I don’t see one. I won’t be your mistress. And that is what I would be if I stayed with you now.’ He made an involuntary gesture of protest, but she continued in passionate despair, ‘I couldn’t be anything else. Who knows? I might be engaged, married, a widow…or even a criminal, like the men who drove that coach—I just don’t know—’ She broke off and turned away. After a moment she said wearily, ‘There’s no point in saying any more. I don’t want to argue, but I won’t let you ruin your life. I must leave you, find somewhere else to stay.’
‘No!’ he exclaimed. Taking her hands in his, he said, ‘Anne, listen to me. Give me a little more time to find out who you are. Just give us a little more time.’
It was much harder to behave rationally than Anne had imagined. But, she promised herself, she would not let him persuade her to stay for very long. Soon she must leave Hatherton, with or without his help.
‘A few more days, then,’ she said. ‘And now, James, I think I’ve seen enough of your beautiful house. I’d like to go back to Hatherton.’
* * *
The sun had moved round, and the path down through the valley was in shade. The atmosphere on the ride back was very different from that of the morning. They were both quiet, both deep in thought. James was busy with plans for the future. It was vitally important to find out who she really was. Anne was also busy, but her plans were less happy. The afternoon’s events had made it clear to her that she must leave Hatherton within a few days. Even if she were ready to live with him, counting the world well lost for love, at some point in the future he would be forced to make a respectable marriage for the sake of his family. Better by far not to embark on a course which would, could, only lead to unhappiness, certainly for herself, probably for James, and quite possibly his future wife as well. No, no, it would be better for everyone if she enjoyed the short time left to her and then disappeared. She saw that they were very nearly back at Hatherton. With determination she put these gloomy thoughts out of her mind and turned to James.
‘James, let’s forget all this for tonight! I enjoyed our game of chess. May I have the pleasure of beating you again?’
He turned to her in relief. ‘You may try. I shall enjoy the battle, of course. But don’t build your hopes too high on the outcome.’
After that they talked of chess and Roade and the gardens—anything but the real battle that was just beginning. At the house she let him help her dismount, and together they went inside. At the door of her room he said, ‘I hope you’ll dine with me tonight before our game.’
‘But—’
‘Don’t argue, Anne,’ he said, opening her door, and coming in with her. ‘It’s a harmless enough request. There’ll be no arguments, no passionate scenes, no strong emotions. I’d enjoy your company, and can’t believe you wouldn’t enjoy mine. We shall dine in style, and conduct ourselves in a rational, civilised manner, with talk of London scenes and London society. Perhaps something will even stir your memory.’
Anne said drily, ‘Since I don’t remember ever studying London scenes or meeting London society, the conversation will be somewhat one-sided, but I’ll do my best to respond.’
He laughed and put his hands on her shoulders. ‘That’s my brave girl,’ he said, bending his head to kiss her.
Good resolutions are all very well, thought Anne dizzily, but when breaking them leads to such delight it…is…so…much…harder…to keep…them…
* * *
<
br /> Mrs Culver’s voice broke in on them a few minutes later. ‘Excuse me, my lord.’
Flushed and confused, Anne broke away and moved to the window. James had to work hard to control his annoyance, but he managed to speak calmly enough. ‘What is it, Mrs Culver?’
‘I’m sorry to disturb you—’
‘So you should be, Cully, so you should be. Why don’t you knock before coming into a room?’
‘You must excuse me, my lord. I was only going to ask Miss Anne if she knew where you were. I hadn’t expected to find you here in her bedroom. Until now it has never been necessary to knock before coming into the room of a guest in your grandmother’s house.’ She threw a glance full of disapproval towards the girl in the window.
‘Well, what is it?’
‘You have a visitor, sir. One of Mr Holford’s boys is here.’
James nodded. ‘I’ll be down in a moment.’ He turned and went over to the window. ‘Anne? You will have dinner with me tonight?’
Conscious of Mrs Culver’s hostile presence at the door, Anne murmured reluctantly that she would. James gave her an encouraging smile and said softly, ‘Don’t worry. I’ll explain to Cully. She’ll come round.’ He took Anne’s hand and held it to his lips. ‘Till tonight then.’ On his way out he said, ‘Cully, I’d like you to look out one of my mother’s dresses for Miss Anne to wear tonight when she dines with me. A pretty one. For a special occasion. Now, where is Master Holford?’
‘He’s in the dining room, my lord.’ Mrs Culver followed him downstairs, but Anne knew that before long she would be back. The housekeeper had undoubtedly been shocked at the scene she had just witnessed, and James’s reference to a ‘special occasion’ would not have reassured her. She must now be convinced that her Master James was in imminent danger of falling into the toils of an unscrupulous wanton.
She leaned her head against the window. Now more than ever she needed to think coolly and rationally. It was so tempting to take what happiness she could and so ruin both their lives. She would not do it. No, if James would not see reason she must find a way of escaping from Hatherton without his help. She thought wryly that Mrs Culver would be more than willing to assist her—the housekeeper would do everything she could to get rid of this threat to her beloved Master James!
* * *
Meanwhile, downstairs James was examining what young Nat Holford had brought to show him. ‘I found them after you’d gone, my lord,’ he said.
‘Where were they? Inside the coach?’
‘No! They were in the stream farther up. There are letters on the ring.’
‘So there are,’ said James thoughtfully, fingering the fine gold chain Nat had brought. One of the links had been broken, as if it had somehow been torn from the wearer’s neck, but it was attached with a firm knot to a heavy gold ring set with a black stone. The chain had unmistakably belonged to a woman. The ring was equally unmistakably a man’s.
James examined the ring in silence. It had an engraved monogram—HJC. And when he held it up he could see an inscription running round inside. It read, With all my love from your own devoted AC. The message was damnably clear…
‘They must have belonged to someone in the coach,’ he said to the boy eventually. ‘I’d like to keep them.’
‘Pa said you was to have ‘em,’ Nat said, eyeing the chain enviously.
James gave the boy a twisted smile. ‘Which would you prefer, Nat? These, or a golden guinea?’
After the boy had left, a happy smile on his face and a gold coin in his fist, James studied the ring, with the look of a man who had just been dealt a mortal blow. It was certainly a very handsome ring—the sort parents would give to a son on achieving his majority. Or a godfather might give to a favourite godson…But the message inside it made it seem more than likely that ‘AC’ had given it to ‘HJC’ on the occasion of their betrothal or…marriage. With a muffled curse he thrust both ring and chain onto the table at the side and went upstairs to his room.
* * *
Anne was still standing by the window when, just as she had expected, Mrs Culver appeared. She had a dress draped over one arm.
‘I’ve brought you this,’ she said. ‘It’s been folded up in a clothes press for years. Rose will smooth it out later. It’s short, but it has a matching petticoat, which will give it more length.’ She held the dress up for Anne’s inspection. Made of striped silk brocade, the dress was in the style of the previous century, forty years exquisitely out of date, with a narrow waist, low-cut bodice and a full skirt.
‘I couldn’t wear that! It’s far too beautiful!’ exclaimed Anne.
‘It’s what his lordship wants, though it isn’t his mother’s,’ Mrs Culver said, laying the dress out on the bed. She gazed at it for a moment then turned to Anne again. ‘Lady Aldhurst—my Lady Aldhurst—used to wear this when his lordship’s grandfather was alive. I was just a housemaid in those days, but I can still remember it.’ She paused. ‘He and Lady Aldhurst entertained a lot up at the big house. They both loved Roade. My lady and her husband were very close. So close that when his lordship died Lady Aldhurst moved into Hatherton and refused to see anyone for months.’
The housekeeper stopped, and Anne asked, ‘Was that when the walled garden was created?’
Mrs Culver nodded. ‘But then, when she heard how her two small grandchildren had been more or less abandoned up at Roade, she brought the boys here to live.’ She hesitated, then said, ‘Their father was…a disappointment to Lady Aldhurst, though she never said anything, of course. But we all knew. As long as he and his wife had the means to travel, all the Aldhurst lands could have gone to rack and ruin for all he cared. He didn’t even bother with his own sons. It was left to their grandmother to bring them up…’
Mrs Culver was silent for so long that Anne wondered if she had finished. But she shook her head and went on, ‘Then they were killed, both of them, Lord Aldhurst and his wife. Master John died soon after. It was left to his present lordship to rescue the Aldhurst estates. And Lady Aldhurst has worked for and worried about them ever since.’
She looked down at the dress again and stroked its folds into shape. ‘My lady is not well,’ she said. ‘She’s in London for treatment now. But she won’t rest until she can be sure that the Aldhursts will survive. Master James is her only hope. She’s waiting for him to marry and take his place at Roade. You saw the house today. It needs attention. It needs Lord Aldhurst and his wife to come and live there. And so do the rest of us.’
She straightened the folds in the dress where she had disturbed it and came over to Anne. She was pale, and her hands were clasped so tightly that the knuckles showed white. Anne waited for what she knew was coming. Mrs Culver said, ‘I’m still not sure what to make of you, Miss Anne. You could be what you claim to be—you could be a girl who had an accident and lost her memory. But you promised me you would leave Hatherton as soon as you were strong enough. I think that time has come, don’t you? Or was I wrong? Do you have altogether different plans?’
‘I don’t have any kind of plans,’ Anne said evenly. ‘What do you mean?’
‘You look and act like a lady, but, when all is said and done, you’re a girl without a home. From what I witnessed just a few minutes ago in this room, you could be planning to find one here. His lordship is so taken with you that it wouldn’t be difficult to entice him into an affair, one which would do him no good at all, and might well kill his grandmother.’
Anne was so stung at the injustice of this that she was on the point of saying something she would later regret, but she stopped herself. In other circumstances she would have been touched by the woman’s blind devotion to her mistress’s interests. After a moment she had recovered enough to say calmly, ‘I may have lost my memory, Mrs Culver, but I still have principles. I do intend to leave Hatherton, and have told his lordship as much.’
Mrs Culver said grudgingly, ‘If I’m wrong about your motives, I apologise. But it’s obvious that you and his lordship a
re getting…closer with every day that passes. The longer you stay the harder it will get.’
‘But even you must see that I cannot simply disappear without having an idea of how or where I am to go!’
After a moment, Mrs Culver said, ‘Perhaps you would like to go to London? The first night you were here you appeared quite desperate to go there.’
Anne shook her head. ‘I don’t remember that,’ she said wearily.
‘That’s a pity. But if that is what you want I might be able to help. My brother calls here twice a week on his way to London to see if we wish to send any fresh produce or messages to her ladyship. In fact, he’ll be here tomorrow. I could arrange for him to take you with him.’
‘Tomorrow!’
‘If that is too soon, he will call again in three days’ time.’
‘I…I couldn’t go tomorrow. At the moment I have no idea what I would do when I got there.’ Anne suddenly realised just how vulnerable she was. In fact, without James’s support she was destitute! She looked at Mrs Culver, hesitated, and then said stiffly, ‘To begin with, I haven’t any money. I’m sure you’re aware that I have nothing but the clothes I arrived in!’
Mrs Culver was not to be put off. ‘I am sure my brother could find respectable work for you in London. The Season is just about to begin, and it’s getting quite busy. I could let you have a little money to tide you over for a day or two.’
‘No!’ Anne cried. ‘I’m ready to work, but I won’t accept any favours from you, Mrs Culver.’
‘I wouldn’t regard it as a favour to you, Miss Anne. It would be for the benefit of Hatherton.’
Anne turned back to the window and gazed out blindly. It hurt to see such hostility in someone else’s eyes, especially when she knew how little she deserved it. But hostile or not, Mrs Culver had suggested a relatively safe way she could escape from Hatherton.
Reawakening Miss Calverley Page 9