The Reconciliation

by Susan Lantz Simpson

  “Timothy can.” It wasn’t a question. Atlee had been freinden with Timothy forever. He knew Tim had cared about Malinda for years and had waited patiently for her to grow up and think of him as someone other than her bruder’s freind.

  “Jah, Timothy can deal with any flare-ups I might have.”

  “If Timothy can deal with you, any flare-ups would be easy as pie.”

  Malinda punched Atlee’s upper arm. “We were talking about you, not me.”

  “Nee. We were talking about going to bed before the rooster tells us it’s time to get up.” Atlee doubted sleep would visit him tonight, but he did want to pray and think. Alone.

  “Actually, the last thread of our conversation—before you changed the subject, that is—was about me liking Becky. You know, if we girls had tried harder to be freinden with her when we were scholars, things might have been different. Becky always sort of stayed to herself. We all figured she thought she was better than us, but I’m thinking maybe she was really shy and didn’t know how to make freinden.”

  “And when did you start analyzing everyone’s behavior and motives? Have you been studying psychology on the sly?”

  Malinda swatted him again. “I’m trying to be totally serious and you jest.”

  “Okay. So you think Becky was shy because she kept to herself.”

  “Possibly. Or she could have lacked confidence in herself. She might have tried to get all the fellows’ attention to prove she was worthy, or something like that.”

  “Hmm. It sounds like you’ve been doing research. Did you sneak off to the library and get the librarians to look stuff up for you?”

  “You’re impossible. I’m trying to tell you I’m on your side, and you won’t be serious.”

  “You’re on my side for what?”

  Malinda rolled her eyes as if to say he was the biggest dunce in the world. “I’m on your side if you want to court Becky.”

  “What made you decide that?”

  “I’ve watched Becky with Lena and her little girls. Becky has been loving and kind. Lena’s girls obviously adore her. But they respect her, too. Sometimes she can get them to behave when Lena can’t. I think Becky will make a fine mamm.”

  Atlee nodded but kept silent, studying his schweschder in the flickering lamplight. He found no trace of teasing. He could tell she spoke honestly, from her heart.

  “And I’ve seen Becky with you.”

  Atlee swallowed the wrong way and coughed. “Exactly what have you observed?” He could kick himself for asking, but he needed to know if he had any chance with Becky. He knew what he had observed, but he could be seeing only what he wanted to see. Input from an unbiased party may help. Was Malinda unbiased? He hoped so.

  “Wouldn’t you like to know?” Malinda gave him a sly smile and turned toward the door.

  “I don’t think so.” Atlee grabbed Malinda’s arm to keep her rooted to the spot. “You started this. Now finish it.”

  “My, but it is late.” Malinda exaggerated a yawn. “I should let you get some rest. You know that old rooster will be crowing soon.”

  “I’m going to throw that old rooster on you to peck your eyes out if you don’t start talking.”

  “Such violence, Atlee. You know that’s not our way.”

  “You’re real funny, Malinda. Thanks to a certain pesky little schweschder, I am now wide awake, so let’s finish the conversation.”

  “I’ve always loved teasing you.”

  “I may be grown up, but I’m not above short-sheeting your bed or sticking a toad beneath the covers.”

  “I believe you’ve done that a time or two. I’m not fond of sleeping with toads, but I’m not scared of them.”

  Atlee kept hold of Malinda’s arm and fixed her with a stare. He tapped his foot as he waited for the mischievous grin to slide from her face.

  “Okay, Atlee. I’ll be serious. You can turn me loose now.”

  Atlee released his grip on Malinda’s arm and waited, toe still tapping.

  “Atlee, I have seen Becky look at you with all the love in her eyes a person can show.”

  “And when was this?”

  “On more than one occasion. Sometimes during church my gaze wanders a bit.”

  “To someone besides Timothy?”

  “Ha ha! I’m usually sitting somewhere behind and to the side of Becky, so I see when she turns her head to look at the men’s side of the room. Her face lights up if her eyes happen to connect with yours.”

  “You’ve observed all this in the few seconds when people take their eyes off the minister?”

  “What can I say? I’m a very observant person. Besides, girls are very in tune to these things.”

  “More so than men, I suppose.”

  “Do you mean to tell me you haven’t seen how much Becky cares by the way she looks at you?”

  “I’ve been afraid to trust my own judgment. I’ve been afraid I’m transferring my own feelings onto her, that I’m imagining she cares.”

  “I’m not imagining things, Bruder. I can tell you truly that Becky never looked at the other fellows the way she looks at you. That was all play. This is real. I know in my heart Becky cares for you.”

  “But what do I do about it? She’s afraid to let me into her life.”

  “Give her time, Atlee. She’s been hurt, and she’s scared.”

  “That’s about what Sam said.”

  “Listen to us, then. Keep helping her, walking with her after church, and visiting her. She’ll learn she can trust you. You are a wunderbaar person. I hope Becky realizes what a gem she has in you.” Malinda squeezed Atlee’s hand. “Gut nacht, Bruder.”

  Chapter Thirty

  “How did your visit with the midwife go?” Lena stood at the stove stirring vegetable soup. “Would you like some soup? The girls and I have eaten, and they’re both down for a nap.”

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help you.”

  “Don’t be silly. I’m perfectly capable of handling the meal alone. Besides, your appointments are important.” Lena tapped the large wooden spoon against the side of the pan and replaced the lid. “So would you like a bowl of soup to warm you up?” Lena turned to look at Becky. “Ach! What’s wrong, Becky? You look like you lost your only freind. Is everything all right with the boppli?” Lena grabbed a kitchen chair and dragged it close to the stove. “Here. Sit.” She took Becky’s arm and led her to the chair.

  “The boppli is fine. Laurie said everything was progressing normally, except for my weight. She said I need to gain more weight. That’s hard to do when I often don’t feel like eating.”

  “I know, but you are feeling a bit better now, ain’t so?”

  “Jah. I still feel queasy, but usually I’m able to eat at least a little.”

  “Well, then, let me dish you up some soup.”

  “I’ll try to eat a little, Lena, but I can get it myself.”

  “Relax. You took care of me. Now I can take care of you.”

  “Me and three kinner? I don’t think so.”

  Lena lifted a bowl from the cabinet and ladled soup into it. “Enjoy being waited on for a change. So if your appointment went well, why the long, gloomy face?”

  Becky sighed. She scooted her chair back under the table. She gulped as Lena set the bowl of steaming soup in front of her. Although the soup, with its chunks of carrots and potatoes, green beans, corn, and tomatoes, looked and smelled delicious, Becky wasn’t so sure her stomach could handle it.

  “Take the spoon in your hand and put a bite into your mouth. Or I can feed you.” Lena picked up the spoon, loaded it up, and raised it toward Becky’s mouth.

  Becky wrinkled her nose at Lena and grabbed the spoon. “You’ve been around little ones for too long. I think I can feed myself.”

  “When I was expecting Mary, I remember Laurie telling me that an empty stomach can make you feel sicker.”

  Becky blew on the spoonful of soup and popped it into her mouth. “It’s gut.” She lowered the spo
on into the soup and propped it against the edge of the bowl. “I visited my parents after my appointment.”

  “Didn’t that go well?”

  “It was fine. I was glad to see them and to talk to Mamm for a little while.”

  “But?”

  “But they’re planning to move away from Maryland.” To Becky’s horror, she burst into tears. She covered her face with her hands and sobbed harder than Matthew when he was impatient for a feeding. Becky heard Lena scoot a chair over beside her and felt Lena’s thin arms encircle her to hold her close. For some reason, the empathy and comfort made her cry harder, until she hiccupped and gasped for breath.

  “Take a few deep breaths. Give that boppli some oxygen.”

  “Ach, the boppli!” Becky pulled away from Lena in a panic. “Did all that crying hurt the boppli?”

  “I’m sure it didn’t. I cried rivers when Joseph died, and Matthew turned out fine. I think something about being in the family way makes us more sensitive. I know I teared up at the drop of a hat all three times.”

  Becky sniffed and swiped at her nose and eyes with the paper napkin Lena had pressed into her hand. “I-I’m sorry, Lena. I shouldn’t have carried on so.” Her breath still came out in little jerks.

  “Everyone needs a gut cry now and then. I think it helps. It’s kind of a release and a relief. Then we can pull ourselves together and move on. You’ve certainly had plenty of reasons to cry, and I don’t think you’ve ever given in to the urge, so you were about due, ain’t so?”

  Becky gave Lena a small, wobbly smile. “You’re gut for me, Lena.”

  “I try to be. Now, tell me about your parents. Why are they moving, and why so suddenly?”

  “I’m not sure if it’s sudden or not, but they never mentioned anything to me before today.”

  “Where are they going?”

  “My grossmammi, Mamm’s mamm, has lived with my mamm’s bruder for years. My onkle and aenti have taken care of her since my grossdaddi passed on.”

  Lena nodded. “Where do they live?”

  “They lived here. Then they moved to Indiana when I was a little girl. My aenti’s family was from Shipshewana. I didn’t get to see them often after they moved, but we wrote letters. Anyway, Grossmammi fell and broke her hip. She’s been having a lot of problems, and it’s hard for my aenti to care for her alone while my onkle is working. Mamm feels she should help. She says she wants to spend as much time with her mamm as she can.” Becky paused to blink back more tears.

  “That’s understandable.”

  “I do understand that. Really I do. I think Mamm should be with Grossmammi. I know I’m being selfish, but I want my mamm to be with me, too.” Becky began shredding the napkin.

  “That’s understandable, too, Becky. And it’s not selfish. It’s natural to want your mamm here when you have your boppli. I wish my mamm could have been here for me. Are your bruders planning to move, too?”

  “I don’t think so. They all have families and businesses or farms here, and I don’t believe they want to uproot and start over.” Becky dropped the bits of napkin onto the table beside her soup bowl.

  “I’m almost afraid to ask, but what about you, Becky? Do you plan to move with your parents to start over in Indiana?” Lena’s fingers played with the pile of shredded paper on the table.

  Becky looked into Lena’s stricken face. It was plain to her that Lena loved her as a schweschder. And she considered Lena the big schweschder she never had. “Nee. Maryland is my home. I left once and don’t want to leave again.”

  “Shipshewana would be an Amish community, you know, not a big city like New York.”

  “I know, but home to me is here, even if my parents leave.”

  “I certainly don’t want you to leave, but I don’t want to be the reason you stay. Think about what you truly want, Becky, about what is best for you.”

  Becky swiped at a stray tear. “I thought and prayed all the way here. I know in my heart my home is here. This is where I belong. I’m just not sure where I’ll live.”

  “What will your parents do with their place?”

  “My oldest bruder, Emanuel, has always eyed the place. His house is small for his growing family. I believe Daed will work things out with him. I suppose I could keep my room there, but I wouldn’t want to be in Sally’s way. Sally is a nice person and perfect for Emanuel, but I’m sure she and I do things differently. It would be very hard for me to see the changes she would have every right to make. Besides, I’ll have the boppli in a few months, and they certainly don’t need that extra burden.”

  “Your boppli would never be a burden. I’m sure Sally would love your little one.”

  “I know she would, but she has enough of her own and will probably have more kinner herself.” Becky tapped her fingers on the table.

  Lena filled the spoon with soup and held it to Becky’s lips. “Eat.”

  Obediently Becky opened her mouth. She chewed the soft vegetables and swallowed. “Speaking of kinner, I’m not one.” She took the spoon from Lena’s hand.

  “I know, but you keep forgetting to eat. You’ll never gain the weight the midwife wants you to gain if you don’t eat.”

  Becky plunged the spoon into the bowl and swirled the potatoes and carrots around. “I’ll try.”

  “You can live with me, you know. The kinner and I would be overjoyed if you and your boppli stayed here.”

  Becky patted Lena’s arm. “That is so nice of you to offer, but I don’t want to be in your way, either.”

  “In my way? You’ve been a godsend to me.”

  “But you are back on your feet and, uh, you’ll probably remarry, and . . .”

  “You don’t see anyone shining a light in my window, do you? There aren’t any men falling over each other to court me.”

  “They will, Lena. It’s just a matter of time. You’re a wunderbaar person, and your kinner are adorable.”

  “I’m not sure I’m ready to even think of remarriage, even though I know it’s expected.”

  Becky squeezed Lena’s hand. “I know. I’m thinking of in the future.”

  “I have a feeling you’ll get married long before I do.”

  Becky gasped. “I have nee plans to get married. Why would you think that?”

  “I know a certain young man who, I believe, is just waiting for some sign from you.”

  “I don’t think so. I fear if you offer me a home here, you may be stuck with me for a long, long time. You may want to give your offer further thought.”

  “I don’t need to do that. I consider you family. Unless you’d rather live with one of your bruders, I would like very much for you to stay here.”

  “I’m sure my bruders and their fraas would wilkom me, but I think they would consider it their obligation to do so. It wouldn’t necessarily be their desire. I’m afraid I would be more an intruder than anything else.”

  “They all seem nice enough to me. Surely they would be happy to have you, Becky.”

  “They are nice. I love all my family members. I just don’t think I’d be comfortable living with them. I’d feel like a guest in their homes, and you know guests tend to wear out their wilkom after a while.”

  “I can assure you that you would never wear out your wilkom here. I hope you haven’t felt uncomfortable.”

  “Never, Lena. You’ve made me feel like part of the family from the beginning, but the plan was for me to help until you got back on your feet again. I don’t want you to feel obligated to let me live with you, either. I suppose I could live alone, until my boppli arrives, that is. Surely someone has a dawdi house not in use.”

  “Ach, Becky! You don’t want to be alone! Let me help you now that I’m mostly recovered.”

  “I want you to feel free to marry again when the right man kumms along. I don’t want to hold you back.”

  “Like I told you, I have nee plans to marry. How about this? You live here and consider this your home until either of us marries.”

 
Becky laughed. “I can see us now. Two crotchety old women rocking in chairs beside the stove. Our kinner are grown and gone.”

  Lena smiled. “I don’t think you’ll be rocking beside me. I see a husband in that chair next to you.”

  “Don’t count on that.”

  “Do we have a deal? You will stay here? I don’t mean as my helper. This will be your home. You can kumm and go as you please. You don’t have to take care of my kinner.”

  “I love taking care of your kinner.”

  “They love you, too, but I don’t want you to feel responsible for them. We can work together and help each other, but you will be free to live your own life. Does that sound like a gut plan to you?”

  “I want you to be sure, Lena. Up until just a little while ago, we expected I would soon go back to my parents’ house. I don’t want you to make a spur-of-the-moment decision that you’ll regret later.”

  “It really wasn’t a quick decision. I’ve been thinking for a long time how nice it would be if you could stay here. I didn’t know you that well when you first came here, but right away you felt like family. If you need time to think, that’s fine. If you want to live with a bruder, I’ll understand. I just want you to know I’d love to have you stay as long as you’d like.”

  Becky threw her arms around the older woman in a quick hug. “Danki, Lena. You and your little ones have become family to me, too. If I stay, will you promise to tell me any time you want me to leave?”

  “That won’t happen.”

  “You never know. Promise you’ll tell me if I get in the way or you want your house back to yourself. Do you promise, Lena?”

  “All right, but it’s an empty promise. We’ve gotten along splendidly all this time. I can’t imagine anything changing. But you have to promise me something, too, Becky.”

  “What’s that?”

  “When that young man convinces you to marry him, you’ll do it without worrying about me.”

  “I don’t have plans—”