“Can we have your attention please?”
Everyone turned in their direction and a hush fell over the room.
“We want to thank everyone for coming out tonight and celebrating with us. As I’m sure Emma has told everyone, this house has been a long time coming. We were dragging our feet not knowing where exactly we wanted to live, and then there’s the whole problem of not knowing where I’d be sent.”
The room laughed. We all understood. Establishing roots was dangerous for players.
“But we each have an announcement to make.” He looked at his wife and my stomach sank. He was retiring. He was leaving the league. That’s why they felt like they could settle down.
“I got the okay from Coach today to share this with you guys.” The oxygen in the room seemed to vacuum out in a second. No one moved.
“The team offered me another five-year contract! We’re here for good!”
I let out my breath and smiled. That punk. He knew what everyone was thinking. People around me cheered, but all I could do was shake my head. I was happy for him. For the team. I just hoped I’d be getting the same offer at the end of the season.
“Hopefully my announcement gets the same reaction.” Emma winked at Olli before addressing the room again. “We didn’t just build this house for us.”
She paused and I tried to guess her meaning. Was one of the guys moving in?
“Our team is expanding.” She beamed and a few of the women began clapping and cheering.
I didn’t know what was going on. We were expanding?
The women were standing up and congratulating Emma, but I met the eyes of some of the other guys and they looked as lost as I was.
“We’re pregnant!” Olli clarified for those of us that weren’t processing.
Wow. My best friend was going to be a dad?
I looked at him. Really looked at him. He was only two years older than me, but he had a maturity I’d never grasped. He and Emma married while he was still in the minor league. He came to the team with experience, both on and off the ice. Experience that was spreading. Chloe and Reese were getting there. More and more members of the team were getting married, settling down, and moving to the next stage of life.
Then there was me.
The playboy.
The one that didn’t take things too seriously.
I looked at Madeline. She was hugging Emma and talking with the other women. She was on that path, too. She had her life figured out. Who was I to suggest that her plan was wrong? What did I know?
My longest relationship only lasted a month. I’d gotten sick of her within a week, but I felt bad dumping her. I thought she cared about me, about us. But she was using me to boost her own fame.
Most women I knew were after something. My fame, money, connections.
Madeline was different. She came from my world. She understood better than almost anyone.
Yet, she was with the suit.
The jerk that treated her like a commodity.
I made my way to the celebrating couple and hugged them both. “Congratulations, you guys. This is amazing.”
Olli smiled. “Which part?”
“You staying of course.”
He slapped me on the back while Emma laughed. “Don’t worry, Uncle Erik is going to love his little niece or nephew.”
I shook my head. “I’ve never been around a baby. Ever. I don’t recommend planning on me spending too much alone time with him.”
“Or her,” Emma cut in.
“Right. I’ll cheer you guys on from the other side of the room.”
“We’ll see.” I ignored Emma’s wink and noticed Madeline walking through the back doors.
“I’ll be back.” Emma smiled like she knew what I was thinking, so I walked away before she could say anything.
I stepped out to the back patio and looked around. I didn’t see Madeline, so I walked out further. There was a large pool and a firepit. They’d really thought of everything.
I had a feeling we’d be here a lot.
I walked around to the back where there were steps up that lead up the side of the hill.
There she was. A small sitting area was arranged facing the house and the view beyond.
“Found a better angle?” She jumped a bit at the sound of my voice. “Sorry. I thought you saw me coming.”
She shook her head. “I was somewhere else.” Her expression looked withdrawn.
“Mind if I sit?”
I watched closely. If she gave the slightest hint she didn’t want me around I would leave. To my surprise she smiled.
“Please do.”
I lowered myself into the chair and looked out over the valley.
She was silent, so I followed her lead. I found the arena, the freeway, then tried to spot my apartment building.
“You’re right.”
I turned to her, but she wasn’t looking at me. She seemed lost in her own mind.
“I usually am, but could you be more specific?”
She laughed lightly. “I want more.”
More what? I waited for her to continue. I had a feeling she was working things out in her head. I was merely in the area.
“I want a man to look at me the way Olli and Reese look at Emma and Chloe. I want to know he loves me without having to ask. I want him to know everything about me and love me for it. I want him to be interested in me, my dreams, my problems. I don’t want to just be a cardboard cutout of what he thinks will please the world.”
She settled deeper into her chair, resting her head against the back. “I want that, and I don’t have it right now.”
I studied her. The city lights reflected in her eyes and cast her face in its glow. She looked so sad. But so perfectly beautiful. I wanted to touch her. To reach out and let her know she wasn’t alone.
I couldn’t.
She was vulnerable. She needed space to figure out what she was going to do.
“Is it real, though? Do they fake it like I do?”
I wanted to scream at her that it was the most real thing in the world. It was the only real thing.
“I don’t want to settle.”
I didn’t want her to. No one deserved that.
I wanted to break her out of this. Prove to her she was worth everything. In that moment I was willing to do anything, everything to make her smile again. I wanted to wipe away the worry. The confusion. I wanted to be the one that proved to her it could be real.
I was going to.
I was going to be the man she needed, the one she deserved.
But she wasn’t ready for me.
I had time. I could stand on the sidelines until she knew what she wanted.
A single tear glistened down her cheek.
No. That jerk didn’t deserve her tears.
I scooted my chair closer to her. Faced her and waited.
She blinked until another tear escaped, breaking my heart.
She was breaking me.
The ice-cold player I was.
I was turning into the guy I made fun of. I called out the other guys when they turned into piles of mush wrapped around the finger of their girlfriends. I was becoming one of them with each drop that fell.
She hadn’t moved. Just stared ahead with shaky breaths.
I reached forward and took her hand in both of mine.
“You deserve so much more than this, Madeline.”
She didn’t speak. I didn’t even know if she heard me.
“You deserve to be looked at like you’re the only woman in the universe. You deserve to be worshipped. Loved. Celebrated.”
Her eyes lifted until they met mine. “How do you know that?”
I didn’t move. Didn’t blink. I stared into her soul and hoped she felt the truth behind my words. “I see your light. I see your heart. You’re an amazing daughter. A caring friend. You’re a beautiful soul.”
She sniffed and shook her head. “You don’t know that.”
This wasn’t her bei
ng self-conscious. I could tell that she didn’t believe me. She didn’t see it in herself.
“I don’t know what he’s done to you to make you believe anything less than what I’m saying. I hope one day soon, you’ll realize he’s toxic. I hope you’ll see yourself the way I see you.”
My throat was closing. Emotions I hadn’t felt in years were catching up to me. I bit my lip and looked down.
I’d never felt this way about someone. But each word I said was true, and I wanted to be the one to prove them to her.
She squeezed my hand and I looked up. “You’re one of the good ones, Erik.”
Before I could process what that meant, she stood up and walked away. My eyes followed her path through the yard and into the house. She disappeared into the crowd when I finally looked away.
What more could I do?
I couldn’t make someone believe me. I couldn’t make her see Clark for the scum he was. But I’d keep trying. I wasn’t going to give up on her, even though she seemed to be giving up on herself.
Chapter Thirteen
Madeline
What were the chances he didn’t remember? Zero. Nil. None. Maybe I could convince Dad he’d be better off with a different trainer? Could I call in sick? No. I was still too new at the practice. Plus, Dad didn’t want any more people knowing about the injury.
There was no getting out of this.
I pushed open the door and sighed when I found it empty. I had a minute to prepare myself.
I still couldn’t believe I’d let myself fall apart in front of him. Who did that? Crazy girls. Girls that wanted attention. Girls that were losing their minds.
There wasn’t a worse scenario I could think of. Streaking through the party would have been less embarrassing.
No, I’d made a fool of myself in front of one of the hottest guys in the world and then ran off like a basket case. That wasn’t who I was. I was tough. I would keep up appearances. I don’t let people in very easily, yet around Erik, it’s like I have no filter. His presence opens me up. He didn’t have to say a word for my innermost thoughts to come pouring out like we were discussing the weather.
What was it about him that did that?
I felt a connection to him. Something I’d never felt with anyone else in my entire life. It scared me. It was wrong. I should feel that with Clark.
But I didn’t.
What did that mean?
Nothing Erik said and pointed out was new. None of it was anything that hadn’t already crossed my mind. But it was the first time someone pointed it out to me. It was the first time I realized that maybe my façade wasn’t quite as solid as I thought. He’d been able to see through it. He saw me, and it was terrifying.
“Hey, you’re early.”
I jumped at his voice. He’d come in through the gym door like last time, already sweating. His shirt was clinging to his muscles. Every. Single. One.
Before I started dropping I dropped my eyes to his legs. The brace was still on at least. Focus, Madeline.
“Uh. Yeah. Are you ready?”
He nodded and met me in the center of the room. His stride looked better.
“How are you feeling?”
“Good.”
Good. Awesome. Things were so awkward we were down to one-word responses?
“We’re going to start with calf raises.” I moved to the closet and grabbed a step. Once it was set up, he didn’t wait for further instruction.
“Only eight reps for this one. I want you to take it easy.”
He nodded and stopped at eight.
“Good. Two more sets.”
Silence. I should have put on some music. It was too late now. He would know I was doing it to fill the void.
He started in on the second set while I watched. He didn’t seem to be favoring his knee, which was good.
He finished and turned to me. “Are we going to talk about it or just pretend like nothing happened?”
That caught me off guard. I hadn’t expected him to be so direct. “Umm—”
“I’m not trying to force you into talking if you don’t want to. I just wanted to cleared things up before we spend the next fifty minutes avoiding it.”
Wow. He said what I’d been thinking, but I’d never admit it.
“I’m sorry about that night.”
His eyes narrowed. “Why are you sorry?”
I let out a half chuckle. Was he kidding? Did he really want me to spell it out for him?
“I lost it. In front of you. I’m sorry about that.”
He shook his head and took a step closer to me. “That isn’t something you should apologize for.” He ran a hand through his hair, sending it up in a hundred directions. “Madeline, I never meant to upset you. I shouldn’t have said those things. It wasn’t my place.”
I hadn’t expected that. I didn’t want him to take back the things he told me while we were looking at the city lights. I’d been obsessing over them. They’d consumed me. Made me realize that he was right. I wanted more and I deserved it.
“Did you mean it?”
He looked confused. “What?”
“Everything you said that night. Did you mean it?”
He looked at me like he trying to see into my mind. “Every single word.”
I clenched my jaw and pointed at the step. “One more set.”
He stared at me for a moment before turning away and starting.
I didn’t want him to see how much that affected me. I needed his words. I needed to know someone felt that way about me. I just wished it was Clark. I knew how he came off. I wasn’t dumb or blind, but there was so much more to him. He’d changed since we got here, but it hadn’t always been like this.
The first year had been perfect. I felt like I found my partner. The one person that I knew without a doubt would always be there for me. I fell in love fast and hard. He was my world and I knew I was his.
But things had changed.
Couldn’t they change back? Couldn’t we go back to being that couple? The one that looked at each other and saw the world? The one that supported each other? That pushed each other to be their best?
I wanted that.
I didn’t want to give up on him. Despite how things had been for the past six months or so, I loved him. I wanted that to be enough. If I could hold onto that, it could get us through whatever this was. Maybe it was just the transition. A lot had changed in a short period of time. Once he got comfortable in his new position, things would go back to how they’d been.
“Madeline?”
I looked up and Erik was staring at me with worry in his crystal blue eyes.
“Sorry. Let’s go to the wall to do some stretches.”
I could hope all I wanted for things to go back. That we could be what we were back in Chicago, but it wasn’t up to just me. Clark needed to want it too.
I needed to talk to him. That’s all this came down to. I would do it. We’d only seen each other in passing over the last few days. How could he not see that we needed to make changes? That we needed to work on us?
I got through the rest of Erik’s session without zoning out or crying. It was quite an accomplishment.
“What are your plans for the rest of the day?”
I didn’t want to tell him I was going to go home and wait for Clark to show up. Hopefully he would get home before midnight.
“Just heading home. I have some things I need to do.”
He nodded. “Have a good night.”
I watched as he walked back into the gym and disappeared. One hard thing done. If I could survive that, I could talk to Clark.
I gathered my things and left. On my way, I called Clark but he didn’t answer, so I texted him asking when he’d be home.
No response.
He must be in a meeting. Even though it was already six. Did they really have meetings this late?
I pulled into my favorite Mexican restaurant and got us dinner. It was always better to have hard conversations when
everyone was full and happy. No hangry words.
By the time I got home it was close to seven and Clark still hadn’t replied. I ate by myself, like I did more often than not lately, and turned on some sitcom for background noise.
I needed something to distract me while I waited.
Eight o’clock.
I checked my phone but only had a text from my mom. She wanted me to come over for dinner tomorrow. Like I would turn that down. I was getting sick of eating alone.
I changed the channel and found a hockey game on. New York versus Boston. This should be good. I settled into my couch and pulled a blanket onto my lap.
Clark didn’t get how I could watch games for teams I didn’t like. He didn’t get that I genuinely loved the sport. It didn’t matter who was playing. Plus, every game affected the Fury, no matter how indirectly. I needed to keep an eye on any threats, and Boston was looking good this year.
When the second period ended, I checked my phone again. Nothing. It was after nine. Where could he possibly be?
I called him again, but it went straight to voicemail.
If only he had social media, then I could stalk those, but he didn’t use them. As a future politician, it made sense. He didn’t want anything to haunt him later.
The lock rattled, and the door slowly opened. Eleven-thirty.
Clark looked around with wide eyes. “Madeline? What are you doing up?”
I turned off the TV and stood. “I was waiting for you.”
He shrugged off his suit jacket and set it on a chair. “I’m sorry. If I’d known I would have been home sooner.”
I studied him while he spoke. His tie was loose and the first three buttons on his shirt were undone. A bit more than necessary. More than he normally did. I sniffed the air but didn’t smell alcohol, or anything else. I half expected a foreign perfume.
He looked rough. Obviously tired.
“I called you. And texted.”
He smiled. “Sorry. My phone died at work.”
I nodded as if that was something that couldn’t possibly be remedied. They didn’t have outlets at his office? “Where were you?”
“Work.” He blinked and looked just over my shoulder. He was lying.
Match Penalty (Utah Fury Hockey Book 2) Page 8