She said at last, ‘You couldn’t wish more desperately than I do that my memory would return so that I could leave Hatherton safely, but it seems I’ll have to face the world without it. But I won’t go before I think I’m ready.’
‘I hope that won’t take too long. Otherwise I shall be forced to warn her ladyship what is going on here.’
‘I understand,’ said Anne wearily. ‘Thank you, Mrs Culver. Send Rose up, would you, please?’
* * *
Rose came up, exclaimed over the dress before pressing it very carefully, helped Anne with her toilette, arranged her hair and last of all helped her to put the dress on.
‘You look lovely, miss!’ she exclaimed. ‘Just like the picture of Lady Aldhurst in the dining room. It’s a real pity you haven’t any pearls to go with it. Lady Aldhurst is wearing some lovely pearls in that picture.’
Rose’s uncomplicated admiration was very comforting. Anne smiled at her and said, ‘Perhaps I could wear a length of ribbon round my neck instead of jewellery? I’ve seen a portrait of my grandmother wearing one.’ She stopped short. ‘A portrait of my grandmother…’ she said slowly. ‘I remember a portrait of my grandmother…’ Rose was looking at her with eyes like saucers.
‘It’s coming back,’ she said. ‘Your memory—it’s back!’
Anne frowned, but after a moment she sighed and shook her head. ‘No,’ she said, ‘it was just another sudden flash. Of a painting I’ve seen. It’s gone again.’
Rose looked sympathetic. ‘That’s a real shame, Miss Anne. But you do look a real picture and no mistake. I’ll get a piece of ribbon.’
Anne had a last look in the mirror before she went downstairs. The black velvet ribbon served to emphasise the slenderness of her neck and the proud carriage of her head. Her face was delicately flushed, and her dark blue eyes looked almost black in the soft light of the candles. She felt she had never looked more beautiful, and wondered wistfully if this was how James would remember her after they had parted.
‘I’m ready,’ she said.
Chapter Eight
James was waiting in the hall. He came to the foot of the stairs and held out his hand. ‘You look…magnificent,’ he said, giving her a little bow before putting her arm on his to lead her into the dining room. But Anne was disconcerted. There was a subtle change in James’s manner that worried her, and for a moment she wanted to run back upstairs and change out of her finery into her familiar, simple black dress. He seemed distant, like a stranger, in his evening clothes and immaculate linen, and in the formal way he had spoken. It was so unlike him not to see how nervous she was. But underneath those formidable manners he was still James, still her rescuer, her comforter…and her love. And since she would soon have to leave him she would make the most of this evening. So she lifted her chin, smiled and said gaily, ‘Fine feathers, my lord, even if they are borrowed and a little out of date.’
He gave her a slight smile. ‘Beauty, my dear, is never out of date.’
Anne was once again chilled by the lack of warmth in his manner. There was surely something more to it than just an excess of formality. What had happened between this afternoon and this evening to cause such a change in him?
In the dining room, gleaming silver and glasses reflected the light of branched candlesticks on a table set for two. A bowl of flowers scented the air, and a pink camellia lay by her plate. It was a setting for lovers, she thought, for romance. But where were they this evening?
James saw her to her chair and took the seat opposite. While two of the maids served them, he smiled courteously at her and said, ‘I’m afraid we lack the necessary footmen here at Hatherton. When my grandmother is in residence she keeps a full complement of staff here, but most of them accompany her to London. However, I believe Mrs Culver does very well. She has been in service here for a long time. My grandmother trusts her absolutely.’
Was this the man who, such a short time ago, had held her so tightly that she could hardly breathe, while his lips had covered her cheeks, her eyes, her mouth, with passionate kisses? Servants or no servants, she had expected to see a feeling warmer than courtesy in his eyes, to hear more than polite small talk when he spoke!
She lifted her chin again and replied with a passable imitation of his tone, ‘From what I have seen, the house seems to me to be extraordinarily well run, Lord Aldhurst. And the garden you showed me yesterday is particularly delightful, too…Tell me, what plans do you have for Roade? The house has such potential.’
There was a short pause, then he said curtly, ‘None at the moment, I’m afraid. They will have to wait.’
Anne winced. Roade and its associations were not, it seemed, to be discussed. There was another awkward silence while she absorbed and dealt with this. Then she said brightly, ‘But I believe you promised to tell me about life in London. I understand the Season is almost upon you? When does it actually start?’
James described some of the events of the Season to her, and Anne responded as best she could with questions and comments. But the banter and laughter that had been such a feature of their breakfast together were altogether lacking. When the servants finally withdrew the silence lasted even longer than the previous one.
Finally, Anne decided she would take no more. She said, ‘I don’t think I can belong to the polite world after all, Lord…Lord Aldhurst. If this conversation is a sample of what I am to expect, I should prefer to find that I do not belong! The activities of London society appear to me to be singularly boring!’
James’s manner was more natural, though still cool, as he replied, ‘I’ve often thought the same myself! However, it’s clear from your supply of small talk that at some point or other you’ve been taught the social graces. It’s odd that you don’t seem to recall any of it. Very odd.’
‘Perhaps my previous life is buried deeper than we think. What has there been so far, apart from a few nightmares? That I had red hair when I was a child…I can play chess, and the piano, and ride. And this evening I remembered a portrait of my grandmother. It isn’t much, is it?’
‘Your grandmother? Can you describe her?’
‘It’s just a portrait. She was wearing a dress in the same style as this, and she is wearing a ribbon like this, too. I remember thinking how beautiful she was…’
‘So are you, Anne.’ The words seemed to come of their own volition, and were said with all the warmth she could wish for. He met her eyes, then looked away and said, ‘I’m sorry.’
‘James! What is wrong?’
He hesitated, then seemed to come to some conclusion. ‘I want you to look at something.’ He went over to the side table and, after staring down at it for some time, came back with a chain in his hand. Letting it dangle from his fingers, he asked, ‘Is this familiar?’
Anne took the chain from him and examined it. ‘I think it’s made of gold,’ she said. ‘And it has a broken link…No, it doesn’t mean anything to me. Where did you find it?’
‘Holford’s boy brought it this afternoon. It was in the stream not far from the coach.’
Anne shook her head again. ‘It’s like the purse,’ she said. ‘I suppose it must be mine, but I don’t remember a thing about it.’ She looked up to see that he had gone back to the side table.
‘James, what is it? There is something wrong. What is it?’ Anne got up and went over to see what was holding his attention. But as soon as she reached him he turned round and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms right round her, holding her head tight against his chest, resting his cheek on her hair. ‘What is it?’ she asked, putting her hand up to his face. His own hand briefly covered hers, then he released her and led back to her seat. ‘Sit down and I’ll show you. It may be nothing.’
He waited till she was ready, and then put a ring down on the table in front of her. ‘The chain I’ve just shown you was knotted round this.’
Anne looked at the ring and was overcome by a powerful sense of urgency. She picked it up and studied it. ‘I…I…This is
different…’ She leaned forwards and turned it this way and that in the light of the candles, giving particular attention to the monogram. James leaned forwards as her eyes met his. He looked very tense, as if expecting a blow.
‘So this does mean something?’ he said.
‘I don’t know what!’ she said slowly, ‘But I know it’s important…very important. It’s not my ring, of course. It belongs to a man…’
She stroked the black stone gently with her finger…and jumped as James banged his fist on the table and said angrily, ‘Anne, I can see that! Read what it says inside!’
She held it up again. ‘With…all…my love…from…your own…devoted A…C…’ She looked up. ‘From your own devoted AC…And the initials on the stone are HJC…’ She looked at him in shock. ‘James? You think I’m AC?’
‘Of course I damned well do! Who else could it be? The initials AC were on that cursed purse. The purse was in the coach, and this ring was found within yards of it, very near the spot where you escaped. Of course you’re AC—’ He broke off and walked several paces away from her. Then he turned and said angrily, ‘You say it’s important to you. From the way you were fingering it a moment ago, I’d say it means a great deal more than that. You were stroking it with affection, as if it belonged to someone you loved. I want to know why! I want to know why you were wearing it on a chain round your neck. I want to know the meaning of that accursed inscription! As you say, it’s a man’s ring, Anne. Whose is it?’ He leaned over her again, and she was afraid for a moment he was going to shake her. ‘Don’t you remember anything, dammit?’ he asked fiercely. ‘For God’s sake, woman, try!’
This behaviour was so unlike him that she stared at him in shock. Then shock turned to apprehension as the reason for his behaviour throughout the evening, his anger, now became clear to her. ‘You think I gave this ring to someone…to someone dear to me. As a betrothal ring?’
‘Or was it a marriage ring?’
‘No!’ She jumped up and walked away, shaking her head. ‘No! That can’t be!’ She turned and came back to him. ‘I can’t be married, James. I can’t!’
He took her hands in his, grasping them so tightly that it hurt. ‘How do you know?’
‘Because…because of the way I feel about you. I couldn’t possibly be married to someone else.’
He shook his head as if he wanted to clear it of some demon, but he failed. His next words shocked her once again, this time beyond measure. He dropped her hands and moved away from her. Studying her coolly, almost objectively, he said with a hint of cynicism, ‘Really, ma’am! Are you really so incredibly naive? So innocent of the world and its ways? Do you really not know that London is full of married women, devoted to their husbands, but who find it very easy to accommodate a lover as well? I’ve had what you might call a personal acquaintance with one or two such ladies myself.’
‘James!’ Shocked, hurt and angry, she pulled away from him and fled to the other side of the room. Her distress seemed to bring him to his senses, and for a moment he stood like a man waking from a nightmare. Cursing his stupidity, he shook his head in disgust and, in a voice full of remorse, said, ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I should never have said such a thing. Not to you. I don’t know what came over me. The truth is that I haven’t been myself since I saw that ring. I have never felt like this before. Never felt so…so jealous. And a moment ago, when you said it was important to you, I was insanely jealous of this HJC. It’s a damnable feeling!’
‘James, listen to me,’ she said quietly. ‘This ring has a significance that I can’t explain, because the reason is buried in this wretched memory of mine. But I am absolutely certain that I don’t love HJC in the way you are thinking. I can’t at the moment even remember who he is, and I couldn’t imagine ever forgetting you.’ She gave a bitter little laugh, which ended in a sob. ‘But as you say, I might be married to him.’
James stifled a curse. ‘Yes, dammit. Unhappily married, and only too willing to forget him!’ He walked away again, pacing the room impatiently. At last he said, ‘It won’t do. We have to find out the truth. We’ve waited long enough for your memory to come back. I have a business appointment with the family lawyers in Guildford tomorrow. I’ll ask them for names of reputable investigators. The men I sent to make enquiries along the Portsmouth Road haven’t brought back anything useful. They found the coach, but the villains who were in it have vanished, and that trail is cold. We can’t wait any longer to find out who you are. I’ll set it all in motion tomorrow.’
‘And if you find that I am a married woman?’ asked Anne quietly.
There was an appreciable pause. Then James said heavily, ‘I don’t know. I just don’t know. You may remember you love him after all. How can I be sure that what you feel for me isn’t just gratitude, not love? You’ve had to trust me, had to depend on me…I suppose you might have come to think you love me.’
‘James, it’s not like that at all. I know, I am quite sure, I love you!’
‘Do you, Anne? I’m no longer sure about anything at all.’
This time the silence was long and heavy.
‘Then there’s nothing more to say, is there?’ she said sadly, turning towards the door.
‘Anne! Wait! Don’t go. We may be quite wrong!’
‘You mean the ring may not be mine? That some farmer’s wife, who just happens to have AC as her initials, dropped it in that stream on her way to market? I don’t think so, James.’
‘Wait until I’ve spoken to our lawyers in Guildford. They may have some suggestions. I’ll see you tomorrow after I get back. Meanwhile we’ll hope it isn’t as bad as we think.’
‘Yes, James. We’ll do that,’ said Anne wearily.
They went up the stairs together, but he stopped at the door of her room. Holding her face between his hands, he looked into her eyes. His expression changed when he saw what was in them. ‘I want to believe you, Anne,’ he said. ‘You have no idea how much I want to believe you!’ He kissed her, and said softly, ‘I’ll see you tomorrow evening. It will all turn out well, I know it will.’ He kissed her once more with such gentleness that she almost broke down. Then he opened her door and waited for her to go through.
* * *
Anne leant with her back against the door and listened to his footsteps receding. The pain of letting him go was so acute that she could hardly breathe. But she knew she must leave Hatherton without delay. The ring was even more important to her than she had let James see, and if she was indeed married he might well become involved in a scandal that could ruin for ever his chances of leading a normal life at Roade with a wife and family of his own. His early start for Guildford the next day would give her an ideal opportunity to escape.
She looked down at the ring, which was still clutched in her hand. It looked so harmless, lying there in her palm. Once again assailed by a feeling of urgency, she was certain that she had made the right decision. Something vital concerning the ring lay buried in her memory. But what?
When Mrs Culver came Anne had already taken the dress off and had gathered her few possessions together. ‘I’ve changed my mind,’ she said. ‘If your offer to help me escape tomorrow still stands I shall accept it…’ She paused, swallowed her pride and added, ‘And I would accept a little money, too, which I will repay as soon as I am able.’
To her relief, Mrs Culver made no comment, but nodded and picked up the dress. ‘I’ll bring what you will need when I come back after putting this away.’
* * *
She returned a few minutes later with a thick shawl, a bonnet and a small carpet bag. ‘I’ve put a few things in it,’ she said, ‘things we don’t need anymore. They’ll do you for a while. The bonnet and shawl are to keep you warm on the journey to London. And I can give you three guineas. It’s not much, but my brother is a good man—he’ll see that you get paid employment before too long. His lordship will set off for Guildford at eight or thereabouts. Be ready to leave soon after.’ She hesitated. ‘I…’
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‘Please don’t say anything,’ said Anne. ‘I know how glad you are to see me go. No doubt Lady Aldhurst will be grateful, too. His lordship…his lordship might…might not understand at first. But I know I am right to…to save him from making a mistake. I shall leave a note for him to make it clear that this…this was my decision, not…not anyone else’s. Thank you, Mrs Culver.’
The housekeeper gave a little curtsy. ‘I shall see you tomorrow,’ she said.
* * *
The next morning Anne was at the window when James rode off. She watched him till he disappeared out of sight round a bend in the drive. Then she turned away and put the last few things in her bag. Lady Aldhurst’s copy of Persuasion she left on the bed, on top of the nightdress she had been given to wear when she had first arrived. Rose came in and was astonished to see that she was already dressed.
‘I’d come to help you, Miss Anne,’ she exclaimed.
Anne smiled. ‘It looks as if I shall have to learn to do everything for myself from now on. I think I’ve done pretty well, don’t you?’
‘It’s not right! You’re a lady if ever I saw one! Mrs Culver—’
‘Don’t, Rose! Mrs Culver has only done what I asked. But you could find me a longer piece of ribbon if you would.’
Rose disappeared and came back with a length of silk ribbon. ‘Will this do?’
‘Perfectly!’ She threaded the ribbon through the ring and hung it round her neck, concealing it under the neckline of her dress. ‘That’s safe now.’ She gave Rose an apologetic smile. ‘I’m afraid I have nothing else. I can’t give you anything to remember me by. But I do thank you for your kindness and help. I…I hope to see you again one day. Goodbye.’
‘I wouldn’t take anything, Miss Anne. And I’m coming with you to the door. I want to make sure Mr Cobden will take good care of you. You’re not yet all that strong.’
Anne laughed shakily. ‘Please don’t tell him that! He expects me to work! I shall be perfectly all right. You really mustn’t worry.’ She put a note addressed to James on the chest of drawers, cast a glance round the room, and went downstairs to the kitchen door where Mrs Culver’s brother was waiting. Mrs Culver was there, too. ‘I’ve had a word with Hal,’ she said. ‘He’s sure he can find you something, and you can help his daughter in the house until you do. And I do thank you, Miss Anne, for what you are doing today.’
Reawakening Miss Calverley Page 10