Shrouded in Blackness

by Karlsson, Norma Jeanne

  “Open the car, Quinn,” Kieran demands as he yanks on the locked handle. I keep my eyes straight forward, willing this damn seat to move.

  “Quinn!” Kieran barks.

  “Mommy?” Jack’s voice quivers. Kieran’s scaring him which just pisses me off more.

  “It’s okay, Baby,” I try to soothe him.

  The locks click open, startling me. Kieran rips the passenger door open, heaving himself in before turning off the SUV and snatching the keys. He throws them to Connor who’s standing on the curb holding another set of keys. Damn it! Connor comes around to my side of the car to the back door, no doubt to get Ash out. I throw my door open pressing my back to the SUV, my knife in Connor’s chest.

  “Don’t. You. Dare,” I seethe.

  “Quinn, you’re not gonna stab me,” Connor says in a defeated voice.

  “Try me!”

  “Mommy!” I hear Jack scream in a panicked voice from the other side of the car. I kick Connor in the shin and sprint toward Jack’s voice.

  Ian is holding a screaming, fighting Jack.

  “Give me my son,” I growl.

  Ian looks at me, shocked by my clearly mentally unstable state. I feel Kieran approaching my back and spin on him, my knife pointed at his dílseacht tattoo.

  “You’re scarin’ my kids. Tell Ian to put my son back in the car, now. Tell Connor to give me the keys. Tell yourself you’re an asshole and to leave me the hell alone!”

  “Ian, put Jack back in the car. Connor, hand Quinn the keys, carefully so she doesn’t stab us.”

  Both of the men comply quickly.

  “Give us a minute,” Kieran instructs his men as I begin backing away from him the same way I did the first night I met him.

  There’s a shuffling of feet behind me and the metal door slams shut.

  “Quinn—”

  “Don’t. I have nothing to say to you.”

  “I have something to say to you,” he growls.

  “You said plenty. Leave me alone, Kieran. I’ve had enough of your words for the day.”

  “I love you.”

  “You’ve got a fucked up way of showin’ it,” I say through a snort, continuing to back my way to the front of the car.

  “Let me explain,” he demands.

  “Go inside and get ready for your fight. You know, it’s moments like this I realize I’m still in this world alone. I can’t go to my parents’ house to get away from you and have someone to comfort me. I don’t have girlfriends to call and bitch about how my boyfriend just treated me like a common whore. I don’t have a dad that’ll come down here and threaten you for hurting his daughter. I have my two kids that are now freaked out because you’re scary as hell when you act like this.”

  Kieran’s jaw drops open as I clear the hood and run to the driver’s side door. He’s still standing there like a statue as I pull away from the curb. And he’s still standing there as my vision of him fades in the rearview mirror.

  “You’re really mad at Daddy, huh?” Jack asks in a quiet voice.

  “Yes, I am,” I answer honestly.

  “Are we gonna move away now?”

  I don’t know how to answer that question. I want to run right now, fade into the streets and alleys where I can be invisible. The feeling in my chest right now is painful. It hurts to take a deep breath. I’m guessing Kieran fucked my face and pulled out of my mouth because he wanted to be sexually tense for the fight. If he would have just told me that I wouldn’t be so hurt. It’s the force he used and the words he growled and the tone in his voice when he said it that crushed me.

  Kieran’s always been kind with me during sex. Dominant and a little caveman-like, sure, but always kind. In that room just now, he was cruel and heartless. I can take a lot of sides of Kieran, just not that one.

  “I don’t know what’ll happen, Jack.”

  “You won’t leave me though, right?”

  “Never,” I say firmly, locking eyes with him in the rearview. He nods.

  I drive around for about thirty minutes, calming myself down. Deciding Jack could use some fun, I head to Marquette Park. As we pull up, I feel better already. Some open space with kids and families running around is just what we need. I unload the kids and settle at a picnic table with Ash while Jack runs around the playground laughing and playing.

  What happened with Kieran today was painful. I’ve seen women used and discarded in the streets like trash. That’s what that felt like today. The way he used me followed by the way he spoke to me, ending with that look on his face like I could have been any woman (mouth)...ripped me in two. I can be a lot of things in life, but I can’t just be a thing that gets used. I fought for eight years to make sure I was never that. I’ll be damned if that’s what I become just to be with Kieran.

  I know the man he is and what he’ll always be. I don’t have an issue with any of it. But I can’t be an object to him when he loses himself. My kids deserve a mother that has the self-worth to not be a thing. I may be a murderer and a woman with a lot of baggage, but when I’m with these kids I’m the best version of me that I can be. So that’s what I choose.

  I feel a ghost of a smile sweep across my face as I hold my baby and watch my son. I’m okay.

  Kieran

  “Follow the tracker on the SUV. Don’t let her see you,” I order Owen.

  Yes, I have a tracker on my woman’s car. Yes, it’s an invasion of her privacy. Yes, I feel like a stalker. Yes, it’s for her safety.

  “Should I punch you in the mouth first?” Owen grumbles.

  “Probably,” I huff.

  He offers me a wry smile before heading out the door to track my family. I fucked up. As I’ve mentioned…I’m not a good man. I got too inside my head while I was plowing into her throat, which I never should have done, and treated her like trash. Not my finest moment.

  Now I can’t even go after her because I have a fight to get ready for. She looked sick when she left the apartment. She was in pain when I got into the SUV. She was murderous when I had Ian get Jack out of the car. She looked done before she drove away from me.

  After all this time, she still feels alone in the world. I’ve kept her so isolated she hasn’t started a life yet. Her life is all about me and the kids. I’ve been trying my damnedest to get her pregnant on top of everything, too. While I want to feel bad, I don’t.

  I want her isolated and safe with me. I don’t want to share her with girls’ night out and slumber parties—or whatever women do. I don’t want her hitting the clubs and getting grinded on by yuppie pricks. She belongs in my house, at my side or in my bed. Wow, I’m a bigger asshole than I give myself credit for.

  The thing is, Quinn doesn’t seem to mind. She’s been happy in our little world. I’ve never heard her complain in all the months we’ve been together. If anything, she’s been agreeable to all the walls I’ve put around her. She feels alone now because she feels trapped with a monster within those walls.

  After everything she’s been through, I was an asshole during sex. The one place where she needs safety I made her feel unsure and dirty. I need to fix this, yet here I am staring at my hands resting on my desk doing nothing. I won’t do anything, either. I have to go win this fight and then…

  Buzz, buzz.

  “Yeah,” I bark into my phone.

  “They’re at Marquette Park,” Owen growls.

  “Got eyes on her?”

  “Yeah. Jack’s playin’ and Quinn’s holdin’ Ash watchin’ him.”

  “She made you yet?” I ask, hopeful she hasn’t.

  “Probably. She’s palmin’ her blade in her bag, lookin’ around a lot.”

  “Shit,” I say gruffly.

  “What’s my move here?”

  “Keep eyes on her. Let me know if she runs.”

  “You think she’ll do that?” Owen asks, shocked.

  “Don’t know. I fucked up. She might,” I say, defeated at the realization that I may have lost my family.

  “You want me
to stop her if she does?”

  “No.”

  “No?!”

  “If she needs to go, let her.”

  “Fuck that, Kieran. I’m not lettin’ her go anywhere. She’s been alone long enough. If you fucked up that bad, I’ll take her until you can pull your head outta your ass long enough to fix this shit. Fuck you for givin’ up without a fight!”

  “Owen,” I warn.

  “You can growl at me all you want, I don’t give a shit. She’s my friend. I’m not lettin’ her spend another day in this world feelin’ alone. Go fight, I’ve got this.”

  He hangs up.

  I’m on a roll, pissing people off today. I want to call Shannon so badly right now, but she’s got her hands full with a premature baby. She doesn’t need my fuckery. I could call Collin, but he’ll chew my ass worse than Owen. Treating women poorly doesn’t fly in my family, so I’ll get no sympathy. Not that I deserve any.

  I slam my head down onto my desk, hard. The pain feels better in my head than in my heart. The worst part of this is Jack. I scared him. I scared my son like I never believed I would. I just wanted to stop her. I knew she wouldn’t leave without the kids. A bad move in hindsight because she got stabby. Now they’re playing at a park without me. I’ve never wanted to swing on a swing so badly in my life as I do right now.

  “Time to get you warmed up,” Ian growls in my doorway. He’s pissed too.

  “Ian—”

  “Save it. I know you’ll win, but I hope this kid beats your ass for whatever you did to her.” He thuds back down the stairs without another glance at me.

  I pick my pathetic ass up and plod down the stairs into the locker room where Ian and Connor are waiting for me. Ian straps up my hands so I can warm up, never looking at my face. It’s a bare-knuckle fight so the straps will come off before I get in the ring.

  I jump rope, shadow box, hit the pads a little and stretch intermittently for an hour and a half. Now I’m ready. I’ve got a good sweat going and I’m pissed the fuck off. Alex doesn’t have a chance in hell. I walk out of the locker room to the screams and chants of about 250 people. This revs my blood and spikes my pulse. I’ve missed this. There’s nothing like a fight, nothing makes me feel this tension mixed with relief. Except it feels empty and hollow when I see Quinn’s vacant seat.

  I shake it off and keep my head in the fight. Focus, Delaney! I hop in the ring and jump around a bit before taking my corner and getting greased up. Everything in my head goes silent as I eye Alex across the ring. His eyes are closed as his trainers bark at him in Russian. His long arms are loose and relaxed in his lap. As I watch him, his eyes snap open and meet mine. There’s understanding in his eyes mixed with determination.

  It’s time. Alex and I touch fists in the middle of the ring and wait for the bell.

  Ding!

  Alex shoots his fist out quickly, brushing me back. As I shuffle back on my heel I offer him a classic cocky grin and shake my head no at him. He remains stoic, waiting for my move. I fake with my left and land a hard body blow to his ribs. The whoosh of air exiting his lips is music to my ears. He catches me twice with a left hook before we back off each other, moving our feet a little.

  Bare-knuckle fighting is generally concentrated on body shots. Hitting someone in the face with your fist for five rounds does more damage to you than them. Alex and I meet in the middle again and trade body blow after body blow, heaving and swaying in tandem.

  Ding!

  Round one done. Ninety seconds of ass whipping and I still feel spry. Alex looks good, too. We need to stretch this fight the full five rounds to make it look as good as possible. The Russians are screaming at him, while Ian and Connor are silently rubbing me down and dousing me with water.

  Ding!

  Alex comes at me hot, taking a shot at my jaw and landing it. I spit a mouthful of blood on the canvas and swing widely, catching the big man in the nose. The bone cracks and he stumbles back a few feet. I back off, letting him regain his sight. He heaves a giant breath, clearing the bleed, spraying blood like a fire-breathing dragon.

  We spend the rest of the round trading body blows, crushing each other’s ribs. As I feel the round winding down I unleash some power, driving my fist upwards into Alex’s liver, knocking him to the canvas.

  Ding!

  Alex lugs his body to his corner, wincing as he takes his stool. His trainer smacks him across the face like a bitch. The kid doesn’t flinch, just stares me down. Another guy sets his nose back in place, again no reaction from Alex. He’s a warrior, fighting for his freedom.

  Ding!

  Alex drives hard-hitting fists into my chest, driving me into the ropes. I cover my body as best I can as he works me over. I feel my first rib crack. I slam my body into his, knocking him back as I spin away when his fist plows into my kidney, dropping me to my knees. Alex backs off per fight rules. No hitting a man down, no matter the protests from his corner.

  I take a breath and climb to my feet as Alex charges at me. He works me into the ropes again, leaving nothing off his punches, punishing my torso.

  Ding!

  I stagger to my corner as Ian jumps in front of me.

  “Stop fuckin’ around,” he bellows over the roar of the crowd.

  I nod, knowing I’m not fucking around. Alex is a talented fighter and he’s currently kicking my ass. I feel old and tired right now. Not good.

  Ding!

  We both come out swinging from the fences. I catch his jaw and then his upper lip, splitting it open. He lands a crushing blow to my brow, slicing it. We’re both drenched in blood, slipping and sliding on the canvas, doing more dancing than fighting. We’re tired.

  We meet in the middle and I swing powerfully, missing his face and losing my footing. It’s his opening and he takes it, snapping my head to the side with a damaging blow to my cheek. My legs go out from under me as I topple to the canvas. I lay there in a puddle of my own blood, knowing my fate if I don’t climb to my feet…I’ll be dead by morning. I can see it on the Russians’ faces. This fight is about taking my respect from my men, shattering my hard-earned reputation. Squashing me into a weak pussy with no fight left in him.

  I weakly push to my knees and hoist myself to my feet as I see Alex charging in from the left. Just as he swings for my head, a hit intended to end the fight, I duck, sending him sprawling on his ass as he slips through my blood.

  Ding!

  I collapse onto my stool and Ian gets to work trying to stop my bleeding brow. Ian grabs my chin, jerking my face to look at his.

  “You get your ass out there and fight for your son. Those motherfuckers did that shit to him. You fight for him! You fuckin’ fight the fight he couldn’t!”

  Ding!

  I have to go for broke now. I’m done. I’m fucking old and tired. I can’t run around this kid. I have to stand up and fight him. I have to fight for Jack.

  My body absorbs Alex’s first blow, easing me away from him. I return the hit, pushing him back. And so we go about trading punches blow-for-blow. Battering the other’s body with no concern for our own. Smattering the canvas with blood, fueled by the fight for little boys we couldn’t save.

  Alex knocks me off him one last time before landing a body-head combination, leveling me to the ground. I’m done. I can feel the fight leaving my body for the first time in my life. I’ve got nothing left to give. I close my eyes and allow the defeat to swallow my soul, shrouding me in blackness. I won’t recover from this loss. I’ve lost my family.

  Quinn

  “Quinn,” I hear Owen’s deep voice at my back. He’s been here for an hour watching us. I don’t think he was really trying to hide, though.

  “It’s gettin’ late. Let’s get the kids home,” he suggests softly.

  “Where exactly is that, Owen?”

  “Where do you want it to be?” he asks sitting down next to me on the bench of the picnic table.

  “Home is where you feel safe,” I murmur into Ashling’s hair.

&nbs
p; “Then I’ll take you where you feel safe.”

  “I don’t feel safe anywhere. Not after what he did today.”

  “He hurt you.” It’s a statement not a question.

  “Yes.” I turn my head and gaze into his light brown eyes. He’s worried about me, it’s etched in his features, but his eyes look tortured.

  “I’ll take you home with me,” he whispers.

  “I can’t do that to the kids. They’ve had enough. I need to give them stability, not another change.”

  “So take ’em home. Make Kieran sleep on the couch. You’ll work it out.”

  “He hurt me, Owen. Why? Why did he do that?”

  “I can’t answer that. He’s a lot of things, Quinn. Bein’ a fighter makes you into somethin’ else in life. His head was back in that mode today. That doesn’t excuse whatever he did to you, it’s just how that shit works.”

  “So I just let it go until the next time he has to fight or whatever else turns him into the cruel, heartless man that I was with today?”

  “NO!” Ashling jumps as his voice booms. “Sorry.”

  “He used me like a whore. And you know, that’s not really what bothers me. If he needed to work up some sexual tension before his fight I woulda done it for him. Owen, he looked at me like I was trash, spoke to me in a tone reserved for scum. I’ve never…” I trail off with a shudder.

  “I’m gonna fuckin’ kill him,” Owen growls. He pulls me roughly into his chest as Jack runs up.

  “Hey, Owen!”

  “Hey, little man,” Owen murmurs against my hair.

  “How come my angel was with Daddy?” Jack asks as he plops down at the table, his sweaty raven hair stuck to his forehead.

  “What, Baby?” I ask, shifting into Owen’s arms a bit more. My racer-back shirt isn’t doing much for me now that the evening is cooling off.

  “When you and Daddy were havin’ your fight I saw him. He’s a lot bigger now, but that was my angel.”

  Owen and I share a mutually confused look. Then I remember the gigantic blond that came out of The Castle and told me Kieran wouldn’t want me to leave.