Reawakening Miss Calverley

by Sylvia Andrew

  James wasn’t appeased. ‘Not loud enough, my lord! Let everyone hear!’ he said, hauling him up and twisting him round to face the rest of the company. ‘You’ve told them half the story. Now tell them the rest! Tell them how she had to be rescued from the men you had sent to abduct her. Tell them how she nearly drowned, how she nearly died the night I found her! Tell them how ill she was during her week at Hatherton!’ James lifted the man up and shook him like a dog. ‘Tell them!’

  ‘I apologise, damn you!’ Lord Croxton shouted into the murmur of horror and condemnation coming from all round the room. ‘I didn’t know she was ill, I swear. I must have been misinformed. Of course it was all innocent, and I was wrong. But you can’t prove I had anything to do with her abduction!’ He stared at the sea of accusing faces all round, and muttered, ‘Let me go, damn you! Let me go and I’ll leave here straight away.’

  ‘Yes, let him go, Aldhurst,’ said Sir Henry disgustedly. ‘He’s probably covered his tracks too well. We won’t be able to prove anything—not without a great deal of trouble. No one will believe his slanders. Look at him—he really isn’t worth bothering about. Let him go.’

  James looked at the man cowering in front of him and, with an exclamation of disgust, thrust him away so hard that he stumbled and nearly fell. After casting a look of burning hatred at James he went out. Sir Henry looked round at the crowd, and said calmly, ‘Lady Furness, I hope you and your guests will forgive me if I take a moment of your time. Lord Croxton’s desire for revenge has unhinged his mind. I don’t know where or how he acquired his information, but he is quite wrong.’

  He looked round and continued, ‘In fact, my daughter has been engaged to Lord Aldhurst for some time. I knew what Croxton had done long before tonight, and was happy to discover that she was safe, thanks to Lord Aldhurst here. I shall be proud to call him my son-in-law.’ He bowed to James. ‘And that is all I have to say, except that Lady Barbara and Captain Barcombe deserve to have your wholehearted wishes for their happiness without any further distractions. Thank you.’

  Lady Furness, who had been standing frozen to the spot during the drama, hurried to find her butler to order him to serve more wine, and in a surprisingly short time the room returned to at least the appearance of normal, though the buzz of conversation was a lot louder.

  But Antonia was looking like a ghost. James came over to join her, took her hands in his and saluted her lightly on the cheek. ‘Smile, Antonia,’ he said in her ear. ‘I know it’s been a shock, but pretend you knew. Please smile!’

  ‘I can’t stay here,’ she said in a shaking voice. ‘I want to leave.’

  ‘You can’t. If you go now, you’ll undo all your father’s good work. You must stay here and look as if you’re pleased that the world at last knows of our engagement.’

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ she whispered, her lips barely moving.

  ‘I’ll explain everything later, but, for now, put a smile on your face and look ready to accept everyone’s good wishes. Here they come! Be brave, my love!’ He looked at her set white face and added under his breath, ‘And forgive me.’

  * * *

  Antonia needed all her famous training and strength of character to cope with the rest of the evening. It was as if a different Antonia took over. She laughed, she blushed modestly, she even dealt with one or two less kindly comments with poise and dignity. But, inside, she was numb with shock, unable to feel anything at all, waiting for the moment when she could escape from this sea of well-meaning faces, the noise, the heat—and James. He was always at her side, supporting her and prompting her when she couldn’t think of what to say. For the truth, the nightmare, was that at the moment her mind was still a complete blank. She had now been told where she had spent those missing days, but she still had not the slightest recollection of anything about them.

  Finally she could take no more, and said, with a charmingly apologetic smile at her hostess, ‘Lady Furness, I hope our unexpected announcement didn’t spoil what should have been an evening of great pleasure for your daughter and Captain Barcombe. I am sure they will be very happy together. But now I hope you’ll understand if I ask my father to take me home. People have been so very kind, but Lord Croxton’s malice was…distressing, and I think I need to rest to recover from the shock.’

  ‘Your father, Miss Calverley? Surely it is now your fiancé’s privilege to see you safely home?’ said Lady Furness archly.

  ‘Of course it is!’ James took Antonia’s arm. ‘You’ll have to forgive her, ma’am. Miss Calverley is not yet used to the idea that we no longer have to keep our engagement a secret!’ Antonia turned to make an objection, but he forestalled her. ‘All the same,’ he continued, ‘if you permit me, I think I shall fetch her father, too. After tonight’s experience she probably needs his presence as well as mine.’ Upon that he thanked his hostess for a delightfully memorable evening and ushered Antonia out of the room.

  * * *

  Soon they were back in the study at Upper Grosvenor Street. Sir Henry sat in his armchair, James was by the window and Antonia stood with her head bent, refusing to look at either of them. James gazed at her steadily as he said, ‘Well, Antonia? Now you know the truth.’

  ‘I do. At last.’

  ‘Won’t you look at me?’

  She looked round, and he saw that her eyes were blazing with anger. ‘Look at you? I suppose I must. I have to see now for myself what a real traitor looks like.’

  ‘Antonia! I’m no traitor. I love you! You must know that everything I did, everything I said, was always meant to protect you.’

  ‘Protect me? You betrayed me! Everything you did, everything you said was a lie! You knew the first time you saw me at that ball that I had spent that missing week with you, and you have never, never made the slightest attempt to remind me! Did it amuse you to keep me in the dark? Were you laughing when I confessed that I didn’t know where I had been for a week of my life? “It doesn’t make the slightest bit of difference,” you said, and I thought you were being noble. But of course it didn’t make a difference! You knew I had been with you!’ She caught back a sob. ‘How long was it before you realised you were going to have to offer to marry me? Did one of your servants warn you that Croxton had been asking questions? Was that the reason you came round here in such a hurry to put things right? Or was it because of the rumours spread by your friend Lady Barbara?’

  He stared at her. ‘I don’t understand you. This is nonsense! Don’t you remember how I loved you, wanted to marry you when we were at Hatherton, before I even knew who you were?’

  ‘No, I don’t!’ she said desperately. ‘I don’t remember anything at all about Hatherton. All I know is that Lord Aldhurst is a…a creature I met for the first time at Marchant House, and he has lied to me, pretended, secretly laughed at me ever since…’ Her breath caught in a sob. ‘For all I know there could be truth in Lord Croxton’s foul insinuations. Was I your mistress at Hatherton? Is that why you were in such a hurry to make your offer?’

  ‘Antonia!’

  ‘Yes, Father?’

  ‘Apologise at once! Lord Aldhurst doesn’t deserve such an accusation!’

  ‘How do you know? Were you there, too?’

  ‘Antonia!’ Sir Henry stood up. ‘My child, you’re not yourself,’ he said severely. ‘You couldn’t talk like this if you were. No, I wasn’t there, but if you don’t believe that Lord Aldhurst would always behave honourably to someone who was so entirely dependent on him, then I do!’

  James had been standing absolutely still like a man who has just suffered a mortal blow. At last he said, ‘I never intended you to learn the truth so brutally. I was waiting for your memory to come back of itself. But now…I can hardly believe it! You mean you really don’t remember anything of our time together at Hatherton? Even now?’

  ‘No, I don’t! I keep telling you I don’t! And I don’t want to!’

  James came towards her, but she drew away from him. ‘Antonia, please!’ he sai
d. ‘I did what I thought was best. If I was mistaken, you must forgive me. I love you! Come here!’

  Antonia’s voice rose hysterically. ‘No! Don’t touch me! I want you to go away! Go away! I can hardly bear to look at you! Go away!’

  Lady Pendell came in. ‘I heard voices,’ she said. ‘You must forgive me, Lord Aldhurst, but you’ll have to leave this till tomorrow. I don’t know what it’s all about, but Antonia is obviously not herself. She needs rest and quiet, and I’m taking to her bed immediately. You may call tomorrow if you wish to see how she is. Goodnight.’

  She put her arm round Antonia’s shoulders and led her out, before either of the men could say or do anything.

  * * *

  After the door had closed behind them there was a silence, then Sir Henry poured out two glasses of brandy and handed one to James. They sank into the armchairs and gazed at one another wordlessly. The silence was broken by Sir Henry.

  ‘God damn Croxton to hell!’ he said suddenly. This was so totally unlike the sober diplomat that James was surprised into a laugh. But the laugh was bitter and he recovered instantly.

  ‘No doubt he’ll find his way there sooner or later,’ he said, and drank. ‘But he seems to have taken me down with him.’

  ‘You thought it was for the best. Don’t think I don’t appreciate the strain it must have put you under. After she had agreed to marry you it can’t have been easy to keep up the pretence that you had only known her such a short time.’

  ‘It was…quite a strain. I was tempted so often to remind her of how we—’ He stopped. ‘How much we really meant to one another…’ James saw Antonia’s father regarding him with just a hint of a question in his eyes. He shook his head. ‘You were right. Antonia was quite safe with me at Hatherton. But I can’t deny that there were moments when it came close…’

  ‘Good! It’s a comfort to know there’s a perfectly normal young male underneath all that gentlemanly honour! Though I’m glad, of course, that you managed to keep him under control. Then and now.’

  ‘I kept hoping she would remember…’ James shrugged his shoulders. ‘Well, that’s past history now.’ He drank up his brandy and Sir Henry refilled it without asking. James went on, ‘I’m damned if I know what to do.’

  Sir Henry gazed into the depths of his own glass for a moment. Then he said slowly, ‘Antonia had always been very cool in her attitude to young men. She talks to them quite freely, but I have never known her to permit the slightest of intimacies from any of them. Until now. From what you’ve said—’ He stopped and smiled. ‘And even more from what you haven’t, I would say that Antonia does love you. But she suffered an enormous shock tonight, and she’s worried and confused. My sister is right. She needs peace and quiet. She’ll be better able to think sensibly after a good night’s rest.’

  ‘I hope so. I really hope so. It’s a devil of a coil if she can’t. I meant what I said, Sir Henry. I love Antonia, but how can we continue with our engagement if she refuses to trust me? On the other hand, how can either of us be released from it? Now that the secret of her sojourn at Hatherton is out, I owe her the protection of my name, and she must accept it!’

  Sir Henry shook his head. ‘Leave it to the morning, Aldhurst. I am sorry about tonight, but I’m sure those who were there believed what we said. Any gossip will soon die down. And at least we are now rid of Croxton. We still have to repair some damage with my daughter, but I’m sure you’ll be able to do that.’

  * * *

  Antonia slept heavily, largely because of the sleeping draught that Lady Pendell persuaded her to take. But towards morning she became restless, disturbed by nightmares. James was in them, James at Lady Marchant’s ball, James in Hyde Park, James in her father’s study asking her to marry him…This time his face was perfectly clear. He came towards her and she was filled with delight when she realised he was going to kiss her. But when he came close she could see he was wearing a mask. She pulled it away…and shrank back in horror, as she saw that the face behind the mask had no features at all. It was as smooth, as white, and as blank as that of an unfinished puppet. She woke up in a panic, her heart pounding, afraid of falling asleep again. She lay wide awake till daylight, turning the previous night’s events over and over in her mind.

  * * *

  Her aunt gave her breakfast in her room, and her father was waiting in his study when she eventually came downstairs. He came over and kissed her.

  ‘Antonia, I’m glad to see you. Did you sleep well?’ He looked at her pale face and heavy eyes. ‘Not very well.’

  ‘I had bad dreams, Papa. But that’s all.’

  ‘Then sit down and we’ll have a talk.’

  ‘There’s certainly a great deal to talk about,’ said Antonia. ‘For instance, Papa, I’d like to know how long you’ve known that I was with Lord Aldhurst during that week. And why you didn’t tell me.’

  ‘I’m not sure you’re yet in the right frame of mind to listen. But it will help if I begin by answering your second question first. Lord Aldhurst took expert advice about your loss of memory, and was told that you should be given as long as possible to remember without any prompting. I had heard much the same in Vienna, and that is what we have both tried to do.’

  ‘How long have you known?’ she repeated.

  ‘Since the day after Lady Carteret’s ball. He found out who you were at the ball, and came to see me as soon as he could. Do you…do you remember what happened, now that you’ve had time to recover?’

  ‘No, Papa. I’d like you to tell me, please.’

  ‘I think Lord Aldhurst should tell you that. He’ll be here later.’

  ‘I don’t wish to see him.’

  ‘Antonia, you must! The man is in love with you. He has acted throughout with honour and in what he thought were your best interests. In all fairness—’

  ‘I don’t wish to be fair! He may have done and been all you say, but I feel betrayed. I understand now why he sometimes looked at me as if he knew more about me than I did myself. He did! And when he k-kissed me, I could never understand why his kisses had such an effect on me. But he did! It must have amused him enormously!’

  ‘I don’t think he ever found the situation amusing, my dear. He loves you. If you loved him half as much, you would understand.’

  ‘But I do! I love him, Papa. But I don’t remember the other Lord Aldhurst, the one at Hatherton, the one who knows so much about me. How can I love one without knowing the other? How can I trust either of them? How can I marry him?’

  Sir Henry began to lose patience with her. He said forcibly, ‘I suppose you must have had tantrums when you were a child, but I don’t remember them. I’ve always been so proud of your ability to think in a rational, civilised manner. Now you must take control of your emotions and listen to me! James Aldhurst is an honourable and respected member of the most critical society in the world. Whatever your feelings may be at the moment, you must not let him down. If you refuse to see him, or try to break off your engagement, the world will begin to think that Croxton’s version of events was not so far from the truth. James Aldhurst deserves a lot more of you than that.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘No, Antonia, I won’t listen to you. You must see Lord Aldhurst and agree to keep up at least the pretence of an engagement until the gossip has had time to die down. After that you can sort things out as you think best. Though if I were you I shouldn’t discard a man of Aldhurst’s calibre without serious thought. You won’t find many others like him.’

  Chapter Seventeen

  James had been deeply hurt by Antonia’s words. Ever since he had found her lying on the drive to Hatherton he had worked hard to protect and cherish her. He had ignored his own feelings in order to do what he thought was best, and had held back with difficulty on many occasions when it would have been easier to tell her the truth. He came to see her the following morning, sure that she would realise how monstrously unjust she had been to him, and be willing to accept his reasons for ke
eping the truth from her. And he was ready to offer her all his comfort and love until she recovered from the experience.

  But Antonia had woken up unrefreshed after a night haunted by nightmares, and was in no mood to listen to reason. Her father’s unaccustomed severity had also affected her badly, and she felt lost and bewildered. When James came she listened without interruption to his patient explanation, but it made not the slightest difference to her feelings. When he would have taken her hand she pulled it back.

  ‘I’m sorry, but how can I marry you when I still feel I don’t really know you at all?’ she asked despairingly. ‘I can’t do it!’

  This rebuff was the last straw, and James finally lost patience with her. Pale and grim, he said curtly, ‘Then I see no point in prolonging this discussion. It’s clear that you regard me as a villain, whatever I say. I am disappointed, Antonia. It is, of course, your choice whether we continue with our engagement, but after last night I have an obligation to you in the eyes of the world. I think you would be wise to wait a little before breaking it. To end it would provoke just the sort of gossip we have so far managed to avoid.’

  Sir Henry intervened. ‘Lord Aldhurst is right! What is more, I won’t allow you to end it! You would be ruined, Antonia. Aldhurst, give me time to talk to my daughter. Surely you can see that she is still in a state of shock?’

  James hesitated, then said, ‘I’m in something of a state of shock myself. I would never have imagined that Antonia would lose her trust in me so completely. I had thought that what we had would survive any test.’ He was silent for a moment. ‘I think we would both be happy not to see each other for a while. I shall leave London tomorrow. Don’t worry—I’ll find some excuse that will keep the gossips quiet.’ His tone was carefully neutral as he said to Antonia, ‘Can I assume that the engagement can stand until we see each other again?’