UN-Breakable

by S. K. Lessner

  I’d taken care of my parents’ and brother’s injuries so many times during my life, this was practically routine. Blood didn’t faze me. Wounds didn’t disgust me. I had cleaned up more vomit than I’d ever care to admit. But something about knowing I had hurt the man who had saved me made me nervous and scared. Scrubbing the small amount of blood that had dried in the crook of his arm, I quickly became lost in thought. This may have been a small incident, but what if he became angry with me? Would he hurt me, too? What if he grew tired of me and told me it was time to leave? Where would I go? I had started to feel comfortable here during the past few weeks. Safe even. But the truth of it all was that he owed me nothing and surely he would grow tired of the savior routine eventually.

  “Hey.” Nick’s whisper pulled my attention back to the man sitting beside me, making me realize I’d stopped cleaning his arm and was now holding it tightly as if he were a lifeline. “Everything’s fine. You're just a bit more aggressive than I expected. I wasn’t ready for that.” He chuckled, his smile lighting up his face even though I knew he must still be in pain.

  I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I just... I dunno... it just happened.” I wanted to cry. I wanted to run far, far away. I felt horrible and scared and so alone.

  “Gwen?” Before I realized what he was doing, Nick wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest, my head lying sideways over his heart. “Never apologize.”

  I felt my tears slowly escaping and slammed my eyes closed. His hand was gently rubbing circles across my back, removing any and all my fears as I quickly became lost in the motion. It felt so good to be cocooned against his strong body and safely inside his protective arms. I couldn’t remember a time I’d ever been offered such genuine affection without being expected to give something in return.

  “And definitely don’t worry about a little bite. I’m happy to see you won’t need dental care any time soon.” He chuckled, the sound reverberating through his chest and into my ear, easing the last few emotions that remained. “So, tiger, back on your feet, this time you’re going to put me in the headlock.”

  I heard the humor in his voice and breathed a sigh of relief. My fears about the future could wait until later to worry over. Right now, I’d do whatever he wanted to ensure I didn’t lose the safety and peacefulness I felt in his arms.

  Two hours later, we were both drenched in sweat, my body worn out from all the self-defense tactics he’d shown me. Grabbing a bottle of water for both of us, I took them outside to the small deck that wrapped around the back of the cabin where we had moved to once the house had become too hot.

  “Here you go.” I handed him the water and sat beside him on the step. The sound of the wind lightly blowing through the trees, the birds calling from one to another, and the tinkling water in the creek that ran along the property were the solace I’d come to love here. Closing my eyes, I felt my body relax as I became lost in the symphony.

  “What’re you thinking about?” Nick’s voice surprised me and broke the spell the birds were weaving. Shocked that I could become lost in thought so easily around him, I shook my head in confusion.

  “Not much. Just how nice it is here.” I glanced sideways, wondering what he thought about this place.

  “It's become my favorite place, too.” He smirked, his ever present boyish charm escaping without his knowledge.

  “You mean you have other places like this?”

  “I have a couple houses, nothing fancy.”

  “Oh.” I wasn’t sure what to make of that. What did he use the others for? Where were they?

  “But to be honest, this is the first time any of them have felt like a home.” He pulled my thoughts away from my wayward fears and filled me with more questions I’d never have the courage to ask.

  “It’s really nice,” I offered, unsure of what to say.

  “No, Gwen. You make it feel like a home.”

  Her eyes flared, her breath catching and pushing her breasts up high. God, she was gorgeous. And I was the biggest prick to be eyeing her like a piece of meat. I just couldn’t help myself. Especially after how we’d worked out for the past couple hours. She had completely overcome her fear with me, her body and mind connecting and following every direction I gave. After I let her complete the maneuvers on me first, she breezed through the practice with me pretending to attack or restrain her. Now, as we both sat side by side, I felt the strangest feeling. One I hadn’t had since my mother had died when I was five.

  Home. I felt like I was home.

  Unfortunately, I could tell from her response that she thought I was insane. She continued to stare at me as if I’d grown two heads or announced I was running for president. Hell, I had surprised myself with my announcement, but once it was out, I couldn’t take it back. Just as I was about to say something funny to change the subject, her lips slowly turned upward, gradually revealing the most beautiful and radiant smile I’d ever seen.

  I was screwed.

  “So, want to do something tonight since I’m not working? We could go grab something to eat or drive down to Jacksonville and go to the art supply store if you want?” I rushed my words, trying to distract my raging hormones and suddenly sappy heart from the beauty before me.

  “Sure. Whatever you’d like.” She continued to smile, her voice reminding me of angel’s wings fluttering in the breeze.

  “Okay then.” I jumped up, astounded by my train of thought. Women had served one purpose for me over the years. One and one only. I sure as hell wasn’t going to get caught up in a woman who I couldn’t have, even if I refused to admit that I already was. “I’m gonna go take a quick shower then you can grab one after me. Sound good?”

  She was still smiling, her cheeks pink as she looked up at me. “Yep.” She nodded, the motion making her body rock slightly before me.

  Before I did something I’d really regret, or she might for that matter, I hurried inside to drown myself in the coldest shower I’d ever taken.

  I couldn’t remember the last time I was able to just sit back and enjoy life. All of my life had been spent taking care of everyone else. Even during college, when I should’ve been out living it up, I was shouldered with the burdens of my family. Being with Nick was unlike anything I’d ever known. I didn’t have to take care of anyone except myself. As foreign as it was, it felt exhilarating.

  Nick was in the process of building a fire along the riverbank where we’d been fishing for the past two hours. It had been a quick ride down the road from the cabin, a few minutes that led us to an open area where the river widened significantly and according to Nick, the fish seemed to enjoy just as much as him. The sun had begun to set, but night hadn’t fully reached us yet. It was absolutely beautiful out, and I kept getting distracted by the palette of colors that continued to change and highlight the sky and the amazing man beside me. My job was to watch the fishing poles in case we had a bite, but with the sky in the background and the way he moved about, completely in charge and sure of himself, fascinated me. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. Everything he did seemed so smooth and in control like he had the world in the palm of his hand. Even the way he blew on the logs, stoking the fire, seemed like a magician who'd long ago lost the need to practice his art.

  Just as I was about to tell him good job, I caught the sudden jerk of a pole across from me and jumped up. Hurrying around the logs we’d set up as chairs, I jumped over a few large rocks and was about to grab the pole when my foot pulled me backward. Unbeknownst to me, my feet had tangled in someone's discarded fishing line. Without warning, I went face first, my body landing with a loud smack on the damp ground. The breath had been knocked out of me, and my hands were embedded with tiny pebbles, but I refused to disappoint Nick. Scurrying along on my belly, I quickly traversed the sand and rocky shore and grabbed the now bobbing fishing pole.

  I could hear Nick’s humor behind me, his rolling laughter filling the air, but my focus was solely on the pole in my hand and the line straining i
n the water. I knew I should stand up to get better footing, but I was afraid I’d lose the pole if I tried. Whatever was attached on the other end wasn’t small. It was pulling with an equal amount of power as I was. With my elbows firmly braced against the uncomfortable stones, I reeled with all my might, yanking the line back as I’d watched Nick do many times before. It would be my first fish. The first time I ever caught anything. The thought spurred me on, injecting adrenaline into my actions. Another yank and the fish leaped from the water, its fins spraying water everywhere.

  “Holy shit!” Nick cried out, the sound of his footsteps rushing to grab the net beside me. “Hold it steady. I’ll get it. I don't want the line to break.”

  I had no idea what he was saying. I just wanted the damn fish to stop fighting against me and give up. Suddenly, the scaly beast pulled harder than I expected, my reel protesting and line whining as it pulled outward instead of in. “He’s getting away!” I called out, hoping Nick would hurry up.

  “Just hold it steady, you’re doing fine.”

  Bull crap. I was not doing fine. Any minute this fish would take the hook, line, and pole with him and swim off to his silent death in the deep blue. Refusing to accept that outcome, I yanked one final time, ripping the line over my head and the fish into the air. With the grace of a ballerina, Nick reached the net over the water’s edge, timing and judging the distance perfectly without getting his feet wet. A second later, a large flopping fish was jumping around in the net and Nick was grinning from ear to ear.

  “Congratulations! You just got yourself a carp! At least ten pounds, I’d say!”

  “Didn’t you say those aren't any good to eat?”

  “Sure did.”

  “Ugh.” I had been so excited about capturing something huge and valuable, and it turns out it is a dirty, useless fish after all.

  “He sure is pretty, though.” Nick was in the process of unhooking the beast as I pushed myself to stand.

  “Pretty useless,” I grumbled, brushing the dirt and pebbles off my body.

  “Yeah, but great practice for you. You did really good bringing him in.”

  His praise was an instant aphrodisiac. All thought of the fish disappeared, and for the first time, I looked at Nick in awe and wonder. I’d stared at him, studied him, and watched him for hours on end. But until now, I hadn’t truly seen him. With his arms flexing as he fought the fish for the hook, and his body bracing his stance, the sheer power and beauty of him registered deep within. A soaring heat flowed through me, coursing through every vein I had. Never before had I felt such strong attraction. The realization that I could think that or feel sexually attracted to someone after what I’d been through was just as much of a shock. I wasn’t sure what to do with it either.

  “I’m gonna go tend the fire while you finish with floppy there.” I turned to leave but didn’t get far.

  “Wait,” Nick called out. “You have to let him go. It’s your fish.” He was smiling at me, no doubt enjoying the look of confusion on my face. “Hurry before he gets away..”

  “Um, okay.” I hesitated but gradually made my way over to him. I had no idea what he meant, but by all means, I wouldn’t tell the man no. “What do I do?”

  “Here, I’ll help you. Just hold on with me.”

  I had no choice but to stand next to him, the length of our bodies brushing against the other. Funny how I had been wrapped in his arms and tangled between his legs earlier in the day during our training session but hadn’t felt the same electric rush through my body. Now, it felt like a tuning fork, every nerve ending vibrating anxiously beside him.

  “Okay, ready?” He turned his head, bringing our faces within inches of each other’s.

  I couldn’t speak, couldn’t move. I felt the slimy scales wiggle in my hands, I knew I needed to step forward to the water's edge, but I was frozen.

  “On the count of three.”

  I nodded my head in agreement and bit my lip apprehensively.

  Holy hell. I wanted her something fierce. Her large, innocent eyes shining in the setting sun, her body wrapped around mine; she was the flame, and I was the moth. The way she was looking at me made me want to throw every good intention I had out the window and slam her to the ground right here and now. Watching her bite her lip nervously, I briefly wondered if she felt anything similar, or was worried over touching her first fish, when my thoughts made me realize what I was about to do.

  She could never handle sex with me. Not the way I needed it to be. And I would never put her through anything similar to what Alex had done to her again. No, she deserved someone sweet and doting, a romantic vanilla that would love her the way she deserved.

  “Three, two...” I turned away from her, forcing my thoughts back to the task at hand. “One!” Pulling my arms back, her body followed my lead, and at once we both stepped forward and swung the fish out toward the water. A loud splash sounded in front of us and before I knew it, Gwen was hopping up and down with excitement.

  “That was awesome! We saved its life! Like, it can go back home now and have babies and a happy life with its family.” She was smiling bigger than I’d ever seen her do before, but her words struck a chord. The small amount of goodness that remained in my blackened heart broke all over again. She would never be going back to her home. At least, not any time soon.

  “Gwen?”

  “Hmm?” she asked, still bouncing up and down as she glanced out at the blackened water.

  “Uh, nothing. Let’s just go make some s’mores.” I grabbed the net and the empty pole and took it with us to the fire. I wished I were man enough to apologize to her, make her understand why it had to be this way for her safety, but I wasn't. Maybe I wasn’t much better than Alex was after all.

  “Did I do something wrong?” Gwen’s quiet, hesitant voice pulled my attention away from the crackling fire.

  “Huh?” I was confused, wondering why she’d think that in the first place and surprised that she’d ask since she never really questioned anything I did.

  “Well, for the past half hour all you’ve done is stir the fire with that stick, lift the flaming red tip in the air to put it out, and then stir some more. I thought maybe I had done something to upset you.” She wasn’t looking at me, her face fully concentrating on the flames dancing before us. But it was obvious in the way she gripped her knees to her chest and rocked back and forth that it had taken her a lot of courage to ask such a simple question. Or maybe she was truly afraid of me.

  “Gwen,” I sighed, throwing the stick into the fire and moving to sit beside her. “There’s just some things bugging me, but nothing that you did could ever be wrong.” I gently wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her against me. It was a side hug. One you gave somebody at work or church, definitely not the kind I wished I could give her.

  “Oh,” she said softly, gradually allowing her body to relax and lean against mine, her head lying softly on my shoulder.

  We both breathed a long sigh and stared ahead, lost in thought as the fire raged on. We stayed like that, motionless other than our chests rising and falling, for a long time. When I finally realized how much time had passed, I was strangely surprised that it had felt so comfortable, so natural. I’d never been able to tolerate being next to a woman for long unless it was for the purpose of getting one of us off. There was never any snuggling or cuddling and absolutely no dating of any kind. Glancing down at the tiny female still wrapped under my arm, the scent of vanilla wafted up at the same moment she twisted her neck and angled her head to look up at me.

  The combination was like a punch to the gut. Her doe-like eyes, long lashes, and innocence radiated in the glowing light that flashed across her face. I wanted her more than I’d ever wanted any woman. The sheer power from the intensity I craved her with was beyond my control. When I saw her tentatively lick her lips, I knew I had to turn away, remove my body from the vicinity before I did something that we’d both regret.

  But I didn’t. Being the basta
rd that I am, I became intoxicated watching her. Her chest began rising quicker, her eyes darted from mine to my lips, silently conveying her own desires and wishes. The hand she’d rested on my thigh earlier began tightening its hold, slowly increasing until I had the twisted pleasure of knowing I’d be bruised the next morning. But as I watched her in excruciatingly slow motion, her mouth slowly coming toward mine, I lost all train of thought and surrendered to the battle waging inside.

  I was certain I lacked any gentle qualities. My body raged for me to pull her on top of me and roll us over so she’d be pinned beneath me. And when her lips finally made contact with mine, their tentative touch so soft and hesitant, I was unable to hold back any longer. With a moan I couldn’t suppress, I did exactly what I’d longed for, wrapping my arms around her as I began feasting on her beautiful lips. She tasted like peach Schnapps, and her scent was the most erotic thing I’d ever smelled—a spicy vanilla with a twist of floral. Deepening our exploration of each other, I was ravenous for more. Her lips were soft and full, molding perfectly around my own, as I wordlessly demanded her to yield before me. Without hesitation, she followed my lead, greedily taking from me what I was from her. Yet, it wasn’t enough. Nothing except her body, naked and beneath mine, would ever satisfy me again.

  With far more force than I intended, I lifted her up and brought her over my body. Her legs willingly straddled my hips, her chest pressed against mine, and for the first time in my life, I feared for a woman to be with me. Her core, now rhythmically kneading against my hardness, her soft mewing as she continued to kiss without abandon, would’ve brought any man to their knees. I wished I could be that man. But what I needed had nothing to do with that type of sex and everything to do with control.

  “Gwen,” I breathed out, trying in vain to stop our mouths from devouring each other. My entire body was tense, shaking with a need so great I feared I may have already gone too far to stop.