Dark Kiss (The Two sides of me Book 1)

by Garcia, Amy Lynn

  “It’s ok honey, nobody’s blaming you for anything, go be with her.” Mom goes downstairs to clean up the non-party and Sage slips in the bed behind me, spooning me like when we were little.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s ok.” That’s all we say, she stays there with her arms around me all night, I don’t sleep for a long time, but finally I reach out for my medication on the table next to the bed, and holding the bottles, the thought of just downing them all crosses my mind, but as miserable as I am I can’t do that to my family, my sister; she’d blame herself forever. I take my prescribed dose, and finally I’m temporarily released from the pain and I sleep.

  I lay in my bed, eyes closed but aware that someone is there, and then I remember Sage had stayed with me. I opened my eyes, but it’s Evan I sense, not Sage, and again I hallucinate that he’s standing in my door, hands in the pockets of his soft jeans that I love so much, head bowed not looking at me; I wish so, so much that he were real, I want to touch him, breathe his familiar scent in, feel his arms around me, have his hands tangled in my hair…the medication pulls me away from the dream though, and when I wake later my room is empty. Sage is gone, hallucinated Evan is gone, and I’m alone again with my crippled heart. Breathe in, breathe out, that was going to be my goal from now on. It seems to be all I can handle.

  Chapter 36

  “Nothing Compares to You” by Sinead O’Conner

  “We Belong Together” by Mariah Carrey

  Evan

  She looks terrible, skin and bones, and her parents say she’s not functioning, I can see with my own eyes how lost she is, and I should know, I feel the same way. We need each other simple as that; I’ve given her enough space, no more. Time for plan B.

  Mia

  I feel like shit, my stomach feels like I’m at sea and I’m burning up, Mom’s taking me to the doctor. I bet she’s thrilled to have an excuse to have a professional look at me and tell me how bad I look, how depressed I am…great. It’s not good enough for my spirit to be broken; my body has to add insult to injury. I drag myself into the shower, putting Evan’s playlist on while I do. I’ve taken to playing it all the time now, it’s a sort of self-inflicted punishment, making myself listen to the music he put together in an attempt to convince me to come back to him, knowing he loves me, but not allowing myself to be with him. It’s a long list of songs, all of them torturing me about love and abandonment. At least when I hear the music I feel something, not just endless numbness but pain, and at this point I’m welcoming even that. I feel faint, even after a handful of Ibuprofen; my temperature is 101 F- I ignore that my hair needs to be dried, it’s winter now, but I just don’t have the strength to hold the hair dryer. I braid it to the side so it’ll hang in front over my shoulder and I can tuck it into my coat, throwing on a pair of sweat pants and a sweatshirt, socks and a pair of Nike lightweight running shoes that Evan bought for me and sent back with my things. He sent them back with everything, and I mean everything of mine that was at his house, the teddy bear, the clothes and shoes he bought for me and the cuff bracelet that, incidentally, I found out had cost a quarter of a million dollars. Yea I’d never be wearing that again. I had my dad put it in his safe…ridiculous really…. I made my way downstairs and mom helped me with my coat.

  “Mia your hair is all wet, you’re already sick,” she complains.

  “Mom…I just couldn’t.” She looks at me, tilting her head to the side and after a pause silently continues to wrap me up in a hat, scarf and gloves, so now I’m sweating my head off. In her car I start stripping off the winter gear, my hat already soaked with sweat.

  “Oh Mia...you look so flushed, we need to hurry up and get you to Dr. Smith,” she says, more to herself than to me. We drive the quick jaunt to the clinic and surprisingly we’re seen immediately, usually an appointment made on the same day is a squeeze in and requires some patient waiting, but not today.

  The admitting nurse takes my temperature and has me step on a scale, 95 lbs., fuck! I’ve never weighed less than 100lbs., no wonder Lily freaked out when she saw me, and my temperature is already up to 103 F; I think I’m finally, mercifully dying. Dr. Smith follows us from the tiny triage area to the exam room, there’s no waiting, and looks me over thoroughly.

  “How long have you been sick Mia?” she asks, as she continues to check my pulse and listen to my lungs.

  “Just a day, I mean the fever and headache just started today anyway.”

  “How about the weight loss, you’ve lost a significant amount since your last physical.” “About a month I guess.”

  “Do you realize you’ve lost 30 lbs. in a month Mia?” She looks directly in my eyes, waiting for some sort of an explanation.

  “No, I knew I had lost some, but I haven’t been on a scale.”

  “Was it intentional?”

  “No, I’ve had some personal problems and I just haven’t been that hungry.”

  “Well you’re pretty sick, I’ll draw some blood, but I would guess you’ve lost so much weight that your immune system is compromised and you’ve picked up a bug at work that you can’t fight. I’ll check you out though, maybe some IV fluids will help too, you look dehydrated. Would you be opposed to a night of observation in the hospital?”

  I wouldn’t be opposed to anything right now, they can do whatever they want; I feel like shit.

  “Do whatever…. I just want to lay down,” With my eyes drooping and my resolve disintegrating quickly Dr. Smith helps me curl up on the exam table. She covers me with a sheet that smells of bleach; it’s such a relief to just lay here. I close my eyes, Mom sits next to me in the only chair in the exam room. I’m aware of a nurse coming to draw my blood and repeating my vital signs.

  “Dr. Smith would like you to spend a night at the hospital for observation, do you have a preference which hospital?”

  “Yes, Seattle Trinity,” Mom answers for me, and the nurse ever so slightly raises her eyebrows and I knew what was going through her head; who is this girl? Somebody famous? Famous and rich were Seattle Trinity’s regular patients but as an employee, they’d take me.

  “I’m a nurse there,” I manage to mumble and she nods her head a couple of times, understanding.

  “Ok, I’ll call ahead but we have an ambulance to take you over.” Mom becomes a little more alert now.

  “An ambulance, is that really necessary?” she asks, thank God, because I couldn’t really manage to inquire at the moment. “Is there something we haven’t been told? What does Dr. Smith think is wrong with her? Why does she need an ambulance?” Good ol’ Mom, prime freak-out mode, I feel sorry for this nurse.

  “Oh no, no. She just thought it would go smoother getting her admitted if she went by ambulance, she won’t have to wait in the emergency room!” That was some fast-talking, but this feels off, like something is going on, I’m going to just lay here and take the extra help for now, I’ll figure it out later. Who am I to turn down a quick admission, I sure as hell don’t want to wait in the E.R.

  “Well ok then, if you’re sure the doctor. isn’t keeping something from us, that’s against the law you know.” Mom’s attempt at scaring this nurse has no effect.

  “Sign here Mia, this is a release of your information, and they’ll be here in a few minutes to take you over.”

  I scratch something resembling my initials on the paper; I can’t even see the line she’s pointing at and Mom gathers our things. “I’ll drive over now and meet you there honey, I need to have my car with me ok? You’ll be ok alone for a little bit?”

  “Mmmhmm, go ahead mom.” This is one of those moments that I would never know the feeling of, leaving a vulnerable, sick child in someone else’s hands, I’ll never have kids. Well shit, isn’t that a pleasant thought to have when your blood is boiling your brain into mush. I close my eyes as my mom kisses my forehead and the nurse starts my IV, draws blood and a team of EMT’s come to cart me off.

  Delirious from the fever, I only remember bits and piec
es of the next few hours. When they finally have my temperature down, I discover myself in one of the posh rooms of the hospital I work in, Mom holding my hand on one side and Sage in the chair on the other. “Well hello there sleepy head,” Sage says. I turn my head to her but give no reaction, has she been talking to him since the other day when she left me in my bed? Has she told him how thin I was, how I had reacted to her speaking those words to me? Nope, I don’t trust her anymore. I know she’s trying to help, but for now she’ll get nothing from me.

  “Oh thank god honey, you were asleep for so long, and so hot! I think your fever has finally broken. The doctor here thinks you have a virus, and like Dr. Smith said you couldn’t fight it off because of the weight loss and stress you’ve been under. No more work for a while, and you have to start eating. Several of your co-workers have come to see you, see all the flowers?” She waves her hand across the room where several vases full of various flowers sat on a table and the ledge of the window that have an amazing view of the forest beyond. In fact, being in this room is like being in a tree house in the tall sycamore trees of Seattle. Then I see them…a simple dozen of purple and lavender roses…. They’re from him.

  “How long was I out?” I ask as my sister and Mom follow my gaze to the roses nervously.

  “About 48 hours,” Sage answers. Man…that’s a long time, and I don’t remember a thing. “They gave you something to help you rest honey, and something in your IV to help balance your electrolytes out, or something like that, I’m sure you know all about it.” I glance up at the IV bag, T.P.N, fuck I must have been out of whack to need that!

  T.P.N. Total parenteral nutrition, essentially being fed calories, vitamins and fluids via an IV. I need to snap out of this, I hadn’t realized how bad the shape I was in until I got on that scale at the clinic. No time like the present to start fixing this.

  “I’m hungry,” And I am, really, my stomach is growling and I swear I can feel the emptiness of my entire digestive system.

  “Oh. Good!” Mom jumps up to go looking for the nurse before I can stop her and just press my call light. Sage shrugs her shoulder as if to say ‘what are ya gonna do, it’s mom’. My eyes connect with the roses again and Sage knows I want answers.

  “He sent them,” Is all she says, but she looks at the floor, avoiding my eyes. I turn my head away from her and hot tears run down my cheeks as I close my eyes. It’s as if the past 48 hours has lifted the veil of numbness completely and all the pain has returned, the cycle of grief starting back at step one, but I continue to welcome it. Maybe I need to work through this so I can get past it, I can’t imagine getting over Evan, but I’ve been on such a severe downward spiral this past month I’ve unconsciously been starving myself to death. Things have to change. Mom returns with my nurse, who brings a tray of bland food. They both encourage me to take it slow, and she checks me over, taking my vital signs and listening to my lungs and heart before leaving us alone.

  “So was he here or did he just send the flowers?” I ask, while trying to spoon hot soup into my mouth. They look at each other and I ignore them both, concentrating on the food in front of me.

  “Uhmm…he had them delivered. There is a note but I didn’t open it I promise.” A note, huh?

  “Well let’s have it, if I’m going to get over him I have to start communicating the fact that it’s over, he can’t be sending messages and flowers to me.” Breaking their attempt at silent communication, Sage gets up and retrieves the sealed note from the flowers and hands it to me.

  My beautiful Mia you have lost your smart mouth as well as too much weight, I’m not standing around any longer waiting for you to come home, times up. AML E.

  Well fuck, maybe I shouldn’t have read that note, now I’m pissed! What does he mean I’ve lost my smart mouth, I most certainly have not! And he can’t stand around waiting for me; he’s got a broken leg, ha! Lost too much weight, it’s none of his damn business! And is that some sort of threat, times up? What the fuck is AML? Ahhggg, that man makes my blood boil, the nerve of him!

  He knows how scared I was, and why I left, I thought he had been gracious, leaving me alone, but it turns out he was just waiting me out, and now insulting me! Mom and Sage are staring at me expectantly. I flick the card onto the floor and give a snort, finishing all the food on my tray very deliberately.

  Feeling stronger already, I insist my Mom and sister go home for the night, I can tell from the cots in the room they haven’t left me the entire time I’ve been here.

  “You have Dad to take care of Mom, and Sage, get back to Kevin and the kids, I’ll be alright, I am alright no more worries I promise, just go.”

  After almost an hour they cave and gather their things to leave. Sage kisses my cheek and Mom all but tucks me in like a 7 year old, but they finally go home. I’m going to be fine…. fucking word fine again. But I have to work harder, if not for myself then for my family, I’m being selfish and hurting them by hurting myself, they deserve better. I put them through so much earlier in my life I can’t keep stressing them out. Satisfied I’m keeping the food down, my nurse discontinues the TPN and slows my IV fluids down, giving me my sleeping pills and putting my call light close to my hand. As she leaves the room I feel like something is different…. wrong….my sleeping pills never work this fast, but I’m almost instantly fighting to stay awake, I can’t even move my finger to press the call light for help, the room blurring and turning on its side I glance at the fuzzy vase of purple roses before the dark envelopes me completely.

  Follow me on Spotify to hear the playlist for Dark Kiss

  Dark Kiss Playlist

  I am Amy Lynn Garcia, daughter, sister, cousin, mother, nurse, grandma…no..no…call me Mimi I’m too young to be a grandma, writer and friend. We are all something to someone, and I love all the hats I wear in my life. I was born in 1969 which is where I lay blame to my compulsion to write erotica and romance, wink. That makes me…uh…yea 45, no way really? My mind is still very young but not naive I’ve seen a lot and experienced more, you may think I don’t know what’s going on but be assured this Mama knows what’s up! I enjoy creating characters that have something people can relate to, who are real, addictive and intriguing. Love has always been a desire just out of my reach, as it is for many people. I believe that is what draws me into stories with superb happily ever afters. I want to connect with people on that level, let them know they aren’t alone, that love can triumph over all, we all long for that special one that takes our breath away.

  My Biography simply put is this, I am a mother of 5 daughters, born and raised in Iowa, and no I don’t see farm animals on a daily basis, just at the state fair once a year. I live in the suburbs, just a mom trying to make it and support her children. Divorced once, and another long term relationship failed as well. I feel that qualifies me to write about relationship pain and disappointment. I worked a million retail jobs, was a receptionist in many hair salons, and attended college off and on for years before I finally settled down and went to college to become a nurse. Doing things the hard way is my specialty, point proven, I waited until I had 5 young daughters, one only 6 weeks old to go back to college. I received a degree in nursing and graduated from Mercy College of Health Sciences. I specialize in antepartum nursing or as I like to call it “The Anti Birthing Unit” where we keep premature babies in utero as long as possible. I’ve always had a calling to help people, even at the age of 5 I created hospitals in my basement and gave my baby dolls shots in the butt. As much as nursing is my career, writing is my passion. Being creative has sparked a fire within me that is now burning out of control, ideas and characters flow from my mind constantly and unfortunately, when I’m driving or mowing the grass with no pen or paper. My ultimate goal when I write is to help my reader feel something, if your heart skips a beat, if you shed a tear, connect with my characters or if you can’t wait for the next in my series, my job has been done.

  Dark Kiss book 1 in The Two Sides of Me series was released A
ugust 27, 2014 and is available on amazon now.

  http://www.amazon.com/Dark-Kiss-two-sides-Book-ebook/dp/B00N2R85QO/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1409182977&sr=8-8&keywords=dark+kiss+book

  The release of book 2 in The Two Sides of Me series is due out late November or early December of 2014 on Amazon, watch for it!

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