EG03 - Home Is Where The Heart Is

by Joan Jonker

  ‘Still kicking like mad, is he?’ Mary jerked her head back and tutted. ‘Look, she’s got me calling it “he”, now! We’ll all get our eye wiped if it’s a girl.’

  ‘Now as yer mention it, I ’aven’t felt it for a few hours. Must be feelin’ sorry for me, givin’ me a rest.’

  ‘He probably got bored stiff listening to you two and he’s gone to sleep,’ Bill laughed. ‘Wait till we get into bed and then he’ll start.’

  ‘Mam, I ’aven’t felt the baby kickin’ for days now, should it be like that?’ Eileen was sitting on her usual hard chair peeling potatoes into the colander on her knee. The potato knife clutched in her hand, she looked across the room to where Maggie was on her knees wiping the tiled fireplace with a damp cloth. ‘I should feel somethin’, shouldn’t I?’

  Maggie fell back on to her heels and turned her head. ‘Can’t you feel anything at all?’

  ‘Not a thing. The last time I felt it movin’ was the day yer went to the Rio, an’ that’s four days ago. I ’aven’t mentioned it before ’cos I thought it might be on account of me gettin’ near me time.’

  Maggie put her hands on the raised tiles and pushed herself up. With the corner of her pinny she wiped the sweat from her forehead. ‘I’m not very well up on these things, lass, so I can’t tell you. Perhaps you’d better go an’ see Dr Greenfield.’

  ‘No, I won’t bother ’im. I’m due to go to the hospital clinic tomorrow, so I’ll wait till then. It’s probably nothin’ to worry over, so don’t say anythin’ to Bill. I don’t want ’im fussin’ round me.’

  But Maggie did worry, and on her way to the shops she called at Mary’s and asked if she could have a word with her mother. ‘What d’you think, Martha?’

  ‘I don’t know any more than you, Maggie, but to be on the safe side I’d advise her to see the doctor.’

  Mary was hovering by the door, an anxious look on her face. ‘Perhaps Eileen’s right, and a baby does stop kicking when it’s getting ready to be born.’

  Maggie was fidgeting nervously. ‘She’s told me not to tell Bill, but I’m going to have to whether she likes it or not. As soon as I can get him on me own, I’m telling him.’

  ‘I’ll slip up later and tell her I’ll go to the clinic with her,’ Mary said. ‘Doris next door will mind the children for a couple of hours. We’ll get a taxi to the hospital.’

  Eileen lay on the couch in the clinic, her heart pounding as the doctor moved the stethoscope across her stomach and bent to listen for the sound of the baby’s heartbeat. He didn’t speak and she could read nothing from his expression. Why didn’t he say something?

  The doctor straightened up and let the stethoscope fall to hang on his chest. ‘Well, Mrs Gillmoss, I think we’d better have you in.’

  Eileen tried to turn on her side but found she couldn’t move. She’d only been able to get on the couch with the help of two nurses. ‘Is there somethin’ wrong with the baby, doctor?’

  The doctor was middle-aged with dark hair falling on to his forehead, and the brown eyes that looked down on Eileen were sympathetic. ‘I can’t say, I’m afraid. I want to do some tests and that’s why I want you in immediately.’

  Worry made Eileen speak sharply. ‘Look, will somebody ’elp me off this ruddy couch? I want to know what’s goin’ on.’

  The nurse who’d been standing near the door came forward and with the help of the doctor raised Eileen’s back and swung her body round so her legs were hanging over the side. ‘Is that better?’

  ‘Never mind about me, what about me baby?’

  ‘I’ll tell you that when you’ve had a proper examination in the morning. I want you to go home now, pack a few things and come straight back.’ The doctor bent to look more closely at Eileen’s face. ‘Hey, they’re not tears, are they? Come, come now, there’s no point in crying until you’ve got something to cry about. Dry your eyes and the nurse will help you on with your clothes.’

  Mary was waiting by the front door when Harry came in and she quickly explained. ‘Eileen wouldn’t go back to the hospital till Bill came in from work. Said she wanted him with her.’

  Harry gave her a peck on the cheek before turning on his heels. ‘I’ll run them down.’

  ‘There’s no point in you waiting, Harry,’ Bill said as they helped Eileen from the car outside the main doors of the hospital. ‘I’ll stay with her till she’s settled in a ward.’

  Harry looked at Eileen’s downcast face and wished there was something he could say to cheer her up. But what was there to say?

  Harry drove through the hospital gates, saw Eileen’s face in his mind’s eye and instead of turning left, turned the steering wheel to the right and towards Dr Greenfield’s surgery.

  Through eyes blurred with tears, Eileen saw John Greenfield walking down the ward towards her, and she held out her hands to him. ‘Oh, thank God you’ve come.’

  John held her hands in his, and smiled. ‘It’s a coincidence, really,’ he lied. ‘I had to visit a patient on the men’s ward, and while I was here I thought I’d call and see a friend who was in the Army Medical Corps with me. He’s a doctor on the maternity wards now. I happened to mention you’d be coming in any day now, and told him he’d better look after you. Imagine my surprise when he said you’d come in last night.’

  ‘Did ’e tell yer anythin’?’ Eileen squeezed his hands so hard, John winced with pain. ‘I mean about the baby?’

  ‘Now, you know what we doctors are like, Eileen. Until we’re sure, we never commit ourselves. They’ll be giving you a thorough examination later today, and then they’ll know more.’

  Eileen released his hands to wipe away a tear. ‘I’m very stupid about things like this, Doctor. Does ’e think there’s somethin’ wrong with the baby?’

  Oh, Lord, John groaned inwardly. How was he to answer that? He was praying that everything would be all right, but it would be wrong to raise her hopes. He let out a long, deep sigh. ‘Eileen, you wouldn’t want me to lie to you and I’m not going to. Dr Groves isn’t certain of anything, and neither am I. If we were, I’d tell you, honest.’ John looked at his watch and grimaced. ‘I’ll have to be on my way. The surgery will be overflowing with patients.’

  ‘Will yer come in again an’ see me?’ Eileen sniffed. ‘I ’ate hospitals, they’re all disinfectant and bed pans.’

  John smiled. ‘I’ll slip in as soon as I get a chance. Keep your chin up and stop crying or you’ll make yourself ill.’

  Eileen saw a nurse walking towards them and muttered, ‘If she’s got a bed pan in ’er ’and, hit ’er over the ’ead with it for me, will yer?’

  The Matron was waiting for Bill when he came through the doors leading to the corridor outside the wards. ‘Mr Gillmoss, Doctor Groves would like a word with you. He’s in my office.’ Her starched uniform crackled as she led the way. ‘In here, please.’

  Dr Groves looked up from the notes he was reading and pointed to a chair on the opposite side of the desk. ‘Sit down, please, Mr Gillmoss.’

  Bill, his face haggard, watched the doctor shuffle the papers into a neat pile and place them in the wire tray on top of the desk.

  ‘I’ve got some sad news for you, Mr Gillmoss.’ Dr Groves removed his glasses and pinched at the bridge of his nose. This was one part of his job that he hated. ‘I’m sorry to have to tell you that the baby your wife is carrying will be stillborn.’

  Bill slumped in his chair and covered his face with his hands. He couldn’t speak for a while, and when he did, it was in a whisper. ‘Have you told my wife?’

  ‘Not yet. I thought it best to see you first and ask whether you would prefer me to tell her, or whether you would rather do it yourself. I am prepared to break it to her, but perhaps she would take it better from you.’

  ‘She’s going to take it bad no matter who tells her.’ Bill closed his eyes as despair and anger built up within him. ‘How can it be? She’s been so well for the whole time, did everything she was supposed to do. Drank orange juic
e, took her Glucodin religiously every day and had a bottle of Stout every night.’

  ‘It’s one of those unsolved mysteries, Mr Gillmoss. It happens, and nobody knows why. It certainly hasn’t been caused by anything your wife did.’

  ‘Then why?’ Bill’s clenched fist came down heavily on the desk, causing the wire tray to jump several inches in the air. ‘Why did it have to happen to her? She was so looking forward to this baby,’ his voice broke, ‘she wanted it so much.’

  The office door opened and Matron came in with a cup of tea, her eyes showing the sympathy she felt. ‘Drink this, Mr Gillmoss, you’ll feel much better.’

  ‘I can’t face her,’ Bill said, his head moving from side to side. ‘I know I sound a coward, but I couldn’t do it.’

  ‘Then I’ll tell her.’ The doctor pushed his chair back. ‘Wait here till I come back.’

  Bill’s hand holding the cup and saucer was shaking so badly the tea splashed on to his hands. It was the pain of the hot liquid burning his skin that cleared his head. He put the cup down and stood up. ‘No, it’s only right I should be the one. I couldn’t live with meself if I let her down now.’

  ‘Matron will go with you and draw the screens so you’ll have a bit of privacy,’ the doctor said. ‘If Mrs Gillmoss gets upset or hysterical, ask Matron for something to calm her down.’

  ‘Before I go, will you tell me what’s going to happen? My wife is bound to ask, and I want to know meself.’

  ‘We will induce labour either tomorrow or the next day. It depends upon how your wife is. It will be like a normal birth, except, except . . .’

  ‘Except that the baby will be dead,’ Bill finished the sentence, his voice bitter.

  ‘There’s no easier way of saying it, Mr Gillmoss, I just wish to God that there was. But if it helps, John Greenfield will be here with her.’ When he saw the surprise on Bill’s face, Dr Groves told how he knew Eileen’s doctor and about his visit early that morning. ‘He rang to ask about the results of our examination, and said to make sure I told your wife he’d be here with her the whole time.’

  Matron walked down the ward ahead of Bill and when Eileen saw her hand reach out to draw the screens, she took one look at Bill’s drawn face and burst out crying.

  Chapter Ten

  ‘I want to go ’ome, Bill.’

  ‘You can’t, chick!’ Bill looked shocked. ‘It’s only been two days and the doctor said you’d be in at least ten days.’

  ‘I don’t care what the doctor said, I want to go ’ome.’ Eileen was a shadow of her former self. The once rosy cheeks had lost their glow, her eyes were dull and her thin hair was lank and lifeless. ‘How d’yer think I feel seein’ all the happy mothers with their new babies? Honestly, Bill, if I stay ’ere much longer I’ll lose me sanity.’

  Bill gazed up and down the ward. He’d been so concerned about Eileen he’d never really looked around before, but now he took in the cots at the end of each bed, some with proud fathers cooing down at their new babies. He leaned forward to take Eileen’s hand. ‘I know it must be upsetting for you, love, but they won’t let you out yet.’

  ‘They wouldn’t be able to stop me if you signed me out.’

  ‘I couldn’t do that! You know what happens if anyone signs themselves out against their wishes, they wash their hands of you. And what would happen if you got sick? I’d be the one to get the blame.’

  ‘You just said it must be upsettin’ for me, but ’ow the hell do you know what it’s like, eh, Bill Gillmoss?’ Eileen asked angrily, snatching her hand away. ‘I’m not sayin’ they’re not good to me, ’cos they are, the nurses and the other women in the ward. They’re only bein’ kind and friendly when they bring their babies to me, but they don’t understand ’ow much it hurts.’ The fire suddenly went out of Eileen’s voice and she whimpered, ‘I’m not made of stone, yer know, Bill.’

  Bill screwed his eyes up. ‘I’m sorry, chick, I had no idea.’

  ‘Sign me out, please?’ Eileen implored. ‘I promise I’ll go straight to bed at ’ome, an’ I’ll be all right.’

  The pleading in Eileen’s voice was like a knife turning in Bill’s heart. But the responsibility was too much for his shoulders alone. He’d never forgive himself if anything went wrong. ‘Look, love, I don’t like seeing you so unhappy, and I’d do anything for you, you know that. But for my own peace of mind I’d like to have a word with Dr Greenfield first, see what he says. I’ll try and get hold of him tonight and ask Mary if she’ll slip in tomorrow and let you know.’ He saw the disappointment on Eileen’s face and knew he couldn’t leave her in this state without a ray of hope. ‘Whichever way it goes, chick, I promise you’ll be home in a few days, even if I have to carry you out. But let me speak to Dr Greenfield first, eh?’ Trying to coax a smile, his hand made a cross over his heart. ‘Scout’s honour, two days at the most.’

  The last patient had left and John Greenfield was clearing his desk before going through to his living quarters for his evening meal. It had been a long, trying day, and he was looking forward to putting his feet up for half an hour before making an evening call on a patient he was concerned about. He heard a knock on the front door and his housekeeper’s voice saying that surgery was over and would the caller come back tomorrow.

  John sighed, pushing his fine, wayward hair off his forehead. He had to go through the hall to get to the dining room and was just in time to see Bill Gillmoss before the housekeeper shut the front door on him.

  ‘Mr Gillmoss.’

  Bill was closing the gate behind him when he heard John’s voice. He turned and walked back up the path. ‘I’m sorry to bother you, Doctor. I left the hospital ten minutes before the end of visiting time hoping to catch you before surgery closed, but I’ll call back tomorrow on me way to the hospital.’

  ‘No, come in now. I can spare five minutes.’

  The two men faced each other across the desk as Bill explained why he’d come. ‘She’s heartbroken, Doctor, honestly. In all our married lives I’ve never known her so depressed. It’s doing her more harm than good being in there.’

  ‘They should have left her in the small room where she was the first day, then she wouldn’t have had to see the babies in the ward. But, unfortunately, they needed it for an urgent case.’ John tapped the desk with his pen, his face thoughtful. ‘Eileen would be better off at home with her family around her. I could get a district nurse to call in every day to keep an eye on her, and I could give her tablets to stop her breasts from filling up.’ He threw his pen down. ‘No, I can see no reason why she can’t be discharged.’

  ‘Then she can come home?’ Bill’s whole body slumped with relief. ‘Thank God for that.’

  ‘It’s up to the doctor on the maternity ward, and it’s too late to ring tonight. I’ll give him a call first thing in the morning and have a word with him. You’re not on the phone, are you?’

  Bill shook his head. ‘We’re not, but the Sedgemoors are.’ He gave the number and stood up. ‘Thank you, Dr Greenfield, for everything. It’s no wonder Eileen says you’re the best doctor in the world. You’ve certainly taken a load off my shoulders tonight.’

  ‘Well, Mrs Gillmoss, you’re leaving us today.’ The Matron’s stern face relaxed into a smile. ‘Now isn’t that good news?’

  Eileen’s face dropped on to her chest as a lone tear trickled down her cheek. She wiped it away and met the Matron’s gaze. ‘It’s not that yez haven’t been good to me, ’cos yez ’ave. But I want to be with me family, I miss them so much.’

  ‘I understand. I’ll get you a list of do’s and don’ts, and you must promise to abide by them. An ambulance will be taking you home, but I can’t tell you exactly what time that will be. So while you’re waiting, sit on the side of the bed and clear your locker out.’ Matron walked away a few steps, then turned. ‘You’ve got a very handsome husband, Mrs Gillmoss. Very distinguished looking.’

  ‘Keep yer eyes off ’im, Matron, he’s all mine.’ For the first time since she’
d come in hospital, Eileen didn’t have to force a smile. ‘Yer don’t think I’m daft enough to marry an ugly beggar, do yer?’

  Sitting on the side of the bed, her belongings in a small case by her feet, Eileen talked to the group of women who’d gathered around to say goodbye. But her eyes kept going to the clock on the wall at the end of the ward. Come on, ambulance, her thoughts ran, don’t you know I’m dying to see me mam and the kids?

  When a nurse finally came with a wheelchair, Eileen couldn’t get into it quickly enough. She was afraid the doctor might change his mind and keep her in. With her case on her knees, she said to the nurse, ‘Home, James, an’ don’t spare the ’orses.’ She waved to the women as she was wheeled out of the ward. ‘Look after yerselves! Ta-ra, now!’

  Maggie had been pacing up and down by the window for over an hour, and when she saw the ambulance turn the corner she cried, ‘It’s here.’ She hurried to the door, followed closely by Mary, Vera and Carol. Nervously picking at her pinny, she watched the men open the back doors of the ambulance and climb inside. She gripped Mary’s arm when she saw her daughter being carried out on a stretcher and Eileen heard her cry of distress.

  ‘Don’t worry, Mam, it’s not as bad as it looks.’

  Mary dashed upstairs to pull the bedclothes back and was standing by the bed smiling when Eileen was transferred from the stretcher. ‘Welcome home, Eileen Gillmoss.’

  ‘Hi-ya, kid.’

  Eileen thanked the ambulance men, then let out a sigh when they left the room. ‘Thank God for that! I’ve never been so glad to be ’ome in all me life.’

  Maggie came bustling in and bent to kiss her daughter. She was shocked by Eileen’s appearance but hid it as she straightened the counterpane. We’ll soon have her back to her old self now she’s home, she consoled herself.

  Carol was hanging on to Vera’s coat, a puzzled look on her face. Why was Auntie Eileen in bed in the middle of the day?