Silent Crescendo

by Catherine George

  Judith rubbed her temples wearily, almost fancying she could still hear Rafael's music running through her brain. Suddenly she stiffened. She could hear it, very quietly, certainly, but from somewhere close at hand, not inside her own head. Then it stopped and she shook herself irritably. Hallucinations she could do without. Coffee. That was the answer. Judith crossed the hall to the kitchen, but stopped dead in her tracks outside the closed drawing-room door. The music had started up again, bringing up the hairs on the back of her neck, and it wasn't the piece heard at the Opera House either. Musical ignoramus she might be, but this music was something she recognised with a shiver of reminiscence, even though heard only once before. It was from the opera La Rondine, and she had heard Rafael sing it on the stage of the William Gresham Theatre on a never-to-be forgotten evening not so very long ago.

  Judith clenched her teeth and stared at the closed door, common sense assuring her a burglar intent on breaking and entering would hardly stop to enjoy a record on her host's stereo system. Then without warning every last drop of blood in her body threatened to drain away as an unmistakable voice rose above the orchestra, the pure golden sound bringing hot tears to Judith's eyes as the liquid, impassioned notes poured out in pleading. Even though the pleading was in Italian she knew very well what the words meant, not only from Rafael's perfect diction, but from much secret poring over the libretto translation during the restless days after her first meeting with him.

  'No.' Rimani! Non lasciarmi solo!' implored his voice, repeating the phrase with a cadence of such despair it tore Judith apart. Then abruptly there was silence again and she summoned up her forces, opening the door and snapping on the light as she stormed into the room.

  'What do you think you're doing…' Judith trailed lamely into silence. The room was empty, the only sign of life the tiny red light on the expensive stereo. Baffled, Judith threw an uneasy look over her shoulder, then irritably she crossed the large room to turn off the stereo, almost jumping out of her skin as the music began once more. The tape had re-started itself. This time Judith waited, scowling, her foot tapping angrily as the sequence of music and pauses ran its length, concluding as before with Rafael's voice pleading with her to stay, not to leave him alone. Grimly Judith heard him out, then switched off the stereo and pulled it away from the wall to discover it was attached to a small computer on the floor.

  'Well, well, well,' murmured Judith aloud. 'The miracles of modern science. And just how did that get there, I wonder?'

  'I put it there,' said an amused voice behind her, and Judith flung round to see Rafael leaning indolently in the doorway, a key-ring swinging from one finger.

  A great flood of angry colour washed over Judith's face and receded, leaving her colourless with fury. 'What are you doing here?' she demanded, consumed with a fierce desire to lash out at him as he lounged there, no longer the formal stranger in evening dress, but more like the man she knew, casual in sweater and slacks, a leather jacket slung over his shoulders.

  'I live here,' he said casually. 'When I am in London, that is. It is my apartment.'

  Judith struggled to keep her temper under control. 'Martin said it belonged to a friend,' she snapped.

  'I am his friend, no?'

  'He said the friend was away.'

  'Alas, he was compelled to lie. I am not away. I am here,' said Rafael, the gleam in his eyes belying his gravity.

  Judith glared at him. 'And is this where you've been all the time?'

  'No. After—after I left you, Judith, I drove to Granada. I did not know where else to go. And all the time I was driving there I hear—heard this music in my brain.' He moved from the doorway, advancing a little towards her, his eyes unwavering as they held her. 'I was desolated, Judith. This music I heard was not happy, either, yet it seemed to ease my melancholy a little, almost to illustrate it, and when I finally reached Casa de las Flores I sat down at the piano and I played the tune in my brain, and it grew. It became the musical expression of the brief, beautiful time we spent together at Morfa, all the sadness and the great, burning happiness I experienced when you were there with me. Did you not hear all this in the music tonight, Judith?'

  She shook her head. 'No. The music was very atmospheric, but all I could think of was that you wrote it without telling me, and you were actually here in this country without letting me know. To me it seemed to be telling me I was extraneous, quite definitely not part of this new life of yours.'

  'What you are saying is that I wanted you when things were bad for me, then when they were not so bad I just discarded you.' Rafael's eyes flamed for a moment before his thick lashes dropped to hide them. 'Your opinion does not flatter, chica.'

  Judith shrugged indifferently. 'Shouldn't you be at a party now? I heard you were guest of honour.'

  'It will still function without me,' he said calmly. 'I wished you to be there with me. You did not, so I came here.'

  'Mrs Kramer will be disappointed,' said Judith rashly.

  'Lenore?' Rafael's eyes narrowed. 'You have met her tonight?'

  'Yes.' Judith's chin lifted. 'She said you were old friends from "way back".'

  'I have known her a long time, yes. It is natural—she is related to one of my agents. I have known many people for a long time. And you for only a short time. Does it make a difference?'

  'No. I suppose not.' Judith's eyes veered away from his. 'How did Honor and Martin come into all the fun and games tonight?'

  'I asked them to bring you here to London, to drag you to the concert by force if necessary.' Rafael's voice was harsh. 'I thought you would be glad. So did they. Martin said you were unhappy without me. I appears we were all wrong—about everything.'

  Judith was silent. Tears formed at the corners of her eyes and began to run down her cheeks. 'You weren't wrong,' she said at last, in a choked voice. 'I didn't know—didn't realise—'

  'That my music was a gift for you, Judith? I wanted to do something which would merit your love, to show I earned our life together. But, being the performer I am I wanted to put on a show for you.' Rafael made no move, but his voice softened and grew husky, and Judith looked up at him, sniffing, still angry about the weeks of silence and misery; yet bound up with the anger, like a bright thread of gold, was the certain knowledge that here in front of her, his eyes glittering like citrines under the slanting brows, was the only man she ever wanted, ever would want, beyond all possible doubt. But the urge to punish lingered, and she resisted the yearning to hurl herself into his arms, wanting him to suffer a little, not only for his silence, but for fraying her emotions with such an emotive reminder of his superb voice.

  'You frightened me,' she said flatly, eyeing him with resentment as she gestured to the stereo. 'Your gadgetry scared me out of my wits.'

  'Scared of a little music? You, Judith?' He was openly laughing at her. 'My intrepid Amazon? Never!'

  'I thought someone had broken in until I discovered your computer.'

  'Ingenious, no? I have a friend in the recording business who showed me what to do. One simply puts an interface into the—'

  'Spare me the technicalities, Rafael.' Judith turned away and sat down on a sofa. 'I presume you set it all up before I arrived today.'

  Rafael came nearer and stood looking down at her.

  'Yes, I did. Then I had Martin turn it on. My plan was to make only a token appearance at the party with you, then bring you back here, and if my competence as a composer and conductor had not softened you towards me I hoped the words on the tape would achieve it. That was why I installed it—for the words. Did you understand them, Judith?'

  'Oh yes,' she admitted, turning away. 'I know what they meant.'

  'To be honest I had hopes that if all else failed you might be softened by hearing the voice I once had.' Rafael sat down beside her, but made no move to touch her. 'Did it strike any chord in you, Judith? You know I was saying "stay, do not leave me alone".'

  'Ah, but how alone is alone, Rafael?' She gave him a glinting s
idelong look. 'Tonight I gained quite a fair idea of how much consolation could be available to you.'

  He lifted one shoulder expressively.

  'I am asking you to share my life, Judith, not just my bed.' He caught her chin in one hand and turned her face to his. 'What else must I do before you say yes, chica? Dios—you are hard on me!'

  'I'm hard on you?' she cried passionately. 'How do you think I've felt all this time without a word? And while we're on the subject, why were you so aloof and distant at Honor's wedding, even afterwards when we went to the car alone together?'

  'Because then, querida, I was not sure I would have success as a composer, and because then I was not certain of the success of another plan which is now certainty.' Suddenly he turned and seized her by the elbows. 'I was exerting great self-control all the time not to pull you into my arms and kiss you senseless, little fool. But it was, after all, your sister's wedding. Not an occasion to mar with such unrestrained behaviour.' He shook her slightly. 'And do not forget, Judith Russell, that I was the one who was rejected!'

  Judith looked at him, doubt in her wide, dark eyes.

  'I know,' she said with difficulty, and tried half­heartedly to free herself.

  'No. I shall not let you go.' Rafael moved nearer, the familiar, pulse-quickening scent of him in her nostrils as he drew her gently towards him. 'Do not pull away. I have something of importance to tell you.'

  Abruptly Judith was tired of words. She raised eyes lambent with invitation and said huskily, 'Tell me later,' putting up her hands to bring his face down to hers. 'I've been so wretched, Rafael. I'm very glad your music was successful tonight, but in some ways it doesn't matter to me. Nothing matters if I'm honest, nothing except to be with you, wherever you are, whatever you want to do or not do. If—if you still want me, that is.'

  Rafael cast his eyes heavenwards and shook her quite roughly. 'Dios—what else must I do to prove it?'

  Judith slid her arms round him and raised her mouth. 'You could kiss me.'

  His eyes kindled and his mouth met hers in a passion of tenderness and relief as he lifted her on to his lap and cradled her against him, his hands caressing her gently while his mouth moved over her face feature by feature, as though to memorise her all over again by touch.

  'Ah, linda flor,' he sighed at last. 'How I have longed to hold you in my arms like this again. My heart and my very soul have longed for you.'

  An uncontrollable giggle shook Judith and she raised a teasing face to his. 'Your rather extravagant use of the English language takes a little getting used to, my darling!'

  He stared down at her with hauteur. 'I say only what I feel.'

  She nodded lovingly and settled back into his embrace. 'Yes. I'm beginning to realise that. But don't imagine I've forgiven you yet for frightening me with that wicked contraption of yours. I genuinely thought I was being haunted by your voice, you great ham.'

  'Ham? That is something to eat, no?'

  'M'm. Like this.' Delicately she began to nibble along his jawline with tantalising slowness until he turned blindly to find her mouth with his and there was no more talking for some time until, with a tremendous effort, Rafael raised his head.

  'No,' he said, breathless and flushed, but determined. 'First I must tell you what else I have been doing since we parted.'

  'Since you walked out on me, you mean!'

  'You think it was easy to do?' Rafael's face was austere with the memory. 'Yet afterwards at the Casa de las Flores in Granada, I was almost grateful to you.'

  'Oh, really!'

  'I said "almost", mi amor, not entirely.' His arms tightened as he looked possessively at her face against his shoulder. 'But you were right. A life of lotus-eating, as you described it, would not content either you or me—I? No matter. So. Not only did you give me inspiration to compose my Celtic Idyll, but after a while I thought of something else to occupy my time now I cannot sing.'

  'You're going to conduct!' Judith sat up, her eyes shining. 'You looked so fantastic on that podium, Rafael. You'd be a natural at conducting opera, surely, with all your experience on the stage?'

  'I have thought of it,' he agreed, with a brilliant smile at her enthusiasm. 'Having been a singer I feel I could conduct opera with a special sympathy for the singers and the musicians—but I wander from the point. My good idea is to found a school for young opera singers, whether they can pay or not. I have the house. I have money, and I have friends. Bryn Tudor, for one, is willing to come in on it with me. He will devote some time to coaching, and can put up a little money. I'm sure others will contribute some time also, and of course I shall take master-classes myself. I shall enjoy that, I think.'

  'That's a wonderful idea,' exclaimed Judith. 'But what about me?'

  'I shall enjoy you, too, mi corazón,' he said huskily and kissed her hard.

  'That's not what I meant.' Face scarlet she pulled away. 'I just wondered if you could use another recruit?'

  Rafael eyed her up and down, pretending to consider.

  'It is possible, of course, that I could have need of a physiotherapist—possibly I can think of a job for you.'

  Judith pushed her tumbling hair from her face. 'Would the pay be good?'

  Rafael lifted a shoulder, an evil glint in his eye. 'No. But there would be fringe benefits I think you say.'

  'Oh yes. Such as?'

  'You would have to keep the Maestro happy, do what he commands at all times.'

  'Commands!'

  'Implores!' Without warning Rafael slid to his knees in front of Judith, hands clasped together in ultra dramatic plea. 'Say you will be mine forever, querida, do not destroy my life with your refusal, I beg—'

  'For heaven's sake shut up, you idiot!' Judith threw a cushion at him with such force he landed flat on his back, laughing helplessly. if that's an opera libretto no wonder they don't sing them in English very often!'

  Rafael sat up and clasped his hands round his knees, sober again, his eyes questioning. 'Will you, Judith? Are you willing to spend your life with musicians? I can do nothing else—my whole life has been music'

  'I've already found out how little choice I have,' she said candidly. 'Without you life turned out to be pretty meaningless anyway. So if I need to work I'll practice my skills on your pupils, make them fitter. You can build a gymnasium where I can put them through their paces.'

  'Anything you wish, amada.'

  'Then I very much fear you're stuck with me!'

  'I have no fear.' Rafael's smile faded. 'I was afraid, Judith. But now I have you back I shall never fear anything again.'

  Judith's eyes were soft with compassion.

  'What were you afraid of, Rafael? Of not being able to sing anymore?'

  'No. I had come to terms with that before you came to Brynmorfa. It was only after I had a taste of what life could be with you at my side that I found the prospect of life without you so terrifying.'

  They stared at each other gravely for a moment, then Rafael put out a hand to touch Judith's.

  'What is it?' she whispered.

  'It is just that my beautiful girl has recovered her glow. The light is burning inside you once more, unlike the creature I met at the wedding—so elegant, so soignée, but so lifeless. Nothing at all like that vivid, flying figure I first met in the park.'

  'Mowed down,' she said indignantly, then sighed. 'Oh Rafael, it's been such hell without you. I thought you'd lost interest in me after Honor's wedding.'

  'But then, I am good at pretending. I have made my living by my talent for pretending, Judith.' Rafael stayed where he was on the floor, his face alight with passionate sincerity. 'But I pretend nothing now, Judith. I love you, I want you, and I pray you feel the same about me. Do you, little one?'

  Judith smiled shakily. 'You know very well I do.'

  Wordlessly Rafael held up his arms and she slid down into them with a sigh of pure happiness, surrendering herself to his mouth and hands with rapture, only stirring when something occurred to her.
>
  'Let me up, Rafael, we can't stay here like this, Honor and Martin will be here any time.'

  He shook his head, eyes dancing, and pulled her back into his arms. 'I engaged a room for them at the Savoy.'

  'You did what!' Judith stared at him in astonishment. 'What on earth did they think—not to mention the utter extravagance!'

  'They will think we need time to be alone. Martin understands only too well that given the choice I would have had you safely married to me long since; so does Honor. And I know they approve.' He raised himself on one elbow to look down with pleasure at her flushed face. 'Besides, I consider they deserve some reward for all their help in getting you to London and keeping my secret, no? Poor Honor found it all most difficult—she wanted so very much to tell you everything.'

  'Poor darling, it must have been agony for her.'

  'Then you agree my extravagance was justified. Speaking for myself no price is too high to pay for a night spent in your arms, amada.'

  Judith dissolved into helpless giggles. 'You can't say that—it's disreputable!'

  Rafael chuckled as he stretched himself full length beside her. 'You know very well what I mean, little tease. Take great care, or I shall exact my revenge when you begin learning Spanish.'

  'I'll keep you to that. In the meantime may I ask a question?'

  'Anything, querida.'

  'I just wondered why we're lying on this tastefully carpeted but frankly hard floor, when there are two unoccupied beds across the hall.' She smiled at him demurely.

  'An excellent question.' Rafael jumped up, laughing, and pulled Judith to her feet. 'As long as you mean one of them to remain unoccupied, of course.'

  'You bet your sweet life I do,' said Judith emphatically, gathering up her long skirt in one hand. 'I'll race you—'

  'No, chica,' he swung her up into his arms, kissing her smiling mouth. 'Let me carry you, then I can do this on the way. Better, no?'