Beautiful Abyss (California Dreamers #3)

by Dakota Madison

  “You’re in love with Roscoe,” I remind her.

  “We have a look but don’t touch policy,” she explains.

  I snap my fingers in front of her face hoping she’ll snap out of whatever trance she seems to be under.

  “Unless you want to cause a riot at the pool I strongly recommend putting on a t-shirt,” she warns. “For your own safety.”

  ***

  It’s nine o’clock on Sunday morning. Other than the teenager seated in the lifeguard’s chair I am the only one at the public pool. Probably because everyone else with half a brain is still in bed.

  After a few minutes of staring at the pool water I see Abby waddling in with her arms full of stuff. I hurry over to her and grab most of the items she’s struggling to carry, leaving her with the baby.

  Panic sets in as I stare at Sadie. She’s a lot smaller than I thought she would be. She has a lot more dark hair on her head than I expect a baby to have, and her dark eyes look huge. They seem to take up half of her face.

  She smiles when she looks at me and babbles. Then she puts her arms out and waves them at me like she wants me to hold her.

  Good thing my hands are filled with Abby’s stuff. The thought of holding her makes me feel like I can’t breathe.

  What if I hold her too tight? What if I drop her? There are way too many things that could go wrong if I touch her.

  “Let’s grab some chairs over there.” Abby points to the corner area with two chairs sharing one large umbrella.

  I pile all of the stuff she gave me next to one of the chairs and take a seat in the other.

  “What is all of this?” I point to the pile.

  Abby laughs. “It’s obvious you don’t have kids. They require a lot of equipment. Especially when they’re babies.”

  She takes the seat next to me and props Sadie up in her lap.

  The baby stares at me and frowns. She’s looking at me so intently it’s freaking me out. It doesn’t help that her eyes are so huge. They’re like a cartoon character’s eyes.

  I notice Sadie is wearing a bathing suit. “Does she actually swim?”

  “I’m teaching her. I learned to swim when I was her age. I was a competitive swimmer in high school. Until I got pregnant.”

  Her voice sounds sad, and that makes me feel sad too. It sounds like a lot of her dreams came to an end with Sadie’s arrival.

  I try to imagine what it would have been like if I had gotten a girl pregnant in high school. It could have easily happened. I wasn’t always as careful as I should have been.

  “Do you mind if I ask you something?”

  “Sure.” She squirts some sunscreen on her palm and rubs it on Sadie’s arms and legs.

  “Where is Sadie’s dad?”

  She swallows and her face looks pained. Maybe it was the wrong question to ask.

  “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

  She shakes her head. “It’s okay. He’s away at school. Yale. His dad’s kind of an asshole, and I didn’t want to deal with him, so I just let him go. Why should both of us give up on our dreams?”

  “He doesn’t pay child support?”

  “He doesn’t work. He doesn’t have a job while he’s going to school, so there’s no income. No income, no child support.”

  “What a douche.”

  When Abby’s eyes grow wide it’s obvious to see where Sadie gets her big eyes from.

  “I shouldn’t have called him that,” I say.

  “Actually he is kind of a douche. But he’s still Sadie’s father.”

  “Does he see her very often?” I’m not sure exactly where Yale is, but I know it’s nowhere close to California.

  “When he’s home for break, he usually visits. He hasn’t really accepted the role of her dad yet. He still wants to be a college kid.”

  There’s that sadness again. Probably because it’s something she’ll never get the chance to be.

  “I never went to college,” I tell her. “I’m lucky I finished high school. No college would probably take me.”

  That makes her smile. “I doubt your grades were that bad.”

  “They were awful,” I assure her.

  “My parents didn’t want me to keep Sadie,” she tells me. “They gave me an ultimatum. If I wanted to continue to live with them, I’d have to surrender Sadie for adoption. If I wanted to keep her I was on my own. Lucky for me my aunt and uncle offered to help. They were never able to have kids of their own, so now they have me and Sadie.”

  “What did you want to do?” I ask. “Before you got pregnant?”

  “I wanted to be a high school math teacher. It was always my favorite subject.”

  “Maybe you can go back to school when Sadie gets a little older,” I offer.

  She bites her bottom lip. “I’ve thought about it. I could also take classes online. I just have to save up some money to pay the tuition.”

  “You shouldn’t give up on your dream completely.”

  Sadie claps her hands in front of me and starts babbling again.

  “Can she talk?”

  “She’s said mama a few times. I’m trying to teach her to call my uncle papa.”

  Sadie seems very excited, or maybe she’s pooping. It’s hard to tell.

  “Do you want to hold her?” Abby offers.

  My body fills with terror. I don’t want to tell Abby no, because she might think I don’t want to get to know Sadie. But I’m scared to death of doing something wrong and hurting her.

  “It’s okay,” Abby says. “I didn’t mean to push her on you.”

  “No…it’s not that. I don’t have any experience with babies. At all. Zero.”

  As Abby carefully places her in my lap every muscle in my body freezes. I’m completely overcome with fear.

  “Are you okay?” Abby asks.

  “Sure. Why?”

  “You turned as white as a ghost.”

  “I’m a little nervous.” It’s a small lie. I’ve actually never felt this terrified in my life. Not even when I was making the final play to win the state high school football championship.

  “She seems to like you,” Abby assures me.

  When I glance down at Sadie she’s smiling at me. Abby hands me a round plastic ring that sounds like a rattle. As soon as I give it to Sadie she sticks it in her mouth.

  “She’s teething,” Abby tells me.

  I can’t stop thinking about the asshole who got her pregnant. He’s away at college, probably partying and hooking up with other girls, while Abby’s struggling to support their child.

  “Sadie deserves to have a real father,” I say as I watch her gnaw on the teething ring.

  Abby heaves a sigh. “It probably won’t be Dex.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “After he graduates, he plans to go to law school. Harvard or Yale, if he can get in. By the time he’s finished with law school, Sadie will be six. That’s a long time to go without having your dad around.”

  “I know. I’ve never actually met my biological father. I was raised by my step-dad.”

  “How does that make you feel?” she asks.

  I shrug. “I guess I don’t really think about it. If he wanted anything to do with me he would have found me.”

  “My aunt and uncle are like surrogate grandparents so at least she has one positive male figure in her life on a consistent basis.”

  “She’s a cute kid.” She’s still got a huge smile on her face as she looks at me.

  “For the most part she’s a good baby. I guess I got lucky in that regard. I don’t regret having her. I guess I would have liked to have her ten years from now instead of right now.”

  “I had an audition for a new television series,” I tell her. “The role was made for me.”

  When Abby smiles her face lights up almost as bright as the sun. “That’s fantastic. What’s the part?”

  “The older brother of the main character. He’s supposed to be a few years out of high s
chool. A former football jock. Hasn’t quite got his shi—I mean—act together yet.”

  “You do have to be careful with the curse words around Sadie. She’s definitely learning to talk.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  “So when do you find out about the part?”

  I shrug. “They told me soon. But who knows? The way the business works, it could be tomorrow, or they could never talk to me again.”

  “I hope you get it.”

  “I do too.”

  “So do you want to swim? Before the pool gets too crowded?”

  Except for the lifeguard, we’re still the only ones there. “Sure.”

  “If you could hold Sadie for another minute while I take off my shorts and t-shirt...”

  My eyes go wide just thinking about what’s going on underneath those clothes of hers.

  “I’ve got on my swimsuit underneath,” she teases.

  And what a swimsuit it is. The girl may have had a baby, but she still looks sexy as hell in her little bikini. It takes me several moments before I realize that my mouth has popped open.

  “You’re one hot mamma,” I tell her.

  “Thanks.” She furrows her brow. “I think.”

  “It’s definitely a compliment,” I assure her.

  When she takes Sadie from me I quickly remove my t-shirt.

  My heart sinks when I look at Abby’s face. It’s definitely not the reaction I was expecting. She looks like she wants to cry.

  “I know I haven’t worked out in a while,” I tell her. “But I didn’t think my body looked that bad.”

  She’s blinking back tears. “You look great.”

  “So what’s the problem?” I ask.

  “That is the problem.”

  I know I’m not the sharpest knife in the shed, but I have no idea what she’s trying to tell me. “Please don’t cry. Do you want me to put my shirt back on?”

  I have no idea what else to do.

  She shakes her head. “Let’s just get Sadie into the pool.”

  “Okay.”

  I’m still extremely confused, and Abby doesn’t look happy, but I do as she asks. She puts a little lifejacket on Sadie, a pair of baby sunglasses, and a floppy hat. She looks like she’s ready for a fishing trip. All she needs is a baby fishing pole.

  I wonder if they make those. They seem to have everything else in a baby size.

  I join Abby as she takes Sadie over to a small kiddie pool a few feet away from the larger one.

  The kiddie pool is shallow and the water is a little too warm, but Sadie seems to love it. She’s splashing as Abby glides her around in the water.

  Abby is very quiet. I’m not sure if I should mention what happened when I took my shirt off. But she got so upset and it’s still bothering me.

  I need to know if I did something to offend her and didn’t even realize it. That’s definitely happened more than a few times in the past.

  I watch as Abby plays in the water with Sadie. She seems like a really good mom. I wonder how she learned to take care of a baby at such a young age.

  When the kiddie pool starts to fill up with other kids Abby says, “We’d better get going. I have to be at work in a couple of hours.”

  I help her get Sadie out of the pool and we head back over to our seats.

  “Do you mind watching my stuff while I change her?” Abby asks. “I’ll just be a minute. I want to get her out of her wet stuff for the ride home.”

  “Sure,” I tell her. “No problem.”

  She grabs a small tote bag and takes Sadie with her as she heads towards the restrooms.

  The pool is really starting to fill up now, so it’s probably a good time to leave. I’m not a big fan of crowds, and this place has the potential to get really crowded.

  Three girls in bikinis who look like college students walk by me a little too closely. I notice one of them eyeball me.

  She’s a hot blonde with a body that probably cost her daddy a lot of money.

  Before I met Abby I would have had her back at my place within an hour, but now I’m not interested.

  I only want to be with Abby.

  The hot blonde stops and turns towards me. “Can we sit with you?”

  “I’m with someone.” I point to Abby’s large pool bag.

  “That’s too bad.”

  “My girlfriend,” I add.

  “Lucky girl.”

  I feel like I’m the lucky one when I’m with her. And she’s not actually my girlfriend. But I want the blonde to go somewhere that’s not here.

  “Have fun,” the blonde gives me a wave before she and her friends head to the other side of the pool.

  “Who was that?” Abby asks when she returns with Sadie.

  The baby is now dressed in the tiniest shorts and t-shirt I’ve ever seen. I didn’t realize they made clothes that small. But then what would babies wear if they didn’t?

  “Those girls wanted to sit here. I told them the seat was for my girlfriend.”

  When Abby’s face turns red I wonder if I made a huge mistake calling her my girlfriend.

  “I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.” I can’t tell by the look on Abby’s face whether she’s upset or not.

  “I just wanted them to leave,” I tell her. “I’m sorry.”

  She takes her seat and places Sadie on her lap. “We’ve only been on one date. I’m not your girlfriend.”

  “Two dates,” I correct.

  “You consider this a date?”

  “Yup.”

  She heaves a sigh. “Fine. Two dates.” When her eyes meet mine she looks so sad it stabs at my heart. “Do you want to know why I got so upset when you took off your shirt?”

  “Definitely.”

  “Because you’re gorgeous.”

  I frown. “That’s a bad thing?”

  “You can have your pick of girls. There’s no reason for you to pick me.”

  “Yes there is. I don’t want any other girl, Abby. I want you.”

  “I honestly thought if I had you meet Sadie it would scare you away for good.”

  “It takes a lot to scare me,” I tell her.

  “You really still want to go out with me?” Finally there’s that spark of sunlight in her eyes again.

  “I really do,” I assure her.

  “I’ll have to see if my aunt and uncle can babysit for me. And you’ll probably have to go through an interview with my uncle. He’s a little overprotective now that I have Sadie.”

  “It’s okay,” I tell her.

  “It may be more trouble than it’s worth,” she warns.

  The light has gone out of her eyes again and I want to get it back. “Do you think it will be more trouble than it’s worth?”

  She shakes her head. “That’s not what I meant. I meant for you. I definitely want to go out with you again.”

  “Good.”

  When she stands I rise as well. I grab all of her bags. “I’ll carry them to your car.”

  ‘’Thanks.”

  As we’re heading to the parking lot my phone buzzes. I’ve got a text.

  “Do you need to check your phone?” she asks. “I can take one of the bags.”

  I shake my head. “I’ll check it when we get to your car.”

  She drives an older model Audi. It’s definitely got some mileage on it, but it seems to be in good condition.

  “It’s my aunt’s car,” she tells me. “She lets me borrow it.”

  We pile all of Abby’s things into the car and load Sadie into her baby seat.

  “Your phone,” she reminds me.

  “Right.” I pull my cell from my pocket. It’s a text from the bank. My payment for the commercial was deposited.

  Abby is looking at me expectantly. “A girl?”

  I shake my head. Why would she ask that? “I’m not dating anyone else.”

  “Okay,” she says quietly, but she doesn’t sound convinced.

  I place my hand on her cheek. Her face is warm from be
ing out in the sun. “I don’t want to see anyone but you.”

  She swallows. Then she looks up at me through her long lashes. All I can think about is kissing her again.

  “Is it okay to kiss you?” I ask.

  “You’ve kissed me before,” she replies.

  “I mean in front of the baby,” I clarify.

  She laughs. “Of course.”

  Then she places a kiss on my cheek. It’s not even close to being enough. When my lips touch hers I feel like I want to devour her. But we’re in a parking lot, and Sadie is staring at us, so I think it’s best to keep it to a PG-rated kiss.

  “Where do you want me to take you?” I whisper in her ear. “On our next date.”

  Now that I have money in the bank, I can take her wherever she wants to go.

  “A movie?” she asks. “And dinner?”

  “A movie and dinner it is.”

  She glances around the parking lot. “Where are you parked?”

  I deflate a bit. I was hoping she wasn’t going to ask that question. “Don’t laugh.”

  Her brow furrows. “I’m not going to make any promises I can’t keep.”

  “I’m still a struggling actor,” I remind her.

  “Where’s your car?” she pushes.

  “It’s not a car exactly,” I tell her. “Most of the time I try to walk to places if I can. If I have to go somewhere that’s further than I can walk, I take that.”

  I point to my very old, very ugly moped.

  Her eyes go wide. “You ride a moped?”

  “I do.”

  That’s when she goes hysterical laughing. Not a giggle either. A big belly laugh.

  “I know it’s not sexy, but it’s what I could afford. I bought it used for less than three hundred dollars. It’s great on gas and it gets me around.”

  She bites her bottom lip in an effort to control her laughter. “I’m sorry. It’s just…you’re a big guy. It’s not what I was expecting.”

  “I can borrow a car from Nellie or Roscoe for our date,” I tell her. “You don’t have to ride on the back of my moped.”

  “Can I meet them?” she asks shyly. “Maybe you could take me back to your place after our date?”

  For what could be the first time in my life I actually wasn’t thinking about getting a girl into my bed, and she’s the one who brought it up. How weird is that?

  Then I immediately wonder if she can have sex. I mean after having a baby. I have no idea what goes on down there after the baby comes out. Is that even something that’s okay to ask?