Fluffy’s Revolution

by Ted Myers

  “How many people can you evacuate?”

  “30,000: about all the professionals and the elites that work for the Triumvirate and the important politicians, scientists and artists―you included, of course. Two cargo ships have already departed, loaded with building and agricultural supplies…”

  “But Mr.―er, Jerry―in fifty years you and I will be dead. We’ll never get there.”

  “We’ll all be in a state of cryogenic suspended animation. We won’t age a day.”

  “You have that technology?”

  “Mmm hmm.”

  “But what about the other two point five billion people?”

  Epps made a big exploding sound with his mouth and slowly expanded his hands, palms out, a planet blowing apart. Then he put on an innocent little boy face, smiled and shrugged.

  There was a knock at the door. “Yes, what is it?” said Epps.

  Hobson, his Chief of Security, stuck his head in the door. “Mr. Epps?”

  “Yes, what?” said Epps impatiently.

  “There’s something on the web I think you need to see.”

  “What is it?”

  “I think you better take a look for yourself, sir.”

  “Okay, come in, Hobson,” said Epps.

  “Maybe I’d better…” said Handler, starting to get up.

  “No, you can stay.”

  Hobson entered and lowered the flatscreen from its hiding place in the ceiling. He pressed some buttons on the screen of his handheld. “It’s gone viral worldwide on Z-Tube,” he said, and Janet’s video came on, with Hacker’s introduction. A stunned silence.

  Then Epps, barely maintaining his composure said, “How did this get out?”

  “We don’t know. It was posted anonymously, and we can’t trace it.”

  “Well, have it taken down―and trace it!” Epps yelled. “I want you to get the person or thing that posted this!”

  “It’s already on all the news services.”

  “Just do it!”

  “Yes, sir.” Hobson departs. Epps breaks down crying.

  “They killed my children, Dave. Those dirty animals killed my children!”

  “Errm, that’s not precisely true, Jerry,” said Handler gently. “Janet killed your son―by accident of course―and she was killed by…”

  “It’s all because of those animals,” said Epps very loudly, cutting him off. “And before I leave this planet I’m going to wipe out every last one of ‘em.”

  “Why bother?” said Handler. “The Earth only has another month, and then―” He made an exploding noise with his mouth and expanded his hands, palms out. But Epps was passed out on the couch opposite him. Then Handler noticed that Epps’s handheld had fallen out of his pocket and onto the floor. Handler picked it up and sent a text to Indira: “Being held at Epps estate. Heavy security. Asteroid will destroy Earth in 30 days. Dave.” He confirmed that it was sent, then deleted it from Epps’s cache.

  Indira and Riordan were on her couch watching the news. They were barely paying attention. Riordan had only consumed one drink but was high just being in her company. He couldn’t allow himself to believe she could actually be attracted to him, but there was no mistaking her warmth as she snuggled up on the couch. Then the anchor woman’s voice caught their attention:

  “Epsilon CEO Jeremiah Epps has been in seclusion and incommunicado since the deaths of his two children, twenty-year-old Lucien Epps and twenty-six-year-old Janet Epps.” Then Janet’s video with Hacker’s introduction came on. Riordan and Indira watched in mute fascination. “Janet was killed Wednesday in a shootout with police while defending a GAB terrorist hideout. Lucien was killed when these same terrorists blew up the West Kingston Animal Detention Center late Sunday night. Epsilon media spokesperson Aurora Malvolio-Jones issued a brief statement, only saying that Epsilon’s Senior Vice President of Operations, Valerie Trump, will take temporary command of the company in Epps’s absence. Neither Epps nor Trump could be reached for comment.”

  “Epps is an evil creep,” said Riordan. “Still, you have to feel sorry for the poor bugger. I hope Fluffy wasn’t involved in any of that.”

  At that moment, Indira’s handheld buzzed. It was Handler’s text. When she read it, Indira sat bolt upright.

  “What is it?” said Riordan. She showed him Handler’s message.

  “So that’s what he saw,” she said. For a moment they sat in numbed silence. At last Riordan said, “But, can’t they do something? Blow it up? Nuke it?”

  “Yeah, that’s what they always do in all those movies where an asteroid is about to destroy the Earth,” said Indira. “But, if this thing is big enough, we could blow it to pieces and the pieces would still be big enough to destroy the Earth. So, Epps has got Dave and I guess the other scientists held captive. He must have something up his sleeve. He’s deliberately keeping the news from getting out. Doesn’t want a worldwide panic, I suppose.”

  “So this is the way the world ends. Not with a whimper but a bang… Couldn’t they set off a bomb near it and knock it off course?”

  “I don’t know, Jimmy. Maybe we better ask Dave.”

  “Ask Dave?”

  “Yeah. We need to get him out of there.”

  “Huh? Oh, no, not me. I’m no action hero.”

  “Just calm down and use your brain. I once heard that Epps flies himself to work every day in his private robocopter.”

  “Yeah, but the news just said…”

  “Oh, right. Damn it!”

  “Why?”

  “Well, just for the hell of it let me do a little research.” She grabbed her handheld and, inside of two minutes, she showed him an article, an interview with Epps, dated just a few months earlier. “Look at this: ‘Mr. Epps flies himself to work every day in his private robocopter.’”

  “But he’s not coming to work, they said.”

  “He’s gotta come sometime.” She went back to her handheld. “This is it!” she said excitedly. She showed him an article: JEREMIAH EPPS SLATED TO MAKE KEYNOTE SPEECH AT ROBOTICS CONFERENCE JUNE 7th

  “June seventh. That’s Thursday. The conference is in the Epsilon Building. He’s gotta be there for that—and MIT Robotics will be sending a team with their latest gadget. I have a friend on that team!” said Indira.

  “Okay,” said Riordan cautiously. “So what’s your plan?”

  “So what if we were able to get on that roof and into his robocopter when no one was looking.”

  “Yeah?” Riordan was beginning to get interested.

  “We stow away in his robocopter and just wait for him to fly us to his house.”

  “Oh, right. And then he just invites us in for some tea and crumpets...”

  “No. We stick a gun in his back and make him get us in, get Dave, and get us out. We keep him with us, so they don’t shoot down the copter, and we fly off.”

  “To where?”

  “What, I have to think of everything?”

  “Yes.”

  They both smile. It’s been years since Riordan has smiled like that, or seen anyone smile at him like that. Typical. I find love, and the world ends.

  “So, where are you gonna get a gun? said Riordan.

  “I have one.”

  “A real gun?”

  “A real gun.

  “But that is so illegal.”

  “My ex was a cop. He left it here. Wanted me to be safe.”

  “Oh god, what am I getting into?”

  “Hey. What have we got to lose, right?”

  “
Being as we’re all doomed, I suppose you’re right. But what about security? Don’t they have a metal detector in that building? We’ll never get a gun in there. Let’s just forget it.”

  “Dave’s our only chance to stop the world from ending, and you say ‘forget it’?” Riordan looked sheepish. They sat and thought about it.

  “My friend Bobby is the lead designer at MIT robotics. I’ll get him to get us in.”

  “And the gun? Don’t they X-ray all the gadgets?”

  Indira thought for a long moment. “Let me talk to Bobby. He’s very quirky; a nerd, but cool. I think he can be trusted.”

  Monday morning, Indira went to work as usual. She called Bobby and asked if he was free for lunch. They met at the Good & Healthy on Mass Ave. Indira looked grave. Bobby was a skinny guy in his twenties who looked and dressed like a twentieth-century punk rocker: head shaved on one side with long green hair on the other, multiple piercings, tattoos, black leather jacket. The department head took a dim view of his image, but what could he do? Bobby was the best robotics engineer on the planet.

  “Indira, what’s going on? Where’s that eternally-cheery disposition?”

  “Bobby, I have something very, very important and very, very secret I need to discuss with you. You have to promise me that this conversation will never go beyond the two of us.”

  “Okay, I promise.”

  She laid out the whole thing to Bobby: the text from Dave, the asteroid, and her plan to kidnap Epps and free Dave.

  All Bobby could say was, “My god, my god. There was so much more I wanted to do.”

  “Don’t despair yet, Bobby. Right now, Dave’s our only hope.”

  “So what do you need from me?”

  As it turns out, Bobby was the designer of the new robopet commissioned by Epsilon, and they would be demonstrating it at the conference.

  “Her name is Penelope,” he confided gleefully, “and she’s a completely lifelike little pony. Perfect for a rich, spoiled little girl who’s always wanted a pony, but whose rich, spoiled parents don’t want to have to feed, house and clean up after a real one. So, here’s what I was thinking…”

  Bobby told Indira that he could get Team MIT IDs and coveralls for her and Riordan, and how they could conceal the gun: He would line Penelope’s hind quarters with a thin layer of lead foil, impenetrable to X-rays. Penelope was almost completely anatomically correct. She even had an anal cavity under her tail.

  “So we stick the gun…”

  “That’s right. Up the horsie’s ass!” He accompanied this with the appropriate gesture. Indira and Bobby cackled madly at the notion.

  When Indira told Riordan the plan that evening, they both rolled with laughter. “Brilliant, positively brilliant!” said Riordan. He grabbed her and hugged her, they turned toward each other, and they kissed. It was a long and wonderful kiss―the best Riordan had ever had―and in the face of their impending doom, they were happy.

  “Time to find that telephone,” said Riordan.

  “Okay, let’s go.”

  Riordan finished his drink, Indira took her key card, and they walked to the building where she worked. She let them in and they found an unlocked office on the ground floor. Riordan picked up a desk phone and dialed Art’s number. After a few rings, Art answered.

  “Hello?”

  “Art, it’s Jim Riordan.”

  “Professor!”

  “Any news of Fluffy?”

  “Yes. She’s alive, or at least she was as of a few days ago. As a matter of fact, we have a couple of friends of hers here. Hacker and Mitzi. They’re mice.”

  “You’re kidding.”

  “No. the smartest mice you, or I, or anyone has ever met. Fluffy was part of their GAB resistance group. After their hideout got blown up, they and Fluffy wound up in a bakery close by. They had themselves delivered to your apartment in a basket of muffins. Fluffy’s on her way to Animal U. It’s on West Kill Mountain, near West Kill Falls.”

  “Are you sure your phone is safe?”

  “Yes. Hacker checked my phone and the D.I.S. doesn’t know about me.”

  “Now listen, Art. Something very big is happening. Earth-shattering, you might say. I can’t explain now, but can you get a car and drive those mice up to West Kill Falls?”

  “Yes, I think so.”

  “Good. Meet me up there Thursday night about this time.”

  “Okay―” Art sounded rather tentative.

  “It’s important, Art. Be there.” And he hung up. That night Riordan no longer slept on the couch.

  Chapter Eleven – Animal U

  For Fluffy, the first stop was the infirmary, formerly a guest house, a few yards from the main house. “We have to change those bandages,” Mama Angelica explained. “They got all wet when you passed under the falls.”

  Mama Angelica was greeted there as Dr. Van Dusen by her staff of two human vets. Upon removing the old bandage, she saw that Fluffy’s wounds were healing well. She dried them thoroughly, applied an herbal ointment she had made up, and re-bandaged them. While she was there, Fluffy got her feline immunization shots, which included a non-toxic flea repellent that Mama Angelica had developed herself and a quick physical exam. “You should be completely healed in a few days,” said Mama Angelica. “Now let’s join the others in freshman orientation.”

  Freshman orientation was taking place in the Great Hall. Formerly a ballroom, this vast chamber served as a combination meeting hall and gym. Sometimes basketball hoops were set up and there would be telekinetic basketball games, often between the dogs and the cats, a long-standing rivalry. This was also where Bernard held his telekinetic muscle-building classes, a required course for all students, where they would build their telekinetic powers by working with weights.

  But now the entire freshman class of 2135 was gathered to hear Bernard’s address. There was Fluffy’s group plus about twenty more, mostly dogs and cats, but a few mice and pigs. So that they could see and be seen, and also to avoid being stepped on, the mice had a raised platform built especially for them. They also had their own entrance, a small hole from the outside of the building that led to a ramp that led to the platform.

  “Welcome to all of you!” said Bernard. “I know it could not have been easy for any of you to find your way here, and I applaud your determination. Here at Animal U, we hold classes year-round. The summer semester will be starting on Wednesday, in four days. We offer instruction on all levels of learning. If you were never taught the basics of reading and writing, you can join our kindergarten group, where you will be able to learn what you’ll need to know to move on to more advanced subjects. There is no shame in this; many adult GABs were never taught anything by their humans and have had to fend for themselves in the world. Before signing up for classes, everyone will be given an aptitude test. This will determine which classes you will be eligible for. Within those constraints, we invite everyone to sign up for as many or as few classes as each of you feels he or she can take on. We encourage you to pursue your areas of interest, but also to stretch your comfort zones, and study subjects that challenge your natural abilities. The one course that is required for everyone is the one taught by me (a few titters). It is called Special Powers and includes enhanced telepathy and telekinesis. The telekinesis classes are for both strength and dexterity. By the time you graduate, you will be able to lift a small car, and also tie a small bow with your mind.”

  He then introduced Caramel, a beautiful calico cat, the school registrar. “Caramel will be administering the aptitude test and will give each of you your own little tablet, which you are to carry with you to all classes. You can use your tablets to sign up for classes from the list provided on the
school intranet, a proprietary database accessible only to students and staff. You should also use your tablets as notebooks for all subjects, to take and organize your notes, and also to access books. The school intranet contains a library of thousands of books, including all required and suggested reading for courses, and many more as well. For classes taught by non-telepathic human professors, you can use the speaker on your tablet to give you an audible voice, just like on a full-size computer. Now, are there any questions?”

  Since they did not have hands to raise, the animals had a telepathic symbol they sent out, a Q, to indicate they had a question. Fluffy sent out a Q and Bernard called on her.

  “Excuse me, sir,” she spoke more formally to Bernard than she would have in private. “Where do these tablets come from?”

  “We build them in our computer science building,” said Bernard.

  “But where do the parts come from?”

  Bernard smiled. “A good question, Fluffy. Once a month, a cargo helicopter loaded with things we need from the outside world lands here at Animal U. All I can tell you is that there is a network of humans who help us. It’s all funded by Dr. Van Dusen’s family foundation.”

  There were several other questions, but the most provocative came, oddly enough, from Jack: “Do we get to graduate?”

  “Someday, Jack, we hope to be recognized by the human world as a legitimate institution and have a four-year syllabus and a graduation ceremony and a diploma that means something in the world. For now, however, we are strictly underground, and the answer to your question is ‘no.’ Right now, the world is a dangerous place for all of us, so Animal U is a safe haven as well as a seat of learning. The good news is, you can stay here and learn for as long as you like. You will never be asked to leave, and you will always be fed and nurtured. There have been a few―a very few―students who have chosen to leave and go back into the world. If that is your choice, no one will stop you. But the way the world is now, what is there to go back to?”