by Gina Wilkins
“Yeah, okay,” he had replied, his eyes already on the diagram again as he’d squinted at the brachiocephalic artery, which divided into the common carotid artery and the subclavian artery. “’Night, Mia. Drive carefully.”
He distinctly remembered telling her to drive carefully. Not exactly a “thank you so much for all you’ve done for me tonight and ever since I started med school, I don’t know what I would have done without you.” But at least it showed he cared about her, right?
He didn’t deserve a friend like her, he thought with a disgusted shake of his head. Maybe he could pay her back somehow when she started grad school, which was her plan after teaching and saving for another year or so.
Yeah, right. As a second-year med student, he would take another full slate of courses and begin studying for Step One of the nightmarish medical licensing exam that had to be passed before he could continue with his training. As tough as his first year had proven to be, there were some who warned that the second year was even more arduous. Hard to imagine.
In his third year, he would begin rotations through various disciplines of medicine, continue with classes, and start seeing real patients. Those rotations, with increasing levels of responsibility, would continue during his fourth year, along with preparation for the Step Two exams—clinical knowledge and clinical skills.
All assuming, of course, that he made it through the rest of this semester.
He might as well face it. He wouldn’t be helping anyone but himself for the next three and a half years—and then the four years of residency following that. He would be close to forty by the time he was a full-fledged physician, ready to strike out on his own. What on earth had made him think he could do this—and that the end result would be worth the stress, the sacrifices and the financial investment?
But that was exhaustion talking, he told himself, reaching grimly for the coffee carafe. And nerves. He’d wanted to be a doctor since he was a kid. It was his own fear and stupidity that had kept him from pursuing the goal earlier and he wasn’t going to let his dreams be derailed again.
A yellow sticky note was affixed to the carafe. “It’s decaf,” it read in Mia’s looping handwriting. “Get some sleep.”
His vague feelings of guilt dissipated and he scowled. He needed caffeine, damn it. Now he would have to make a fresh pot. He opened the lid of the carafe, and the scent of freshly brewed decaf coffee wafted to his nostrils. Mia made really good coffee.
He sighed and filled his cup. So maybe the jolt of the hot liquid alone would sharpen him long enough to finish the review he’d been studying. And she was probably right; he did need a few hours of sleep before he tackled the six-hour-long exam tomorrow.
He really didn’t deserve a friend like Mia, he thought again as he carried the steaming mug back to his papers. Someday he was going to have to figure out a way to repay her.
“So have you seen Connor lately?” Spanish teacher Natalie Berman asked as she picked at the school cafeteria lunch of greasy spaghetti, cold green beans, canned fruit cocktail and a rather stale roll.
Wishing she had remembered to pack a lunch that day, Mia swallowed a forkful of green beans before wiping her mouth with a paper towel. “I saw him a couple of nights ago. He was studying for a monster exam and I made him a casserole.”
“Is he doing okay?”
Mia shrugged and twisted her fork in the overcooked pasta. “He looks really tired. He could use a solid eight or ten hours of sleep, but I don’t think he’s going to get that until Christmas break, if he allows himself to rest even then.”
Natalie shook her dark head in disapproval. “Can’t imagine why he wanted to take that on. He had a good job here. He probably would have been named head coach when Coach Johnson retires next year. Now it’s going to be years before Connor finishes school and then he’ll have all those loans to pay back. Not that he’ll have much trouble doing that,” she admitted. “Doctors certainly make good money.”
“He didn’t go into it for the money. He’s pursuing a dream he’s had most of his life. And he’ll be a great doctor.”
“He will,” Natalie admitted. “But he was a good teacher, too. And a good coach.”
“This is what he wanted.”
“And heaven knows you want him to have everything he wants,” her friend murmured over a plastic tumbler of watery iced tea. “Just like you do for everyone else you care about. I still say you try too hard to make everyone happy.”
“Yes, well, I’m going to be very selfish when I start grad school in the next year or so. Watching Connor has reminded me of how much work it’s going to be to take classes and tests again. I’m going to have to concentrate entirely on myself while I earn my doctorate.”
Looking skeptical, Natalie crumpled her napkin and tossed it on her plate. “You? Selfish? Yeah, right.”
“Just watch me. You’ll call and want me to go shopping with you and I’ll tell you I can’t. Have to study. Or you’ll want me to give you a lift to the airport and I’ll turn you down flat because I have a paper to write.”
“Hmm.” It was obvious that Natalie didn’t believe a word of her friend’s assertion. Even Mia wondered if she would be able to follow through. She’d always had a hard time with that no word when it came to people she cared about.
“So, about tomorrow night…”
Mia paused in the process of gathering the remains of her lunch onto the brown plastic tray in preparation for carrying it to the conveyor belt that would sweep it back into the kitchen for cleaning. “What about tomorrow night?”
Natalie sighed loudly and rolled her eyes. “Double date? Me and Donnie and you and…uh, Donnie’s friend whose name I’ve forgotten.”
Groaning, Mia sat down again. “I never said I would do that. I said I would think about it.”
“C’mon, Mia, it’ll be great. Donnie’s fun and his friend’s probably fun, too.”
“Probably?”
“Well, I’ve never actually met him. But Donnie says he’s a great guy.”
“And this allegedly great guy needs a date tomorrow night because…?”
“Because he’s new in town and doesn’t know many people yet. We’re just being friendly. You know, welcoming him to town. Southern hospitality—”
“Only extends so far,” Mia muttered.
“I’m not asking you to sleep with him or anything. Just join us for dinner. Maybe a movie or something. How bad could it be?”
“You really want me to answer that?”
“Do it for me, okay? Donnie was really pleased when I said I’d bring someone to meet his friend. You don’t have to see him again if you don’t want to, but at least meet the guy.”
Letting out a gusty breath, Mia nodded. “All right. I’ll meet him.”
Natalie beamed. “Thank you. You’ll see, it will be fun.”
Mia wasn’t so sure. But she hadn’t been able to disappoint her friend.
That was going to change, she promised herself. She really was going to learn to say no. Next year.
Mia was getting ready for her double date the next evening when Connor called. “Didn’t you have another exam today? How did it go?” she asked.
“As hard as I expected. But I think I did okay on both tests this week.”
“I’m sure you did well. When will you know?”
“Middle of next week, I think.”
“Did you get any sleep last night?”
“A few hours,” he said, notably evasive. “But then I came home after the exam and crashed. Just fell facedown in the bed and slept for three solid hours.”
“You needed the rest.”
“Yeah, I feel better. Good enough that I might go out for pizza or something tonight. It’s been days since I’ve been out of the house other than to go to class or lab. Want to join me?”
For some reason, it irked her a little that he just assumed she would be free to join him on such short notice. Even though normally she would have been. And would have accep
ted the last-minute invitation. “I’m sorry, I can’t tonight. I have a date.”
There was a distinct pause before he responded. “Yeah? Anyone I know?”
“Not even anyone I know. Natalie set me up with someone.”
“Oh. You, um, trust Natalie’s taste in guys?”
“I guess I’ll find that out tonight.”
“Yeah. I suppose I need to let you get ready. I hope you have a good time.”
“I’ll certainly try. Thanks. And congratulations on surviving the exams.”
“Yeah. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Sure. Later.”
She disconnected the call with a frown. That had been a bit weird. Connor had actually seemed disapproving that she was going out on a blind date. Surely he wasn’t annoyed that she’d been unavailable to have pizza with him. If so, then maybe it was time she stopped being quite so available for Connor. Maybe he was starting to take her a bit too much for granted.
Resolutely, she turned to the mirror to finish applying fresh makeup. Tonight could be fun, she reminded herself. This guy Natalie had found for her could be very nice, she could have a great time, they might even want to see each other again. She should really be looking forward to this date.
Unfortunately, she was too keenly aware that she would much rather have been free to go out for pizza with Connor.
Connor joined four of his classmates for a study session Saturday morning. The five of them had met several times to study together during this first semester of medical school. They seemed to click as a group, and their learning styles meshed well. He liked them all and enjoyed working with them, although sometimes he just needed to study alone. Or with Mia.
The thought of Mia made him frown. He wondered how her date had gone the night before.
He was undoubtedly a selfish jerk. He should be pleased that she’d had the chance to go out and have a good time. Like him, Mia tended to be a workaholic. When she wasn’t actually teaching, she was preparing for classes or grading papers or doing something nice for a friend. It was rare that she took advantage of an evening just to indulge herself. And while he suspected that her double date last night had been a favor to Natalie, he should still be hoping that she’d had a great time.
Instead, he found himself worrying that she’d had too good a time. For all he knew, she could be with that guy right now. Laughing and flirting and…well, whatever. And he was trying to study, wishing she were with him to light his house with her smile, to cheerfully nag him into eating and taking breaks, to reassure him that he could survive this training and that all the effort and sacrifice would pay off someday.
He really was selfish, he thought again, shaking his head in disapproval. Mia deserved so much more than the distracted friendship that was all he could offer her at the moment. Of course, she had big plans of her own. Grad school was going to take a great deal of her time and energy. Did she really want to start a new romance with this guy Natalie had scrounged up now and risk jeopardizing her own carefully worked-out agenda?
He winced as he realized that he was merely rationalizing his desire for her to stay as single and unattached as he was.
“Hey, Connor. Come on, man, get with the program. You’ve been a zombie all afternoon.”
Connor met Ron Gibson’s quizzical gaze apologetically. “I know. Sorry. I think I might be on study overload.”
“Who isn’t?” Anne Easton asked with a weary sigh. She pushed her pale blond hair out of her face, which was bare of makeup today, making her look even younger than her twenty-three years. Anne was the youngest of the group; Connor was the eldest.
“Anyone want a soda?” James Stillman, their host for today, pushed himself out of his chair at the table and moved toward the fridge. Of all of them, the material came the easiest to James. Maybe because at only twenty-six, he had already obtained a doctorate in microbiology before deciding to attend medical school.
Connor didn’t know why James hadn’t gone the M.D./Ph.D. route, which would have allowed him to pursue the degrees simultaneously, but he supposed James had simply changed his mind about which career he wanted. While Connor liked James, he had a hard time reading him. Brilliant and affable, James revealed little about himself, even to this group who had become his friends.
“Toss a soda this way,” Ron accepted with one of his quick grins. Twenty-five-year-old Ron had messy brown hair, smiling brown eyes, a contagious grin bracketed by dimples and an irrepressible sense of humor that somehow survived even the most grueling session.
Haley Wright, the final member of the group, often grew exasperated with Ron, asking if he took anything seriously. To which Ron always replied, “Only having fun, kiddo. I always take that seriously.”
It was a wonder, really, that Ron had fallen in with this generally more-serious group. And yet somehow he, too, just seemed to fit in naturally.
“I’d take some more coffee,” Connor said, standing with his empty mug. “I’ll get it.”
Haley followed him with her own coffee mug, and Anne made herself a second cup of herbal tea. Always the gracious host, James provided everything they needed when they met at his tidy apartment. They’d already devoured the pizzas he’d had delivered at noon. A plate of cookies and a bowl of candy sat in the middle of the paper-strewn, round oak table where they studied, in case anyone needed a sugar jolt.
Popping the top of his soda can, Ron studied Connor’s face. “So, is there anything in particular bugging you today? You’re not all that worried about the histology exam Monday, are you?”
“I worry about all the exams,” Connor answered drily. “But no more for this one than the others. I guess I really am just tired.”
“A few more weeks until Thanksgiving,” Haley said with a wistful sigh. “Four whole days with no classes or exams. I’m keeping a countdown to give myself incentive until then.”
Twenty-six-year-old Haley had honey hair, amber eyes and a firmly pointed little chin that was evidence of her tenacious personality. She was the cheerleader of the group, the one who kept everyone else encouraged and on track. She was the one who called when she sensed they were down, who prodded when she thought they were slacking off, who seemed most delighted when they did well.
Anne, on the other hand, was probably the most competitive of them all. Not because she had a desire to show them up or to always be the best, Connor had decided, but because she seemed to have a need to prove something. To herself? To her family? He didn’t know, but he worried about her sometimes. He thought she needed to cut herself a little slack, to allow for mistakes and failures rather than always demanding perfection of herself. She was going to burn out fast if she didn’t relax a little, he feared.
As for himself—he just wanted to make it through the first semester. And then the seven semesters after that, one milestone at a time, until he finally held that diploma he’d wanted for so long.
He’d sacrificed a hell of a lot to get to this point, he thought grimly. Thinking again about Mia’s date last night, he found himself wondering incongruously if maybe he’d sacrificed too much.
“Okay, guys, back to work,” Haley ordered, reaching for a study sheet. “I’ll quiz this time.”
It was just after four that afternoon when Connor let himself into his house. Just as he closed the door behind him, his telephone rang. He nearly stumbled over himself in his rush to answer it, thinking it might be Mia. He was just casually curious about how her evening had gone, he assured himself even as he snatched up the phone without bothering to check the ID screen. “Hello?”
“Mr. Hayes? Connor Hayes?” It was a man’s voice, and one Connor didn’t recognize.
“Yes. Who is this?”
“My name is Art Haskell, Mr. Hayes. I’m an attorney and I have something rather significant to discuss with you. Would you be available to meet with me sometime this evening?”
Mia had just settled onto her couch to watch a television program when her doorbell rang at nine o’clock S
aturday evening. Setting aside the remote, she automatically brushed a hand over her casual top and jeans as she moved to answer the summons. She wasn’t expecting anyone this late, so she checked the peep hole before she opened the door.
A bit surprised to find Connor on her doorstep, she let him in. “Well, hi,” she said. “This is an unexpected visit. Why didn’t you call? Have you had anything to eat?”
When he didn’t respond to her questions, she closed the door and looked at him more closely. What she saw in his face made her stomach clench. “Connor? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
His expression grim, his eyes looking shock-glazed, he swallowed visibly before answering. “I, um, I just came from a meeting with an attorney. I—”
Taking a deep breath, he shoved a hand through his hair before blurting, “I’m going to have to quit medical school.”
Chapter Two
Mia stared blankly at Connor, deciding she must have heard him wrong. Surely he hadn’t said he was quitting medical school. Not after all he’d gone through to get to this point. “What on earth are you talking about?”
“It’s sort of a long story.”
“I’ve got time.” Taking hold of his arm, she drew him to the couch. “Let me get you something to drink. Soda? Coffee?”
He shook his head, his expression still heartrending. “No.”
Sinking onto the couch beside him, she took his hands in hers. His fingers lay limply in her grasp and his skin felt cold. “Connor, you’re scaring me. What’s happened?”
His eyes met hers. “I got a call from an attorney this afternoon. He’d been trying to reach me for a couple hours, but I was with the study group. He asked if I could meet with him this evening at his office downtown.”
“On a Saturday evening?” She swallowed, thinking that sounded awfully serious. “What was the meeting about?”
He cleared his throat, as though searching for the right words. “I—There was this girl.”
She frowned.
“A girl from college,” he clarified. “We hooked up during my senior year. I was almost twenty-two, a few months from graduating. I’d been working pretty hard to earn my degree. Brandy was a—well, sort of a flake. Unpredictable. Impulsive. A little crazy, in a passionate, free-spirited sort of way. I guess she was what I needed at the time because I was obsessed with her for a few months. And then she got bored and she took off. After a few weeks of sulking, I realized I was sort of relieved. I’d had fun, but she certainly wasn’t someone I wanted to spend my whole life tangled up with, you know?”