Dark Kiss (The Two sides of me Book 1)
Page 21
“Stop. You feel the same for me, yes?”
“Yes.”
“You could never disappoint me…ever. And it’s insulting that you would even think that I would get tired of you.”
I’m going nowhere with this argument, again he is going to get his way, my home will be his home and I will have no place to run if something goes wrong, and that’s exactly what he’s aiming for, total control. And I’m going to give it to him, against my better judgment I will sell my home of the past six years and move into this ridiculously enormous house to please him. I remind myself that just recently I had decided I’d do anything for him, now it’s time to prove it. I don’t say another word; it’s not necessary. I let my eyes talk for me and he understands immediately.
“That’s better, I’ll make you happy Mia, you may have your doubts but just watch me prove you wrong, it’s one of the things I do best. This will make us invincible, nothing can touch us as long as we are together, I promise you.”
“That’s a promise you had better keep Mr. Lawson, or else…”
He chuckles and scoots his chair away from the desk, “Come here baby.” This new reference does things to me, physically does things. When he calls me baby my heart pounds in my chest so hard that I’m sure he can see it through my clothes. A little piece of the stone wall I have spent my life building around my heart chips off with that one reference, baby…
He makes me feel so wanted, so cherished, and so special; not to mention oh so turned on. Making my way around the desk and into his lap, I begin to think of all the rooms in this house that haven’t been christened with our lovemaking and a glimmer of excitement begins to grow inside me. We could make this work, couldn’t we? He wraps his strong arms around me tight and nuzzles into my neck as my mind wanders to that place again…the place of doubt and fear about the man Evan used to be, the man he could become again.
The brain scan results play on a constant reel in my mind; he has a tumor, it’s big and it’s been there a long time undetected until the accident jolted his head and for some reason his personality as well. He knows it’s there, they had to tell him, but he’s in total denial and that could affect my future, his future, or lack thereof. Fuck I can’t think like this, he’s fine, he hasn’t had an episode for a while, and we are going to be fine.
“You’re doing it again Mia and I will not sit here and let you worry about things that are out of our control. I’m fine, you’re fine, we are going to be fine, so stop thinking so damn much.” I fucking hate that word fine!
“I’m sorry, how do you always know when I’m worrying anyway?”
“I just do, if I tell you you’ll try not to do it and then I may not know anymore, why would I give away my secret?”
“Well you’d be much more relaxed if you didn’t have to worry about me worrying!”
“I don’t need to relax, and I can worry for the both of us, I just want you happy, that’s all I want for the rest of my life is to see you happy in every way.” Warmth starts in my heart, spreading through my chest to my belly, my arms and legs, a realization that I am his world, his reason for existence, and I hold his heart in my hand. He’s made it completely vulnerable to me, I can crush it or care for it tenderly and watch it grow. He’s the captain of the ship, but I’m steering and we’re headed out to an uncharted, unpredictable ocean. But he believes we can weather any storm, as long as we do it together.
“I want that for you too Evan, and I’ll let you do all the worrying from here on out, as much as I can anyway, sometimes it’s uncontrollable but I promise to do my best.” “That’s my girl, I knew you would see it my way,” He teases and pulls my ponytail to communicate he means business; even when he’s playing there’s some semblance of seriousness to what he says. “So, I have a lot of work to catch up on and since I’ve recently discovered it impossible not to stare at you when in your presence…”
“You need say no more, I’ll find something to occupy my time.”
“But before you go, I wanted to talk to you about planning a get-together for your friends and family here at our house, we could announce our plans and I will win them all over with my charm.”
“Charm huh?” I say laughing, like really laughing not just a little chuckle or giggle; this is all-out laughing. Evan pulls away from me where I still sit on his lap and looks at me in mock shock. “I do believe you are laughing at my ability to charm people Ms. Galloway.” “Uh…yea…. I haven’t seen you work your magic on anyone actually, but the thought of it is rather hilarious, every person you have spoken with since I’ve met you is deathly afraid of you!”
“You don’t think I can be charming? How do you think I became so successful? I know how to act in public… how to draw someone into my web.” He smirks in his panty melting way and takes ahold of my face on both sides, kissing me so completely, so thoroughly, I could swear he put some sort of spell on me. There’s no hope for my family and friends either, he’d have them following him around like the Pied Piper in no time. “See…pretty convincing aren’t I?” I nod, unable to form words after that intoxicating kiss, I could be satisfied forever with his kisses alone, he really has a way with my mouth. “Ok, off with you then, start calling your family and friends.” Being nudged away from Evan is a new feeling, not a welcome one, but necessary. People can’t be joined at the hip all the time…. can they? Do I want to be?
Padding through the plushest carpet ever created I make my way to my room, stopping to admire my billion-and-one roses, I notice my dress from last night, hanging where it was yesterday but now in a clear plastic bag; it’s been cleaned. My shoes sit on the floor under the dress, and the lingerie Evan gave me folded neatly on my bed. This shit is so weird, like having little invisible fairies that swoop in undetected and complete tasks that I was used to doing myself in my life B.E., before Evan.
After putting the dress and shoes in my closet and lingerie in the dresser, I pull out my phone and look at my calendar, when am I going to have this get-together? Maybe if I don’t make the plans he’ll forget about it…ha, yea right. If I don’t do it he will, that man is amazing at planning and coordinating; anyone who can run multiple restaurants all over the world could easily plan little a dinner party. That’s when I get the idea; it makes me nervous but my curiosity is stronger than my fear…. please God, don’t let this be a mistake…
Chapter 30
“Nobody Does it Like You” by Selena Gomez
“Don’t You Worry Child” by Swedish Mafia
It took me a couple hours to call everyone; mom was hesitant, she knows something’s up, mother’s intuition or whatever- she said she would inform dad of the dinner. Lilly went with her usual game of twenty questions, I did the best I could without actually telling her I was moving in with Evan. She was ruthless and annoying, but I love her for caring. The other girls were just excited to come to Evan’s house and meet my mystery man. And the last call wasn’t answered; I left a message and crossed my fingers that she would hear it. I was surprised everyone was available this upcoming weekend, I hadn’t checked with Evan on the date but I was pretty sure he would rearrange his entire life to be there. Not sure who to check with about the actual dinner plans, I went to Cecelia first.
“You should ask Mr. Lawson, Ms. Mia; he sometimes has us prepare for parties but he might want the chef from Dominus to come again, like last night….” She looks a little concerned but I’m not going to let her know that I was very aware that someone had to clean up all of the glass on the floor in the dining room last night. I suddenly realize I have no idea what she thinks happened after dinner last night. Maybe I should say something…she probably thinks Evan was responsible for the mess, or that we had a fight…
“I’m sorry about the mess last night Cecelia, it was my fault, I got a little…carried away I guess.”
“You okay Ms. he didn’t hurt you did he?” There it was, what did this man do to people before me? She thinks we fought and that he hurt me, shit.
“Oh okay, none of my business, just want to make sure you’re ok,” She says with her thick Spanish accent, obviously not believing a single word I’ve said. Well I can’t do anything about that, she’ll just have to see he’s changed; he’s a different man now than before his accident, and he loves me. “
Ok I’ll check with him, thank you though.” Mr. Saint enters the kitchen silently, catching the end of our conversation.
“Everything okay Mia?” he asks, pouring a cup of coffee. I wonder what he does all day when he’s not driving Evan, and how he feels about me taking over that job temporarily. He apparently thinks Evan and I fought last night as well.
“Yes, of course, fine Mr. Saint, how about you?”
“Good.” He’s a man of few words, but his expression says it all; he’s concerned, irritated, and curious.
“Well that’s good to hear. Good news! You can have your driving job back soon, I’m going back to work at the hospital next week,” I announce.
Two very surprised faces gape at me momentarily before quickly regaining their composure, Mr. Saint is first. “So…you’ll not be working for Mr. Lawson anymore?” he asks.
“No, he doesn’t really need professional care. He’s pretty good with those crutches and as you know, fiercely independent.” Should I tell them I’m trading the nursing gig for the girlfriend gig? Maybe Evan wants to be the one to tell his staff? Fuck it, I’m telling them, Cecelia looks worried and Mr. Saint smug, but screw him. “I won’t be leaving though. Just not working as his nurse. Evan has asked me to move in.…to live with him.” Hmmph, so how ya like that Mr. Saint?
“Oh my God my Jesus and holy mother Mary, my prayers have been answered!” Cecelia exclaims, making the cross over her body while Mr. Saint remains void of all expression. I’m a little taken aback by Cecelia’s enthusiasm about the situation; I wonder what exactly her prayers were….
“Well welcome then Ms. Galloway, no going back now,” Mr. Saint replies cryptically. He’s just trying to rattle me, isn’t he? Yes of course he is…I’ve always felt he wasn’t fond of me, or my being here.
“Thank you Mr. Saint,” I say smiling sweetly, I’m not giving him the satisfaction of knowing I’m wondering what the hell that comment meant, no way! But I am…wondering and worrying. If Evan were here I’d be in big trouble, he’s supposed to worry for both of us, maybe I should bring it up. Honesty is the best policy right? I dunno, after the way Evan went off on Mr. Saint for walking in on us the other day, I think I’ll be cautious. Better just wait to see how it all plays out; maybe it’s nothing, I hope. “I think I’ll take a walk outside through the garden, it looks so beautiful.”
“Yes, yes, Ms. you want me to ask Mr. Lawson about your dinner for you?” Cecelia asks. “No that’s ok, I’ll ask him about it later, he said he had work to do, and I’d hate to bother him.”
“Yes Ma’am.” Mr. Saint nods as I head off to get my coat in the front hall. I haven’t been outside here at all except for the front driveway and the steps going back and forth to the car and ambulance. It’s not too cold today, chilly but bearable. Wearing a knee-length dress with a sweater that’s the same length and brown riding boots, I could be dressed better for a walk, but it’s spur of the moment. I had to get out of that kitchen and Evan is busy…I wrap my scarf around my neck twice and step into the brisk, fall air. Choosing to go around the brick tower on my left, I follow the stone path. Even in the fall the gardens are stunning, and I crunch along happily in my boots, through the amber- and yellow-colored leaves; I look out past artfully sculpted shrubs to the cold water. A vision of Evan sinking into freezing cold water trapped inside his car with his dead friend next to him flashes through my mind. A sudden shiver travels through my body and I stop to sit on a bench at the center of the garden and think. What Evan has recently been through is so traumatic, how does he just breeze through the death of the women he was sleeping with, a coma, a brain tumor and broken leg? This was such a bad time to be getting involved, post-traumatic stress disorder could be the reason he is so attached to me, and maybe he needs me right now, but when he’s through the PTSD and back to himself, God forbid, will he feel differently? I know my own ordeal took years of therapy; I’ll never get over it. But now I’m able to look back and see it as an event in my past that I’ve dealt with and moved on from. Does Evan need therapy, would he accept it even if he did? Would he still love me if he knew exactly what had happened to me? He knows I was kidnapped, raped and tortured, but not to what extent. He doesn’t know about the surgery I had to endure to repair the physical damage, hell I don’t even look like I used to. I’ve had plastic surgery on most of my face, and my parents took out multiple loans to pay for the surgery that repaired my perineum and rectum, allowing me to go to the bathroom like a normal woman, to have sex without pain; even though I had never chosen to test that out until now I was made whole again physically, but no surgery could heal me emotionally.
The men who kidnapped me were pure evil, and one of them was still out there. I thank God I don’t look the same, it’s the only security that keeps me from being completely paranoid, looking over my shoulder, unable to leave my house, institutionalized. Intensive therapy helped me overcome these fears…and the surgery, of course the surgery. Ok enough; I get up and continue with my walk, but before I can take a step I feel him, his eyes on me. I turn to see Evan standing at a window upstairs in the house dressed in a suit, lavender shirt open at the collar looking down at me, brow furrowed, mouth in a straight line, he was watching me worry. Caught again, shit. He looks good enough to eat, besides the frown, but no way am I going back inside now. Smiling, I give him a little wave, which has no effect on his expression, and then I turn and head away from the house, away from him. I’m in trouble and I know it.
In the distance I catch sight of a beautiful gate, it’s wrought iron and surrounded by heavy stone that matches the house. It’s placed at one end of a garden path with just a stone wall mirroring it on the opposite end of the path. The iron is fashioned into flowers half way up, and there’s an open circle on the top, it’s so unique. I can imagine vines and flowers climbing and covering it in the summer. Making my way toward the gate, my thoughts drift to summer, my favorite season. This place must be amazing in full bloom, a gorgeous place to entertain. I wonder if Evan has ever had a get-together out here? If not we should…. we…. weird to think of us that way in the future, together, living here. Stepping up to the gate I nearly jump out of my own skin and scream when Evan appears there, on the other side, opening it for me.
“Shit, shit, shit Evan, you fucking scared me!” I say, jumping up and down shaking my hands with the adrenaline rush pulsing through my body. He reaches for me and I walk into his arms, hampered only slightly by the crutches as I wrap my body around him, face smashing straight into his chest. I hold tight.
“I didn’t mean to startle you, but you know I saw you from the house, worrying again. I thought we had that all handled.” Keeping my face pressed into his chest, I raise my fists to pound pathetically on him a few times, along with my signature foot stomp. “
YOU had this all handled, I said I’d do the best I can, which is obviously not very good!” “Shhh, tell me what you’re worrying about so I can do it for you.”
“Evan there are some things you just can’t do for me, I have my own worries, they’re mine, I have to deal with them myself.”
“You looked so…I don’t even have a word for it. I won’t see you like that Mia, it kills me to see you troubled.”
“I know Evan, I understand you want to protect me from everything, but it’s just not possible or realistic. And if you want to know one of the things I was thinking about I’ll tell you. I think you need to see a therapist about your accident, that car
wreck was traumatic, and Cameron’s death, I think you should talk to somebody about it.” I bite my lip and look up at him. This could go so many different ways. He continues to stare over my head toward the water.
“Yes, maybe.” My mouth pops open, shocked that he’s agreed so easily. Looking into my eyes, he lifts his finger to my chin, closing my mouth. “Don’t look so surprised baby, I told you nothing could hurt us, as long as we’re together, I’ll do whatever it takes. I refuse to see you worrying though. What else were you thinking about? You said one of the things.” This one is a little harder to talk about, but if he’s willing to do whatever it takes then so am I.
“I was…I was thinking about the effects of my attack on me and how much therapy it took me to get past it. And that I haven’t really told you about it, not exactly anyway.” Evan wraps his big hand around the back of my head, pressing my cheek against his chest. “You are the strongest woman I’ve ever known, along with my Aunt Sophia, the obstacles you have overcome would have crushed any other women. But you went on to build a life, you’re successful, healthy and stable, it’s a miracle you’re even here right now, my miracle. And if you hadn’t fought so hard I wouldn’t have you, you wouldn’t have been there in that ICU to save me. I don’t need to know the details of the horror you endured, unless you want me to. I’m just grateful to have you.” We stand there a while just like that, holding each other in silence until I make a decision. Pulling away, I look up at Evan, and he lowers his gaze to mine.
“I want you to know, I need you to know. If we’re going to be together you have to know my fears, my limits….”
“All right then, you can tell me anything and everything, but right now I have other plans for you,” he says, winking and backing me toward the garden gate with amazing smoothness considering he’s on crutches.
“You do?” This conversation just went from deeply serious to flirty and light in a flash, only Evan could do that.