Till Death

by Kol Anderson

  “It’s not dumb.”

  “I picture you... in my fantasies. And I don’t even know if you’d want to sleep with some whore, you don’t look like the type.”

  “Please stop calling yourself that.”

  “Is that a yes?”

  “Justin, I don’t think that’s wise. I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

  “It’s not a friendship. It’s a romance.”

  I couldn’t stop laughing.

  “Go ahead,” Justin said. “Everyone laugh at the crazy guy!”

  “I’m not laughing, it’s just...interesting. The way you think.”

  “Told you I’m a freak.”

  “I like that.”

  “You might not be thinking that way about me if you knew even the tamest of my fantasies.”

  “A lot of people have sick fantasies.”

  “So, you’re like me! You have messed up stuff going through your head too!”

  “Doesn’t everyone?”

  “Maybe they’re just better at hiding it.”

  “Who cares, right?”

  Justin downed the entirety of his drink. “You really want to know about what goes on in my head?”

  I thought about it and even though it seemed like something that might have sexual connotations, it’s just talk. I can handle it. “I really want to know.”

  “Do you want me to begin with something not so messed up or should I just launch into whatever is on my mind?”

  “Whatever is on your mind.”

  Justin paused. “I’ve always had this one recurring fantasy,” he said. “Even when I was a kid I had it. I don’t know if the abuse caused it or if I was always a sick bastard. It’s the chicken or the egg situation.”

  “Tell me.”

  “It always starts with me being a captive,” he began. “I always give myself different reasons for it. Sometimes they want something from me, information or whatever. Other times, I’m too horny for a real story so it’s just a bunch of perverts holding me captive so they can make me their sex slave and do all kinds of fucked up shit to me. I picture them putting me up for sale to someone really fucked up.”

  The story wasn’t so much as a shock as an even more interesting side of the boy sitting in front of me. It gave me a ton of insight into his psyche, more than any other line of questioning might have.

  “And then there’s all the fucked up shit I picture them doing to me,” Justin continued. “Giving me cuts with a blade and making me bleed when I’m about to come. Forcing me to come when I don’t want to, when I want to stay mad at them.”

  The conversation was taking a dangerous turn. I’m only human, prone to weaknesses. I was feeling something that I didn’t want escalating. But it was obvious Justin needed someone to talk to about these things. I didn’t know how long he had been keeping this stuff bottled up. “How close did you come in real life to doing any of that?”

  “You see, a lot of the things that are up here,” Justin said. “Would kill me if I tried to make them a reality. But yeah I guess there are ways I can come close. But when I’m with a client it’s about their fantasies not mine. Yes, at times inadvertently some fantasy will get fulfilled but that’s about it.”

  I realized something sad. He had been fucking people for years without getting any real fulfillment. “How much do you hate the people you fuck?”

  He looked embarrassed. “Most of them, I guess. I used to be miserable before. But now, I kinda enjoy even the shitty stuff that happens to me. Sometimes, the actual date with a client would be awful but later I’d just make it a sick fantasy and it’s hot.”

  He poured me another drink. “Enough about me,” he said. “Now tell me your fucked up shit. And it better be fucked up.”

  I couldn’t say that it took me time to think about what my fucked up thoughts were, I think we all know those thoughts well because that’s who we are. They’re never just random stories, there’s always meaning attached. It’s the reason many of us go through life acting like those fantasies don’t exist. “Look, I’ll be honest,” I said. “My fantasies are fucked up and I’ve been aware of it for a long time but I’ve never discussed these, not even with Dominic. He’s just too vanilla and nothing against vanilla but it’s not me. So, I honestly never truly understood before and felt like a freak for it but now I’m more forgiving to myself. They are just fantasies and not really happening.”

  “Tell me.”

  “I always had a thing for domination.”

  “You want to do it to someone or have it done to you?”

  “Do it to someone.”

  “Tell me one of your actual fantasy. Be specific.”

  I downed more of the drink. “I see myself in a dungeon with this guy and obviously the person changes, whoever I’ve got a crush on. What never changes is what I do to that person.”

  I paused, trying to figure out what to say next when Justin intervened. “How badly do you hurt him?”

  The question startled me. But I knew I wanted to be free of burden of this untold truth. “Depends, I guess. Sometimes I hit him with something, cane or I whip him, but it’s always hard. That’s the only way I can get off.”

  “Do you ever dream about more? Death? Do you want to beat him or rape him to death?”

  I don’t think I could answer that. I don’t think I could get the words out. This was a bad idea.

  Justin stood and looked at me straight. He took off his shirt. He walked up to me and took my hand and placed it on his chest. “I want to know exactly what you did to me in your fantasy,” he said. “Please. You want to help me, don’t you?”

  I nodded but I was in a trance. Justin got on his knees and unzipped me, and touched my cock. He pulled it out of my pants and started stroking it. “Please,” Justin said. “You have to trust me.”

  I closed my eyes when he made me feel pleasure. I opened my eyes and started remembering but everything was vivid inside my head and I didn’t have to think too long. “I roofied you at a party,” I said. “Then, I put you in my car and drove you to thus secret place where I’ve built a dungeon. It has every torture instrument and sex toy known to man...”

  Justin’s mouth joined his hand and the pleasure reached epic proportions. “I throw you into the dungeon and tie you up, and I... do things.”

  Justin stopped and looked up at me. “Keep going. I want to know everything.”

  He went back to servicing my cock and I had no choice. “I tie you to a cross,” I continued. “But I spread your legs apart so I can torture you.”

  There was a moan from Justin but he didn’t stop. “I whip you with something that makes you scream and you’re afraid of it,” I said. “Afraid of me. But I don’t care and I just whip you bloody until you’re on the verge of dying.” I paused. “Then I rape you with my cock until you’re...”

  “Dead,” Justin finished my thought.

  I tried to look away. “I’m sorry.”

  Justin took my hand and placed it on his crotch. “Touch me, please.”

  I put my hand inside his shorts and put my hand around his shaft. He was already erect. This was turning him on.

  He gasped when I grazed the tip. “Can I kiss you?”

  I couldn’t stop myself.

  He leaned in to kiss me and I made him gasp a few more times during that kiss. He stared into my eyes. “I’m in your dungeon Trent,” he said. “You can do what you want with me.”

  I almost stumbled. I almost said yes. I almost picked up my switchblade...

  “No...” I had to tear myself away from him. It wasn’t easy. He was made of irresistible material and our magnetic fields were merging and it would have turned into devastation and damnation if I had let myself go that night.

  I was too drunk to drive so I settled on just walking. But I was alone and I knew Justin might hate me for leaving him like that. But better he hated me by ending this than hating himself by letting this go further.

  I walked and I walked and I walked but not
hing became clear, nothing made sense to me.

  Eventually, I had to go back.

  Justin was asleep in the bed when I entered the room. Instead of going to my side of the bed right away, I stopped to check on him.

  He looked so peaceful in his sleep. It was a peace denied to me even in sleep. My sleep was always panicked and disorderly, much like the rest of the day. I felt like even in my sleep I was always worrying about stuff, and trying to appease the cruel gods of slumber.

  I lifted his hair away from his face. He was sleeping on his back, straight up and still wasn’t wearing a shirt.

  His body was tempting me. It was terrifying, feeling like I couldn’t control these animal urges. I ran my fingers gently over his chest and grazing the nipple.

  I felt him move. I thought I imagined that but when I ran my thumb on his nipple, he moved again. I lowered my tongue on the nub and licked it. This time he actually moaned.

  What would happen if he woke up and found me using his body without his consent?

  I ran my tongue over the other nipple this time and I was rewarded with moans as well as body movements.

  I was fucking horny. I told myself if I could take care of it then I might be relieved of these thoughts for tonight. So, I didn’t have to do much, just enough to get me off...

  I started jerking myself off with one hand and with the other I lowered his shorts. I didn’t even have to touch him...

  I could just look...

  Yes...

  Just looking...

  Nothing more...

  Maybe I could touch that nipple again...that wouldn’t be so bad...

  Oh fuck...

  I was jerking off too fast and the bed was moving but it’s okay...

  It’s working...

  I just have to stick to the nipples... and lick them... lightly, gently, that’s it... it’s working...fuck just look at him all helpless in his sleep, the things you could do to him right now... fuck… fuck yeah... that’s it...

  I came hard.

  It took me a while to even catch my breath. When it happened I was mortified. I was very gentle pulling his shorts back up. That body was still tempting me but I could wait until the morning.

  I went to try to sleep and it was strange and exciting to be lying next to him after everything that happened. Everything I did or didn’t do. Everything I wanted to do still.

  In the morning, we’ll figure out a way to keep this horniness in check. We’ll figure out a way to be around this kid without giving in to our deepest, darkest desires.

  We’ll figure out a way to keep both our matching crazies aside. To not be tempted by something so trivial as a view of his partially clothed body.

  In the morning, we’ll think about our demons.

  3

  The next day I woke up to the sound of Justin taking a shower. Great. Waking up to temptation. Serves me right for trying to get my rocks off molesting some kid in his sleep.

  He was probably still recovering from what happened to him and I was just adding to it.

  But my horny brain was scattered and morning wood wasn’t helping the cause. Maybe I should rub one out. Instead, I found myself walking to the bathroom and the door was ajar so I quietly stepped in. Justin was under the full spray of water and he had his back to me, so I could watch him without getting caught.

  He rubbed the soap on his body, over the shoulder and his chest but of course he couldn’t reach everywhere.

  I briefly wondered what Justin might do if I simply walked up to him. He would probably freak out. Last night was just a fluke. It happens. We were both drunk. Things were said and partial blowjobs were given, but this wasn’t last night and it wasn’t some drunken encounter.

  This was real.

  Before I could decide what to do, Justin saw me. He turned off the spray instead of freaking out. He just stood there and watched me instead of trying to cover himself with a towel.

  “Justin…” I tried to cover up my true intensions. “I woke up and I needed to go... and the door was open...”

  He wasn’t buying it.

  He wasn’t buying it because he had a complacent smirk on his face. The kind you get when you win by a huge margin. When you think the other players never truly stood a chance. He used the soap and started rubbing it all over his chest. He went past the navel and lower toward his groin. The same soapy hands he started rubbing all over his cock and his balls. He turned around and supported himself with one hand on the wall while the other went all over the backside and he stuck one finger inside his hole, and started cleaning up. Damn that smug little bastard. He was playing me and I was getting played. And I had zero control over the pleasure his antics were creating.

  I took off my clothes and stepped up to him. I turned on the shower and watched the water cascade over his nubile body, washing the soap off. I stood behind him, my erection pressing into him and my hands automatically around his waist, holding him. “This isn’t me, Justin.” I nuzzled my face in his neck. “This isn’t me.”

  I grabbed both his hands and placed them on the wall. “Don’t take them off,” I said, running my hand all over his back and lingered around the hole. My fingers were only touching him lightly but I could feel him getting pleasure from it.

  I dropped to my knees and grabbed his hips and used my fingers to pry him apart until I could see his hole. Fuck, the sight made me feel things I didn’t want to think about.

  I placed my tongue on the outer edge of the hole and started licking him hard and fast. My tongue was darting in and out of him and then I used my fingers to open him up.

  All of that attention was driving him closer to an orgasm I could tell. It was getting harder for him to keep those hands steady on the wall.

  If he wanted games I knew plenty. I stopped abruptly and stood. “If you want something you have to tell me.”

  I could tell focusing on anything other than the erection was the last thing he wanted. “I want you to make me come please.”

  “No.”

  “Please sir,” he was about to turn when I forced his hands back on the wall.

  “Don’t. Move.”

  “I’m sorry, sir.”

  “Beg for my cock in your ass.”

  “Sir, I want your cock in my ass.”

  “What makes you think you’re worthy of my cock?” I said.

  “I don’t sir but I can be a good slave.”

  “You can try. Whether you can be a good slave only time will determine,” I said. “But you know what, I’m feeling rather generous.”

  I shoved myself into him and he screamed. I was slow and gentle and in time my cock started making way into him and fuck… it was the best feeling in the world oh god. The feeling my brain was having at this moment could only be described as gratitude. Why had I stayed away this long from something so special? So insanely pleasurable.

  I might have stopped thinking with my brain but I couldn’t care less. Thrust thrust thrust thrust thrust… I grabbed his cock in one hand and started jerking him off so now we were both partners in pleasure. The sounds coming from him were making me come even harder, more than the feeling of being inside him in a physical way, I liked the feeling of being inside his head.

  I felt him moving his hips, he was close so I jerked him off harder and continued to fill him from behind. His body shook and a huge spurt of cum sprayed my hand. I used that hand to grab him by the hips and started thrusting harder and harder until I saw fucking stars...

  I realized that I basically just shot my load into him and fuck when I took my dick out his ass was dripping with my cum.

  Justin still hadn’t taken his hands off the wall and for some reason that made me feel this weird spiritual connection. I took his hands off the wall and rubbed his shoulders. I made him stand under the water and cleaned him off. I turned him toward me and pushed him back into the wall.

  I kissed him. “You’re crazy.”

  He pulled me toward him and buried his face in my chest. “I
know.”

  4

  "How much do you want it?" I was getting closer, gently pressing him against the wall.

  "As much as I could possibly want it," he told me. I lifted him off the floor and dropped him on the bed a little roughly. He winced when his hurt back touched the bed but didn’t relent. I liked his strength, the fierceness lying just underneath the gentle surface. He was opening up to me. He was still the same guy he was that I saved the other day but there was something different about him. He still treaded carefully, always cautious and I understood it. What I didn’t understand was why he seemed to be so into me.

  I reached a hand down and slowly rubbed the crotch of his shorts. I unbuttoned and unzipped his shorts, taking them down.

  Justin laid out on the bed.

  “You’re big,” he said, and I almost laughed. I wanted to tell him that he didn’t have to say those things to me, or act like I was the biggest, baddest cock he’d ever seen, but a part of me wanted to hear it. I was careful taking down his briefs.

  I didn't touch him yet. He had a nice cock, uncut. I wrapped my sturdy fingers around his length. I jerked him slowly, looking up at him.

  My eyes met his pale green ones through a curtain of brown hair. I opened my mouth, sticking out my tongue and just putting my lips around the tip. My mouth didn't touch him, yet.

  I could tell by the way Justin was moving that he was more into it than he probably thought he would be. But there was no longer any confusion in him. He started to enjoy it and went with it.

  I took away my mouth and slowly jerked him faster. I stopped the movement after a while and just held it. I wanted to go slow, I wanted to tease him. So, I licked, starting at the bottom of the head to the tip. I went around and licked down to up on the side of the head. Then the top of the head, then back down the other side.

  I didn't mind the salty taste of his precum. I continued to lick him, this time, licking back and forth all over his cock. I made sure all of it had received the same treatment, then pressed my lips against the tip.

  I opened my lips slightly, barely letting the tip enter my mouth. I sucked lightly, feeling the pre-cum dribble into my mouth. I swallowed the pre-cum, sucking the tip slightly harder.