Second Opinion

by Suzanne, Lisa

  It was torture seeing the pain she was enduring. I would gladly have taken on her pain as my own, but I couldn’t.

  And when Helene Carter was laid in her final resting place on yet another rainy day, I held Rachelle’s hand and wiped her tears away, knowing while the worst was over, she had a long road of grief ahead of her. Her life would never be the same, but I would do everything I could to make her smile again.

  It was three days after the funeral when I first saw a glimmer of the smile I’d fallen so hard for. We’d just finished a day of cleaning out closets and dusting off old memories, and we headed to my place, a place devoid of everything that reminded her of her loss. I lived in a small apartment by myself. It was convenient and close to work.

  “I have a joke,” I said.

  She looked over at me. She was always the beautiful girl I had fallen in love with, but dark circles shadowed her eyes. She looked worn-out and run down.

  “What do you call a stick?”

  She shrugged, not into my joke at all.

  “Fuck!” I said. “I messed up the joke!”

  The tiniest smile tipped up the corner of her mouth. “Start over.”

  “What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?”

  “A stick?”

  I chuckled, and I saw her chuckle, too.

  “That’s really stupid,” she said, but that tiny smile still lit her face.

  “I know. But it did the trick.”

  “Grant, thank you for being here for me this week,” she said, wrapping her arms around my waist and tucking her head under my chin. “I couldn’t have done this without you.”

  I didn’t know how to reply, so I just tightened my arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

  CHAPTER 20

  PRESENT TIME

  I must’ve driven in circles for hours. The Loop 202 freeway literally made a giant loop with the help of another highway, so I just kept driving.

  In circles.

  Like a goddamn crazy person.

  But I couldn’t stop.

  I didn’t know where to go. I didn’t know what to do.

  Someone once told me the dictionary definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results.

  I looked it up. It’s not true.

  But if it was true, I’d be insane.

  For starters, seeing Rachelle would only end one way. It always ended the same way.

  Yet I wanted to see her.

  There was really only one thing I was certain of: I was fucking tired of driving in circles.

  I looked at the time on my clock in my car. It was a little after three in the morning. I still hadn’t responded to Rachelle or to Avery.

  I was afraid to look at my phone. I wasn’t sure what sort of jeopardy I’d placed my fledgling relationship with Avery in. I was fully aware I hadn’t made the right decision. Driving in silence for more than three hours with nothing but my thoughts on repeat gave me plenty of time to consider what I had done. It also gave me plenty of time to consider what I was going to do.

  But, perhaps worst of all, it gave me plenty of time to remember everything about my past, most especially why Rachelle had been placed on that unmovable pedestal so many years earlier. There wasn’t any one thing. Our relationship had been easy from the start of it. We worked naturally together. We rarely argued; we never fought. We just enjoyed spending time together.

  In fact, as I look back on my college years, I fondly remember two things: playing ball and dating Rachelle.

  CHAPTER 21

  TWELVE YEARS EARLIER

  I could not have been more excited that Rachelle had stayed at Arizona State University to continue her education after she finished her undergraduate work. It meant we wouldn’t need to stop living in the perfect dream world we’d been in since the night we both lovingly referred to as the Captain Morgan Confessional.

  We were hanging out at her apartment on one of those perfect nights where we sat across from each other at the table. She was studying for a test. I was studying her.

  Rachelle had charts and graphs spread before her, and I couldn’t help but stare at her as she worked. Her nose crinkled in concentration as her brows knit together. She tucked some hair behind her ear, and a few seconds later, it slipped forward again. The tip of her pinky finger made its way between her lips. She sucked absentmindedly on her fingernail.

  Watching her lips around her finger was erotic and sensual. She didn’t mean for it to be, but seeing her lips wrapped around anything at all tended to shift things around in my pants.

  She was hardworking and kind and passionate, and I knew someday I was going to marry her. Someday she would be my wife, and we would raise a family together. We would smile together in the good times, and I would hold her hand in mine during the bad.

  Staring at her as she studied her graphs confirmed for me what I’d always known.

  People liked to talk about how much work relationships were. What Rachelle and I shared had never really been “work.” We had far more ups than downs. Being together came easy to us even though it had taken some time for us to actually get together. But after the Captain Morgan Confessional, we’d fallen into a pretty easy relationship. We spent all of our free time together, even though free time was severely limited between baseball practice and classes. We ate meals together. We didn’t technically live together, but I was almost always at her place, and if I wasn’t, she was at mine.

  We had fun together. Whether we were watching a movie, attending a concert, or just sitting in the grass in the middle of campus, we were always smiling.

  And more importantly, we were always touching.

  Her hand found my thigh. Our fingers intertwined. My arm slung around her shoulders. Our lips met. Sometimes we just sat close enough that our shoulders brushed. Whatever the case, we were affectionate with each other, and neither of us cared who saw.

  Our relationship was fairly new still. We’d only been together for about a year, but it had taken less than a full month before I was convinced she was the woman I’d marry someday. She was the woman I wanted to spend my life loving.

  One of the things I loved most about her was how understanding she was. She understood the majority of my time was taken up with ball, and she attended every single game she could.

  And when I stood in my position between second and third base and spotted her standing along the fence, the adrenaline that kicked through my system had more to do with her than with the game.

  She helped me focus. She helped me relax. But more than anything, she helped me just to be me.

  And the sex?

  She was adventurous. She was exciting. She was different from any other woman I’d been with. The others had simply been girls compared to her.

  She glanced up at me. Her eyes met mine, and her lips tipped up in a small smile. She lifted her arms above her head and stretched, and I couldn’t help it when my eyes automatically flickered down to her breasts.

  She rolled her eyes at me. “Perv,” she muttered.

  I grinned. “How’s studying coming along?”

  She shrugged. “These health care laws are killing me.”

  “If you need a sex break, I’m your guy.”

  She giggled. “Thanks for the offer.”

  “You’re passing?” I asked.

  “For now.”

  “Do you need me to take off my shirt?”

  She shook her head. “You better not. If you do, I’ll just want to lick those perfect abs of yours and I’ll never pass my test tomorrow.”

  “Well if you need me to take off my shirt, you just say the word.”

  “Got it.”

  She grinned at me before returning to her graphs and charts, and I couldn’t help but think how it was just one more of those little things that made our relationship perfect.

  We were always there for each other, whether it was for a quick laugh or a serious conversation. She had become my best frie
nd, my only friend, really, outside of the baseball team. I just didn’t have much time to dedicate elsewhere, and honestly I didn’t want to. I loved my life exactly how it was, and I was fully convinced after only a year together that we would make it forever.

  CHAPTER 22

  PRESENT TIME

  I finally got off at my exit. It was stupid to drive in circles, and besides, I was almost out of gas. I’d go home and fill up in the morning.

  As I pulled into my garage, the exhaustion finally hit me. It had been a long night. I’d had a few beers, my body had been prepared to ravage Avery for the night, and then I’d ditched her for a near-mental breakdown.

  I cut the engine and hit the garage button, and then I finally picked up my cell phone.

  The damage was pretty brutal.

  I didn’t have any new messages from Rachelle, but I didn’t really expect to.

  I did, however, have a few from Avery, plus a couple of missed calls.

  The first one made me feel like a dick. Where did you go? Hope everything is okay. She had been concerned about me while I was the asshole who ran away without an explanation.

  The second one had me a little anxious about what I’d done to her: Can you just text me to let me know everything is okay? I’m getting worried.

  I’d put her through something unnecessary because I’d been too foolish to let her in on what was happening with me.

  Her final text clawed at my heart. What happened? Please just let me know you’re okay when you get this. Are we over?

  Rachelle’s text threw me for a loop, and I wasn’t sure how to respond to her. It was the same argument I’d had in my mind over and over throughout the night.

  It was stupid to see her, but I wanted to see her.

  She’d made mistakes, and the last time I’d seen her had ripped me apart, had fucked me up forever. But maybe this was my chance to finally find out why she’d done what she’d done to me.

  My loop driving had definitely shown me one thing, and Avery’s final text to me had confirmed my thoughts. It wasn’t right to see Rachelle again at the expense of what I was starting with Avery.

  But just because it wasn’t right didn’t mean I wasn’t going to do it anyway.

  I couldn’t write Rachelle back yet. I still wasn’t sure what I was doing where she was concerned. But I could write Avery back. I could let her know I was fine, that I was just working through something and I needed some time.

  That’s what I should have done.

  Instead, I stuck my phone in my pocket as I exited my car and strode through my house to my bed.

  CHAPTER 23

  FOUR YEARS EARLIER

  It was our last night together.

  I wasn’t sure where our week together had gone, but we sat at dinner, knowing whatever happened, things would be different twenty-four hours later.

  As we dined in Rachelle’s favorite restaurant, though, I had literally no concept of just exactly how much my world was about to change.

  I had no way of knowing the heartbreak I’d endured for the previous three years had nothing on what I was about to go through.

  Everything that had brought us together as a couple replayed in my mind. All of the reasons I had loved her came rushing back to me in the week we’d been back together. And I was positive we were going to find our way again.

  She had her life in Riverside, and I had mine in Phoenix.

  But it didn’t matter. I’d give up my life in Phoenix in a heartbeat if it meant I had the chance to be with her again.

  Especially after everything that had happened during our one reunited week.

  I’d fallen in love with her again.

  Well, that wasn’t exactly true. I’d never stopped loving her.

  But I was confident we had managed to get back to the exact place where we’d left off. Now that I knew she had simply been young and scared, I could forgive her. I could move forward with her.

  I hadn’t told her yet, but I’d already put in a call to a realtor. I’d started researching jobs in Riverside. I’d find something.

  I was even starting to like giraffes again. Rachelle wore a necklace with a diamond giraffe on it almost all the time. I felt it under my tongue when my lips slid down her neck toward her breasts. Giraffes had started to symbolize new beginnings to me, and I thought lovingly of the birthing video of the baby giraffe. That adorable little creature had been able to stand up on all fours just seconds after it had been born. That took real talent.

  She took a sip of her wine. I always loved watching her lips, but never more than when she licked off the excess wine left behind.

  I reviewed our week in my mind. The majority of our time together had been spent in bed, but it didn’t lessen the bond we shared. We talked and laughed and shared bits of our lives. I saw two separate lives starting to merge into one shared path again.

  I couldn’t have been more excited at the prospect.

  I was thrilled I had a second chance with her, and this time would be different. This time, we would communicate.

  I was more certain than ever the mistakes of our past were easily blamed on youth. But now we had lived out some more of our lives, and we saw what it was like to live those lives apart. Now we were in a place where we understood how tough the simple passage of time could be.

  Now that she was back in my life, I wasn’t going to let her go.

  I couldn’t.

  But it was her last night in Phoenix, and the next morning she’d be getting on a plane to head back to Riverside.

  So I had to make the most of our night, and I started it with dinner at Vesuvio’s, her favorite Italian restaurant.

  We’d end with dessert.

  In my bed.

  With me on top of her and inside of her and covering her body with mine.

  “Can we have the talk yet?” I asked.

  She set her fork down and took a sip of her wine. She looked me squarely in the eye. “Why?”

  I sighed. “Because I want to know before you go where we stand.”

  “Then let’s talk in the morning.”

  A rocket of fear shot through me. It must have shown on my face, because her eyes softened.

  “If you already know how this is going to end, just tell me.” My voice was flat. I hid my emotions well, something I’d learned from the explosion the very woman in front of me had caused.

  She glanced away from me, her eyes squinting. “What if I told you I’m not sure yet?”

  “How can you not be sure?”

  She shrugged, her eyes meeting mine once again.

  It didn’t seem possible to me that she didn’t know. I felt it between us, and in the week we’d spent together, we were stronger and better than we had been three years earlier.

  But three years earlier, I thought we were going to make it forever. And it had been quite the shock to my system to discover she hadn’t felt the same way.

  It had thrown me into a deep pit of despair. It was so deep I hadn’t realized I’d never really climbed out of it. Not until this past week.

  It was only Rachelle who could bring me happiness again. It was a huge risk to take, but I wanted to end up with her.

  This week had proven to me there was really only one person out there who was any other person’s perfect match. Maybe it was naïve. Maybe it was cliché. But I’d sampled enough of the pool in the past three years to be absolutely convinced there was only one woman on this earth who was put there to be my perfect match.

  And Rachelle was it.

  I’d never loved like I loved her. I’d never felt like I felt with her.

  And most of all, I’d never fucked like I fucked her.

  “I just want to keep living in the fantasyland we’ve lived in this whole week,” she said. “I don’t want to think about tonight being the end of our week together. And having our discussion means our week is ending. Either way, whether we decide to stay together or split, this week will be over. And I’m not ready for that just y
et.”

  Her heartfelt speech calmed my nerves a bit, but the whole idea of waiting for our conversation set me on edge.

  It was my first hint things might not work out the way I wanted them to.

  But I put that thought into a tiny box and buried it deep in the furthest recesses of my mind. I wouldn’t allow the negativity or the fear ruin our night.

  Less than an hour later, she was on her back on my bed as my tongue flicked against her clit. I knew what she liked; I’d fallen right back into the same old patterns with her. She had always been vocal about telling me what she wanted. Most women were too shy to tell me they wanted it harder or softer or a little higher.

  Rachelle wasn’t shy.

  She’d singlehandedly taught me how to give a girl oral sex because she guided me through it. I’d always had a knack for pleasing the ladies, but the moment she’d stepped into my life, that knack became an actual talent.

  “Oh God,” she yelled, and I knew I’d gotten her just where I wanted her. She hated to be teased, but I wouldn’t make her wait long.

  I wanted her to know I was in control. I wanted her to see while I’d allowed her to boss me around in the past, I wasn’t the same pushover she’d dated all of those years ago. I’d grown into a man.

  I sat back.

  “What the hell are you doing?” she asked, her voice breathless.

  “I’m about to give you the best fuck of your life.”

  “You’ve always done that,” she said.

  God, I loved her.

  And with that thought, I reared up over her and rammed my cock into her waiting pussy.

  As our bodies connected on the most carnal level, I felt the love passing between us. Even though I was pounding into her, I felt the love forming inside of me and passing through me to her.

  And I felt it returned from her. One hundred percent.

  It was one of those moments when I felt like everything was going to be okay. Our talk in the morning could wait. I got it. I understood why she wanted to wait, because either result would put pressure on our night together. Instead, everything was perfect.