GHOST (Lords of Carnage MC)

by Loveling, Daphne

  My pussy swells tight around his cock and I come hard, my muscles spasming as he releases deep inside me again and again. It’s just as good as it always is with him. But this time it’s better.

  This time, I know it’s forever.

  36

  Cas

  The deepest, best sleep of my entire fucking life is interrupted at three a.m. by the sound of my phone vibrating next to my head.

  Groaning, I carefully detach myself from Jenna and lean over to grab the thing from the nightstand. Angel’s name flashes on the illuminated screen. I turn away from Jenna’s sleeping form and press the button to answer.

  “Hey,” I mutter quietly into it, hoping I won’t wake Jenna.

  “Hey,” Angel responds. “I need to talk to you. Need to give you a heads up.”

  “You find him?” I ask.

  “Yeah.” Angel sounds tired, and pissed, and stressed. “I had a hunch about where he might have gone to hide out. Turns out I was right. Abe’s been fucking double-dealing all along. With the Lords, and with the Iron Spiders, too. You know that deal he was trying to close with Rock and our club for the loan? Part of the money was gonna go to pay off a debt he already owed to the Spiders.” Angel’s voice turns angrier. “And when the club voted against the loan, Dad went to the Spiders and offered to try to sell them information on us as another way to pay them back.”

  “Son of a bitch,” I swear. I swing my feet to the floor and sit up.

  “No shit,” Angel agrees.

  “So, is that why Hurt bugged Jenna’s place?”

  “Yeah.” Angel laughs, a short, dry sound. “I guess Hurt told Dad about you and Jenna, and Dad was fucking desperate enough to think maybe he could get some intel on us through listening in on you.”

  “What was Hurt’s angle, you think?” I ask him.

  “Dunno.” I hear Angel light up a smoke on the other end. “Dad freaked out when I told him Hurt said he was working for the Spiders. Maybe Hurt figured he could cash in by selling Dad out or something.” He takes a long drag and blows it out. “Not sure we’ll ever know.”

  “Rock’s gonna want Abe’s head for this, if he finds out,” I say carefully.

  “I know.” There’s a sound in the background that might be a voice. “If the Spiders don’t get to him first, that is. The only way to keep him safe now is to get him out of town. Maybe out of state.”

  “Where are you at right now?”

  “It’s best you don’t know,” he says, his voice flat. “I probably shouldn’t even tell you this much. But I’d have to tell Jenna. And you’re family, now.”

  It’s true. Jenna’s family is mine now. Just as much as the club’s my family.

  “What are you gonna say to Rock?” I murmur.

  Angel sighs. “The only thing I can tell him. That I went out looking for Abe and couldn’t find him. That I assume the Spiders got him. That I’m pretty sure he’s dead.”

  “Jesus. That’s a pretty serious, uh, lifestyle change for your dad,” I say. “He prepared for this?”

  “It’s better than being dead,” Angel says bitterly. “He says he’s got someplace he can go. Some assets he can draw on. I think maybe he’s been preparing for something like this. I ain’t gonna ask him where he’s off to, though.”

  I nod to the phone. “Probably best.”

  “Thing is,” Angel continues, “The three of us are gonna have to stick to that story. You, me, and Jenna.” He pauses. “I know that’s a tall order, brother. Asking you to keep a secret from the club.”

  It is a tall order. Rock expects absolute loyalty from everyone in the Lords of Carnage. And that’s as it should be. You don’t survive as an outlaw MC unless you have that from every one of your members. That’s why it takes so long to prospect. That’s why the vote for someone to get patched in has to be unanimous. Every single member of the club has to be confident that anyone new would fight and die for us all.

  And I would. I’d lay down my life for any one of my brothers. That’s a given. They’re my family.

  But Jenna’s my family now, too. As is Angel. And as fucked up as Abe Abbott is, he’s my children’s grandfather.

  I understand the need for vengeance. Club justice is Old Testament shit. An eye for an eye.

  But in this case, I’m not going to let Abe Abbott’s stupid mistakes hurt everyone around him. I won’t let his fuckups hurt my family.

  I make my decision.

  “You’ve got my word, brother,” I tell Angel.

  I hear him exhale. “Okay. Thanks. You’ll tell Jenna?”

  “I’ll tell her,” I say.

  Next to me, she stirs and opens her eyes. “Tell me what?”

  “That her?” Angel asks. “Shit, I don’t mind telling you this is gonna take a little getting used to, you and Jenna.”

  I laughed. “You’ll have plenty of time, brother. Talk to ya.”

  I hang up and gather Jenna into my arms. I tell her it was her brother on the phone. I explain everything that Angel just told me: what her dad’s been up to, that Angel’s with him now, and that Abe is going to have to disappear. She cries. I hold her.

  Later, after she’s mostly stopped crying, Jenna tells me about the Abe Abbott she knew. About the father she remembers.

  “It’s so sad,” she says, looking down at her hands. “My dad has made so shitty choices in the last few years. Ever since my mom died, it’s like the only thing he cared about was money and power.” She shakes her head in disbelief. “Even to the extent of cutting a deal with the Iron Spiders, apparently. God, I never would have guessed he was capable of that.”

  I understand what she’s saying. Angel told me back then that he’d overheard Abe on the phone one day not long after their mom Maria had died in a car accident. Abe was talking to Rock. Apparently, Rock thought Maria’s death might have been payback to Abe for striking a deal with the Lords instead of the Spiders for territory. If he really believed that, it’s fucking sickening that he’d enter into any kind of deal with the MC that killed his wife.

  “My dad was never really the same after my mom died,” Jenna continues. It’s almost like she’s talking to herself. I just listen, and let her say what she needs to say. “I mean, he was always driven, you know? He was always really proud to be a successful and important man in Tanner Springs. But after the accident, he just sort of… disappeared as a father.” She looks at me. “I think maybe every time he looked at Gabe and me, he just saw an empty space where my mom should have been.”

  Jenna sighs. “Pretty soon, the only thing that seemed to drive him was making deals and getting reelected.” Jenna shifts now, and sinks against my chest. She sounds so tired. “Maybe doing business was the only way he could forget what happened to his wife. To erase that part of his life. To feel like carrying on living actually had some meaning.” Her voice cracks, and turns tinged with acid. “I guess he did a pretty good job of forgetting all of it, if he could stand to do business with the Iron Spiders.”

  Jenna starts crying again, quietly. I don’t know what to say, so I don’t say anything. She collapses against me, and a wave of protectiveness rears up inside me, so fierce it almost scares me.

  I will never, ever let her get hurt again.

  “Jenna,” I murmur, my voice husky with emotion. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry you have to go through this.”

  “It’s just,” she says in a small voice, “I feel like my whole family is disappearing.”

  “I’m your family,” I tell her fiercely. “You’re my family.” I put my hand on her belly, marveling that there’s a whole other life in there. One that we created together. “This is our family.”

  “I know,” she whispers. She lifts her head to look at me. Her eyes are shining with tears, and with something else, too. “I love you, Cas Watkins.”

  “I love you, Jenna,” I say, feeling the strength in the words, like a prayer. “Forever.”

  Epilogue

  Jenna

  “Daddy!” Noah c
ries, running through the brightly-colored autumn leaves. “Carry me!” He reaches up his little arms to Cas, his eyes beseeching.

  “Noah, you’re six years old! You’re a big boy now,” I admonish him as we walk along. “You can walk on your own two legs.”

  “But I’m tired!” Noah complains dramatically, as though we’ve been walking for hours. His eyes go from me to Cas, giving both of us his best forlorn and exhausted look. I roll my eyes, but I’m trying not to laugh. Noah loves his daddy so much, he’ll use just about any excuse to get a shoulder ride from him.

  Cas looks over at me and winks. “You need a birds-eye view, buddy?” he asks his son.

  Noah whoops with excitement as Cas scoops him up in his arms and deposits him high on his broad shoulders. I hang back for a moment and watch as the two of them continue down the long gravel drive. Noah is the spitting image of his father with his deep cocoa-colored eyes and tousle of brown hair. As always, it makes my heart swell to look at the two of them together.

  We’ve been walking for about half a mile now. This road’s a little rougher than I remember from when I was a kid. Granted, I haven’t been here for years and years. I didn’t even know it still existed, frankly, until we got the postcard. I’m glad we decided to park my car further back and decided to walk the rest of the way. I’m not sure we would have had the clearance to make it all the way.

  “Good thing we decided not to bring the stroller,” Cas remarks, seeming to read my mind.

  “No kidding,” I agree. My hands instinctively move to the little warm bundle I’m carrying snugly in the wrap against my chest. A little coo of contentment comes from my newborn in response. Adoringly, I kiss the top of her little head and breathe in the intoxicating new baby smell.

  “My little baby,” I whisper to her. “My sweet little girl.”

  We’ve named her Mariana, after my mom, Maria. She was born four months ago, coincidentally in the same birth month as my mother. Looking at my little daughter, I can already see that she’s going to have my mom’s eyes, and her tangle of blond hair — although Cas insists that Mariana got her hair from me. I let it start growing out and going back to its natural color when I got pregnant, and just last week I managed to trim the last of the darker ends off. I don’t know why, but it felt like a liberation to do it. Like I was coming back to myself.

  Absently, I reach up and push a strand back behind my ear just as we round the last wooded corner. A tiny house comes into view, one that’s seen better days and definitely needs a paint job. I’m not sure if Dad’s been hiding out here the whole time, or if he’s just come here as a way to see us. The only thing on the postcard was an address. Angel said he’d gotten one, too, but he’s coming out here separately.

  It’s the first time any of us has seen my dad since he had to disappear last year. For a while, I was half-convinced he was dead. But he must at least be somewhere close enough that he knows a little about Angel’s and my comings and goings, because the address where he sent the postcard was the right one even though Cas and I moved into a house of our own about six months ago. One big enough for a family of four, and maybe more on the way.

  As we approach the little house, a door opens, and an old man steps outside. For a moment, I don’t even register him as Abe Abbott, he’s changed that much. His hair has gone completely gray, and he’s stooped over in a way I don’t remember him being. My heart lurches in spite of myself. He seems to have aged ten years in one.

  “Wow,” Cas murmurs beside me. “He’s changed.”

  Cas takes Noah off his shoulders and sets him down. We each take one of his hands, and the four of us walk up to the front porch of the tiny abode. My father’s face breaks into a wide grin.

  “Jenna!” he cries, and comes down the steps to greet us. He wraps me in a careful embrace that feels odd, since he rarely hugged me growing up. I hug him back and let him give me a papery kiss on the cheek.

  “Hi, Daddy,” I say, and smile at him.

  “My goodness, look at this!” he says heartily, looking at the baby. “If this isn’t a surprise!”

  “This is Mariana,” I tell him.

  Dad’s eyes get a little misty as he shoots me a quick glance. He lifts a slightly shaky hand and offers a finger for Mariana to grasp. “Oh, that’s something,” he half-whispers as her tiny fingers wind around his. “Mariana. Wouldn’t your mother have loved to see this?”

  “Yes, I think she would have,” I smile. A huge, painful lump forms in my throat, and I try my best to swallow around it.

  For a few moments, he just stares at Mariana, nodding absently at some thought that only he knows. Then, with a deep breath, he turns and bends down to Noah.

  “Well, hello, young man,” he says jovially. “Do you remember your grandpa?”

  Noah glances up at me uncertainly. “Sort of,” he says, his voice full of doubt.

  “You remember Grandpa,” I tell him. “It’s just been a long time, honey.” I turn to Dad. “A year’s an eternity for a boy that age,” I explain. “Don’t take it personally.”

  Dad gives me a sad smile. “I know. It’s okay.” He straightens, and then turns toward the house. “Well, let’s go inside. I can’t offer you much to eat or drink, but at least we can sit down and get comfortable.”

  We follow Dad into the house. Inside, the musty odor that greets us and the film of dust on all the surfaces tell me that he’s not actually living here. I didn’t notice a car outside, though. A wave of sadness rises up inside me for the thousandth time that I don’t — can’t — know anything about my father’s life now. How lonely he must be, I think. Even though I know he made his own bed, I can’t help but pity him.

  We sit down in a tiny living area, on a lumpy couch and some faded chairs, one of which is a rocker. I take out Noah’s little tablet and let him settle in a corner with it, then sit down in the rocking chair with Mariana.

  “So, Casper,” my dad addresses Cas, as though this is a completely normal conversation. “How’s life treating you? How’s the club?”

  “Good,” Cas nods. “Fine. Have you talked to Angel at all?”

  “I saw him about a week ago,” Dad says vaguely. “He tells me the Lords aren’t exactly thrilled with the new mayor in town.” Dad’s eyes flash, a mixture of jealousy and satisfaction that his replacement isn’t well liked.

  “Yeah,” Cas says, his lip curling slightly. “Without you around, Jarred Holloway didn’t have any other serious competition.” Cas lets out a low snort. “Goddamn, that guy’s a tool.”

  Mayor Holloway has the dubious honor of being almost universally disliked now that he’s in office, by both the townspeople and the MC alike. So far, he hasn’t done much in town beyond prancing around self-importantly and appointing a bunch of his friends to prominent positions. Personally, I hope it stays that way. He has started making noises about getting “tough on crime,” though, maybe hoping that will be a stance that improves his popularity among the people of Tanner Springs.

  Dad asks a bunch of questions about the new mayor, clearly enjoying the knowledge that his replacement isn’t well-liked. I watch Cas indulge him, and can’t suppress a feeling of sadness that my father has been relegated to living his life mostly in the past.

  We stay for a couple of hours, until Noah starts to make noise about being hungry. “We probably better go, Dad,” I say eventually. I accept Cas’s hand as he helps me up from the couch.

  He smiles and stands as well. “All right. I understand. It’s real good to see you Jenna. You and your little family.” He looks at me gently. “You seem happy.”

  “I am, Dad,” I smile, moving into Cas’s arms. “I am.”

  Dad accompanies us out to the front of the house and walks with us a little way down the path. Eventually, he tells us he’s going to turn back.

  “When will we see you again?” I ask him, offering my cheek for him to kiss it.

  “Oh, I don’t know,” he murmurs vaguely. “I suppose one of these days I’ll b
e back around here and we’ll get together again.” A flicker of sadness and fatigue flits across his face, in the span of an instant. Then it’s gone. “You two take care, now. Cas, good to see you.” He sticks out his hand, and Cas takes it.

  “You, too, Abe,” Cas nods. “Noah, come on! Let’s go.”

  Noah runs down the path toward us, and we walk back the way we came. We bundle the kids into the car and Cas takes the wheel to drive us back to Tanner Springs.

  “He seems okay,” Cas murmurs to me as he drives. He reaches over and takes my hand in his, squeezing it. “As okay as he can be, anyway.”

  “Yeah.” I squeeze back, torn between sorrow for my dad and thankfulness that he’s even alive. I know his mistakes brought him to where he is now. But I also know that maybe, just maybe, if a few things had turned out differently, he and my mom might be sitting on their front porch right now, fussing over their grandkids as the sun sets.

  Mistakes can take over our lives, snowballing out of control until they roll over everything else in their path. That’s what happened to my dad. I just hope he can find some peace, and that maybe someday, he’ll be able to have a life again that makes him happy.

  I look over at Cas as he drives our little family home. My love for him feels so overwhelming I almost can’t bear it for a moment. Cas senses my eyes on him. He turns to me and flashes me his dazzling, sexy smile — the one I’ve come to know so well.

  “Hey, gorgeous,” he winks at me. “You good?”

  “I’m better than good,” I reply.

  “Damn straight you are,” he growls, and raises his eyebrows at me.

  “Language,” I smirk.

  “It’s okay, Mommy, I’m not listening,” Noah calls from the backseat.