Gypsy's Quest

by Nikki Broadwell

  Somehow being here, the chanting that we did three times a day, and my nightly talks with Dancer had allowed my mind to grow still, sure that when the time was right I would find my son. Dancer told me she had seen this in a vision and until then I must keep my emotions under strict control. And so when the longing rose up for my baby I would chant until it went away. I often felt Fire’s eyes on me in the meditation hall but whenever I glanced toward her, her gaze would slide away.

  Dancer relayed the history of what had transpired over the last few hundred years—the radiation and sickness that had befallen the people of Amalthea. She told me their spirits still haunted the forest and that they could never rest. When I asked why, she said their avarice had been largley responsible for the end of civilization in Far Isle. They had no regard for anything but their own needs. In her meditations she had seen that the greed had been widespread and led to the demise of most other places on the globe. There were only a very few areas that had come through what she referred to as ‘the reckoning’. The Temple had been built years before any of that had happened, as a sanctuary linked to the monks’ Temple of the Sun.

  When I was alone I laid out my cards, hoping for insight and direction, but it was as though they belonged to someone else, slipping through my fingers to scatter across the floor. My clairvoyance had disappeared with Ella’s curse. I tried to interest the other women in readings but they turned away after explaining that Dancer would not permit this. The only divination accepted here was Dancer’s.

  ***

  I no longer thought about Kafir so it was a surprise the cold autumn day that he arrived, blowing into the courtyard with the dry leaves. I saw him from where I swept, a useless job in the wind, but like the many other tasks I was responsible for it freed my mind from its meanderings. He didn’t see me at first, striding toward the entrance with a determined expression. It was only a sideways glance that brought him to an abrupt halt.

  “Gertrude.” He said my name with a solemnity, as though he had finally found his way home, and it stirred something in me. It was only a few seconds before we were locked together, my tears falling on his wool sweater, mingling with the scent of musky earth and sweat. He held onto me for many long heartbeats before releasing me to take a long look at my face.

  “You’ve changed,” he said, taking in the spiral tattoo on my forehead, my shorn hair and the loose hemp robe that covered my body. He reached out, tracing the indigo tattoo with his forefinger.

  I opened my mouth to reply that I hadn’t seen myself in a good long while since there were no mirrors here, but his quizzical examining made me laugh instead.

  “I’ve tried several times to see you—did they tell you? They wouldn’t allow me in—something about impeding your healing. I suppose they were right since I feel entirely responsible for what happened to you.”

  “And how is Ella?” It was an innocent enough question since I no longer harbored anger about what she’d done to me.

  “She and Dughall have re-united. Their baby girl is growing quickly.”

  At the mention of the baby my heart contracted with longing, but I breathed in and out until the feeling dissipated. “And did you help her through the birth as she wished?”

  Kafir looked down. “She had no one else. But if I had known then what…”

  I put up my hand. “There’s no need for explanations. It’s good that you were there. Did the birth go well?” As soon as the words were out of my mouth I wished I hadn’t said them, but it was too late.

  “It wasn’t a difficult birth. The baby was small and came quickly.” Kafir looked away for a moment. When he turned back he said, “I know now that Ella was responsible for what happened to you. She said as much when we were together. She was jealous of you, Gertrude and thought she wanted me for herself. It was only Dughall’s arrival that changed her mind. As for me, I was caught in her aura just as I had been before she left me the first time. Ella is a powerful woman.”

  I watched the expression of remorse cross his features, the blush of shame that crept up his neck. “She made me really sick,” I whispered, remembering the months when I couldn’t find myself.

  “So it was Gunnar who found you and brought you here.”

  “I thought it was Brandubh.”

  Kafir shook his head. “There’s been no more news of the man or his mother.”

  When I heard these words emotions rose from where I’d buried them. “Do you think Rifak’s still alive?”

  “There’s no reason for her to kill him, Gertrude. I’m sure she wants to raise him.”

  “But if you haven’t had any word then that means the trail is cold.” I looked down and then shook my head. Dancer had warned me about this. Kafir’s presence was causing these unsettling thoughts. “I have to go inside now. It’s time for meditation.”

  When I turned Kafir grabbed hold of my arm. “I thought you’d come with me. We were working together to find Rifak. Isn’t it time to resume our quest?”

  The bewildered expression on his face made me hesitate for a moment. He was talking about my baby, my Rifak, but then Dancer’s voice whispered in my ear: It is not time. “Kafir, I’m part of this community now. I will leave, but not until I’ve had a clear message from the universe. And for future reference my new name is Gypsy.”

  “Gypsy? Like my boat?” The incredulous expression on his face made me smile.

  “The priestesses named me.”

  “Well, Gypsy, Gertrude, I’m not going to hang around and wait for you. Every day you let that hag keep your son takes him further from you. Even if you get Rifak back now he won’t be the same.”

  My hand went to my breastbone as a ripple of pain moved from one side to the other. “Do what you must.” I left him standing there as I hurried into the community hall, heading toward the small office at the back where I knew I’d find Dancer.

  “I’m so sorry,” Dancer said, her tapered fingers on my arm after I relayed what had happened. Fire watched me without speaking, a strange expression in her eyes until Dancer asked her to leave. The younger woman shot me a look of hatred before backing out the door.

  “She doesn’t like me.”

  Dancer smiled. “Fire guards me jealously. She was very young when she came here.”

  Light blinked off the rings Dancer wore on her third and fourth finger, the spiral on one, a Chinese knot design worked into the silver of the other. Her loose woven tunic shimmered in the light, her slim body visible beneath the translucent fabric. “Should I have gone with him? Is he right about Rifak?”

  Dancer handed me the tea she brewed for me daily, her large eyes full of sympathy. “After meditation we will use the scrying bowl to find the answers.” She bent to place a light kiss on my lips before heading out of the office.

  ***

  Despite chanting for nearly an hour, my mind remained on Rifak. Seeing Kafir had shaken me more than I cared to admit, my spiritual practice deserting me as though it had never been. I jumped up when it was over, waiting for Dancer, my palms sweaty. This was the first time she’d offered to do any kind of divination, her answer to my questions always the same—chant.

  “First you need to empty your mind,” she told me once we were kneeling in front of her little altar. “Close your eyes and focus on the lotus flower as you breathe and let your breath take you deeper and deeper inside its many petals.”

  I did as she said, my mind scattering back to when I had directed my clients in Milltown to do similar actions. It had been a long time since I had had a vision or any kind of intuition about my future. I heard water being poured into the hammered bowl that sat on the floor between us as she muttered a prayer of invocation to the spirits.

  “Think of the question you most want answered and when I tell you, open your eyes and focus on the water. The image will only last a few seconds. Do not think about what it is, only allow it to seep into you and answer your question.”

  The first question that came to me was of course abo
ut my son and whether I could trust Brandubh—would he be the one who would help me? Tears brimmed inside my closed eyes but I kept them shut.

  “If you’re ready, open your eyes,” Dancer intoned.

  I looked down into the bowl, struggling to bring the images into focus through my blurred vision. A male figure seemed to be emerging and with him was an older child. I sucked in my breath, peering closer, but the image was already fading, the water clearing. When I looked at Dancer her eyes were half-closed and unfocused, her upper body rocking back and forth. I waited for a moment and then asked, “Did you see it?”

  Dancer’s eyes met mine. “What was in the bowl was meant for you. Was your question answered?”

  “I saw a man and a child, but I don’t know who it was.”

  “Look inside and see if there is more to take from this experience, Gypsy.”

  I shook my head in confusion. Was the figure Brandubh? Yes, it seemed to me that it was. And the child was definitely Rifak, but so much older! Tears slid down my cheeks as the message came to me: I would eventually find him but it wouldn’t be any time soon.

  Dancer’s fingers touched my knee. “You must let the images remain in your mind without drawing conclusions. There are many interpretations to be had from the scrying bowl. Now you must get back to your duties.”

  Dancer stood, reaching down for my hand. I grasped her strong fingers, allowing her to pull me up. She pressed me to her in a gesture of comfort.

  “Remember to clean out the sloping gutter on the far side of the temple today,” she said, releasing me. “There will be rain tonight and we don’t want the courtyard to flood.” With that statement Dancer left me, her straight back receding into the shadows beneath the high temple walls.

  It was sometime later when I was on my hands and knees on the roof that another interpretation came to me. I could have been part of the image, out of sight behind the man, or merely a foot or two away. Maybe we were a family. But was the man Brandubh or Kafir? Unfortunately that question remained unanswered.

  The Otherworld-2011

  “We found Adair,” MacCuill told Harold solemnly. “And the worst part is that Brandubh is with her. He either lived through the death we all witnessed or Adair brought him back from the dead—I’m going with the latter. And there’s a small child with them. Who he is, is anyone’s guess.”

  “Maeve told me that when she was captured Brandubh made some comment about Gertrude carrying his child. How old is he?”

  “I would say around a year.”

  Harold looked into the distance, counting up the months on his fingers. “What now?”

  MacCuill pressed his lips together and shook his head.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Far Isle-2451

  Months went by before I saw Kafir again. I had settled once again into the peace and serenity of the temple, my daily chanting keeping my emotions at bay, so it was a shock the morning I wandered outside the walls and came upon him walking up the path.

  “Gertrude!” he called out before realizing his error. “I mean, Gypsy,” he smiled. He came close, grabbing hold of my shoulders so that I couldn’t escape. “I have spoken with Gunnar about Rifak. He knows something that he will only relay to you. Will you come with me?”

  It took me a moment to register what he was saying. Rifak’s face visited me in my dreams but I had managed to keep him out of my daily thoughts. This was the sign I had been waiting for. I felt the sharp intake of hope, his sweet baby face strong in my mind. “I’ll collect some things and let Dancer know. I’ll meet you back here shortly.”

  “I’ll be here,” he said, folding his arms across his chest and leaning back against the trunk of a tree to wait.

  “This is ill-advised,” Dancer told me after I’d relayed my plans. “It will get you nowhere if you are not centered in your intentions.”

  “But I am centered in my intentions! And you are well acquainted with Gunnar. He’s trustworthy for sure.”

  Dancer regarded me, the spiral tattoo crinkling as she frowned. “It is not Gunnar who I worry about.”

  “I’ll be back to let you know what he’s found out before I run off again. I think my time here has given me some sense of myself.” I smiled but she didn’t return the expression, turning her back and leaving the room without another word. It was hard to go against her after everything she’d taught me, the many hours of counseling, but I couldn’t ignore the possibility of finding Rifak.

  Kafir brightened when I reappeared with my pack slung over my shoulder. “I thought you wouldn’t come.”

  “I had to if…”

  “You haven’t seemed that anxious the past six months,” Kafir interrupted.

  “Has it really been that long?” Dancer had assured me that when the time was right I’d know, but she’d also insisted that I keep my feelings down with chanting and meditation. So much time had gone by, time for Adair to have taken my baby and traveled far away.

  Kafir watched me, his mouth turning down in bafflement. “If I didn’t know better I would say you’ve been brainwashed. How could you forget how old your child is? His birthday has come and gone—even I remembered it.”

  “Why didn’t you come sooner?”

  “I’ve been to the temple every week—has no one mentioned this?”

  I shook my head, remembering the furtive glances I’d been getting from the other women. Even the young ones were dedicated to the temple, any relationships with men long forgotten. In that regard I was not one of them, not a virgin, only there until…until what?

  Suddenly the entire experience seemed to coalesce in front of my eyes. It was assumed by Dancer and all the other priestesses that I was one of them. The tattoo emblazoned on my forehead was the physical representation of membership. I thought of the day Dancer had blessed me and used the needle to tattoo the spiral into my skin. Despite the pain, I had felt exalted in the knowledge that I was becoming part of the temple community—a priestess in my own right. I felt empowered for the first time in a long while. From that moment on I had dedicated myself to my duties, pushing thoughts of my former life away as I grew more and more committed to belonging. When visions came I followed Dancer’s advice and pushed them away. But what was my purpose here? Did the daily chanting do anything to improve the world or rid this land of the curse that had been laid on it? Maybe it did, but right now it seemed a horrible waste of precious months when I could have been searching.

  After an hour of walking Kafir stopped to face me, his eyes soft with longing. “I love you,” he said, taking my face in his hands. He lowered his head, his mouth finding mine. I didn’t pull away, and when the kiss was over I was trembling.

  “Odin’s ghost, woman,” he mumbled, shaking his head. “I’ve missed you.”

  “I love you too.” Tears slid down my face as I said the words that I had withheld from him. Anger had marred my feelings, anger and jealousy and my own insecurities. We stared at each other for a full minute before I said, “I know what you’re thinking, but this isn’t the time.”

  He cocked his head, his mouth moving into a crooked grin. “We need to reconnect very soon,” he muttered, twining his fingers through mine.

  By the time we reached the part of the forest where Gunnar lived I had worked myself into a state of frenzy. I thought of all the hours spent alone with Dancer, the odd-tasting tea she gave me three times a day and the way she massaged my shoulders, rubbing my feet with fragrant oils, soothing my moods with her silken words. I was also her serving girl, my duties including bringing her food, washing her hair and rubbing oil into her skin after her bath. She taught me how to massage the tensions from her body at the end of a long day. No wonder Fire hated me. I had usurped her position with the high priestess. I suddenly wondered about Dancer’s intentions. Was she purposely keeping me from finding my baby? I shook my head to clear my confusion. Could I trust anybody?

  Gunnar appeared without a sound from beneath the trees, startling me so much that I let out a
small scream. “Glad you’ve come back to us,” he said without preamble.

  “Thank you for taking me to the temple,” I answered.

  His eyebrows pulled together in puzzlement. “I did not take you there. Why would you think that? If I had found you I would have healed you myself. Surely you realize I’m capable of healing.”

  I opened my mouth to reply, aware that my suspicions had been confirmed. It was Brandubh who had carried me to the temple. But why hadn’t he come back for me?

  “Now that we have that cleared up, let’s discuss what I’ve discovered.”

  Gunnar told us that the child had been spotted in the arms of the man who was presumed to be the boy’s father. “Brandubh is in Glantsgo but in order to connect with him we have to act fast before Adair joins him,” Gunnar said, his eyes searching mine. “Are you ready to say goodbye to the temple for now, Gertrude?”

  “Oh yes,” I answered, emphatically.

  “She goes by the name Gypsy,” Kafir told Gunnar.

  I shook my head. “No, that doesn’t fit anymore.”

  “Gertrude it is,” Gunnar said before leading the way through the forest.

  ***

  My first night on the boat was filled with strange dreams of women pulling at me, their fingers digging into the flesh of my arms. Faces hovered around, demands being made silently. I woke myself screaming bringing Kafir into the cabin at a run. “Just a bad dream,” I said, trying to smile. “But would you consider sleeping in here for the rest of the night?” Kafir was happy to crawl into the small bunk beside me, wrapping his arm around my middle. I thought of how jealous I’d been, oh so long ago, to see him this way with Ella. Our recent declaration of love had erased all that and I basked in his warmth.