Father by Choice

by Amanda Berry

  “I’m glad you’re my daddy,” Amber whispered.

  “Me, too,” Brady whispered back.

  Maggie reached over and shut off the lamp. As she lay wide-awake in the darkened room listening to the rustles and breathing of Amber and Brady, all the thoughts she’d put to the side while Brady had been kissing her rushed forward. But one question spoke louder than any of the others.

  What if Brady wanted to be with Maggie because of Amber? All his charm and kisses were only to stay close to his daughter?

  She felt a brush of his fingertips on her shoulder and tried to relax so he thought she’d fallen asleep. He wouldn’t even be in her life now if it weren’t for Amber.

  Well, his charm and kisses wouldn’t work on Maggie. She didn’t need a man in her life and definitely not Brady Ward. She wanted a man who was in love with her for who she was. Besides, it wasn’t as if she were already half in love with the guy.

  His hand slipped away and immediately she missed his touch. Oh, for Pete’s sake, she was better than this. Falling in love with the father of her child. Ha! Impossible because he lived in New York and she lived here. He was high class and champagne dreams. She was barbecue and beer.

  Even if the chemistry was explosive, that kind of thing never lasted. Before long he’d resent her for holding him back. Especially since he didn’t love her. Her heart throbbed and a warm well of tears choked the back of her throat.

  He would never love her. Could she ever know if he really loved her? He would convince himself that it was the right thing to do. To love the mother of his child.

  She drew in a shaky breath to keep from crying because she knew without a doubt that if she hadn’t loved him before, she definitely loved Brady Ward now. And she couldn’t do a damned thing about it.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Last night, this wasn’t the way Brady had planned to wake up with Maggie. He stared across the bed and the tangle of dark hair at Maggie sleeping on the other side of Amber.

  Her light honey hair spread over the pillow. The constant tension in her face had gone soft in sleep. He’d hoped they could ease some of the tension between them last night. The sexual tension had been building since New York and the only way to discharge it was to have sex. It was only natural.

  It didn’t help that she constantly battled him at every turn. Challenged him about his way of life. Stole his phone. Made him someone’s daddy.

  Instead of finally succumbing to the spark that hadn’t died since they were younger, they’d ended up with Amber taking the middle of Maggie’s queen-size bed. He’d never been kicked so much in his life, and he couldn’t help but smile because of it.

  The morning sun drifted in between the curtains and fell across Maggie’s and Amber’s faces. Amber had wanted her daddy to comfort her last night. Her heart had beat like a scared rabbit’s against his. He’d forgotten to ask what her nightmare had been about. Wasn’t even sure if he should ask.

  Now she slept as beautifully as her mom. Even though Amber had his coloring, she had her mother’s features. His heart was going to burst out of his chest. It almost felt as if they were a family.

  What would it be like to have them with him? The thought startled him, but it had been in his mind all day yesterday. He had to return to New York and work. That’s where his life was. But why couldn’t he take them with him? Both of them.

  Not just a week or two in the summer or a weekend a month, but forever. Maggie’s nose crinkled in her sleep. Amber threw her arm across Maggie. Surely Maggie would see that they were better as a family. With Maggie there, he’d know someone was taking care of Amber while he worked.

  It’s not as if there was anything holding them to Tawnee Valley. Maybe the house, but Maggie’s mom was gone. His brother lived there, but Sam wasn’t exactly their favorite person.

  Maggie stretched. Slowly her eyes opened and focused on him.

  “Morning,” he whispered.

  She gave him a sleepy smile and stretched again. His shirt tightened against her body, giving him an image to dream about. If she noticed his interest, she didn’t give it away as she rolled out of bed, careful not to disturb Amber.

  Before he had a chance to say anything more, she was out the door.

  “Do you like my mommy?”

  Brady looked into Amber’s wide-awake face. “Yeah, I like your mommy.”

  “Then why did you leave her?” Such a simple question but he didn’t have a good answer to it.

  His mouth opened as he thought of saying one thing, but then he closed it. He’d left because he needed to put his past behind him. He’d left to forget about a little town called Tawnee Valley where his parents had raised him and where they had died, leaving him and his brothers alone. He hadn’t planned on leaving Maggie because she hadn’t been part of the picture.

  “I don’t suppose you’d take an ‘it’s complicated, you’ll understand when you’re older’?” Brady tried.

  From the look in Amber’s eyes, she wasn’t buying it. “Jessica says that when a man and woman don’t like each other anymore, they move away from each other. But since you and Mommy like each other, why don’t you live together?”

  “Because Brady lives all the way in New York and our life is here.”

  Saved by Maggie’s voice, Brady lifted his gaze as Maggie walked through the door in a different shirt. She tossed his T-shirt at him as she sat on the edge of the bed next to Amber.

  Amber’s face bunched up as she tried to work out her next question. Before she could ask anything more, Brady stood.

  “I should go back to the farm.” He tugged his shirt on over his head. Maggie’s scent mingled with his.

  “Sounds like a plan.” Maggie didn’t look as if she was going to offer to walk him to the door or anything.

  “Can I come, too?” Amber bounced on the bed before turning her pleading eyes to Maggie. “Can I, Mommy? Please? I promise to behave. I can be ready. Please?”

  “I don’t mind,” Brady said. “As long as you two don’t have anything planned.”

  “No, we don’t.” Her smile seemed forced. “Go on, Amber. Get dressed so the two of you can go.”

  Amber hopped off the bed and rushed from the room. Doors opened and closed and drawers slammed before the sound of running water filled the silence between him and Maggie. Picking at the blue shirt she wore, Maggie sat on the edge of the bed with her bare feet on the runner board. She didn’t seem to be in any hurry to move or to talk.

  “We should talk.” Brady didn’t know what else to say, but they really did need to talk about many things. He needed to sort through what he wanted on his own before he gave her his plan.

  “About what?” She tried to give him a blank look, but he wasn’t buying it. They hadn’t discussed what type of arrangement they were going to have after this week or the fact that every time he was alone with her he wanted to touch her and kiss her.

  “About a lot of things. Have dinner with me tonight?”

  “We have dinner every night.” Maggie pulled a length of her hair through her fingers. “When you aren’t too busy working.”

  “Not here. Not with Amber. Out.”

  That finally got her attention. Her hands dropped to the bed as she looked at him. “Where?”

  “Well...” Brady hadn’t thought that far ahead. They needed neutral territory to talk things through, for him to have a chance to propose the arrangement and for them to discuss how to implement it. “How about we go to the restaurant in Owen on Main Street?”

  No one ever called the place by its current name. Through the years it had been through so many owners and name changes that it had become that place in Owen on Main Street. It was practically the only sit-down restaurant for miles besides the small café in Tawnee Valley.

  The only other restaurants were at least an hour’s drive away. Brady could think of better things to do with their time than driving to get to a good dining place.

  Maggie kept smoothing that one strand
of hair. For a moment he thought she wasn’t going to answer him at all. It wasn’t that far-fetched that he would want to take her out to talk. Especially after last night.

  “Okay.” Maggie didn’t lift her gaze from staring at the ends of her hair.

  That was it? Too easy, but he could use a little easy right now. “Great, I’ll pick you up at six.”

  “Who will watch Amber?” Suddenly, her attention was fixed on him. The sunlight glinted off the green in her eyes.

  “Oh...” Who would watch Amber? He’d never thought about that. Never had to think about it before.

  The water stopped. He only had a few minutes before Amber returned.

  “What about Penny?” Brady didn’t know Penny all that well. Only what Luke had told him once after a few beers in London. But she didn’t seem like that bad of a person. Maggie trusted her. Amber liked her.

  “Penny can’t on Sunday nights.” Maggie padded over to her dresser.

  “I’ll take care of it.” Brady had to find someone. If all else failed, there was one person that owed him about eight years’ worth of babysitting.

  * * *

  After a quick stop in Owen to pick up his new phone, Brady and Amber drove the country roads to get to the farm. Brady wished he could watch her face as she took in the countryside, but he kept his eyes on the road.

  As he pulled in the driveway, Barnabus started barking and pretty soon the puppy joined Barnabus and started howling.

  “Is that Flicker’s brother or sister?” Amber leaned her forehead against the passenger-side window to see the balls of fur pacing the car as Brady took it easy over the gravel.

  “Sister, I think.” Brady parked the car near the old windmill.

  “Is it okay to get out?” Amber’s voice was timid, but trembled with excitement.

  “They won’t hurt you.” Brady smiled reassuringly. “Just walk as if you have every right to be here and if they get in your way, give them a gentle push and say ‘get down’ firmly.”

  She nodded solemnly and opened the door. Immediately, two noses came through the opening and pushed into her lap. Her giggles filled the car as Brady leaned across her to shove the dogs back.

  “You don’t happen to have a pork chop in your pocket, do you?” Brady said. The dogs were wiggling and pushing regardless of Brady trying to shove them away.

  “No.” Amber laughed as the puppy licked her face.

  A high-pitched whistle made both dogs retreat. Brady watched as they ran across the courtyard toward the barn and Sam.

  “That was funny.” Amber shoved out of the car and followed the dogs.

  Brady hurried after her.

  “Hi, Mr. Ward.” Amber stooped to pet the puppy, who sat close to Barnabus and wiggled. Sam had trained the puppy quickly.

  “Mr. Ward?” Brady gave Sam a questioning look as he caught up with Amber.

  “He brings the baby animals to the petting zoo at the end of the school year,” Amber explained, not paying any attention to the two men. Her focus was intent on the puppy. Barnabus whined and nudged her with his nose. She giggled and started to pet both dogs at the same time.

  The color rose on Sam’s neck. “Mrs. Potter asked me if I wouldn’t mind. It’s before planting season.”

  “Amber?” Brady tried to pry her attention away from the dogs. Finally, she looked at him expectantly. “Sam is my brother. He’s your uncle Sam.”

  That finally got her attention. She stood and stared at Sam. “I’ve never had an uncle before.”

  “You have two. Your uncle Luke is away at college.” Brady held his breath as Sam and Amber regarded each other. It was as if they were sizing up the competition. Each taking the other’s measure. If she were a grown-up, it would have been intense. But since she had to tilt her neck so far to look at him, it ruined the effect.

  “Sarah Beth says her uncle takes her to Dairy Queen on Sundays.” Amber crossed her arms over her chest.

  “We put little girls to work out here.” Sam matched her pose and didn’t seem as if he would budge an inch.

  “If I work, do I get Dairy Queen?” She raised her eyebrow.

  “If you do your job and don’t complain, I can see what we can do.” Sam couldn’t possibly mean for Amber to do chores. The type of chores they used to do as boys were too much for a little girl.

  “She’s only—” Brady protested.

  “I don’t do windows,” Amber said with all the calm of a seasoned negotiator. Brady had seen corporate negotiators with less talent.

  “Neither do I. Do we have a deal?” Sam held out his hand.

  She took it and shook it once. “A deal.”

  “Sam, you can’t use my kid as child labor.” Brady couldn’t help but feel betrayed. He’d brought Amber out here to play not to be put to work.

  “A promise is a promise, Daddy.” Amber smiled at Brady before turning to Sam. “What do you want me to do?”

  “This is insane.” Brady threw up his hands.

  “The baby lambs need to be fed. First, we need to go warm the milk and bottle it.” Sam started toward the house and Amber followed. “Then we go out to the barn and feed them. Think you can handle that?”

  “Yup.”

  Brady stood in the driveway with the two dogs. He couldn’t help but wonder what had just happened. Since when did Sam hang out with kids? And how did he manage to make Amber feel needed by giving her something she would have done, anyway?

  * * *

  “You let Amber go with Brady out to the farm?” Penny pushed the bowl of chips closer to Maggie. “You need these more than I do.”

  “I can’t keep spending time with him. I almost had sex with him last night.” Maggie slouched on the couch. The TV buzzed with a repeat of a show about house hunting in the background. Neither of them were watching it, but it seemed natural to have it on.

  “Whoa, back up the bus, lady.” Penny sat up on her knees from her curled position in the corner. “What do you mean almost?”

  “Amber had a nightmare and then we all ended up sleeping in my bed. It was so freaking domestic, it was scary.” There had been part of her that had been grateful that she hadn’t been the only one carrying the burden of Amber’s fears.

  “Okay, we’ll deal with that in a minute.” Penny hit the off button on the remote. “Let’s talk sex.”

  “It was nothing.” Why she’d felt the need to confess, especially to Penny, she’d never know.

  “That bad, huh?” Penny patted Maggie’s knee sympathetically.

  “No.” Maggie couldn’t seem to stop herself. Maybe Penny could sort out this mess. “It would be easy just to have sex. The tension is there. All. The. Time. I know now that he won’t leave Amber because of my stupidity, but I think I want it to be more than it was before.”

  “You mean more than just sex?” Penny relaxed against the corner. Her forehead crinkled as she tapped a finger to her lips thoughtfully. If she’d come to a conclusion, she kept it to herself.

  “Yes, more than sex. More than hey, you’re my baby’s daddy, why don’t we knock boots.” Maggie pulled the elastic from her hair and straightened her ponytail before slipping the elastic back on it.

  “That’s a good one. Knocking boots.” Penny raised her eyebrow and quirked her lips into a smile.

  “I’m afraid.” Maggie put the bowl on the coffee table and stood. All this energy pulsed through her.

  “You’re always afraid.”

  “What?” Maggie hadn’t expected Penny to say that.

  “Think of everything you’ve been through.” Penny ticked each thing off on her fingers like a grocery list. “Your father left, your mother’s cancer, your unexpected pregnancy. We both know that it was awfully suspicious when Sam dropped off the money the first time. But the fact is, you were afraid of Brady then and you are afraid of Brady now. Because you love him.”

  Maggie’s heart felt as if it was going to crumble into bits in her chest. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Why doesn
’t it matter, Maggie?” Penny finally stood. “Because the Brown women never get what they want? Because your mother couldn’t make your deadbeat father stay? Because you’re afraid to love anyone who isn’t obligated to love you back?”

  A touch of anger scorched the pity party happening in her body. “I love you. And you aren’t obligated to love me.”

  “But I’ve always been there.” Penny flipped her red hair. “And you have no reason to believe I’m going anywhere. But Brady is only obligated to Amber.”

  Tears welled in Maggie’s eyes. “But what if he feels obligated to me because of her? What if everything he thinks he feels for me is only because of her? He doesn’t love me. I would know it.”

  Penny grabbed a tissue box from the coffee table and held it out to Maggie. “How would you know? You are so blind you couldn’t even tell you’ve been holding out for Brady for the past eight years.”

  “That’s not true—”

  “Really?” Penny narrowed her eyes. “Not one date—a date, Maggie—has been good enough for you since you found out you were pregnant. You hid behind your mom’s illness and then your daughter. It’s time to stop hiding, Maggie.”

  Maggie breathed in deep. Everything Penny said touched at the heart of the matter.

  “What happens if you put yourself out there?” Penny grabbed Maggie’s hand. “What happens if you sleep with Brady and he doesn’t want you anymore? It’d be freaking awkward for a while, but you’d get over it and so would he. But what if he wants you?”

  That feeling of drowning came upon her quickly. She’d felt it before when she’d found out about her mother’s cancer. Overwhelmed, confused, but she’d found clarity in one moment. One moment that had cost her. A night with Brady Ward. It had been impulsive and she’d paid for it. She would never regret her daughter. Amber was her life.

  “I keep asking the same question, but you never give me the right answer.” Penny sat on the couch and grabbed the bowl of chips before resuming her position in the corner.

  “What’s the answer, then?” Maggie wanted this to be over.

  “The worst thing that could happen is that you could never try to be with the man you’ve loved since high school. That you let him go because you are too scared to find out that he might love you, too.”