Defining Us: The Calvin & Eric Story (69 Bottles)

by Derrick, Zoey

  “Why are you doing this?” Doctor V asks Calvin.

  “For Eric and for myself.” His voice is stoic, but hearing my name, even in his subconscious state of mind sends a thrill through me.

  “Tell me, Calvin, what is it that you want to forget?”

  “The institute, the training they put me through.” Again his voice is almost mechanical, it’s strange, but I know it’s working. “The rapes, the fears, the worries and social stigmas of being gay.”

  My heart breaks listening to Calvin as he spells out the details of much of his past. But I get why he’s doing it. Doctor V is trying to take those memories of Calvin away from him. He puts more emphasis on the physical and mental response that he has to things related to being gay and what they mean. Calvin’s responses are sometimes revulsion until Doctor V or Morris step in and help him deal with it, pulling it from him, extracting his need to feel those things.

  The longer Calvin is under, the calmer, more relaxed and complacent he becomes, the progress is staggering until I hear the words that follow. “Calvin, Doctor Morris is going to count to thirty and when you wake up, you will have no memory of the things you watched while in the institute, no memory of what happens when you think gay thoughts, no memory…” Doc V continues on for a few more minutes before switching places with Doctor Morris.

  “One, two, three…”

  “I think he’ll be pretty good when he’s done. I cannot promise to have taken it all away, but I do hope that it’s enough that you two can try again.” Doctor V’s hand comes to my shoulder. “He really does love you.” I look up to him and he smiles. “You’re good for him. Despite what you might think when it comes to his triggers and his episodes, you’re always what brings him out of them. Even in a subconscious state of mind. That, my friend, speaks volumes about what you mean to him.”

  “Twenty-six, twenty-seven,” Doctor Morris continues counting.

  “Thank you, Doc,” I whisper.

  “Bring him in, in about a week. I want to talk to him, see how he’s doing. And by the way, I drove him here today. He wanted to go home with you.”

  I smile, “Thirty.”

  All of sudden Calvin’s hand squeezes mine as he wakes up. I look at him to judge how he’s doing. “Hi,” he breathes.

  I fight back the happiest tears as I smile at him. “Hi,” I breathe back.

  He comes up quickly, planting his lips over mine, and the kiss is desperate. I don’t have a chance to figure out if it’s desperation for me or something else before he pulls back with a gasp.

  “What’s wrong?” Doctor Morris asks quickly.

  Calvin shakes his head. “Nothing.” I watch as he swallows. “Nothing is wrong, nothing.” His eyes dart to mine and the biggest brightest smile you can possibly imagine spreads across his lips. “Well, not nothing.” He winks at me and his eyes dart quickly toward his feet and then back to looking at Doctor Morris.

  My eyes trail down his body, and I snort. “Well, okay then,” I murmur. He’s hard and I can see the outline through his jeans. I smirk in approval.

  WE stuck around the office for a little bit while the two doctors traded off asking Calvin questions, but eventually I grew impatient and so did Cal. He was eager to get out of there and I had to agree with him, I was too.

  Once we are finally in the car, I am doing my best to drive, but Calvin has other ideas.

  “How long until we get to your place?” he asks as soon as we get in the car.

  “I don’t know,” I laugh. “That’s going to depend on traffic.”

  “Well, step on it.”

  I look over at him and ask him, seriously, “It really worked, huh?”

  “I think so, but the only way to know for sure is to get home so that I can attack you.”

  I laugh. “We could get a hotel room?” I tease. “There’s a few places not far from here.”

  “Don’t tempt me,” he teases as I pull out of the garage.

  The drive back to my place is pure torture, no thanks to Calvin. He doesn’t leave me alone. Well okay, he’s not torturing me on purpose, but he is definitely having a hard time keeping his hands to himself. The sexual tension between us grows hot and heavy and the closer we get to my house, the harder it falls over us and I can’t wait to fucking get home.

  When we finally pull into my parking lot, Cal is all but bouncing in his seat. I can’t help but smile and chuckle a little bit. “You’re wound up,” I tell him.

  He gives me a serious look as soon as I pull into a parking spot. “Make-up sex.”

  Those three little words have me throwing the car in park and ripping the keys from the ignition as quick as I can manage. “Well then, let’s go.”

  I climb out of the car and he follows me as I start toward my building. “Hey,” he says, stopping me in my tracks and he puts his hand in mine. “That’s better.” He smiles.

  “I think I’m going to like this new you.” I say with a grin.

  “God, I hope so,” he replies.

  “Hey, you do understand that I was honest to god scared to death that night. I never realized the depth of the depravity that you were dealing with until that night. It was quite possibly the scariest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life and I didn’t know how to deal with it.”

  “Eric?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Shut up, it’s in the past, I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Neither one of us handled it very well and we’ve both suffered enough for it. So, I’d honest to god, like to move on and move forward.”

  I smile at him. “Alright. That I can do.” I hold open the door of my building for him and he steps inside, never letting go of my hand as we walk toward the elevator and while we wait. I am desperate to kiss him, and I want to, but I’m afraid of pushing it. He took the initiative to take my hand, and until he kisses me in front of true strangers, I have no desire to test unfamiliar waters anymore. “Shit,” I say as the elevator arrives.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks.

  “I, um, I don’t have any more condoms,” I murmur as we step inside the elevator.

  He presses me against the back wall, my cock grows hard instantly as his hand grazes over me in the lightest of touches. “I’m clean,” he breathes. “I know it’s not ideal but it’s fine if you don’t have any.”

  I smile. “I am too and well, it has to be, otherwise we have to go get some.” He shakes his head. “Well, okay then.”

  He presses his lips to mine as we ride up in the elevator and I wrap my arms around him, desperately pressing him against my body. I feel like I can’t get close enough to him and it takes every ounce of willpower to not strip him naked in the elevator.

  Luckily, the elevator is quick and we pull back as my floor chimes, but he doesn’t go far. In fact, he walks backwards and I forward, without releasing me, or me releasing him. It’s awkward but it makes me smile none the less. When we reach my door, I put the key in the lock and open it.

  I chuckle when he grabs me by the collar of my shirt and pulls me inside my apartment. “Come here,” he says as he pulls me down for yet another kiss and I kick my apartment door closed behind us. As soon as he hears it click shut, he’s practically ripping my shirt from my body and I pull back, giving him the moment he needs to toss my shirt aside.

  I waste no time and pull his up and off of him as I push him backward, down the hall toward my bedroom. We’re both smiling and laughing until I press him against the end of the hallway wall and drop to my knees.

  “Oh god,” he groans as I rip open his jeans and pull them down swiftly. His cock springs free and my hand grasps on to it. I waste no time wrapping my lips around him and sucking him down.

  His hand slides into my hair, pulling off the tie so that he can fist it in his hand and I shiver. Leaning back, I release his cock from my hand and pull my own jeans open and finally free my throbbing erection and grip it in my hand.

  Pleasure soars within me as I suck his cock into my mouth and stroke my ow
n in time with my mouth.

  After a few heartbeats and teasing licks of his cock, his hands come out of my hair and he takes his cock from me, fisting it in his hand as he strokes it for me, pushing out that little drop of pre-cum for me to take onto my tongue. Once it’s there, he pulls back completely and leans down, kissing me, tasting himself on my tongue and he moans into my mouth. He pulls back and sidesteps me. Stepping into my bedroom, he forces me to watch his ass walk away, kicking off one shoe then the other, then finally kicking off his pants.

  He climbs up on my bed, and I expect him to lie down, but he doesn’t. He crawls into a facedown ass up position and a sliver of fear creeps into me. “Cal, I can’t-”

  “Yes, you can. This is the only way I am truly going to know if this worked.”

  “But what if something happens?” He climbs off of the bed and comes to kneel in front of me.

  “If I trigger, walk out of the room.”

  “Cal, I can’t do that.” He brings his finger to my lips, silencing me.

  “You can and you will. Nothing will hurt me in here. Let me work through it on my own. Walk out of the room, promise me?”

  I reluctantly agree and he lowers his mouth down to my cock and he sucks me in, literally to the hilt before coming back up, leaving a nice coat of wetness before he stands back up and crawls back up on the bed.

  Fuck it. I’ll never know if I can do this either if I don’t throw caution to the wind and take him the way he needs me to. At least if he triggers, I’ll know what to expect and maybe I’ll be able to walk away, or maybe not.

  I walk up behind him, spreading his cheeks and placing my tongue right along his tight entrance. He moans for me and my cock jumps. The cool of my apartment is sending tiny waves of pleasure across my wet cock. I press my tongue inside, rimming him; he moans and writhes beneath me and I know I’ve found a sweet spot for him.

  I pull back, replacing my tongue with a wet finger and I push inside him. He tenses briefly but then relaxes and I push in and pull back out repeatedly before licking my other finger and adding it to the first. Stretching him. I lick my palm and take my cock in my hand as I very awkwardly shed my shoes and push my jeans from my legs.

  I lick my palm again, getting it wetter. I pull my hand free of him and he groans in disappointment before I climb up on the bed. His legs are spread wide for me to fit between them and I cup some saliva in my hand before rubbing it over him. It’s not lube, but it will do the trick. I hesitate, remembering the last time I pressed my head inside, but he groans at the loss when I pull my hand away. Here goes.

  I take a deep breath, pressing the head of my cock gently against him. He groans with pleasure and relaxes as I press into him a little farther. His body is completely relaxed. No tension, no worry. I push in a little farther until my crown breaks through that barrier and he tenses, but then quickly relaxes. “Oh god,” he moans out. “Don’t stop,” he encourages and I breathe a sigh of relief.

  ASKING Eric to repeat what triggered me last time is a huge step for him. For some reason, I didn’t feel any twinges of anything when I asked him to do it, no recollection of what happened to me. Though the memory is still there, it feels like nothing but a memory.

  I feel him press farther into me. There is a slight shock of pain, but he pushes deeper, then pulls himself back and pushes in again until I feel him inside me. Taking me, consuming me.

  “Ahh,” I cry out when I feel his pelvis press against me. He stills, giving me a moment to adjust and it is uncomfortable but the pleasure I know he is about to bring is enough for me to grab hold of my cock. I stroke it gently as he pulls back out of me, then pushes back in. “Ahh fuck,” I cry out as the pleasure rips through me in waves.

  His pace is maddeningly slow and I want him to speed up, but I don’t want to rush him either, so I settle into his slower pace. Pushing and pulling my hips in tune with him. The pleasure sparks white hot and I can’t hold back the string of groans that rip from my throat as he finally starts to pick up the pace.

  “Fuck,” he grunts as he takes my hips in his hands, squeezing me tight, helping to guide me along his cock as I stroke my own. Getting an idea, I reach back for one of his hands. I take it and bring it around to take hold of my cock and while balancing myself, I reach with the other hand for his, bringing him down with me.

  “Move your right leg, outside of mine.”

  “Huh?” His voice is heavy with the same lust I feel but he pulls his brain cells together and moves his leg.

  “Now the other one,” I tell him and he does, putting my legs between his. I stretch out on to the bed, bringing my hips down closer to the bed, but still leaving room for him to stroke my cock.

  “Oh god,” he moans and I feel him pull back and push in, harder than he was before and the pleasure that roars through me has my eyes fluttering up and my toes curling. I take his other hand and urge him to put it down on the bed and he does. Giving me something to ground myself on and I grip his wrist as I start to slide up and down his cock. His thrusting in is more urgent, more pleasurable and his pulling out is harder and faster. His hand keeps time with his strokes but I can tell his balance is off so I replace his hand and he balances out.

  His thrusting increases, slamming harder into me and I moan, releasing my own cock. I steady myself, changing the angle once again and pleasure explodes.

  He is literally slamming into me. His free hand digs into the flesh of my ass cheek, holding me hard and tight as he slams in and out of me. “Oh fuck,” he cries out.

  “Come for me, Eric, please?” I beg. I need his release. I want his release to send me over the edge.

  All walls shattered, all barriers broken. No condom means he’s going to pour into me and I shudder, my orgasm explodes from me and his follows. I feel his hot spurts pouring into me and his crying out of my name nearly tips the scales for me again. “I love you,” I cry out as my orgasm finds the other side of the cliff.

  His head rests between my shoulder blades, his breathing is shallow and rapid, matching mine. I feel him pulling himself from me. “No, stop,” I tell him.

  “What?”

  I shake my head. “Don’t pull out, please. Stay with me,” I breathe and he returns to resting his head against my back. “I love you too, Calvin. I always have, I always will,” he breathes and the warmth of his breath caresses me, warming not only my back, but my heart and quieting my mind.

  I didn’t throw up that day, and I haven’t any day since then. Though there have been a few minor things that have triggered little episodes, they pass quickly and sometimes without even Eric noticing. Being with him has brought me the greatest joy, and being with him, free of my demons is better than anything I could have ever asked for.

  Deciding we wanted our own place, together, after only a month, seemed heady and weird at first, but then I realized that this relationship has been ten years in the making, so why not. I’m putting my condo on the market and Eric has broken his lease. Though it was nearly up anyway. He and I were the first of the band to move to Los Angeles back in the day. It was where I wanted to go, and looking back on it now, Eric just naturally followed me out here. I bought while he leased. It’s working out in our favor now.

  We found a great house, along the beach, not too far up from Malcolm’s. A place we frequent often. We’ve even brought the rest of the gang there and had a blast. I think Addison and Raine are working their magic to give Malcolm what he wants, which is a private 69 Bottles event.

  Jessica has become a regular presence in our life. After the stunt I pulled in the dressing room, she surreptitiously passed me her number before the show and while I never used it, it was nice to have that connection to Eric if I needed it while we were separated.

  Tonight the entire gang is coming over for a house warming party. The sun is setting low on the horizon, but our uninhibited view is enough to make anyone the happiest person in the world. Eric comes out on the patio where I am and wraps his arms around me as we watch
the sunset together while we wait for our friends. “I love you,” he whispers in my ear and I smile, leaning my head back against his shoulder.

  “I love you too.” I turn in his arms, wrapping mine around his neck and bringing him to me, slanting my lips over his in a warm, promising kiss.

  My phone ringing in the house interrupts us. “Ignore it,” he growls.

  “It could be one of our friends.” I release him and he reluctantly lets me go and I dart into the house, answering it before I even look at the number. “Yeah?” I answer. A habit I picked up from Eric.

  “Calvin?” A woman’s voice comes over the line, she sounds frail and upset.

  “Yes,” I say with hesitation before I pull the phone back from my ear to look at the number and there it is, the area code I’d hoped to never see on my phone again. “What do you want?” I snap.

  “My name is Mary-Beth Pickens, I’m a friend of your father’s.”

  “I remember your voicemail. What can I do for you, Mary-Beth?” I ask and now Eric is standing in my line of sight and he’s fuming. I understand why he would be, everything between us finally balances out and now this.

  “You’re father passed away tonight, Calvin, I’m so sorry.”

  The words slide over me and I sit down in the chair behind me and Eric comes over, taking the phone from my hands. “What’s going on, Mary-Beth?”

  I can no longer hear the other side of the conversation. “This is Eric, have arrangements been made?” There’s a pause while he listens. “Alright, we’ll be in touch. Thank you,” Eric says before hanging up the phone and setting it on the table a little too roughly.

  “CAL?” I ask again.

  “Yeah?” he says when he finally snaps out of his daze.

  “I’m going to go call everyone and tell them not to come.”

  “No, don’t, please?” he asks. “We’ve been planning this for a couple weeks and I’m alright, I just need a minute.”