Savaged

by Nacole Stayton

  MY PHONE RINGS FOR the first time since I instructed Jarod to bring her home last night. I knew something awful had to have happened. Why else would Jarod wait all night to report back?

  “Niko, she’s gone.” Jarod’s voice sounds chipper. More pleasant than anyone’s tone should sound after the death of someone they knew.

  “I could have figured that much. How’s Cambree?” I ask as I walk toward my computer and prepare to plan a funeral.

  Awkwardly¸ Jarod clears his throat. “She’s showering. There was an incident last night. It was bad.”

  “There was an incident? Was it Joyce? How is Cambree? Why are you just now fucking telling me?” I scream into the receiver as I hold it against my cheek. I can feel my jaw muscles pulsate. “You better start talking.”

  “Bree fainted, but before you get your panties in a wad, know that the doctor was with her. No concussion or anything. Apparently, she was more stressed than she let on and that was her mind’s way of dealing with it. At least, that’s what the doc said.”

  Feeling my ears redden and my nostrils flare, I shout, “I don’t know who the hell you think you are, the minute that happened, you should have contacted me.”

  “I was here and I handled it. Boss, no disrespect, but there wasn’t anything you could have done.”

  A quick and disturbing thought flashes in my mind, Jarod comforting Cambree in ways that I’m not able to. Even though I had asked him to, it still doesn’t sit right with me. Jarod mocking me about it is just the icing on the cake.

  Rubbing the stubble on my jawline, my voice is deep when I speak. “You’re right. See to it that she is taken care of.”

  Disconnecting the line before Jarod has a chance to respond, I lower my cell phone and pick up my home phone. Hitting the speaker all button, I say, “Attention everyone. You have the day off. Please gather your belongings and leave the estate. You have twenty minutes.”

  Never in the two years that I have lived in solitude have I ever sent my entire staff home. Unless you count me firing everyone before, but that was a permanent day off so it doesn’t count. This was a real treat for all of the employees, I’m sure of it. The truth is, I don’t want anyone around to see me unravel.

  Sitting in my office chair, I lean back and watch the clock on the wall tick. Its sound distracts me as the minute hand moves slowly. Twenty minutes pass before I feel comfortable enough to get up and turn the lights on. With no mirrors in sight, I breathe in and open the bedroom door. Silence lingers in the empty mansion.

  Taking a step forward, I leave my sanctuary. My mood only grows fouler as I walk down the hallway. Tiny scraps of plastic and wrappings are sprawled out across the hallway directly outside of Joyce’s bedroom. I frown as I step over the trash the EMTs left behind and walk toward the staircase, wondering why no one has cleaned up this mess yet.

  Cambree is now an orphan. Just like me, everyone we once cared for is gone. Pondering the idea that we have more in common than I thought, I glide down the steps, and stop at the bottom to look around. Other than what I’ve seen on the monitors from my computer, I haven’t set foot in this part of my house in a very long time. Glancing at the living room, my parents’ photograph on the mantel catches my eye.

  Loneliness isn’t a blissful feeling and I’d be ignorant not to admit that I’m lonely as they come. In this very moment, without a house full of staff and Jarod and Cambree’s presence, I’m left with only the company of my life’s sorrows.

  Regretting the moment that I met Cambree wouldn’t be right. I’ve cherished our time together, her body, and her innocent demeanor. It’s more so the moment that I knew I’d fallen for her. I didn’t see it coming. I didn’t ask for it. It just happened—slowly, gracefully, and blindly. She has a piece of me that I kept guarded for so long. And now, as I stand with my hand wrapped around the back of my neck, I regret allowing myself to fall for her in the first place.

  I either have to let her go or force her to go. The timing is horrible. I know that, but it’s either now, when she is already broken, or later, when she thinks she’s in love with me. Pushing her away is the right thing to do. Hearing Jarod make a mockery of this situation is proof of what has to be done.

  The realization of our situation hits me hard. It knocks me over, points in my face and laughs at me for being naïve. Shaking my head, I walk toward the kitchen. Opening a small fridge underneath the counter, I reach in and pull out a bottle of wine. No glass required. Not tonight. I pull the cork out, and my mouth finds the opening, swallowing the liquid as if I’ve been dying a thirst.

  Drinking straight from the bottle, I stroll into the backyard and sit on a bench facing my land. Clouds overhead remind me of cotton balls as planes roar through the sky. It’s been so long since I’ve been outside; I honest to God had forgotten the smell of grass, flowers, and the sounds of the waterfall in my pool. Closing my eyes, I tilt my neck back and rub them.

  I’m overjoyed that Cambree is okay and safe, but I’m torn, like always when it comes to her. Since our first encounter, I knew I was hooked. As if she was an expensive cigar, the Hoyo de Monterrey Double Corona, I wanted her all the time. I wanted to put my mouth on her at every waking moment and inhale her sweet scent. The only problem was, much like smoking, love is a silent killer.

  The battle rages on as I finish off my bottle of wine in no time at all. Deciding it’s best not to drink myself into coma today, I stand up and unbuckle my belt. The day’s air is cool against my skin as I slide my pants down my legs. Raising my arms, I tug my shirt up over my chest and arms and toss it on the pavement beside my trousers. In nothing but my boxer briefs, I inch toward the edge of the underground pool. Sticking my toe in the water, my teeth chatter from the air around me. The heated pool is warm on my toes. And this is an opportunity to swim, to forget about my flaws, to emerge myself in the water and wash away my grief.

  Diving hands first into the pool, the warm water swallows me. I used to love to swim, or more so watching my company swim. My arms move, stroking the water. With my eyes sealed shut, I swim a lap to the far side of the pool, and then another back. Over and over, I do the same routine. Allowing my mind a break from reality, I swim.

  Finally, after a solid ten minutes of nothing but movement, my body sags against the side of the pool. Folding my arms under my chin, I stare off into space. I can hear bees buzzing and birds chirping. They’re both glorious sounds that I’ve hated for no reason other than it gave me an outlet and something to loathe.

  I’m a lonesome sight. It pains me to admit it, but it’s the fucking truth. And I know after tonight, I’m going to be isolated for even longer. Because there is no other girl in the world that can ever fill the spot that Cambree has made in my once cold heart. I might as well enjoy today for what it’s worth, because who knows the next time that I’ll ever let my guard down.

  Glancing up, I see a lone butterfly fly past my head. Growing up, my father had always told me that butterflies were good luck. In this moment, I doubt that the old wives’ tale is true, but I decide to make a wish aloud regardless, just in case it’s in my destiny to have the girl.

  “I’m tired of flying solo. I want to be loved so badly it kills me. But, I’m going to break a woman’s heart. It’s not going to be easy and I can guarantee it’s going to hurt me more than it does her. Give me courage to get through tonight, and make her see I’m not the man she needs and help her move on.” A smile and amused look spreads across my face, and I wonder why I just fucking prayed to a winged bug.

  Pulling myself out of the pool, I grab my clothes and walk back toward the house. It’s silent as I enter. No maids running around with dust mops in their hands, no cook in the kitchen banging pots and pans while preparing my meals. It’s a dreadful silence. I almost regret sending everyone home. Now I’m utterly alone, and my heart is confused.

  I find my way through the dim lighting to the staircase and walk up the stairs, slowly. As I stroll down the hallway, my chest begins to feel hea
vy and my knees feel weak. The only way I’m going to survive the day is to be hammered out of my mind.

  Fuck the wine, I need the hard stuff.

  In the past, the only time I ever visited a hospital was when Grams was admitted. Last night, as a handful of nurses woke me up to check my vitals, I was reminded why I was here and what I had lost. I tossed and turned all night thinking about what this morning would bring. I have to plan a funeral. I feel numb as I sign the release forms and gather my clothes.

  “Jarod, I’m fine to walk, really. The doctor said I was okay to be discharged, so please stop embarrassing me by pushing me in this stupid wheelchair. I’m sure someone really needs it and here we are, playing around,” I spit out, as I try to stop the wheels from rotating by anchoring my feet on the ground.

  Huffing, he replies, “We’re not playing. For heaven’s sake, you fainted not too long ago. Relax, it’s my honor to push you around.” His voice sounds sincere. “You’re lucky I paid the doctor a hefty compensation to discharge you this early.”

  “Whatever, have it as you will, just get me home.” As the words leave my mouth, my feelings barrel into me full force. Leaving me weak and numb to the world that existed before meeting him.

  The time you’ve known, dated or been intimate with a person shouldn’t be the deciding factor in how much you feel for that special someone. Your feelings should be measured by the times that they took your breath away, made you smile uncontrollably for no reason other than that you were near them, or the moments that they made you feel like you were living in a fairytale.

  What I feel for Niko is odd, yes. We met in a dysfunctional way. To some, it may seem unrealistic for me to care so deeply about him. But screw what the world thinks. I know in my heart, Niko is everything I’ve ever dreamed of in a man. He’s patient and kind on one hand, and on the other, he’s protective and dominant in a sexy way. Sometimes giving the reins over to someone is nice.

  The wheelchair comes to a stop as Jarod puts the breaks on and leaves me sitting in front of a pair of revolving doors. A few minutes later, I see him pulling the car around to the front of the hospital. I am giddy about leaving and rushing home for Niko to comfort me.

  Holding onto my belongings in a small hospital bag, I pull out my cell phone from my purse and text him.

  We’re on our way back. XX

  Jarod helps me climb into the SUV and shuts the door. My eyes stay glued to the device in my hand the entire ride home. Jarod doesn’t speak other than to ask me if I wanted to ride through somewhere to grab something to eat, which I politely decline. Eager to get home to my man, I wonder why he hasn’t texted me back.

  As soon as the vehicle pulls into the gates of the estate, I unbuckle my seatbelt. If I didn’t feel so lightheaded, I would jump out and run inside, march straight up the stairs and into his arms.

  “At least wait until the SUV stops before you go jolting out of it,” Jarod snarls, but I brush off his remark.

  The vehicle comes to a stop out in front of the estate’s door. Once the vehicle is in park, I swing the passenger side door open and hop out. My balance is a little off, but it doesn’t stop me. The locked front door does however. I tug and and pull, yet it doesn’t budge.

  “Jarod! The door’s locked. Hurry up.”

  Causally, he slams his door shut and strolls toward me. Seemingly unaffected by my brash behavior, he takes his sweet time.

  “Come on!” I shout with my hand on my hip, but a smile on my face.

  “Calm down, little lady, I’m coming.”

  He unlocks the door, and I brush by his side and head up the stairs, two by two. At the top, I look down and smile at Jarod. It was a blessing he was there last night. I can’t even image how I would have dealt with everything alone.

  “Niko, I’m coming in,” I announce as I near his bedroom door. Holding my hand out in front of me, I bang on it. After a few seconds, I realize he isn’t going to answer. So I twist the handle, open the door, and step inside his territory.

  Blackness is all I see. Not even the bathroom light is on. His computer screen isn’t illuminating even a ray of light. It’s like the very first time we met. I was scared out of my mind. I remember my palms were sweaty, but my feet stayed planted. Looking back, I don’t regret a moment. It seems like forever ago that that girl walked through this exact same doorframe. The girl standing in it now is a hot mess. I’m panting as I rush into the large living quarters, hoping that my memories of being in his room keep me from colliding with a wall.

  “Niko? Hellooo!” My worried voice echoes off the walls. Fear rings in my ears. What if Anton came in and attacked him? What if he’s been injured?

  I debate turning on the lights. I know where the switch is. I felt it on accident one day. Not afraid of the man in the dark anymore, I knew I’d never have to use it. But it was there–like a safe-word, just in case. Not until this very moment, as my heart beats frantically in my chest, have I ever felt the need to use it.

  “If you’re in here, I’m giving you five seconds to say something or I’m turning on the light.” I pause and count to ten in my head. Thinking he’s had sufficient time to speak up, I start counting out loud. “Five…four…three…two….”

  “If you turn on the light, you’re not going to like what you see.” A raw voice says from the darkness.

  He’s here, I think to myself. My heart rate calms and steadies as I feel a bit of relief. I can tell that he is sitting somewhere around his desk. Taking baby steps, I inch toward that direction.

  “I wouldn’t come over here, if I were you. I seem to have lost my stomach on the floor.”

  “Why did you get sick? Are you not feeling well?” I probe as my nose wrinkles. The foul smell of stale bile attacks my senses and makes my stomach coil.

  “I’m a little drunker than usual,” Niko admits. His words slur. I can smell mint and liquor on his breath.

  Sighing, I clap my hands together and raise them to my chest. “It’s nine a.m. and you’re still toasted from last night, I presume?” He doesn’t say anything. “Well, we ought to get you in bed. It seems like we both had a rough night.”

  Silence dangles in the air. Still debating whether or not to turn on the lights, I wait a few more moments. I’m a little lightheaded and I consider calling Jarod to come help take care of Niko.

  The sound of his chair cushion letting out air alerts me that he’s getting up. In the matter of a few seconds, the light in the bathroom flicks on and I see the back of Niko’s body as he walks inside the bathroom. He shuts the door behind him. Rushing toward the locked door, I knock. “Do you need any help?”

  “What I need is another drink, but therein lies my dilemma. I’m out. Everything in my office is gone. If you’d like to go fetch me a bottle from downstairs, I’d appreciate it,” I hear him ask through the closed door. The sound of his body hitting the wood in between us startles me.

  Not once have I ever born witness to a drunk Niko. Honestly, from what I’m hearing now, I’m glad I haven’t ever. He’s rude and as childish as it may seem, it’s hurting my feelings.

  “I think you’ve had enough tonight. Just shower and brush your teeth. I’m getting in bed,” I say, annoyed, as I slowly find the bedpost and start tossing my clothes on the floor. Folding back the soft bedding, I crawl underneath the covers and close my eyes. I start to drift off to sleep but am awakened a few minutes later by a very intoxicated and wet Niko hovering over me.

  “I’m sorry about Joyce. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there.” There’s a pain in his voice when he speaks.

  Wondering why he’s so sloshed, I ask, “Why are you so drunk? I’ve never seen you like this.” Laughter bellows from Niko’s lungs. It’s upsetting, because I don’t understand why my question made him laugh.

  “You’ve never seen me before. Not once have your eyes raked me up and down. Trust me, you wouldn’t be lying here now if they ever had. I’m a monster, don’t you remember?”

  I push my body up by my elb
ows so we are nose-to-nose. Hot breath mixes in the air. “Prove it. Show me who you really are. Let me see you, and then let me be the judge of how scary you are.” The words sneak out of my mouth before I realize what I just asked. Until this point, I’ve kept my desire to see him in the light at bay. I’ve never let on how important it was for him to bare himself to me.

  “You want to see me? Why? Why’s it so important?” Niko’s voice grows louder as he continues to speak. “I told you about what those bastards did to me. What they took from me, and you want to see it—the evidence they left behind?”

  Niko flinches as I grab his forearm.

  “No. That’s not it at all,” I say, my voice calm. “I just want to see the man that I love face-to-face.” My voice quivers as tears pool in my eyes. I want to cry for what his abductors took from him, I want to cry because of how he sees himself, and I want to cry because regardless of who he thinks he is, I know that he’s none of those awful things.

  Niko is the definition of love and he doesn’t even know it.

  THE NEWS OF HER ADMISSION strikes me in the back. Like a knife, it twists its sharp edge against my warm skin. It sinks into the first layer and then digs deeper into my flesh. It shreds all of the willpower I have left, leaving me exposed.

  She fucking loves me?

  I’m at Cambree’s mercy as her words scrape my heart. Words I’d never expect to hear again in my sorry excuse for a life. Although I’m drunk, I hear her soft voice say those three unmistakable words loud and clear as if she were speaking into a microphone.

  “I told you from the beginning….” It’s as if all the blood drains from my body. “You knew what you signed up for. This isn’t love.” I do my best to try to convince her, and myself in the process. “Love is being able to go in public with one another,” I say, as an uneasy breath escapes me. I know I sound like an asshole, but my mouth deceives me. “This is infatuation. What we have with each other is merely lust twisted with an unrealistic belief that the chemistry we share is more than it is. We fuck and occasionally cuddle. It’s all in the goddamn dark, Cambree. There are no romantic candles, flower petals, or midnight strolls around my estate. I know you’re not a dumb girl, so stop acting so blind to what’s in front of you. I’ll never be able to love you back. Don’t you see that? Save your heart for someone who can return those feelings. Someone who can stand in a crowd full of people and shout at the top of his lungs about how much he loves you back. Save your love for someone like Jarod.”