First Crush

by Linda Seed

  Bianca tried to stop him, but he interrupted her. “TJ, I’m not—”

  “I know I haven’t handled things between us very well,” he went on. “I know I’ve screwed some things up. And now, you’re moving on. With Peter. But, Bianca, I don’t want you to move on. I don’t want you to move in with him. I want you to be with me. Because I love you, Bianca. I couldn’t say that before, because I wasn’t ready. But I’m ready now. I love you. Please don’t do this. Peter isn’t right for you. I am. Or, at least, I can be. I know I can. Please let me try.”

  Bianca felt stunned, and her heart was pounding. “TJ …”

  “Wait.” He held up a hand to stop her. “I know I’m just a blue-collar guy and Peter’s a doctor. I know that. And I know you could do a lot better than a guy like me. But—”

  “Peter and I broke up,” she said.

  “What?” TJ’s eyes widened as he realized that she’d said.

  “We broke up.”

  “But the boxes …”

  “Patrick is moving in. With Sofia.”

  “Oh.” TJ rubbed at the stubble on his chin, and Bianca could see the tension leaving his face and his body. “That’s great. That’s … that’s freaking fantastic.” He gave her a lopsided smile that made her insides melt.

  “What about the part where he said he loves you?” Owen put in.

  “I do,” TJ said. “And I told my mother that, too. I love you.”

  Bianca had been doing her best to hold her feelings in check, to act with her mind and not with her heart. But looking at him, at the hopeful, vulnerable look on his face, something in her broke, and she threw herself into his arms.

  “I love you, too.”

  He kissed her, and she gave herself to him, her lips, her body, her heart. She wrapped her arms around him and savored him, and never wanted to let him go.

  “Ah, jeez,” Owen said.

  Bianca broke the kiss and laughed. Still in TJ’s arms, she looked at Owen. “Are you all right with this? With me and your dad being together?”

  “Yeah, but maybe you could do this”—he gestured vaguely toward the way the two of them were holding each other—“some other time.”

  They would do this some other time, Bianca thought—many, many other times, God willing.

  Only then did Bianca become aware of the faces poking out from doorways and around corners. Benny, Martina, Sofia, and Patrick all were watching while trying not to be seen.

  “You can come out now,” she told them.

  “It’s about time,” Benny groused.

  Bianca thought she was exactly right.

  They went out together—all three of them—for lunch at the Main Street Grill, because it was Owen’s favorite restaurant. They ate burgers and fries, and Bianca and TJ held hands under the table.

  Afterward, they took Gary for a walk, then they went to a movie Owen had been wanting to see. Bianca could barely follow the story because she was so aware of TJ’s body next to hers, his hand in hers atop her thigh.

  When the movie finished, TJ suggested that maybe Owen might want to visit his grandparents for the evening—an idea Owen went along with easily, either because, even at twelve, he knew about the needs of an adult couple in love or because his grandmother spoiled him, it was impossible to know.

  In any case, Owen was dropped off with TJ’s parents before dinnertime, and Bianca and TJ were back at his place, blessedly alone, as the sun was setting on the horizon. TJ took her into his arms before she’d even put down her purse.

  “Owen is a wonderful kid,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

  “He is.”

  “Are you sure it’s okay with him if—”

  “It is.”

  “I think …”

  “You think too much. We both do.” TJ pressed a kiss to her lips. “Maybe we should try feeling for a change.”

  TJ took the strap of her purse and eased the bag down her arm, letting the purse fall to the floor. Then he put his hand on the side of her face and kissed her, and all rational thought, all analyses of how and why, left her. She only knew this, she only knew him. The feel of his arm around her, his mouth on hers, the taste of his tongue, the smell of him.

  She’d waited so long for this. Since she was a sixteen-year-old girl uncertain of herself, certain only of her feelings for a boy who’d never noticed her.

  He was noticing her now.

  His mouth moved down to her jaw and then to the hollow of her throat, and she threw her head back, reveling in the sensations. A moan escaped her throat.

  “Can I …?” He moved his fingers to the buttons of her blouse.

  “Yes.”

  With every inch of flesh that was exposed to him as he undid one button after another, she felt more desperate to have him, not just now, but always. She whimpered at the maddening tease of it. “Please,” she said. “Right now. Please.”

  He scooped her into his arms and carried her to the bedroom.

  TJ hadn’t imagined, even in his best-case scenario, that his declaration of love to Bianca would go this well.

  Because this, surely, was more than he deserved. This was a better and greater bounty than any man deserved.

  He finished undressing her and then himself in the dimming light of his bedroom, and when they were skin-to-skin on his bed, pressed together, he almost wept with relief.

  He’d been an idiot before, but he was finally setting things right.

  “You’re beautiful,” he murmured into her skin as he nuzzled her neck. “In every way. You’re gorgeous.”

  “Don’t talk.” She was squirming against him with desire, with need. “No more talking.”

  He eased himself into her, and after that he was too busy to talk. There were other, better ways to let her know what he was feeling.

  Later, as they lay in bed together with only the moonlight in the window to light them, they were both warm and happily exhausted, completely sated.

  “I’ve got a kid,” he said, holding her in his arms, tracing one finger along her bare shoulder. “A kid with a medical problem. Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

  “Hmm. If only I knew something about children with medical problems,” she said.

  “You know what I mean. It’s one thing to deal with that kind of thing professionally, but it’s another when it’s your own …”

  “Family?” she suggested.

  “Yeah. When it’s your own family.”

  “I’m ready. I’ve always wanted kids.”

  “Yeah?”

  She rolled over so she was lying on top of him, her body covering his. “Yeah. As a matter of fact, how do you feel about babies?”

  For a moment, TJ was dumbstruck. Babies? Plural? But after a moment, he was surprised to discover that what he was feeling wasn’t fear … it was excitement.

  “I feel fine about babies,” he said. And he looked forward to the time when they both would be ready to get serious about them. Because it wasn’t a matter of if. It was a matter of when.

  37

  About a month later, TJ, Owen, and Bianca sat in the surgical waiting room at a hospital in San Francisco, waiting for word on Penny and her mother.

  Once Beverly’s doctors had diagnosed her with Wilson’s disease, they were optimistic that a transplant, along with dietary changes and medication, might cure her.

  That had still left the matter of finding a donor—until Penny was found to be a match. Because the liver had the ability to regenerate itself, Penny would be able to donate a portion of her liver to her mother, and the organ would grow inside both of them, giving Beverly another chance at life.

  For Owen to have Wilson’s disease, both Penny and TJ had to be carriers. But because Penny’s liver was healthy, that didn’t eliminate her as a donor.

  None of this would have been possible without Peter DeVries, TJ had to acknowledge. The guy was a pompous ass, but if he had a hand in saving Penny’s mother, TJ guessed he could give him the credit he was due.<
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  TJ was here at the hospital because Penny and Beverly were still his family and always would be, through Owen. Also because Owen wanted to be here for his mom and his grandmother. And Bianca was here because, now that she’d had a part in diagnosing Beverly—if only through her connection to Peter—she wanted to see things through.

  Various other DeLuca family members and friends were here: Penny’s sister, Regina; Regina’s five-year-old daughter; Beverly’s brother, Hal; and a woman Beverly knew from her book club who went by the name Peaches—that couldn’t have been her real name, but nobody was asking questions.

  Penny’s family members were cool but polite to TJ, which was about the best he could hope for in the aftermath of a divorce, especially when he’d shown up here with another woman.

  “You look well, TJ,” Regina said to him when he came into the room, which was decorated with posters about maintaining good health. A TV played soundlessly where it was mounted to the wall in a high corner, and a coffee setup stood on a side table at one end of the room, waiting to caffeinate the anxious loved ones of patients.

  “You too, Regina.”

  It probably said something—and not something good—that the best thing they could think to say to one another was that neither of them looked sick. But it was better than screaming insults, TJ guessed.

  “And who’s this?” Regina looked coolly at Bianca.

  Before Bianca could answer, TJ stepped in. “This is Bianca Russo, the doctor Owen saw who helped us get Beverly’s diagnosis. Her correct diagnosis,” he added.

  All at once, Regina’s face changed from frosty appraisal to warmth and gratitude. “Oh! Dr. Russo. Thank you for helping my mother. I’ll never be able to repay you, but …” She reached out and pulled Bianca into a tight hug.

  “Oh. Well … I didn’t do that much.” Bianca’s voice was muffled by Regina’s embrace. “It was Dr. DeVries who diagnosed Owen. I just made the referral.”

  “Bianca’s here in a personal capacity, too,” TJ said, before any assumptions could be made that might lead to awkwardness. “She and I are together.”

  “Oh.” By now, Regina had released Bianca, and the two women were standing at arm’s length. Regina’s face went through another transformation, from admiration to surprise, then to guarded acceptance. “Well.” Regina turned toward Owen, either in a genuine greeting or because he provided a handy way to change the subject. “Owen, it’s good to see you, honey. Your mom’s going to be just fine. Come sit with me.”

  TJ made the necessary introductions to the others in the room, and it went fine; Regina was the one with the biggest stake in disliking TJ, and if she had decided to let that go, then nobody else wanted to stick with it, either. They all made polite conversation, and Bianca chatted a little with Regina’s kid, a bouncy blond with a pale complexion and pigtails that whipped around when she moved.

  The mood was tense but hopeful. They all knew today’s events might lead to Beverly’s recovery, but they also knew things sometimes went wrong. Sometimes, they went very wrong.

  About a half hour into the wait, a tall, serious-looking guy in a polo shirt and khakis came into the room, looking anxious. The guy had thinning hair, a trim build, and a face that women probably would have considered handsome if he’d had more hair.

  “What’s happening? Has there been any news yet?” the guy asked, focusing on Regina.

  “Not yet,” Regina told him.

  “I couldn’t get here earlier, I couldn’t get out of my shift. My boss—”

  “It’s all right.” Regina patted his arm. “You’re here now.”

  “Who’s that?” Bianca whispered to TJ.

  “I’ve never seen him before,” TJ responded.

  The guy looked around the room, and he grew still when his gaze landed on TJ. He seemed to weigh something in his mind, then came over to TJ and held out his hand. “Bruce Gray. You must be TJ.”

  TJ stood and shook hands with him. “I guess I must be.”

  “Penny and I … I don’t know if she told you, but we’re …”

  “Ah.”

  “Anyway. It was nice of you to bring Owen.”

  Owen looked up at the sound of his name, and Bruce sent him a wave. Owen wiggled his fingers back at the guy. “Hey.”

  “I wanted to be here, too,” TJ said. “Penny and I were married for a long time, so …”

  TJ introduced Bruce to Bianca, and it could have been painfully awkward, but it wasn’t. It was okay. The guy seemed all right—he seemed genuinely concerned about Penny, and that counted for a lot.

  When Bruce went over to greet Owen, the two had a rapport; TJ could see that from all the way over here. That threatened him a little, but it also made him feel he’d been freed from a confinement that had lasted way too long. Penny wasn’t alone, and neither was he. It was possible that both of them might come out of this thing okay. Both of them might find a way to make themselves whole.

  TJ had Owen full-time for the next two months while Penny and Beverly each recovered from their surgeries. The transplant had gone well, and the two of them looked a little better every time TJ took Owen to visit them.

  He was a little worried about what would happen when Penny was fully recovered and would no longer have to care for a much-improved Beverly. Of course she’d want to see more of Owen. Would she want him to live with her again? Would TJ become one of those sorry bastards who only saw his son every other weekend?

  “You worry too much,” Bianca told him when they were lounging in bed on a Saturday morning at TJ’s house, Gary sleeping heavily on the bed at their feet. “Penny saved her mother’s life, and everyone’s happy. Just enjoy the happiness for a while.”

  “That Bruce guy … he and Penny are engaged now. Did I tell you that?” he grumbled.

  “Yes, you did.” Bianca snuggled her head against his shoulder, her open hand on his chest so she could feel his heartbeat.

  “He’s gonna be Owen’s stepfather. Owen’s going to have a stepfather.”

  “Owen likes him,” Bianca reminded him.

  “Yeah, yeah.”

  “But that doesn’t mean you’re going to lose your place, TJ. You’re Owen’s dad. Nothing is going to change that.”

  “You’re damned right it isn’t,” he said.

  Bianca, who was naked except for the sheet pulled up over her chest, rolled onto her side, her head propped up against her hand as she looked at him. “Speaking of you being a dad …” She gave him a mischievous grin.

  He didn’t get it at first. He thought she was speaking generally, about the topic of fatherhood as a concept. Then she rolled over, reached into a bedside drawer, and brought out some kind of plastic stick that she offered to him.

  The stick had a little oval window in which the word PREGNANT was displayed.

  “Is that … Is this …” He was stammering like an idiot.

  “Owen’s going to be a big brother,” Bianca said. “And you’re going to be a dad again.”

  “But … when …?”

  Bianca sat up in bed, the sheet wrapped around her breasts. “You remember that night after the concert in San Luis Obispo? The condom box was empty, and you said … I remember exactly.… You said, ‘Screw it, let’s roll the dice.’ ”

  “We rolled the dice,” he said in wonder.

  “We did.”

  “And it came up ‘baby.’”

  “It did.”

  He didn’t say or do anything else for a moment. He just lay there, unable to process what she’d said. Her face went from excited to worried to alarmed.

  “TJ … you’re not upset, are you? Because this is good news. At least, it is for me. If you’re worried about Wilson’s disease, only one of us is a carrier, so the baby will be fine.”

  He still didn’t say anything.

  “If you’re not ready,” she went on, “we can talk about it. We can—”

  He grabbed her in his arms and let out a whoop of excitement. He wanted this—he wanted all
of it. Bianca, the baby, Owen … everything. They kissed, and in that kiss was the promise of a future TJ had all but given up on when his marriage had collapsed. In that kiss he felt all of the hope and anticipation of a life that was so much more than he’d expected or deserved.

  “You think your sister would be okay with it if we announce our engagement at her wedding?” he asked.

  “Our engagement?”

  “Well, yeah.” TJ pressed a kiss to Bianca’s lips. “You don’t think I’m going to leave the mother of my child without a husband, do you?”

  Tears shimmered in Bianca’s eyes. “Oh, TJ.”

  “Is that a yes?”

  She nodded and laughed through her tears.

  Bianca wished her mother could be here to see this. She’d helped Bianca plan her wedding to TJ so many years ago, and now it was actually going to happen. TJ had been Bianca’s first crush, and now he was the only man she would ever need.

  She was a sister and a lover, and now she was going to be a mother, a stepmother, a wife.

  He was offering her everything she’d ever wanted from him, and she couldn’t wait to take it.

  Read more by Linda Seed

  Learn about the Main Street Merchants here:

  Moonstone Beach

  Cambria Sky

  Nearly Wild

  Fire and Glass

  * * *

  Learn about the Delaneys of Cambria here:

  A Long, Cool Rain

  The Promise of Lightning

  Loving the Storm

  Searching for Sunshine

  * * *

  Learn about other books in the Russo Sisters series here:

  Saving Sofia

  Acknowledgments

  First Crush required more research than my previous novels, and I would like to thank the medical professionals who generously came to my aid to help me with the details of Bianca’s career and of Owen’s medical condition. Nurses Melissa Kliss and Jane Temple read my first drafts and provided valuable feedback, and Dr. Neri Cohen pointed out several gaps in my medical knowledge to help make this a better book. My additional warm thanks go to Linda Dagen.