Ask Me Why

by Rae, Harloe

  His insistence on finding me a wife has intensified tenfold in the last few months. A part of me, albeit very small, feels guilty as fuck that he doesn’t have a mother. I’ll admit it stings that he doesn’t consider me sufficient enough to fill both roles. But that’s selfish on my part. Too bad for him, my outlook on the opposite sex will never change. If Ollie knew why I’m so hellbent against relationships, it’d give him nightmares. And that damn shop owner is another level entirely.

  At first glance, Braelyn appeared meek and mild. Her backbone came by surprise and surfaced out of thin air. She met my jabs with strikes of her own, firing off clever comebacks dipped in snark. Her anger got me hard. I fed off that shit. Arguing is what I do for a living, and I’m damn fucking good at it. Finding a worthy opponent is hitting the jackpot. I almost fooled myself into thinking she might be a decent sparring partner. But our battle came to a premature halt.

  Try as I might, Braelyn hasn’t wandered far from my thoughts. She hijacked my predictable routine and replaced it with mayhem. Her soulful gaze saw too much, peeled away layers I never reveal. What the fuck was it about her?

  I suppose she’s stunning in an understated way. An abstract sculpture that needs closer inspection to comprehend its true beauty. She didn’t wear any makeup or seem to put forth much effort into her appearance. Not that she needed to. Her blonde hair is long and wavy, the slight curls a golden waterfall. With long lashes that frame mossy eyes, I was sucked in. Her high cheekbones and arched brows are perfectly symmetrical. I bet she’d look beautiful with a natural flush coloring her skin. I’d like nothing more than to offer up a quick fuck. She’d guarantee a wild night with that sassy mouth and quick temper. I’d gladly find another use for those pouty lips. And that sharp tongue would wrap around my shaft quite nicely.

  My blood rushes south, and I swerve away from the temptation. I adjust my position against the tree I’m still leaning against. The shade might conceal the arousal pounding into me. I inhale slowly, the scent of freshly cut grass reminds me of my location. This is the last place I should be getting turned on. But my mind and body are at war.

  I glance around for offended park goers wearing looks of disgust but find none. The expansive fenced-in area is relatively quiet for a Saturday morning. I seek out Ollie, trying to deter my dirty imagination. He’s scooping up sand and filtering it through his fingers. His lack of motion doesn’t provide much of a distraction. Visions of her swoop in with the cool breeze.

  Braelyn’s face is a flawlessly molded sculpture, but the entire package is better. Even under her loose clothing, I caught the subtle hint of curves. But she’s thin as a rail, almost too skinny. But not in a way that’s intentional. If I had to guess, she skips meals without realizing it. Distracted by all the shit cluttering her shop’s shelves. I could toss her willowy ass over my shoulder without effort. How’d she react to that? I shake my head, expelling the idea immediately.

  Women usually lose their shit over me. Braelyn couldn’t have been more repulsed. My attitude toward her might be responsible for that. Was I harsh? Perhaps. Did I treat her unfairly? Undecided. Do I regret my reaction? That’s a hard no. That woman reeks of trouble. She’s a charity case, and I’m not into that type of philanthropy.

  But yet, there’s something… intriguing about Braelyn. I want to know her story, pick apart her case, which is a dangerous feeling. I’m still trying to figure out what happened midway through our conversation. Maybe that’s what interests me the most about her. There’s a puzzle to solve.

  If I was a spiritual man, I’d believe she saw a ghost. I don’t know much about panic attacks—my experiences in that area are pathetic—but the evidence was pretty damning. The alluring confidence fled her features, replaced by what I’d describe as sheer terror. A haunting glimmer shuttered her eyes, followed closely with rapid breaths bordering on hyperventilation. Even to an ignorant asshole, it’s clear she’s hauling serious baggage. All the more reason to stay the hell away. I carry more than enough weight of my own.

  The easiest solution is finding Ollie a new candy supplier. I’m liable to drive the feisty shop owner into a burning rage if we swing by there again. No doubt that’d be entertaining to watch. But I have to take Ollie’s presence into consideration. For the moment, I cast Braelyn to the far recesses of my mind. She can wait there, or preferably disappear altogether. I need to focus on my priorities.

  The sun is full and high, suggesting noon has arrived. Ollie is still sulking, his beloved red swing lacking the usual appeal. I watch him mope around the playground until acid boils in my gut. My son deserves better than this from me.

  “Hey, Ollie,” I call to him.

  He turns and moves toward me, his pace more appropriate for a snail. “Yeah?”

  “Should we go?”

  His sneakers kick up stray wood chips. “Sure.”

  “Did you have fun?” I study him closely, waiting for his typical exuberance to make an appearance. All I get is a quick shrug.

  “I guess.” Ollie watches two kids dash to the swings. His heavy sigh holds the weight of a thousand pounds. When those big blue eyes meet mine, I almost crash to my knees.

  “Hey, don’t be sad. I love you, buddy.” I lift his chin, hoping for at least a small grin.

  “Love you, Daddy.” His voice is too flat.

  I need to step up my game. I clear my throat. “So, I was thinking we could stop for ice cream. How’s that sound?”

  A switch flips, and his face lights up. “Really? Before lunch?”

  I exhale, shoving the boulder off my chest. “Yeah, why not? I’ve gotta make things up to you. It’ll be a special treat.”

  “Yes, please! I want two scoops.”

  A chuckle rattles through me. “Don’t forget the sprinkles.”

  Ollie claps and runs circles around me. His happiness soaks into me, and I laugh harder. Mary is right. My son has me wrapped around his pinkie. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  “Let’s hurry so we beat the rush.” I reach for his hand and swing our arms.

  “You’re the best, Daddy.” The megawatt smile is a cherry on top.

  My wrongdoings are forgiven. For now.

  Braelyn

  Sip

  The couch threatens to swallow me whole when I haphazardly plop down. I snuggle deeper into the velvety cushions, giving my permission. Not sure a nap has ever sounded better. A whistle of wind gains momentum, turning tree branches into punishing whips against the window. Shadows streak across the ceiling, and I track the wavy movements. The swirls are hypnotic, lulling me into a state of utter relaxation. Drifting under takes zero effort. I let my eyelids fall, warm tingles spreading through me.

  A harsh nudge against my foot drags me to the surface.

  “Really? You’re sleeping? This is supposed to be girl’s night.”

  I blink up at Sadie, a glow from the lamp surrounding her.

  “Just resting.”

  She passes me a stemless glass. “This’ll help.”

  I take a tentative sip. “Pinot?”

  “Of course.”

  “I knew we were friends for a reason.”

  Sadie laughs. “More than happy to relieve your stress by any means necessary.”

  I give her a small smile. “Thanks, Dee.” I swallow more crisp fruity goodness, my insides already getting warmer. She’s right—getting a slight buzz never hurts. The chaos from this week begins to calm, and I can breathe easier.

  “Better?” She takes another sip of her own.

  A hum vibrates my throat. “Much.”

  “Dinner will be ready soon. Tell me about your week. We didn’t get a chance to chat much.”

  “Well, the shop was busy, which was good.”

  Sadie kicks her feet up onto the coffee table. “Any, uh, dreams?”

  I give her a narrow side-eye. “You don’t have to tiptoe around me. No, I didn’t have any episodes. Not since last Friday.”

  “When the hot guy was there?”
<
br />   Wine dribbles off my lips. “W-what?” I sputter.

  “Come on, Brae. Did you already forget the skinny details you dished out? Did Mister Tall, Broody, and Sexy swing by for round two? There’s no use denying me at this point.”

  I glare at the decorations meticulously lined up on the mantel. “No, he hasn’t been back. Just Ollie and Mary.” My grin returns thinking about that little cutie pie. He’s quickly becoming my favorite customer.

  Sadie snaps her fingers. “Well, that’s a bummer. I was hoping to hear more saucy spice.”

  I shake my head. “He’s all yours, friend.”

  “Uh-huh. Yeah, right.” She doesn’t say more, letting the subject drop. I couldn’t be more thankful.

  A comfortable silence surrounds us again. The quiet doesn’t bother me like it does at my place. Being home alone isn’t my preference for that very reason. There are too many memories and ghosts waiting to strike. Sadie has offered to let me move in here on numerous occasions, but I’d be imposing. Sharing a space with me would drag her down. She doesn’t need to be worrying about me at all hours.

  I swirl the wine in my glass, watching the pale yellow liquid slosh against the sides. A daze blurs the edges of my vision. I don’t fight the pull, letting my mind wander. I allow my heavy lids to slide shut again. A certain arrogant asshole materializes, wearing a smug smirk on his perfectly angular face. Brance crooks a finger and beckons me closer. My imagination is a slave to his demand. I’m very aware that my cheeks are on fire like the rest of me. The room is suddenly scorching. Steam whooshes around me, and I’m positive all systems are misfiring from overheating.

  “What’s on your mind, Brae?”

  I crack an eye open, easing out of my self-induced lust-fest. “Uh, nothing much.”

  Sadie snorts. “Whatever. Spill.”

  “Just work stuff,” I hedge.

  “Since when does Thicket make you blush?”

  Jeez, could I be more obvious? I scratch my temple, inhale more wine, and dig for an explanation.

  “That good, huh?” She giggles into the mouth of her glass.

  I focus on the elegant crown molding of her ceiling, avoiding her stare. Droplets splash at my forehead. I swipe the moisture away. “What was that for?”

  Sadie points at me. “You’re being lame.”

  I mock-gasp. “Me? I didn’t do anything.”

  “Exactly!” She tosses her hands up. “Just spit it out already and let me live vicariously.”

  Realization suddenly hits me. I’m the one with something interesting to discuss for a change. When was the last time that happened? I can’t remember that far back. I rub my nose and glance at Sadie, who motions for me speak.

  “Okay, fine,” I groan. “I might have caught myself thinking about him a time or two.”

  She wiggles her brows. “Thinking or fantasizing?”

  I hide my burning face in a pillow. “Please. I don’t need more embarrassment.”

  She yanks my makeshift shield away. “You deserve this, Brae. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

  “Sadie, I don’t understand what’s going on with me.”

  “Hormones, honey.” She taps my arm.

  I stick my tongue out at her. “Meh, I’m immune to all that pitter-patter nonsense.”

  Sadie rolls her eyes. “Clearly not. You’re reaching the peak of sexuality and need a release. Wake up and smell the man-meat, girlfriend. You’re stuck in limbo, not dead. I bet that guy is fine as hell. I don’t blame you for coming outta hibernation for him.”

  “I’m not a bear,” I mutter.

  “Mating is natural instinct.”

  I slap my knee. “Oh my gosh, are we seriously having this conversation?”

  A bouncy shrug. “You brought it up.”

  She has me there, dammit. I should have kept my big trap shut.

  “Because you practically begged me to,” I counter.

  “You’re welcome.”

  “What would I do without you?”

  She winks. “The real question is, whatcha gonna do about him?”

  “Absolutely nothing.” I make sure my flat tone leaves zero space for compromise.

  Sadie doesn’t look convinced.

  “What if he visits again? Maybe tomorrow,” she coos.

  I widen my eyes. “Lord, I hope not.”

  Verbally sparring with Brance was one thing. Having a mental breakdown in front of him was something else entirely. I can only assume that extreme reaction was due to my heightened emotions. I was roasting mad, opening the gate for panic to squeeze past my awareness. I’d let my guard down and paid dearly for it. Well, to my pride. Brance is the type to never let me live that down. If I see that jackass again, it’ll be a massacre.

  Each time Ollie dashed into Thicket this week, I’d crossed my fingers and toes that Brance wouldn’t be accompanying him. So far, my luck is holding out. But I’m not dropping my shields for a second. My plan is to remain vigilant and on high alert.

  Sadie’s heavy sigh breaks the silence. “Okay, fine. Hottie dad hasn’t been by and you couldn’t care less.” Cue exaggerated eye roll. “What about the boy?”

  My smile is automatic. “I’ve seen Ollie three or four times this week. My candy sales have never been better.”

  “With the nanny?”

  I nod. “Or grandma, whatever title she prefers. I haven’t quite figured out their dynamic.”

  Her forehead wrinkles. “Where’s his mother?”

  “No clue.”

  “You haven’t asked?”

  I gape at her. “That’s not my business.”

  Sadie waves off my words. “That’s a perfectly logical question. They’re regulars so you’ve been chatting. You’re bound to be curious.”

  “That seems too personal.”

  “Guess you’ll never find out,” she mumbles.

  “I don’t know, Dee. I get the feeling his mom isn’t in the picture.”

  She rests her chin on a closed fist. “Oh?”

  I bounce my shoulders up and down. “Ollie never talks about her. Mary’s made a few snide comments about women letting him down. Makes me assume.”

  “Ah, sure. But don’t make an ass outta yourself.”

  “Thanks for the advice.”

  Sadie’s brown eyes sparkle. “Maybe he wants you to take the place of mommy dearest.”

  I cough out a gasp. “Highly doubtful.”

  “He visits your store almost every day.”

  “So? He loves sugar.”

  “He can get that anywhere.”

  I gnaw on my lip, the implications rolling over me. Getting attached will only lead to disappointment and pain. I’d hate to cause Ollie distress of any sort. My throat is too tight, making swallowing a chore.

  I suck on the inside of my cheek. “Kids are creatures of habit, right? Ollie is building a bit of a routine, but it’s only temporary. He’ll move on to the next exciting prize soon.”

  “That sounds made up,” Sadie drones.

  “And how would you know?”

  She twirls a lock of dark hair. “Touché. Do you ever want kids, Brae?”

  I toss my head back and laugh. “Are you high? I can barely take care of myself.”

  “Oh, stop.” Sadie shoves me lightly. “You’re recovering well. Most would crumble and fall under your circumstances.”

  “Three years later and I’m barely hanging on.” I blow out a long breath.

  “Not true. I’ve been by your side and can attest to the opposite. You’re strong and brave and an inspiration.”

  My eyes get hot as I look away. “You’re giving me too much credit.”

  “And you don’t give yourself enough.” Sadie wraps an arm around me.

  Warmth builds in my chest and spreads through me. “Thanks for everything, Dee.”

  “You’re my bestie. This is what we do.”

  I lean further into her. “Well, I really appreciate your support.”

  Roast chicken and baked p
otatoes fill the air. My stomach growls, and I slap a palm over the noise.

  Sadie glances at the clock. “Shouldn’t be much longer. Sorry for the wait.”

  I flick her arm. “Yeah, Dee. Hurry it up. You’re slacking tonight. I mean, you’ve only welcomed me at the door, cooked a meal that smells divine, and served perfectly chilled wine. For real?”

  She snorts. “Brat. I’m trying to be a good host.”

  “You don’t have to try. It comes natural.”

  “If only I could find a man to compliment me the way you do.”

  “Ugh, they complicate everything.”

  “Good point! Who needs them anyway?” She nods to my empty glass. “More wine?”

  “Sure, why not. We’re celebrating.”

  “And what might that be exactly?” Sadie grabs the bottle and pours in a healthy dose.

  I tap my lips. “Being nightmare free for a week.”

  “Oh, that’s a great reason. Don’t forget the sexy man responsible. Complicated or not.”

  “Why in the world would we toast to that surly bastard?”

  “Hate or love, he’s bringing your fire back. You haven’t been this… alive in years.”

  I pretend to ponder that for a moment, but the truth already breathes inside of me. Since Brance crashed into Thicket a week ago, the numbness has lifted. Pieces of me from before the accident and trauma have been slipping into place. It feels good, really great if I’m being totally honest.

  “He’s a thorn in my side,” I mutter.

  Sadie nudges me. “A little pinch never hurt anyone. He’s a worthy distraction. I’m glad he’s keeping your mind occupied elsewhere.”

  “That makes one of us.” I’m such a liar.

  “Thinking of him is just a taste of normal, completely innocent. Getting the juices flowing again.”

  I screw up my face. “I can assure you all my parts are still in fine condition.”

  Sadie giggles. “Humor me.”

  “Fine, he’s a crumb.”

  She frowns, and I roll my eyes. “Okay, a nibble.”

  She gnashes her teeth. “A bite?”

  “Maybe a sip.”

  “Oooh, yeah. That’s hot. Drink him down.” Sadie clicks her glass against mine.