“Here we are. Home sweet home.” I grimaced as I said it, knowing this place had never felt like home. Hell, it never even felt welcoming when I came here. But I wanted Gwen to feel at peace and comfortable here. So, I tried my best to infuse my words with cheerfulness.
“Wow. It’s nice,” she said as she stepped inside.
Closing the door behind us, I watched as she silently walked further inside, taking in her new surroundings. I wanted to apologize again, wishing I could provide a nicer place for her to live in. I wanted to give her all my money and tell her to buy anything she wanted to make it feel like her own. More than anything, I wanted to take her in my arms and kiss her hard enough to imprint her body against mine for all time.
“Is this your dog?” she asked, pointing at a small picture I kept on the bookshelf next to the sliding glass doors in the living room.
“That was Johnny. He was my dog when I was a little kid.” He was also the last thing I wanted to think about. “Come on, I’ll show you around.” I started down the hall, hoping she’d follow. It wasn’t that I didn’t love that dog. It was all the memories attached to a past life I kept safely locked away that I didn’t want her anywhere near.
“You can have your choice of bedrooms. There’s three bedrooms, two baths, and a kitchen big enough to bake all night long if you want.” Turning to look behind me, I was pleased to find her beaming smile. The purity of her spirit completely flooded my heart and erased any memories that had gotten too close. “Oh, and there’s an empty family room downstairs that you can set up any way you’d like to do your artwork in.” I’d paused by the first bedroom doorway, waiting for her to enter before me. Instead, she surprised me once again, flinging her arms around my waist and lying her head over my heart.
“Thank you, Nick,” she mumbled against my shirt before looking up at me. “Thank you so much.” Her appreciation for something so little left me in awe.
“No need to thank me for anything. This house is yours now, too.”
She briefly glanced up at me before returning her head to my chest and gave me another overwhelming squeeze. The affection she bestowed on me was a treasure I’d grown to long for. Few and far between, it was extremely special when she allowed herself to just act and not hold herself back.
I had been amazed by that same quality when we were riding in the car. Anyone else may have allowed my confused, self-hating demeanor, to ruin the day. But not her. She’d taken my life by storm, erasing the horrible loneliness and filling me with the desire to do and be all she could possibly need. I’d surprised myself when I’d reached over and held her hand. I’d never shared such a little, yet powerful intimacy with someone. With her, it just felt right. I continually found myself wanting and doing things I never would’ve before. She was my kryptonite.
Releasing me far sooner that I’d prefer, her absence brought me back to the present as she hurried into the different bedrooms, eagerly exploring every space available. I stood motionless, absently rubbing the spot where her head had lain. It was such a relief to see her blissfully picking the one she wanted for herself. Happiness seemed to radiate from her. Knowing I had helped put it there gave me the courage to believe that maybe I could one day be enough for her after all.
Claiming the room on the end of the house, stating it had the best location for the sun to shine in, she gradually made her way through the rest of the home. I’d never really had any company here. Not even the women I’d slept with over the years had come here. The closest they ever got to this place was the Holiday Inn around the corner. Realizing my lack of decorations and anything that seemed homey, I apprehensively watched her as she progressed through each room, taking in every detail she could find. I found myself on edge, my nerves beating at me from the inside out as I waited to see if it would meet her approval.
I finally couldn’t take it anymore and blurted out, “Do you like it?”
“Ohmygod, yes! Are you crazy?” She bounced up and down as she started looking through the cabinets in the kitchen. “Um, we will have to do something about supplies, though. I don’t think we’ll get very far with two cans of soup and three bottles of water.”
The revelation of her cute and bubbly personality was more than I could handle. Allowing the relief to wash over me, I crossed the room in only a few steps, approaching her from behind, and trapping her body between mine and the cabinet. With my body pressing against her ass, restraint never entered my mind. I simply wanted and acted. Our level of being comfortable with each other was growing beyond anything I could explain. It should’ve scared the shit out of me. Instead, it spurred me on, driving me to do things I never would have before.
Leaning over her shoulder, I breathed in her fresh vanilla scent and whispered in her ear. “You can buy anything you want, for any room in this house, as long as it makes you smile like this every day.”
Her deep intake of breath had her leaning backward, her bottom pressing against my growing hardness. When she turned her head and exposed her neck, the soft curves of her body seemed to mold and shape erotically with mine. It was temptation magnified.
Closing my eyes, I let my senses direct me as I ran my nose along the exposed column under her ear. With every inch I mapped and memorized, I breathed her in, desperately fighting the urges my body was demanding of me. Coming to the dip along her shoulder, my lips parted, unable to resist the taste of her skin. She had no idea of the depth of her sensuality. How beautiful and enticing she was inside and out. I could only wish for the chance to show her one day.
My mind became a haze of desire, my mouth exploring further as the fire raged inside of me. It didn’t help that she’d turned her body, effectively giving me permission to continue. Her fingers were entwined in my hair, urging my head toward her chest as I sucked and kissed a path lower. Unable to hold myself back, I grabbed the opening of the V-neck she wore, pulling it to the side to reveal the smooth skin above her breast.
I wanted her with fierce desperation. The intense passion stoking the flames threatened to burn us both if we didn’t stop. With a remorseful groan, I knew I had to step away, and lifted my head in preparation to go. But I’d forgotten her hands. Before I could completely separate our bodies, she was pulling me back, wordlessly proving she’d meant every word she’d said during our ride here.
Her lips quickly reacquainted with mine, our bodies rushing to pick up where we’d left off in the car. It was frenzied perfection as we both demanded more. With my hand still gripping her shirt, I couldn’t help but extend my thumb, brushing it over the fabric to find the hidden peak that was straining underneath. She was so responsive, her body rocking erotically against mine as we continued to nip, suck, and kiss. Taking the tiny bud between my fingers, I gently pinched and rolled the sting away. Her breasts were perfect, her nipples begging for more. Sliding my other hand from her hip to her breast, I held them both, cursing the offending fabric that separated us. With a roughness I hadn’t expected, I molded and squeezed her fullness, pinching her nipples until she broke our kiss and gasped aloud. The action caused us both to pause, our eyes locking on one another as we tried to catch our breath.
With deceptive gentleness, I released her nipples, gliding my palms over the protruding peaks to soothe the sting. Watching her back arch, her body fusing tightly against mine, I continued the massage while I drank in the sight of her. I’d thought I was in control of the situation, but when she closed her eyes in response, her head tilting back as she moaned, I quickly realized otherwise. My body demanded that I flip her over, pinning her beneath me and forcefully taking her from behind. The desire was so strong, I felt myself tremble in need.
Thankfully, I had enough presence of mind to keep from doing what I longed for. Removing my hands, I pulled her close, wanting to avoid hurting her feelings like I’d done before. I only hoped she could somehow understand. We were both panting, our bodies raging for relief as I brought my mouth to her ear and lingered with one final kiss. “I have to take a b
reak, Gwen. I’m sorry.”
I quickly pulled away, refusing to look in her eyes. I wasn’t sure if I’d find condemnation, hurt, or confusion in response, but knowing I was the cause of anything that harmed her was too much for me. I hurried outside, using the excuse of retrieving our bags in hopes that I could get my head back on track.
Damn. I hadn’t been with a woman since the night I’d seen Gwen in the closet at Alex’s house. I’d practically lost all desire after that. That was until I was living with her every day. Since then, my desire seemed to grow exponentially, but only for her. Something had to give. If I didn’t find release soon, even by my own hand, I wasn’t going to be able to control myself enough to be in the same house with her. I was completely beside myself. Cursing my lack of control, I grabbed the bags from the car and headed back inside.
Locking the front door behind me, I went to put her things in the room she’d chosen, but got sidetracked by the stereo downstairs. Setting everything near the hall, I hurried through the house to the stairs and quietly descended. The sight that greeted me was like a punch to the gut. There was no way in hell I was going to be able to resist this beautiful woman.
She had found my mother’s old stereo that I’d kept hidden and covered with a sheet. Beside it sat the old box of cassette tapes she had collected. It was the only thing my father had kept of hers. So, naturally, when he died, they were the only items I took with me. Nothing else matter but having a piece of her in my life.
Standing here watching Gwen, I was floored with the realization that I couldn’t live without her now. The soundtrack from The Sound of Music was blaring out of the old ratty speakers and dust was flying throughout the air, but the woman who was spinning around with her arms out wide and head tipped back stole my attention from everything else this crazy world offered. There were no words to define her. She was happiness and goodness, beauty and desire all wrapped up in one tiny, little package. After living in such a dark, bleak world, her light was almost blinding.
Opening my eyes, I came to a stop, surprised by how winded and dizzy I felt. I hadn’t heard that song since I was a little girl. It had been my dream every night when I’d go to bed, not knowing what I’d wake to in the middle of the night or the following morning. I’d always imagined being on top of the mountains, away from all the madness, and spinning and singing the same way Julie Andrews had.
Stepping over the cassette tapes I’d set aside during my search, I pushed stop on the old stereo and heard clapping behind me. Gasping at the surprise, even though I knew who it was, I turned around too quickly, tripping over the box on the floor, and falling on my butt. Nick’s laughter was a welcomed respite as he approached me. I’d been worried after he’d left so abruptly. At first, I’d wanted to blame myself as I usually did. But when I thought about how he’d wanted me with the same intensity as I’d wanted him, the suffering and painful look as he pulled away, I figured he was trying to be respectful of my limits after all I’d been through. I wasn’t sure if my assumptions were correct, but the pieces of the puzzle finally fit together. Knowing he’d need some time to accept that I wanted to move forward with my life in every way possible, I decided to bide my time and wait until he was just as ready as I was. With the decision made, I’d gone downstairs as a distraction, thinking I’d get some ideas of what and where I could paint. The stereo had been like discovering a hidden treasure, the music like finding the gold locked inside.
“I was going to ask if you wanted to sing another duet, but I think you’ve performed enough for one day.” He held his hand out, offering to help me stand.
“You are incorrigible.” I grudgingly took his hand. In truth, any excuse to be near the man was fine by me. I knew if I looked at it too closely, I might get scared. But for now, I was enjoying the ability to move forward and the blissful feelings growing inside.
“And you are purely dangerous.” His smile in place, I almost missed the serious look that passed over his face.
“Dangerous to whom? Me or you?” I asked as he pulled me behind him and up the stairs.
“Now there’s a great question!” He paused halfway up the stairs, glancing over his shoulder, and winking at me before continuing on. The short ten or twelve steps ended far too soon as I was just beginning to get lost in the view he presented before me. “So, it’s up to you, I guess.” He paused at the top of the stairs and looked expectantly at me.
“What’s up to me?” I hadn’t been paying attention the last few steps. I was completely distracted by the shape and firmness of the body in front of me. Okay, fine, his ass! I was watching his ass!
“…if you are.” He finished again, and I had to chuckle at myself. I’d become lost in thought and had missed his question a second time.
“Again?” I asked, this time looking a bit embarrassed, but determined to pay attention.
“You? Ugh, you’re just too much.” He chuckled and started walking through the living room and to the kitchen. “I asked if you’d like me to order dinner and if so, what you’d like to eat. But since someone’s a bit preoccupied...” He paused by the doorway, causing me to run into him. This only made him laugh again and shake his head. “As I was saying, I’m going to order something to eat. Chinese or Pizza?”
“Pizza!” I blurted out, making sure he knew I was listening this time.
“I’ll call it in. Then I’m gonna set things up on the monitoring system so I can see the cabin from my phone. After that, I’ll have to go to work.” His fun, lighthearted nature disappeared. We were back to the seriousness of life and the threat that someone seemed insistent on providing us.
“Okay. I’ll go put my things away and take a shower.” I didn’t wait for him to respond. Truthfully, I needed more than thirty seconds to change emotions. Everything was so sharp and overwhelming, the feelings and thoughts I had were so intense and new. It took time to replay them over and over again in my mind before I felt like I was in control and ready to move on.
I grabbed my bag and took it into the room I’d picked out. There was a daybed and a small dresser inside. Nothing else. It was plain and simple. Somewhat like myself. But it had potential. And for once, I planned to take Nick up on his offer and completely transform this room.
The next few days were extremely uneventful. Nick went to work around eight each night. Often not returning until nine or ten the next morning. I didn’t know exactly what he did for work, but from the little references he’d give or the snippets I’d overhear, I was certain that it wasn’t anything good. I only wondered why someone as caring and good hearted as he was would choose to stay in a job like that. He said he wanted to move on and start over. Why didn’t he just do it?
The long hours meant he was increasingly more exhausted when he came home every morning. Usually showering and foregoing food altogether, before falling into bed. But regardless of whatever stress or difficulties he was dealing with at work, every evening when he’d wake up, he asked what I’d need and take me to the store before he left for work. He said I could go myself as soon as this mystery person was found, but for now, he didn’t want me out alone. I completely agreed. I may have been handling things far better than some people would, but going through it a second time, or god-forbid, something worse, I doubted I could find my way back from that. I gladly accepted his escort and actually looked forward to it each day. By the time he was awake and moving, I was bouncing up and down, eager to enjoy the couple of hours we had together each night.
Although we hadn’t discussed our mutual attraction or the few moments we’d shared, we hadn’t done anything more than flirting or a brief hug before he’d go to work. It wasn’t for lack of desire. I often found him looking at me with the same burning intensity that I watched him with when he wasn’t looking. After many nights considering the idea, I came to the conclusion that between work, the threat at the cabin, and his respect for me, he must’ve been completely overwhelmed. As much as I wanted to pursue the subject, I found just as much peace
in knowing he cared enough to wait. Besides, I was enjoying our time together so much, I didn’t want to do anything that might ruin it in any way.
Tonight had been no different than the others since we’d moved here. I had already stocked the house full of food, bought new art supplies, and purchased a few new books, but he’d insisted on taking me out for more. We’d gone to multiple stores before he’d left for work and picked up the supplies that I needed to paint a mural on the bedroom wall, as well a: a rug, matching drapes, sheets, a bed spread, and new pillows. The man had absolutely no control when shopping. I continually said no, and he repeatedly put things into the cart until I picked out what I liked. It was fun, but I hated spending his hard earned money. When he jokingly told me that it was money he stole from Alex, I had no problem at all throwing items into the cart.
Using the new phone he’d given me yesterday, I slowly typed out a message to him and hit send.
I just spilled paint on your motorcycle. I’ll try to get it off. Sorry.
It only took a minute before he replied.
Vry funny. I knw u didn’t go in garag. 2 many spidrs 4 u. lol
I was still trying to get the hang of the texting lingo. Although I’d had a phone during college, I’d barely used it. Being antisocial and living alone, I really had no reason to unless I was calling home, and that almost never happened.
Haha. I must agree. No garage for me.
Good. OMW to job site. txt l8r.
I didn’t respond. Instead, throwing the phone on top of my bed and excitedly getting to work on sketching my design on the wall. It was the first time that I’d had a canvas bigger than a piece of paper. The possibilities were endless, but I’d chosen a pastel garden scene with a small creek, wooden bridge, and cherry blossom trees cascading all around. The curtains were sheer black with tiny pink blossoms embroidered everywhere, matching the bedding and rug we bought, and now, the mural too. It was a dream come true. I had had my own room during college, but never any money to decorate with. Heck, I was lucky to replace the air mattress that had broken after my junior year with a normal twin mattress. It didn’t matter to me that it laid directly on the floor. It was clean and nobody had used it before me. That had brought me extreme happiness. But this? This was amazing. Not only did I have a real bed, a dresser, and all the decorative items with it, but he was allowing me to do anything I wanted and make it my own. I still had the fleeting thought that I might lose it any day, but I was far too pleased to allow myself to consider that option for more than a few seconds. I was determined to enjoy it for as long as possible. Besides, nobody knew if they would live or die the next day. My life was no different. Even if my reasoning was different, I had learned to enjoy each moment and never take anything for granted.
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