Purple People

by Kate Bulpitt

  ‘Exactly. It’s a conundrum.’

  ‘If they’d run trials,’ Eve said, ‘would those results have been published anywhere?’

  ‘Not that we’d have access to, until it was made available for public consumption.’

  ‘So there’s no way of finding out how it works?’

  Bob began tapping his index finger on the desk. ‘I haven’t been able to yet. But I have a hunch about it. I’m pretty sure this is what they’re doing.’

  ‘When was it supposed to go on sale?’

  ‘Three months ago.’

  ‘Do you have any documents about it?’

  Bob handed Eve the stapled papers. She turned over the first couple of pages, which were copies of articles from a scientific journal – an announcement of the product being in the works, and another about its surprising withdrawal from anticipated release – eventually coming to the triumphant promotional statement.

  Crayne Industries Launch Revolutionary Tanning Tool

  Crayne Industries CEO Sherry Berger is thrilled to announce that the company’s ground-breaking tanning product InTan will soon be publicly available.

  ‘This is a revolutionary system, which is truly going to change the way the world tans,’ Sherry Berger declared. ‘While we’ve been aware for many years that traditional suntanning is very damaging to the skin, safe alternatives have been messy and provided short-lived effects. But now you can look beautifully bronzed easily, and for prolonged periods of time. All with one easy application of InTan. We couldn’t be more excited, and we know the world is going to feel the same way.’

  She also unveiled that renowned model Carla De Lora has a new role, as product spokeswoman. ‘I just love InTan – it’s fabulous!’ Carla said. ‘Now I can have the perfect tan, all the time. I can’t wait for everyone to be able to share in this secret!’

  Full details will be issued upon InTan’s launch on 12 April, when it will become available exclusively at Bell & Styles department store and branches of Gilded Tub Beauty Spa.

  The countdown to extraordinary, long-lasting tanning has begun!

  Eve glanced up from the page.

  ‘Tell me again what makes you think that this is connected to the Purple Scheme,’ she said.

  Looking over from some beakers he’d been stacking, Bob said, ‘Intuition. It seems ridiculously coincidental that a very profitable product which dyes people for extended periods of time should become unavailable to the public, seemingly without hurting the company’s reputation or share price, shortly before a national campaign for dyeing people starts. It would’ve taken years for the government to develop and test such a thing – certainly longer than Fletcher’s been in power.’

  ‘Who else have you talked to about this?’

  With an air of beleaguered acceptance, Bob said, ‘Let’s just say that not everyone is open to considering the more hidden possibilities, so I thought I’d hold off on mentioning this one, just ’til I have more to back it up.’

  ‘Right,’ said Eve. ‘Can we keep this between us for now, then? And we’ll swap any more information we can find?’

  Bob perked up considerably. ‘Of course! People may dismiss my ideas, but I know when I’m on to something. They just don’t realise that it can take a fair bit of digging to get to the evidence. If these things were easy to prove everyone would know about them already.’

  ‘There is a chance, though, that other people might be aware of this too, and reach the conclusion you have, isn’t there?’

  ‘Possibly,’ said Bob, ‘but Crayne are covering their tracks.’

  ‘They are? How?’

  ‘Crayne is apparently in talks with another corporation, discussing a possible merger. They’ve put other product launches on hold too.’

  Now you tell me, thought Eve.

  ‘So it could be that they’re just waiting to see what happens before they launch InTan and the other things?’

  ‘Nope,’ said Bob. ‘I mean, it could be. But I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure it’s more than that – it’s too much of a coincidence, isn’t it?’

  ‘Indeed,’ said Eve, not sure she believed his theory after all, but figuring it was the best lead – the only lead – she had so far.

  ‘Oh,’ said Eve, ‘I overheard something which… well, it does and it doesn’t give a clue.’ She pulled out her notebook, reading the lines she’d scribbled after hearing Watts’s phone call. ‘What does he mean, he thinks he’s lost it? Before or after a Turning? That kind of error could jeopardise the whole scheme. Tell him he needs to find it –no ifs or buts –and report to me tomorrow morning.’

  ‘Crumbs,’ said Bob.

  ‘I know. I should add that I shouldn’t have heard that, so…’

  ‘I will repeat nothing,’ said Bob, with a lip-zipping gesture. ‘Now then. Let’s find Womble and go for a pint.’

  Eve picked up her bag and followed him out of the lab.

  *

  En route to the pub, Womble cleared his throat. ‘I hope neither of you mind, but I invited Rory along to join us.’

  ‘You two bonded at the debate, did you?’ said Eve.

  ‘I think so,’ said Womble. ‘We had a good chat, and… Well, it was interesting talking to him about the Purpleness. And Hels wants me to help him settle in, so that’s what I’m trying to do.’

  There was some shouting a little further down the road; Bob squinted into the distance.

  ‘Drew Fisher,’ he said. ‘What’s he up to now, I wonder.’

  ‘He’s a loose cannon, that one,’ said Womble. ‘So you two had a constructive chat, did you?’

  ‘We did, right, comrade?’ said Bob.

  ‘Yes,’ said Eve, and to Womble: ‘Thank you for the investigative matchmaking.’ Then, looking up, she added, ‘Oh, look, chaps.’

  Ahead stood Rory, holding a packet of cigarettes. He was framed by another red telephone box, in which a man appeared to be having a very boring conversation, his head bobbing up and down like a nodding dog.

  Womble called to Rory, who looked surprised, and stuffed the cigarette packet in his pocket as they approached.

  ‘Having a sneaky fag, hey?’ said Womble.

  Rory looked panicked, then dejected. ‘Since I…’ he began. There was a pause. Bob appeared momentarily concerned, but Eve now anticipated the delay. ‘It’s a bad habit, since I got divorced. I want to give up, but…’

  ‘Me too,’ said Bob, ‘I’m trying to stop. I’d rather the tobacco companies weren’t making a profit from me. Capitalist cretins.’

  Eve and Womble exchanged a smile.

  ‘And who’s this?’ said Eve, crouching down to pat a pug whose lead Rory was holding.

  ‘This is Brewster,’ said Rory. ‘I’m looking after him for a couple of days.’

  ‘He’s adorable,’ said Eve.

  ‘I really want to…’

  They all waited patiently.

  ‘Get another dog,’ said Rory, staring sadly at Brewster, who sat panting, bug-eyed.

  ‘Onwards to the pub?’ said Womble.

  *

  The four of them sat down at a table.

  ‘So, how was your day at the surgery?’ Eve asked Rory.

  ‘Ah, good, thanks,’ he replied. ‘I operated on a sheepdog. And a gerbil.’

  ‘A gerbil?’

  ‘Yes. Actually, I think you’ll like this story,’ said Rory, with warming confidence. ‘It wouldn’t move away from the fridge, and the owners couldn’t work out why. It turned out…’

  Eve, Bob and Womble leaned forward.

  ‘It had swallowed a magnet! A fridge magnet! And so it couldn’t move away from the fridge.’ Rory mimed his neck jerking to one side, as though magnetised.

  Eve laughed. ‘Poor thing,’ she said, ‘though that is an amazing story.’

  ‘It’s dreadful,’ said Bob.

  ‘Is the gerbil okay now?’ Eve asked.

  ‘It is. The operation was successful. The magnet is removed.’

  ‘I h
ave to ask,’ said Eve. ‘Do you think they’d do an interview for Say Fantastique!? Because that’s what my partner Adio would describe as right up our gangplank.’

  Rory laughed. ‘I’m sure they would. I can ask them.’

  ‘That’d be great, thank you.’

  ‘The debate was interesting, didn’t you think?’ said Womble.

  ‘Yes,’ said Rory. ‘Though it was a lot of big opinions in a small space! Food for thought, as they say.’

  ‘What do you make of it, then?’ Bob asked. ‘The Purpleness, that is.’

  Eve was curious to know this; Rory had seemed borderline dumbstruck by much of what had happened at the debate, which had obscured his stance. And she was keen, as ever, to know how people felt about it, especially as she was still seeking a definitive opinion of her own.

  ‘I try not to talk about it,’ said Rory. ‘It seems to be such a…’ Another pause. ‘Hot potato.’

  ‘You agree with it, though, don’t you?’ said Womble, eager to be around someone on-side for a change.

  ‘I do, yes. I think. It’s controversial, but…’

  Eve, Bob and Womble sipped their drinks, waiting.

  ‘Maybe it can work?’

  ‘Tell us what you make of it,’ Womble said to Bob.

  ‘I’m wary of it. It’s a shady government scheme to control us, using fear.’

  Rory looked aghast. (Eve guessed he probably didn’t come into contact with many conspiracy theorists). ‘You’d rather the criminals control the streets?’

  ‘They don’t control the streets. That’s just what Fletcher – and possibly the criminals – would like everyone to believe.’

  ‘The thing is—’ Womble began.

  Time for a break, thought Eve, who was, unexpectedly, approaching Purple overload. She stood up. ‘Anyone for some crisps?’

  *

  A pint glass appeared on the bar, brought to rest on a newspaper Eve was flicking through, its contents sloshing overboard, dampening the headlines.

  ‘Alright, sis.’

  Eve looked up to see Simon – and Duncan – standing beside her. She contemplated the pint glass, and the soggy newsprint; Simon’s mildly mocking ‘gotcha’ smile implied he was still well aware of his ability to rile her.

  ‘Hello,’ said Duncan, giving Eve a hug. ‘It’s good to see you again.’

  ‘You, too,’ said Eve, feeling briefly flustered by another close encounter with his biceps.

  A young woman behind the bar brought over the last glass of Eve’s order, and Eve handed her a twenty-pound note.

  ‘Want a hand with those?’ asked Duncan.

  ‘Sure,’ said Eve, less sure about Simon crossing paths with her companions.

  ‘Gents,’ she said, assigning the new round of drinks. ‘This is Duncan… and Simon, my brother.’

  There were nods and hellos before Eve gathered with the new arrivals at one end of the table. Simon and Duncan sat on small stools, the boys’ jagged, crunched legs a row of right angles.

  ‘How’s Dad?’ Eve asked.

  Simon opened a bag of pork scratchings, and tipped a few into his mouth.

  Munching, he said, ‘Rine. Mum larking rafter him.’

  Eve looked at Simon as he ate more scratchings, mouth open, the crackling jumbling around like the contents of a washing machine in a vegetarian’s nightmare.

  ‘And… how are you?’ she said, such familiar words suddenly feeling chalky and unusual when directed at Simon, politeness between them being an uncommon language.

  ‘Me?’ Simon said, suspicious.

  ‘Yes, you.’

  ‘Fine,’ he said. He prodded a finger into his mouth, poking about to retrieve a stray pork morsel, before wincing; Eve suspected that Duncan had kicked him under the table. ‘You? Still here, then?’ Simon said slowly, as though he’d been asked to speak in Mandarin.

  Womble caught Eve’s eye, giving her a questioning thumbs up sign. She responded with a smile and a nod.

  To Simon she said, ‘Still here, yep.’

  Duncan smiled, looking between them, proudly, like a sports coach who’d insisted that two warring teammates would find they were actually very alike, if only they’d just try and get along.

  ‘Where are you working at the moment?’ said Eve.

  ‘I’m not,’ said Simon, waggling a hand in front of his face as a bee flew past.

  ‘Ah,’ said Eve.

  The bee had alighted on the sterile flora of the flocked wallpaper; Simon lifted a beer mat, about to swat it.

  Duncan deftly slipped the mat from Simon’s fingers.

  ‘Si!’ he said. ‘Leave the poor bee alone and drink your pint. Honestly! What’s it ever done to you?’

  Simon mumbled sheepishly.

  ‘In all these years, you’d think some of my conservationist ways might have rubbed off on you…’

  They both laughed.

  Simon prodded Duncan with his elbow, nodding towards an attractive, unassuming young woman standing at the bar.

  Duncan shook his head.

  ‘Mate… we’re having a drink with your sister!’

  ‘Don’t mind me. I don’t want to cramp you boys’ style.’

  Eve could have anticipated her brother’s response to this – ‘That’d be a first’ – but as Simon opened his mouth to speak, Duncan silenced him with a good-behaviour-inducing parental stare.

  Simon looked again at the woman. ‘She looks nice. I could tell her you’re a tree-hugger, that you lived in the forest, they love all that.’

  Duncan rolled his eyes.

  ‘I’ve only got your best interests at heart,’ said Simon.

  ‘For which I’m eternally grateful,’ said Duncan.

  Eve said, ‘You lived in a forest?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Duncan, wryly. ‘Did you hear about The Battle of Horton Forest?’

  Eve said, ‘I did not.’

  ‘The council had agreed for part of it to be felled because some property people were offering to pay shedloads to build a big holiday park there. A “conservation retreat and spa” they called it. Conservation! What a nerve. So there was a big, drawn-out protest. I spent four days living in a tree.’

  ‘Blimey,’ said Eve. ‘And what happened?’

  ‘The police were pretty rough with the protesters, broke one guy’s arm. But the project got shelved. Debatable as to why. The councillor in charge, who just happened to be friends with the property developer, got fired. All in all, the powers that be didn’t come out of it very well.’

  Eve was about to comment on how unquestioning she’d always been of authority; so uneventfully well-behaved, toeing the line – but then figured it might sound like a slight against Simon.

  ‘Bloody plods,’ Simon said.

  Duncan murmured inconclusively.

  ‘I’m going to go to the Anti-Purple Scheme march tomorrow,’ he said. ‘Either of you want to come?’

  ‘Nah, not my thing,’ said Simon. ‘Besides, I’ve already got plans. I’m gonna be busy recovering from a hangover.’

  ‘Absolutely, I was planning on going,’ said Eve, considering it an optimum opportunity for research. ‘There are supposed to be some Purpled people going, aren’t there?’

  ‘You wanna gawp at them?’ said Simon.

  ‘I want to talk to them,’ said Eve.

  ‘What, about whether they’ve seen Jesus in a slice of toast or something?’

  ‘Ah, you do pay attention to what I do,’ said Eve.

  ‘See, he’s as endearing as a bear cub,’ said Duncan, playfully ruffling Simon’s hair. Peering towards Simon’s face, Duncan told Eve, ‘There’s definitely movement which might commonly be considered a smile.’

  Hiding this, Simon puckered his lips and stood up. ‘Want another drink?’ he said, barely waiting for an answer before moving towards the bar.

  Duncan smiled at Eve, unflustered by any twitchy Baxter behaviour.

  ‘So,’ he said, ‘the march should be interesting.’

  Sho
uldn’t it just, thought Eve, who was also wondering how she could hatch a plan to investigate InTan.

  Chapter Nine

  Eve looked out of the train window. She was going to the Anti-Purple Scheme rally – on her own, after Duncan had failed to show up. She’d called him multiple times, only to hear repeat performances of his answer machine greeting, which she now knew off by heart: ‘You’ve reached Duncan. Who knows what I’m doing, but leave a nice message, and I’ll probably get back to you.’ It seemed out of character for him to be unreliable, but then what did she know? He was Simon’s friend, after all. Eve almost thought of calling Simon to see if he knew where Duncan was – possibly they were hung over somewhere, together – but no doubt her brother would get much mirthful satisfaction from her having been stood up. Hell, knowing him he probably instigated it, she thought.

  A newspaper on the seat beside her boasted ‘The Anti-Purple Scheme Rally: All You Need to Know’. Eve flipped through the pages until she found a double-paged map of the march’s route, its borders filled with facts about the day’s events and the organisations involved.

  Today’s rally has been organised by leading human rights charity Humane. For more than thirty years, staff at Humane have been battling to protect and support people around the world who are oppressed, imprisoned or tortured, particularly those held by brutal political regimes and persecuted for their beliefs. But when George McPhillips founded the organisation, he didn’t envision having to take action regarding events here in the UK. ‘I’m appalled,’ he said. ‘We should be leading the way with human rights, not taking a match to the sense of fairness and justice we’ve achieved.’

  Humane went swiftly into action with campaigns against the initiative, and George is hoping that large numbers – thousands, if not tens of thousands – will attend today’s rally to show solidarity for, as he puts it ‘an end to this atrocious scheme, which is a crime against humanity’.

  The march commences at 12 noon, departing from Victoria Embankment. It will proceed to Hyde Park, with the rally taking place there from 2.30pm. Rally highlights include talks from a number of high-profile speakers, including writer Flo Mackintosh, renowned human rights lawyer Steph Alexandrou, justice campaigner Billy Cox, and entrepreneur Magnus Jones.