UN-Breakable

by S. K. Lessner

  “Please don’t say that again. I think we covered this a hundred times in the car, fifty before my shower, and another hundred after. It’s not your fault.”

  “I’d rather you blame me than yourself.” He tentatively laid his hand over mine, gently asking if it was okay.

  Turning my palm over, I marveled at how it felt to be safe again. “Touché.” He was right, I would blame myself for a long time to come. It would take a while to get past what had happened, but I knew I’d find a way. James may have stolen my dignity, my pride, and even my self-worth, but he couldn’t take away my soul. That was unbreakable.

  “You hungry?” he asked, grabbing his phone to order out.

  Truthfully, I didn’t want to eat. I still felt sick to my stomach. But I knew he had to be starving. After leaving James’ house, which took quite a bit of time between getting me loose and helping me out to the car, we’d driven for about seven hours until the pain was more than I could bear. Nick had repeatedly tried to get me to go to the hospital, but I knew I couldn’t risk that. It would only cause the doctors and police to ask endless questions and search for whoever had done this to me. That would only lead them back to who had killed James. I’d never put Nick in jeopardy like that. Not after he’d saved me once again.

  “I’ll try to eat something little.”

  He gave me a small smile. It wasn’t the one I had grown to love, but it was enough to feel cherished once again.

  6 Months Later

  “This is perfect!” Gwen was smiling ear to ear as she looked at the deck I’d just built for her. We’d decided to settle down near the Grand Canyon, far away from any haunting memories. Buying a small home that overlooked the Colorado River, we both agreed to take some time and just be us, ignoring the world and enjoying every day together.

  “I like it,” I agreed, silently laughing to myself because I always felt my work wasn’t good enough and was taking our therapist’s advice to try to be more positive.

  Coming to stand in front of me, Gwen reached her arms out, embracing my sweaty body. “I’m so proud of you,” she whispered, lying her cheek against my heart.

  “I’m proud of both of us,” I replied, meaning it whole heartedly.

  A few months ago, Gwen had finally asked me about my past. I didn’t want to share that part of me. I wanted to forget it had ever happened. But after seeing firsthand what she’d gone through, I thought it was only fair that she knew just as much about me as I did her. It was the first time that I had opened up and told someone what had happened when I was a child. Putting it into words had been much more difficult than I’d expected, but she was patient and encouraging as I did my best to explain how my father had been pimping me out in order to get his gambling money, booze money—whatever money he needed. Filthy men didn’t care what my dad did with it. They just wanted the little boy who didn’t fight back. Until one day when I’d had enough. I told the fat fuck of a man no, running into my room, and locking the door. Hugging my dog, my only friend, I’d cried and cried, wishing I had a different dad or that my mother were still alive.

  The next morning I had gone to school, but when I returned, I found my dog dead, lying on my bed with a bullet through his heart. My father had killed him as punishment for my disobedience. That was the beginning of the end. I may have only been eleven, but extreme rage had built up from the years of abuse. That night, after he passed out from drinking, I grabbed his gun and shot him eleven times. One for each year that I had lived. Afterward, I dragged his body out to the pig farm behind our house and threw it in the mud. It was gone by the next morning.

  It was a few weeks later when Boss came by, wanting to collect on a debt from my father. I was just a kid and had no idea that my dad had been in his crew at one time. Boss had figured out what had happened easily enough and claimed that I hadn’t had permission to kill one of his men. I, therefore, owed him a debt that would have to be worked off. I moved into the warehouse that summer and spent the next fifteen years planning for the day when I was free and on my own.

  Gwen was stronger than anyone I knew. She helped me work through my demons, always listening without judging in any way. But she’d continued to have nightmares of her own, struggling with flashbacks after her incident with James. So, after revealing my darkest secret to her, she’d suggested we both go to counseling together. I thought she was joking at first. Real men didn’t do therapy. But I knew she could use someone to talk to, and she wouldn’t go without me. She may or may not have sweet talked me into it, but eventually, I was happy that she had. It had helped both of us put the past behind us and move forward together. Now we were like an old married couple, sitting and watching the sunset, and going to bed when the stars appeared.

  “Come here.” She looked up at me, her huge eyes shining with mischief.

  Lowering my head, I gently kissed her lips, loving the way she tasted, but never allowing myself to get lost in how she felt. “I love you,” I whispered against her lips, giving her one last kiss before pulling away.

  “Nick, why?” I knew what she was referring to. She’d asked me multiple times during the past month to make love to her—to erase and replace all the bad memories with good ones.

  “I’m happy as we are.” When she gave me a questionable look, I continued, “You’ll never know how it felt to see you hurt, bleeding, and helpless. I never want to cause you pain or make you fear me in any way. I’m completely satisfied with what we have.”

  “What if I’m not?” Looking deeply into her eyes, I realized that she was being sincere.

  I didn’t have an answer to that. I only knew I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t risk her. “I’m sorry.”

  A few days had passed since the last time I’d brought up the conversation about sex. It seemed to be a hopeless battle, but as always, I wasn’t one to give up easily. I’d worked very hard with my therapist and on my own to get to a point that I wasn’t afraid to be with Nick. I wanted to eradicate any memories that lingered and make love with the man who had become my entire world and given me the life I’d always dreamed about. Yet, he continued to hold back. Well, tonight I was employing every tool I had to try to convince him otherwise. If this didn’t work, I feared nothing ever would.

  After laying out in the sun all day, wearing the skimpiest bathing suit I had, I suggested we take a swim after we finished our dinner. The sun was just setting, filling the horizon with hues of orange and purple. With the canyons in the distance and the glow all around, it was absolutely breathtaking.

  I was floating on my back when he finally decided to join me, jumping in, and making a huge splash as he did so. Laughing at his ridiculous ways, I swam over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, my legs around his waist. It felt so good to feel his warm skin gliding over mine, the water lubricating our bodies against one another.

  “Please kiss me like you used to, Nick. I need you.” I didn’t give him a chance to protest. Instead, fusing my lips to his and working slowly to break his apart, allowing me entrance. I was determined to convince him that I was ready.

  He was tentative at first, holding back, and fighting against what we both needed. But inch by inch, he gradually released his restraint as we both became lost in a kiss that was more powerful than any we’d shared before.

  When he suddenly came to a stop and pulled back, I saw a myriad of emotions cross his face. The strongest a combination of fear and love. “I’m scared,” he whispered, admitting something I knew he’d never tell anyone else. The knowledge that he’d share something so personal with me only built our trust, spurring me on to know him in the most intimate of ways.

  “I am, too, but I need this. I need you, Nick.”

  After a long moment, he took a deep breath and sighed, nodding softly as he crushed my body to his. Holding me close, he walked through the pool and up the stairs, exiting as the water sloshed from our bodies. Without stopping for a towel, he opened the back door, quickly closing it and pressing the alarm before con
tinuing through the house. I wasn’t sure how much further my slippery body would be able to hold on; his fast pace and determined steps made it difficult to maintain my grip, but I was determined to avoid anything that might make him change his mind.

  She was so beautiful. Inside and out there was nobody who came close in comparison. After lying her down on our huge, oversized bed, I stood there staring at her in wonder. I didn’t understand how she was so brave or why she had chosen me to be the lucky chump she wanted, but I would live every day trying to be worthy of her love.

  “Stop thinking so much and come here.” She smiled and held her arms open for me to join her.

  Unable to put my thoughts into adequate words, I did as she said and crawled on top of the bed, placing my body beside hers. I was terrified of going too fast, doing something that would make her think of one of those lousy fuckers, or hurting her in any way. I wasn’t lying when I told her I’d be just as happy if we never had sex, but I couldn’t deny that the idea still turned me on night after night.

  Leaning over her, I lowered my head and brought our mouths together. Little did I know the minx had something much more inspiring planned. The minute I was lost in her kiss, she pushed me backward and mounted my body. My first reaction was to regain control and pin her beneath me, but she knew me too well. Whatever she needed, I would give her. Those forty-eight hours of not knowing if she was alive or dead, injured or not, raped or safe, had completely changed me. If she could survive that and still want to be with someone like me, I would give her the moon if she asked for it.

  Pushing aside my endless thoughts, I reveled in how her body began to move on top of mine. She felt glorious, her silky skin sliding against my chest, her sensitive area rubbing against mine. Knowing it was her, the only woman I’d ever trusted and loved, I never felt threatened and was surprised by how much I enjoyed her taking control. But just as quickly as the thought passed my mind, she rolled to her back, breaking us apart, and started pulling her bathing suit top off.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, completely bewildered.

  “I can’t wait any longer,” she breathed, her body straining upward as the offending fabric was torn from her body. With her breasts completely revealed, the tiny scar still visible, I knew this wasn’t how it should be. She deserved to be loved. She deserved to remember her first time with awe and wonder.

  “I’ll do the rest.” I didn’t miss the tiny smirk she flashed as I positioned myself above her. I should’ve known she’d been planning to seduce my weakness sooner or later, but I no longer cared.

  His lips softly kissed the inside of my breast, trailing along the scar James had inflicted months ago. The tenderness and love I saw in his eyes as he looked up at me made me want to weep. But when he lowered his body, slowly kissing a path down the front of me, to the long drawn out scar the knife had made, I knew I’d never be the same. With every kiss, he was erasing a whirlwind of memories and replacing them with love and adoration.

  Sliding his hands up my legs, I felt his fingers grab hold of my bikini bottoms and gently start to pull them off. With every inch they progressed, his mouth followed, showering me with tiny kisses, and infusing me with the reassurance he knew I needed. It was a slow, torturous experience. One I wouldn’t mind repeating again in the future.

  As he made his way to my feet and completely removed my bathing suit, he looked up at me with such love, my breath caught in my chest. “You are so amazingly beautiful, Gwen.”

  Unable to say anything, I nodded my head in return. I didn’t want him to feel awkward or treat me differently because of my past, yet at the same time, I knew I needed him to reassure me as he went. I wasn’t sure if he realized that’s what he was doing, but his words and the way he looked at me in complete adoration prepared me in a way nothing else ever could.

  Holding my hand out to him, I silently asked him to come back to me. With a quick nod and the look I fell in love with, he bent his head and brought his mouth back up the same path he’d previously kissed. From my ankles to my hips, he gradually made his way higher. My skin was cold, slightly damp from the bathing suit that had just been removed. So, when his warm lips caressed against my chilled skin, goose bumps spread across my body, igniting a tidal wave of passion deep inside.

  He didn’t give me time to think, his determined actions finally fulfilling one of my dreams. With a gentle touch, his hands slid to my inner thighs, his head lowering between my legs. I watched in fascination as my legs lifted and spread on their own accord; no fear or hesitation held me back as I allowed him access to my most sensitive area.

  He was in no rush, spending countless minutes kissing and sucking everywhere he could find, except the one spot that I needed him to the most. I knew he wanted to take things slow, to ensure that I was all right, but I was far past that point. When his tongue finally made its first swipe, gliding over my swollen nub, I couldn’t help the cry that escaped my lips or the arch that strained my back. Immediately, Nick jerked upward, fearful he’d gone too far.

  I couldn’t speak, my breath already ragged, and my body begging him to finish. He’d taken so long to get me to this point, I needed him to finish what he’d started. Desperately grabbing his head, I wordlessly told him what I wanted, and pushed him back down to where he was. The last thing I heard before he buried himself between my legs was a satisfied little chuckle.

  “Please!” she cried out, begging me to help her over that invisible cliff once again.

  I hadn’t planned to linger like this, but I couldn’t get enough of her. The way she called out my name, her body trembling in pleasure beneath me, was more than I’d ever imagined. Knowing she was close, I removed my mouth and pulled my body up the length of hers, kissing a path between her breasts, up her neck, and to her lips.

  With our mouths once again fastened together, she grabbed my shoulders and pulled me tightly against her body. Her eagerness and endless desire were more of a turn on than anything I’d experienced before. Returning her kiss, our mouths feverishly devouring the other, I reached between us and slowly rubbed the tip of my hardened length against her swollen nub. Unable to handle the pressure after what I’d already done, she cried out, breaking the kiss, and gasping beneath me. I knew this would be the best time to get this part over with for her. I only hoped I prepared her enough to prevent any pain.

  Lifting up, I positioned myself at her entrance. It was incredibly difficult to hold myself back from slamming deep inside, but one look at her doe-like eyes watching me with both complete trust and overwhelming desire, I knew I could restrain myself and be what she needed.

  Nudging gently between her folds, I reached above, rubbing the little bundle of nerves once again. She was already so turned on from the first few times that within seconds she was at the peak, pulling my body closer and calling out my name. When her head tipped back and her mouth opened in a silent gasp, I quickly pushed my entire length inside, coming to a stop when I was fully sheathed and buried in her.

  I never thought I’d be able to have vanilla sex. I’d always needed to dominate, control every aspect of sex in order to avoid feeling like the little abused boy that I once was. I’d always thought myself incapable of finding pleasure in such a way. When the truth of the matter was, it wasn’t the type of sex I was having. It was who I was having it with.

  Bringing my body flush with hers, I saw the change in her face immediately and worried I’d gone too fast or made a mistake. She looked like she was on the verge of tears, her arms and legs wrapping around me and holding me as close to her as possible.

  “I love you, Nick,” she whispered against my neck, surprising me and turning me on even more. “Please make love to me.”

  Before I could respond, she lifted her hips and lowered them again, forcing my length to glide in and out. I may have been on top, but she was still in control. Her body urging me on when my mind wanted to stop.

  It had been so long since I’d had sex, I was suddenly afraid it would b
e over before it even began. Whatever the case, when I finished, I knew I wanted to look into the eyes that had captivated me from the minute I’d first seen them. Gently guiding her back to the bed, I slowed the pace and kissed her tenderly as I began to move in and out, gliding with precision and a loving rhythm I never knew I possessed.

  At first, his size had scared me, the feeling of being so full and tight was more than I’d expected. But when I took a minute to think about what was happening and how miraculous it was that we had become one, the fear slowly faded away, replaced by a desire that burned deeper than any hurt could ever reach. Watching his body shake with the need to control his actions as he continued to move inside me, I was overwhelmed by the love and compassion I knew he felt for me. I wanted him wild, doing things that would please us both. I wanted to experience whatever it was that turned him on. It may take me a while to build up to those things, but one day I would be the one to complete all his fantasies, just as he was completing mine.

  Feeling the pressure building once again, all coherent thought passed away as I became lost in how good he felt. He began moving with speed, trying to contain his strength; the muscles in his arms and legs contracting in a battle to hold back, yet unable to stop as he sped toward the climax his body sought to find. Knowing he needed this as much as I did, I wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered the words I knew would spur him on.

  “Make me come, Nick.”

  It was like a light switch had flipped. My words gave him permission to release his fears. He didn’t hesitate. His fingers gripped my hips, pulling and pushing me right along with his frantic thrusts. I felt myself clawing his back, unable to hold myself back as I soared to a place I’d never known existed. Almost immediately, I found myself at the point where I knew I couldn’t take anymore, desperately seeking what only he could provide. Arching my back, I closed my eyes, lost in a sea of sensation.