Secrets of My Hollywood Life: Family Affairs

by Jen Calonita

  “Nobody in our cast is going anywhere.”

  That’s Tom talking. I still won’t turn around and face the screen, even if everyone else I’m standing with can’t help but watch. I hear Josh whisper to Liz: “I told you so.”

  “Sources tell Insider that whoever created that fake script will obviously be on the unemployment line alongside Peter Hennings, who plays Dr. Braden. But rumor has it that someone else will be getting the ax as well. Since it’s the teens who’ve plagued the set with delays and a Vegas PR nightmare, our sources hear that the network wants one of them to go to show that this kind of behavior won’t be tolerated. They’re just trying to decide who — their new shining star, Alexis Holden, who is rumored to be difficult to work with, or their longtime siblings act, Kaitlin Burke and Sky Mackenzie. But don’t listen to me. Let’s hear them speak for themselves.”

  “Brian, Brian, Brian, do you really think if I was being fired I would sit on your couch and deny it?”

  That’s Sky talking. She’s always had a thing for Brian, even though she pretends she doesn’t. I wait to hear if her charm works.

  “Even if you’re not going anywhere, Sky, you can’t deny your feelings about your costars. It’s no secret that you and Kaitlin Burke have never gotten along.”

  Sky taped an interview with him today, just like I did.

  “Who says? Kaitlin and I may not spend every waking minute together, but I certainly respect her as an actress. I would work alongside her any day.”

  “Wow, what did you have to pay her to get her to say that?” Liz gives me a wink.

  “Guess that deep frost between Sky Mackenzie and Kaitlin Burke is finally thawing, because Kaitlin, too, had nothing but kind words to say about her costar.”

  I slowly turn to face my on-screen self. At least a dozen partygoers are staring at me. There I am, larger than life, wearing the same dress I have on now. I’m sitting cross-legged, leaning my two elbows on the arm of Insider’s earth-tone-striped couch. My hands are resting under my chin and you can prominently see the Coach Gallery Breast Cancer watch that Mom insisted I wear (“Everyone knows proceeds from the watch go to charity,” she said. My stomach turned as I realized what she was implying. “You’ll look extra sympathetic.”)

  Brian looks at me with concern. He’s wearing a blue pin-striped suit and his pompadour is unusually bushy.

  “The rumor mill can’t stop talking about the alleged script that basically wrote Sam and Sara off the show. Is it true? And what about the fight in Vegas? Did you really throw a punch at Alexis Holden? Tell us the truth: Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine, Brian. Thank you for asking.”

  I give him my thousand-watt smile and laugh. Brian is giving me a tougher time than his darling Sky.

  “As far as I know, Sky and I aren’t leaving the show. But if you’ve heard differently, Brian, please reveal your sources. Inquiring minds want to know.”

  “You look great,” Austin whispers in my ear as Brian proceeds to grill me about my feelings toward Alexis, the vibe on set, and the truth about the rumors behind Alexis’s supposed behavior toward selected cast members (I deny, deny, deny, just as Sky and I were told to do). “And you sound even better,” Austin adds.

  “So there you have it, folks — right from my pals Sky and Kaitlin themselves. The only FA member not talking these days is Alexis Holden. Ever since the showdown in Vegas, FA’s newest star has shut the door on the media, only increasing the speculation about her supposedly difficult set behavior. All flacks for the star would say is, “Alexis Holden has no comment at this time.” Hmm . . . they’ve been saying that for weeks now. Could it be that Hollywood’s newest golden girl has finally tarnished her halo? Stay tuned. After the break, Angelina Jolie tells us why she thinks she’s ready to adopt again.”

  “Are you okay, Kaitlin?” Allison asks as Insider cuts to a Thanksgiving Hallmark commercial.

  “Of course she’s fine,” Liz says defensively. “She squashed Brian Bennett. By the way, what was up with his hair?”

  “Seriously, somebody needs to tell that guy to get a haircut once in a while,” seconds Nadine. “He could be a stand-in for Donald Trump.”

  “Do you want to get some air?” Austin asks me while everyone continues to discuss celebrity manes. I nod.

  Austin leads me past the offending TV, past the sushi chef who offers us a spicy tuna roll, past the Clark girls whispering about me on the couch, and onto the vast Mendes patio. I’m surprised there aren’t more people out here. Aside from the couple dipping their feet in the water by the man-made waterfall that empties into the hot tub, we have the yard to ourselves. It may be November, but the night is still balmy in Los Angeles and the sky is so smog-free that you can actually see stars. I take a seat on a teakwood rocking love seat.

  “Kates, I wanted to talk to you about . . .” Austin begins, but I interrupt him.

  Oh God. Here it comes. The L-word! “It’s okay! You don’t have to say anything!” I say hurriedly. “You didn’t mean it.”

  “I didn’t mean it at all,” Austin agrees.

  “Oh.” I try to hide my disappointment. “That’s okay. It was kind of soon, I guess.” I trail off.

  Austin frowns. He takes a seat next to me and his long legs touch the etched stone pavers on the ground while my heeled toes dangle in the air. Pushing off the ground, Austin begins to swing us gently back and forth. “I don’t know what you mean by soon, but I did want to say I was sorry. I hope you didn’t think I was rude for refusing to let you give me an actual present.”

  OH.

  OH! That’s what this is about? He’s not talking about the L-word! Maybe he does love me! “Not at all,” I insist happily.

  “Because I was telling Mom and Hayley and they thought I shouldn’t have been so gruff about the whole thing.” Austin looks nervous. “We were just having such a great time, and all I could think about was . . .”

  NOW he’s going to say it. He’s going to apologize, even though he doesn’t need to, and then he’s going to toss in how he said he loves me. I just know it. And then we can get it out in the open!

  “. . . how I had the coolest girlfriend on the planet and I didn’t care about a gift. I hope that didn’t offend you.”

  Hmph. I so can’t read guys’ minds. “I wasn’t offended at all,” I tell him, but I must look upset because Austin seems really concerned and reaches for my hand.

  “I feel like an idiot,” he says. “Why am I talking about this when you have so much on your mind?”

  “It feels good to take my mind off work,” I say.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Austin asks, and I realize I kind of do. And then we don’t have to talk about love, or not being in love either. Maybe that’s easier right now.

  I tell him exactly what happened when we walked off set. All about how Laney and Amanda sprang into action, working around the clock to get us as many interviews as possible that would let us tell our side of the story. They’ve also been leaking their own information about Alexis’s attitude problem. I talk about how Sky and I have teamed up to pre sent a united front and prove to the show, Tom, and the world what an asset we are to have around.

  I have to admit, I was petrified about what would happen when Sky and I walked onto set the first day back. I thought everyone would be mad at us for delaying filming. But in reality, everyone from crafty to the crew was incredibly sympathetic about what happened, and Melli and Spencer welcomed us back with open arms. Alexis has actually steered clear of us and has been telling anyone who will listen that she’s “mentally exhausted and worried for our job security.”

  Tom has still been so busy trying to find the script bandit (the crew’s new nickname for the culprit) that he hasn’t had time to meet with Sky and me yet. He’s been totally professional, but he hasn’t seemed like his usual self and that worries me. His assistant swears he’ll talk to us any day now. God, I hope so. My stomach is in knots waiting to hear who is being canned. No matte
r how many times Laney says FA needs me and will renew my contract, I can’t help but worry. Alexis has had people fooled pretty well for a while now. Laney’s answer to that is to stay out of Alexis’s way and pretend to be nice to avoid any more problems. I’m not sure that’s enough.

  “Laney and Mom keep telling me I shouldn’t be upset about what happened last week. They say the whole thing will blow over and my job isn’t in jeopardy. They’ve drilled it into my head that I should tell every reporter I’m fine, but the truth is, I’m not fine,” I tell Austin. “Not in the least. And you want to know the worst part? It’s not for the reason everyone thinks.”

  “What’s the real reason?” Austin asks. The rocking motion of the swing is soothing. I lean my head on his shoulder.

  “You promise you won’t tell anybody?” I whisper hoarsely.

  “I swear.” He crosses his heart. “I’m having a hard time following everything that’s happening. It’s so weird seeing you and Sky doing interviews together and being on the same team.”

  “I know,” I admit. “But Alexis is awful, Austin.”

  “It sounds like it,” he agrees as he strokes my hair. He waits for me to speak. How does he know me this well already? It’s only been six months since we started going out. My eyes fill with tears and the words start tumbling out.

  “This whole thing is my fault!” I practically cry. “If I hadn’t been so caught up with being jealous of ‘Alexis, the new girl,’ then I would have seen what she was about from day one,” I say. “I would have been prepared to fight back, like I did with Sky in the past. We wouldn’t have had a meltdown in Vegas and Sky and I wouldn’t have been so angry that we walked off set last week. I’m more professional than that.”

  “Don’t be insane,” Austin says. “You couldn’t have stopped what happened!”

  “I’ve jeopardized my career again,” I sob. “I feel like it was some cosmic force that sent all this trouble to punish me for being jealous of not just Alexis, but everyone around me.”

  Austin gives me a questioning look and I can tell he’s confused.

  “I’m jealous of you guys!” I feel so small even saying it. “Yes, I love hitting the red carpet and signing autographs and being a celebrity, but when Alexis started getting so much attention on the show, I freaked. I felt like I was being pushed aside. Then you guys started talking about college and moving across the country to go to school and I guess the little green monster inside me started to rear its ugly head about that too. All I could think about was being left behind — by Hollywood, by you and Liz. What if you guys go off to college, and I don’t, and then we have nothing in common anymore?” I sniffle. “What if I do go to college and then my career dries up because Alexis becomes the star who takes my place?”

  “I didn’t know you felt like we were squeezing you out.” Austin looks aghast. “I don’t want you to feel that way.”

  “You didn’t do anything wrong,” I backpedal. “It’s me. I feel like I’m losing everything I care about.”

  “You are not losing everything.” He grabs me by the shoulders and looks deep into my eyes. I resist the urge to squirm away. “Even if I go three thousand miles away to college, you’re not going to lose me, Burke. I’ll be home on breaks, and by that time you’ll probably be doing so well you’ll have a private jet at your disposal and can come visit me anytime you want.” We both laugh. “And you’re forgetting something very important — we’ll always have these.” He holds up his cell phone and the Sidekick I gave him months ago. I smile.

  “We’re going to be fine,” Austin assures me. “It’s you you need to worry about. Don’t freak out about what everyone around you is doing. Pick one project to focus on. If you want to learn how to drive, you will. If you want to ace the SATs and go to college, you’ll do that too. You just can’t do it all at once.” He smiles. “Even Kaitlin Burke can’t do that. But if you want my opinion?” I nod. “The first thing I’d do is deal with Alexis. Show her how a real FA star acts.”

  How can someone so amazing have so much confidence in me? “As usual, you know exactly what to say,” I tell Austin and kiss him fiercely. “Thanks for helping me see the bigger picture.”

  If I want to keep my job, then that’s what I should focus on first. Then I can figure out what I want to do next. On my own. I’ve spent so much time lately being jealous of Alexis’s new fame, or Lizzie’s freedom to move to New York, that I stopped seeing what was right in front of me. I have a great life, whether I go to college or not, and I have to stop worrying so much about what everyone around me is doing and start worrying more about what I want for myself.

  Austin kisses me back. “You’re welcome.”

  I look up at the starry sky. “I’m going to figure out a way to deal with this thing with Alexis once and for all. After that, the future is wide open.”

  SATURDAY, 11/9

  NOTE TO SELF:

  Call Sky. Discuss game plan 4 Monday.

  Fifteen: Truce and Consequences

  The large silver clock above the lighted mirrors in the FA makeup room may say 5:47 AM, but Sky and I are wide awake, have had breakfast (Special K for her, Froot Loops for me), and are in our makeup chairs being blown out by our hair stylists, Paul and Raphael. Shelly and Mallory, our makeup artists, are at the ready to do their part too.

  “Paul, isn’t it nice to see cheerful faces in the morning?” Raphael styles Sky’s raven hair flat.

  The two of us are humming along to the John Mayer CD I popped in the stereo. Since we usually have the same call times, we’ve always fought over makeup mood music. But ever since our karaoke session and career powwow with our publicists two weeks ago, our musical tastes have been in sync.

  “I’m enjoying the positive energy around here,” Paul agrees, curling my hair into tight ringlets that look remarkably like his own short bouncy brown mane. “Catfights before nine AM are so last year.” I tickle his tight black D&G T-shirt–clad arm as Paul reaches over me to grab the Bumble and Bumble hair spray.

  I have to admit, it is nice to avoid the early-morning catfight. Our friendly strategy has not only made my life easier, it’s made everyone’s lives better on set too. We’ve been arriving early, staying late for wardrobe fittings, and making sure the only exchanges we have with Alexis are scripted ones. The best part is that our good behavior has made Alexis’s increasingly obnoxious behavior stand out. The other day, she staged a foot-stomping, blood-boiling rant at our crafty guy because he ran out of mini M&Ms. Apparently Alexis was convinced Sky and I stole her stash just to upset her, but begged him not to tell anyone because we had “so many other problems already.” Thankfully, crafty wasn’t buying it and soon news of Alexis’s tantrum was all over the set. HA!

  Speaking of candy . . . I reach into my Dooney and Bourke purse and pull out a bag of Razzles. I pop two in my mouth and wordlessly offer some to Sky. She pours herself a handful and gives the remainder back to me.

  “You know, K, calling a truce with you has done wonders for my body,” Sky tells me as she stares at her reflection in the mirror. “I haven’t had a blemish in a week, I started eating carbs again, and last night I actually had eight hours of sleep.”

  Paul tilts my head left to finish curling my hair. “Wait — if you had eight hours sleep that means you didn’t go out last night. That has to be a first,” I joke.

  “You look more relaxed around me too, K,” Sky points out. “Your shoulders aren’t as locked up as they used to be. You’ve always reminded me of the Hunchback of Notre Dame.”

  I purse my lips. “Okay, I admit it. Getting along with you is not the tortured hell I thought it would be. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

  Sky gives me a knowing smirk. “Touché. But since all this pathetic togetherness seems to work for us, we might want to consider extending our peace agreement beyond just getting rid of the shrew.”

  Nadine clears her throat at the mere mention of anything having to do with Alexis. Our camps have warned
us to stay off the topic whenever we’re within fifty feet of the sound-stage.

  “Sky Mackenzie, are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?” I ask.

  “Well, I never thought I’d see the day,” Shelly exclaims as she overhears the exchange. Unlike most people, Shelly can pull off six AM. Her round face looks thin with her hair pulled back in chopsticks and bronzer on her cheeks. And she’s wearing a white corduroy blazer and jeans that shrink her size fourteen body to a size ten. I’m about to tell her how good she looks when Melli walks in.

  “What are you two doing here so early again?” Melli yawns. She shuffles into the room wearing last night’s pajamas and no makeup. All of us like to arrive wearing something casual. I’m in my favorite oversize worn green turtleneck sweater and khaki cargos and Sky is in black velour hip-huggers and a wrinkled pink baby tee. “I thought your call time wasn’t until eight this morning,” Melli says.

  “We’re trying to be on our best behavior,” I tell her, giving her a kiss on the cheek before she settles into the chair to my left.

  Melli puts her oversize Louis Vuitton on the floor and unzips the bag. “It’s nice to see my girls back in fighting form. I think you’re both handling yourselves beautifully under all this scrutiny and I hope you know I’m a hundred percent behind you.”

  I feel myself blush. A compliment from Melli means more to me than any Emmy nomination ever could.

  Melli pulls out an envelope and hands it to me. “I know it’s early, but these are the new pictures of the boys and the baby.”

  “I can’t believe she’s two, Melli,” I marvel, looking at the super-chubby toddler in the Juicy Couture sweats.

  “Neither can I.” Melli sighs. “I feel like I’ve missed all her big moments.”

  “What do you mean?” Sky asks as I hand her the pictures. “Doesn’t your nanny bring her by for lunch every day?”

  Melli nods. Her eyes look sad. “It’s not the same thing, girls. You’ll see when you become mothers.”