Sleepless in Manhattan

by Sarah Morgan

  “You just want to see me in a wet T-shirt, like the night I showed up at your door after the event last month.”

  Last month?

  Had it really been that long?

  He felt a twinge of surprise.

  “What?” Her smile faded. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I’m good.” His voice was croaky. “Just remembering that night you showed up at my door all wet. Makes me tempted to toss you into the water right now just to re-create that look.”

  “I haven’t rowed in years. Matt took Eva, Frankie and I the week after we arrived here for college. We had fun.”

  And the situation with Matt was something else he had pushed to the back of his mind.

  He’d told himself that the fact that this relationship was going to end at any moment was reason enough not to tell his friend, but it hadn’t ended.

  In fact it was the longest relationship he’d had with a woman.

  And the reason for that was obvious. The sex was spectacular. Why would he end something so great? Especially when their relationship was so—he struggled to describe it—easy. That was the word. It was easy. Probably because they knew each other so well. Somehow knowing her made the sex even hotter.

  It was true they were spending a great deal of time together doing other things, but that was because they couldn’t spend all their time having sex. Anyway, she seemed to have fun, and he liked seeing her having fun. She deserved to have fun after the tough times she’d had growing up, and it felt pretty good to be the one that was putting a smile on her face.

  Relaxing slightly, he took her hand. “Let’s take a boat out.”

  They did, and after much laughter and splashing on the lake, an incident with the oars that almost got them banned and several near misses with a family of ducks, they lay on their backs in Sheep’s Meadow, watching the clouds.

  “We should have dinner this week. Tuesday? Damn, I can’t.” He frowned. “I have to fly to Chicago. How about Wednesday?”

  “I have an event.”

  “Thursday? No that doesn’t work for me.” He felt a rush of frustration. “How about Friday?”

  “It’s the night you meet Matt. You’ve canceled the last three weeks. If you cancel again he’ll ask questions. And anyway, I have an evening event on Friday, too.”

  “I’m starting to wish you weren’t so successful.” He realized that between his work schedule and hers, he wouldn’t be seeing her. “I’ll see Matt on Friday evening, and you and I can meet later on. You can come over after your event.”

  “I don’t know what time I’ll finish. And you don’t know what time you’ll be home.”

  “I’ll give you a key.”

  What the hell was he saying?

  When had he ever invited a woman home with him before, let alone given her a key?

  But this wasn’t any woman.

  This was Paige.

  He’d known her forever.

  She didn’t treat it as if it was a big deal.

  And she wasn’t looking at him as if he’d shown her the end of the rainbow. She was nodding as if it was a practical solution.

  “All right. I guess that would work. I’ll probably get there before you.”

  He relaxed. It was just a key for goodness’ sake. He could get it back anytime. All he had to do was ask. No big deal.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Life going right is what happens just before it goes wrong.

  —Frankie

  “SO IT IS SERIOUS?” Eva asked, putting the finishing touches to a tower of cupcakes that formed the centerpiece for a girls-only thirtieth birthday party they were arranging. They’d booked the terrace of an exclusive boutique hotel in Chelsea. “You’ve spent every spare moment with him the last month and when the two of you are together the chemistry is powerful enough to provide energy for the whole of New York City.”

  “I— No, it’s not serious. And let’s face it, there haven’t been that many spare moments since we started this company.” Paige kept her head down, checking off everything on her list. This was their fifth event, and so far each one had gone smoothly. She didn’t want this one to be any different. “Jake and I are having fun, that’s all.”

  “Jake doesn’t make a habit of ‘having fun’ with the same woman more than a few times. You two have been sneaking off and setting off smoke alarms all around the city.”

  “Not all around the city. And we were friends before we were lovers, so it’s different.” And she’d discovered that the edges were blurred. They laughed in bed and conversations frequently ended in sex. How did you separate the two things? She didn’t know.

  It was because they were friends that he’d given her his key.

  He’d wanted her to let herself in to his apartment.

  Eva added a delicate dusting of sugar to the cupcakes. “Being in love is different. How does it feel, Paige?”

  “I have no idea. Why are you asking me? It’s not as if he— He’s not—I mean, we’re not— I’m—” Paige stared at her friend, her stomach churning. “Oh.”

  “Oh?’’ Frankie raised an eyebrow. “What does that mean?”

  “I know what it means.” Eva added the final cupcake and stood back. “So now I’ll ask you again. How does it feel, Paige?”

  “Scary.” Almost too scary to think about. She’d felt this way about him before and he’d rejected her. Hurt her. What had she been thinking? Had she really thought that this time she’d be immune? That she could keep this up until they both—until they both what? “It feels terrifying. Like I’m about to jump from a plane with no parachute.”

  Like the biggest risk of all.

  “Are you going to tell him?”

  “No!” Never in a million years would she have the courage to put herself out there again.

  “You should.” Frankie was blunt. “You should tell him.”

  “I told him once before. It didn’t turn out well.”

  “That was different. It was years ago. You were virtually underage.”

  “I was not underage! And it went badly wrong. This time I’m keeping my feelings to myself.” She’d promised him, hadn’t she? She’d promised him she could handle this. That she was fine with this. It wasn’t fair on him to suddenly change her mind about that. “I have to—I have to think about how to handle this. I have to think about the options.”

  “And the obvious option isn’t to tell him straight?” Frankie looked at her with exasperation. “And you wonder why I avoid love? This is why! It’s like one of those cryptic crosswords. No one actually says what they really feel.”

  “If I tell him how I feel, I’ll lose him. It’s too much of a risk.”

  “But you’re always saying you want to take risks. That you want to live.”

  “I do, but—” Paige thought about the consequences if she was wrong. She thought about how much it had hurt the last time. “This is different.” She could carry on with the affair. Carry on having sex and having fun. She didn’t need to put a name to it.

  The door opened and she glanced up.

  “We can talk about this later. Let’s keep it professional, gang. Our client is here.”

  “And it looks as if our client has already had a drink or ten,” Frankie muttered. “Better water down the champagne. And put the paramedics on standby, because if she falls in those heels there is going to be damage.”

  Paige walked across the room to meet her client, her smile warm and sincere.

  “Happy Birthday, Crystal.”

  “I’m not sure how happy I am.” The woman teetered on impossibly high heels. “Thirty. Can you believe that? I was trying to keep it quiet at work, but they opened champagne for me. I may have drunk too much too fast. And there was no food.”

  “We have food.” Paige gestured discreetly to Eva and took Crystal to one of the tables that had been laid for dinner. “You should eat something before your friends arrive.”

  “I don’t even know why I’m celebrating, frankly. An
d if you tell me I look twenty I’ll know you’re lying, so don’t.”

  “You don’t look twenty. You look a whole lot better than twenty.” Paige narrowed her eyes. “I don’t know about you, but at twenty I was gawky and I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted, and even if I had known I wouldn’t have had the courage to go after it. At thirty, you’re confident about who you are. And Crystal, you look incredible.”

  Crystal blinked. “I do?”

  “You know you do. You chose the dress. I bet you stood in front of the mirror and thought this is it.” Paige’s smile was genuine. “It’s perfect. You look perfect.”

  Crystal glanced down at herself. “I did fall in love with the dress. It was my consolation for being thirty and not having achieved any of the things I wanted to achieve.”

  “What did you want to achieve?”

  “Oh, you know, all the usual things—” Crystal gave a wistful shrug. “I wanted to change the world and make a difference. Instead I’m a tiny cog in a wheel.”

  “You don’t always have to change the whole world,” Paige murmured, “just a small part of it, and sometimes those changes are small but it doesn’t make them less important. Without the cog, the wheel wouldn’t move.”

  Crystal gave her a long look. “That’s nice. I like it.”

  “Tonight is about having fun with your friends. That’s what a thirtieth birthday should be about. Fun. You’ve left your angsty twenties behind. You don’t have the responsibility of the forties. Thirties is all about you.”

  “All about me. I like the sound of that.” She sighed. “Sometimes I look back and wonder if maybe I made the wrong decisions. Played it safe when I should have taken a risk.” She waved her hand in apology. “Listening to my sob story isn’t part of your job. Sorry. I never should have drank that champagne. Drink always makes me talk too much. Or maybe it’s just that you’re a good listener.”

  “My job is to make sure you have the best time tonight.” She hesitated. “What risks would you have taken?”

  “Mostly with my love life.” Crystal looked down at her hands, bare of rings. “I was too careful. My parents divorced when I was twelve and it really affected the way I approached men, dating and my own security. I wanted guarantees and assurances. I never took a step unless I knew I was on solid ground. I was so afraid of falling. I’m aware of it, but somehow that doesn’t make a difference. I didn’t know how to be any different.”

  Paige stared at her, mouth dry. She understood that feeling so well, only in her case her need for security and control had stemmed from a childhood of being ill, where others made the decisions for her. She needed control so badly she was afraid to let go and take risks.

  Eva stepped forward and put a plate of canapés in front of Crystal. “Eat these. They’re delicious. And if you want my opinion, I think sometimes you just have to take that leap,” she said firmly, “and trust that it will be all right. Trust yourself.”

  Paige glanced at her friend.

  Was Eva talking to her or the client?

  Crystal reached for a canapé. “Like leaping from a plane with no parachute, you mean?”

  Paige stirred. “I think the parachute is inside you.” She thought about what Jake had said that night on the roof terrace. “Your skills. Who you are. You have to trust that whatever happens, you’ll cope. I think sometimes we’re so busy clinging onto the present that we don’t lift our heads to see what might be out there. We think safe is what we know, but sometimes the unknown turns out to be the better option.”

  When Paige lost her job, she’d felt as if she’d lost her security, and yet here she was in a better, happier place. With Urban Genie the ultimate risk was hers, but the rewards were also hers. Not financial, although she was hoping those would come, but in terms of control. She no longer had to work with other people’s bad decisions. She made the decisions.

  And yet she knew in her heart she wouldn’t have started Urban Genie at this point in her life unless she’d been forced into it by circumstances.

  She hated it when other people protected her, but hadn’t she been doing exactly the same to herself?

  She’d lived her life in a safe way. Made choices that were safe. In her work. In her love life.

  And safe choices had their basis in fear.

  “It’s natural to want to protect yourself when you’ve been hurt before,” Crystal said. “There’s a lot to lose. But part of me wonders if there’s more to lose by not being courageous enough to take the risk. There was a man, a couple of years ago—” She gave a shrug. “I blew it. I protected myself so carefully he assumed I wasn’t interested. There isn’t a single day when I don’t wake up and wish I’d played it differently. And now it’s too late. I can’t believe I’m telling you this. Tell me to shut up. And don’t give me any more champagne or I’ll be sobbing into the canapés.”

  “Are you sure it’s too late?” Paige’s heart was pounding as if it was trying to give her a wake-up call. “It’s never too late to tell him how you feel.”

  “In this case it is. He met someone else. Someone who wasn’t cautious like me. They’ve been married a year and have a baby on the way. I wish I’d done things differently, but I didn’t. I was scared. And now I’m paying the price. But hey—thirty is a whole new start, right? It’s too late for that relationship, but I could still meet someone. It’s not too late for that.”

  “It’s never too late to live life bravely,” Paige said.

  At least, she hoped it wasn’t.

  Because that was what she intended to do.

  And maybe she’d be hurt, but at least she wouldn’t be hitting a milestone birthday wishing she’d taken a risk on something that mattered.

  “I feel better.” Crystal reached for more food. “You should sell your services as a motivational speaker.”

  Paige handed her a glass of water, thinking that it was time she took her own advice. “Enjoy your party and instead of looking back, look forward. The view is shiny and bright right in front of you. If you need sunglasses, let me know.”

  Crystal drank the water. “I need you three in my life all the time. Urban Genie has done a wonderful job, and the concierge service for clients is genius.” Her eyes widened as she noticed the cupcakes. “Oh! That’s incredible.” She turned as she heard laughter. “They’re here. My friends.”

  They piled out of the elevator, armed with gifts, balloons and beaming smiles. A group of women all with one aim in mind—to give their friend the best birthday ever.

  Crystal met them with hugs and laughter, and Paige gave them a moment to squeal and admire and catch up before going over to offer champagne.

  “Friends,” Eva murmured as Paige headed over to join her and Frankie. “Everything is all right with the world if you have friends. I hope you’re both going to bring me prettily wrapped gifts when I’m thirty.”

  “We’re going to pour margaritas down your throat until you can no longer remember how old you are.” Frankie watched as the women oohed and ahhed over the cakes. “They’re pleased. Those women have great taste. Great job, Ev.”

  “Yes. Great job.” Paige paused. “Can you believe she lost the man she loved?”

  “Yes, I can,” Frankie said flatly. “Like I said, love is a cryptic crossword.”

  Paige took a deep breath. “I don’t want it to be cryptic. I’m going to tell Jake how I feel. I’m going to tell him I love him.”

  Eva exchanged glances with Frankie. “How do you think he’ll react?”

  “I don’t know.” She thought about the time they’d spent together. About the times they’d laughed and the hours they’d spent talking.

  Urban Genie wouldn’t exist if it hadn’t been for Jake.

  He was the one who had pushed her to take the step and follow her dream.

  He knew her better than anyone.

  “I think he loves me, too, but if he doesn’t, then I’ll handle it.” She’d handled it before, hadn’t she? Not very deftly, perhaps, but
she’d got on with her life. “I don’t want to look back and wish I’d told him. That would be the worst thing of all.”

  If she was going to live life bravely, she needed to start right away.

  * * *

  JAKE PROWLED AROUND the pool table in Matt’s den, staking out his shot.

  “Anytime in the next century would be good.” Matt snapped the top off a beer and handed it to Chase. “I hear you bought a new boat?”

  “I did, and she’s a beauty.”

  “Is she going to sit in the dock while you admire her or are you going to get her wet?”

  “I’m going to sail her.” Chase lifted the beer to his lips. “I’ve had what you might call a realignment of my priorities.”

  Matt lifted an eyebrow. “Did Matilda have something to do with that realignment?”

  “She might have.”

  “More evidence that women are dangerous creatures.” Jake took the shot and pocketed the ball. “One minute you’re having fun. The next, life as you know it is over.” Which was why one of his skills was in ending relationships. He’d learned how to pick the perfect time, before emotions were involved. That was why he always kept his relationships short.

  Except with Paige.

  He frowned.

  There was no way he could describe his relationship with Paige as short.

  But they’d been friends for a long time, which complicated the math.

  And she was different. She understood him. She understood that he didn’t do hearts and happy endings.

  “I happen to prefer my new life to my old one,” Chase said mildly. “Matilda is more fun than a sixteen-hour working day.”

  “You should bring her over one night.” Matt prepared for his turn. “The girls have talked about her a lot. They were worried.”

  “She talked about them, too.” Chase drank. “She thinks Paige has what it takes to make a big success of this.”

  “She does. She’s incredible.” Jake saw Matt glance at him and shrugged. “What? Your sister can juggle more balls than an acrobat and her attention to detail is astonishing. She stresses out a bit, that’s all. Keeps her phone by the bed and makes notes in the middle of the night.”