Changes of the Heart

by Judith Mccoy Miller

  “I’m sorry, Maura. I didn’t mean to make you unhappy,” Amanda replied, giving her a quick hug. “I’m sure it will be fine. How could he not love you? You’re the finest person I’ve ever known—except perhaps for your brother,” she quickly added.

  Maura smiled weakly. “Please don’t tell my parents. They think Luther knows and has accepted my ‘affliction,’ as they call it.”

  “I won’t mention it. Just promise that when you write to me, you will tell me the truth about your new life,” her sister-in-law pleaded.

  “I’m sure that everything will be wonderful and my letters will overflow with only good news to all of you. However, should something arise that I don’t want the others to know, I’ll send along a separate page addressed just to you. I trust you’ll not reveal the information to anyone.”

  “You have my word,” Amanda replied solemnly.

  “It makes me feel better just knowing I’ll have a confidante should I need one,” Maura said optimistically, attempting to ignore the twinge of doubt lurking deep inside her heart.

  “You two certainly appear to be deep in conversation,” Daniel commented as he walked into the cabin followed by the rest of the family. “I don’t think we’ll all fit in here at once, children. Why don’t you wait until we’ve looked around and then you can come in,” Daniel instructed the excited youngsters.

  “It’s awfully small, dear. Do you think you’ll be able to live in this tiny space for eight months?” her mother inquired, her concerns obviously not assuaged by their tour of the vessel.

  “Mother, I won’t be confined to my cabin,” she rebutted.

  “Of course, she won’t,” her father interjected. “Bessie, you’ve talked to almost every member of the ship’s crew. She’ll have weekly papers to read, and there are concerts to attend as well as a variety of other activities. There’s a board of health and a police department should she have medical problems or need protection of any sort. This room is elegant, and the bill of fare sounds better than what most of the Boston restaurants serve. You must quit your fretting,” he admonished.

  “I know, I know, but it doesn’t make it any easier to see her leave home,” Bessie responded.

  “Let’s allow the children to see her cabin,” Walt suggested, changing the subject and moving his wife toward the door.

  “You’re next,” Walt said to the children as he and his wife exited the cabin.

  “It’s as beautiful as I told you, isn’t it?” Ruth asked her sister as they entered the room.

  “Oh, yes,” her younger sister agreed, her voice filled with awe. “I wish I could come with you, Aunt Maura,” Emily added. “I would be happy forever in this room.”

  “I seriously doubt that, Emily,” her father said. “You grow tired of everything within a few hours. Just imagine if you had to stay on this ship for six months. I think you would probably change your mind.”

  “Your father is right, Emily. Although the room and ship are lovely, I’m sure the trip will be long and sometimes very boring. I would love to have your company on the voyage, but I think you’ll be much happier playing outdoors with your friends all summer rather than being a captive on this ship,” Maura told the child.

  Walter poked his head just inside the door of the cabin. “We’ve got to leave the ship now. They’re about ready to set sail.”

  All of them quickly gathered together and moved with the other visitors toward the gangplank. Maura followed along with them, a sense of fear beginning to creep into her consciousness. Now that the time of departure had finally arrived, she didn’t want them to know she was filled with anxiety. Pasting a smile on her face, she hugged each of them and watched as they walked down the gangplank and back to the dock. As the ship slowly moved out of its berth, she stood transfixed on the deck while attempting to emblazon a picture of each of them in her mind. The minutes passed, and their figures became smaller and smaller until they were no longer in view. She could neither force herself to move from the railing nor take her eyes from the spot where she had last seen her family’s waving arms. Nothing but water remained in sight, but she held her vigil until the sun began to set.

  TWO

  Despite her fears and new surroundings, Maura slept soundly. She awoke the next morning just as the sun was rising and peeked out her cabin window. The scene was beyond expectation. The sun appeared as a blazing ball rising out of the water and the sky a mixture of soft aquamarine and burnished red dipping down to meet the bluish-black depths of the ocean. She continued to revel in the sight until her growling stomach served as a reminder she had not eaten since departing the previous day. Although a light evening meal had been offered, Maura had preferred to remain at the ship’s railing staring toward the beauty of a distant horizon. Now, almost twenty-four hours since her last meal, she realized she was famished.

  Deciding upon a white muslin dress with a pattern of roses scattered about the border, Maura prepared herself for her first full day at sea. Weeks earlier, her mother had hand stitched the three-tier skirt, each layer emphasizing the delicate rose-patterned border. The bodice was a fashionable V-neckline exhibiting a modest inset of white embroidered muslin. Gathering her auburn tresses in a pale green ribbon that complemented the green leaves in her dress, Maura decided upon carrying her green silk parasol. It would provide her creamy complexion ample protection from the sun, should she decide to linger on deck after breakfast.

  “Are you going to the dining room?” a voice called out. Maura turned to see a small, white-haired woman walking to-ward her.

  “Yes, I’ve not eaten since we set sail, and my stomach is beginning to protest,” Maura responded, observing no one else in their vicinity and assuming the woman was addressing her.

  “Would you mind very much if I joined you? I can’t tolerate eating by myself, and it seems most of the passengers are men who prefer talking to each other rather than an old woman. I’m Rachel Windsor,” she said, extending her hand as she reached Maura’s side.

  “And I’m Maura Thorenson. I would be delighted to have your company at breakfast,” she replied while walking alongside the older woman.

  “I’ll try not to bore you to tears or make a nuisance of myself, although I’m sure you’ll be glad to see the last of me once we reach California,” Rachel stated as they entered the dining room.

  “Where are you going?” Rachel asked as Maura moved toward one of the large dining tables.

  “To seat myself at one of the tables,” she answered, giving the elder woman a questioning look.

  “I forgot that you weren’t at dinner last evening. We serve ourselves,” Rachel explained. “The food is placed on that large table close to the kitchen,” she said, pointing toward the far side of the room.

  Maura hadn’t noticed the line of people waiting at the other side of the room and was embarrassed when she noticed several passengers staring at the two of them. Hesitating for a moment, she placed her parasol on one of the benches and moved with Rachel to the end of the line.

  “Do you need assistance? I can fill my plate and come back for yours,” Rachel offered.

  “No, I’m more than capable of taking care of myself,” Maura answered more sharply than she’d intended. Noting the look of remorse on Rachel’s face, she quickly apologized. “I didn’t mean to be so abrupt. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.”

  “You don’t owe me an apology, Maura,” Rachel replied. “Now, let’s see what they’re serving for breakfast,” she added as they reached the table.

  After helping themselves to generous portions of ham, eggs, biscuits, fresh fruit, and steaming cups of coffee, the women seated themselves at the table where Maura had earlier placed her parasol.

  “As far as I’m concerned, these tables certainly make eating difficult,” Rachel said to those seated close by. “I understand the need for this edge around the table, but you’d think someone would invent one that could be removed when the seas are calm,” she complained.

  “
Know what you mean,” the man seated across from them agreed. “By the end of the meal, my arms feel as though they have permanent dents in them.”

  “Perhaps you should try lifting your arm to your mouth in-stead of leaning over your plate,” the woman to his left sarcastically responded.

  “You’re not my mother, and I don’t need your advice on how to eat,” he shot back in a churlish tone.

  “I didn’t mean to start a feud,” Rachel interjected. “If the sunrise is any indication, it looks as though there’s a beautiful day awaiting us,” she continued, hoping that the couple would cease their bickering.

  “Think I’ll see if I can find a game of cards,” the man re-plied, picking up his plate and rising.

  “It’s a little early in the day for you to begin your gambling, isn’t it?” his companion queried.

  “I’ll be glad when we get to Rio de Janeiro,” he mumbled as he walked away from the table.

  “Let’s hope you haven’t lost all of our money before we get there,” she called after him.

  Obviously unflappable, the woman offered no apology or explanation to those remaining at the dining table. Instead, she picked up her fork and continued the meal as though nothing out of the ordinary had occurred.

  Rachel remained somewhat subdued for the remainder of the meal. Maura tried to engage her in conversation several times, but Rachel would give a brief answer and offer nothing further. Finally Maura gave up and ate in silence, relieved when the meal was finally completed.

  “I believe I’ll gather my writing materials and return to the deck. It’s such a beautiful morning, and I want to add a few paragraphs to the letter I’m writing my sister-in-law and make notations in my journal,” she commented as they reached her cabin.

  “I believe I’ll read in my room for a while. I think I’ve stirred up enough trouble for one day,” she replied.

  “Rachel, that wasn’t your fault. Those two obviously fight all the time. It was apparent they had no respect for each other or the rest of us, for that matter,” she comforted her new acquaintance.

  “You’re probably right, but I still feel uncomfortable for any part I played in that altercation,” she answered. “Perhaps I’ll join you later this morning. If not, I’ll see you at dinner.”

  Maura watched the older woman stride down the passageway, head held high, shoulders thrown back, a picture of determination and self-reliance. No one would guess she was retreating to her room for any reason other than a brief respite after her morning meal.

  The days soon became a monotonous routine, and had it not been for Rachel and Georgette Blackburn, Maura couldn’t have imagined how she could bear another three months aboard ship. Rachel’s penchant to discuss literature, philosophy, and spiritual matters and Georgette’s carefree disposition had proved advantageous to all three of them. Georgette, with her oval face, full cheeks, pouty lips, and lush blond curls, never failed to coax them into laughter. Her flair for making a humorous story out of everything offset Rachel’s sober, reflective manner.

  But even the intermittent concerts and literary discussion groups became tiresome after a while, with most of the passengers preferring gambling to a scholarly conversation about the literary genius of Shakespeare or Chaucer.

  ❧

  Maura stepped from her cabin, planning to join Georgette for a few hours of visiting, but she quickly returned for her woolen cape and bonnet.

  “It has certainly turned cold, hasn’t it?” she remarked to one of the crew members who was walking down the passageway as she gathered the warm cape tightly around her.

  “It will only get worse,” he casually remarked.

  “What do you mean?” she asked, somewhat surprised by his reply.

  “It may be summer in New England, but it’s winter where we’re headed. The closer we get to the Cape, the colder and rougher the weather becomes. Didn’t anyone tell you that before you left home?” he asked, obviously surprised at her lack of knowledge.

  “Nobody I know has made this voyage,” she replied.

  “Who you going to meet in California?” he asked.

  “I’m getting married. My husband-to-be is in California.”

  “Seems he would have told you what to expect,” he commented, continuing on his way.

  “What do you mean—what to expect?” she questioned, walking as quickly as her handicap would permit.

  “Like I said, it’s winter down here. The winds get bad; the temperature gets frigid; and stormy seas are the general fare. Sorry, but I don’t have time to talk. The first mate’s waiting on me,” he replied, scurrying off and leaving her with a multitude of unanswered questions.

  Casting her head downward against the harsh wind, she finally arrived at Georgette’s cabin and pounded on the thick wooden door. “Georgette,” she called out, “hurry, it’s cold out here!”

  When Georgette finally opened the door, Maura rushed inside, the cold biting at her hands and feet. “I can’t believe how quickly the weather has turned on us,” she said, rubbing her hands together. When she finally looked up, she saw why Georgette had been so slow to answer.

  “Georgette, what’s wrong? You look positively dreadful,” Maura said, noticing the girl’s sallow complexion and shaking hands.

  “I think I’d better lie down for a while. Suddenly, I’m feeling. . .” Georgette winced as though she were in pain and fell upon the bed.

  “Feeling what?” Maura coaxed.

  Georgette didn’t immediately answer and Maura’s concern heightened when she noted the girl’s swollen belly.

  “Georgette! Are you going to have a baby?” Maura asked, stunned that she hadn’t previously realized the girl was pregnant.

  “Yes,” she feebly replied. “I’ve kept it well hidden, haven’t I? I bet you and Rachel wondered why I was always wearing a long cape around me, even on those horribly warm days, didn’t you?”

  “I assumed you were cold-natured, Georgette. You told me you weren’t married, and quite honestly, I never gave a thought to the idea that you might be expecting a child. As for Rachel, she has never mentioned your attire and speaks only good of you,” Maura answered.

  “It doesn’t matter. I don’t know how I thought I could keep this a secret until we arrived in California anyway,” Georgette said, her voice growing weaker.

  “When is your baby due?” Maura asked, taking hold of Georgette’s hand.

  “Not for another ten weeks. I’m so afraid, Maura. Please don’t leave me,” she pleaded.

  “I won’t leave, but I think we should try and get you into your nightgown and under the covers. I’ve always heard bed rest was the best thing if there was fear the baby would be premature,” she explained, remembering the difficulties Amanda had encountered during her last pregnancy. Maura had stayed with Daniel and Amanda during that trying time when her sister-in-law had been required to remain in bed for ten weeks. It had been worth it, however, when after those long boring days of lying in bed Amanda had given birth to a healthy, beautiful daughter—sweet little Jenny.

  Digging deeply into one of Georgette’s trunks, she found a warm nightgown; and after what seemed like an eternity, her young friend was tucked into bed. The cramping had finally subsided, and Georgette slipped into a restless sleep under Maura’s watchful eyes.

  Several hours later, Georgette awakened and found Maura sitting beside her bed reading a small Bible.

  “I’m feeling much better,” she announced. “The pain seems to have completely gone away. I’m sorry to have frightened you, but I think it was a false alarm.”

  “Perhaps, but I think it would be best if you remained in bed for at least the next several days. I’ll see that your meals are brought to your cabin and explain to Rachel you’re just a bit under the weather,” she stated firmly.

  “But what if Rachel wants to come and visit? I don’t want her to know I’m pregnant. What will she think of me? She knows I’m not married—or even engaged, for that matter. I feel somewhat str
onger, and it will be better if I just try to carry on as I have been.”

  “Absolutely not! If you care nothing about yourself, think of what damage you may do to the unborn child if you don’t take care of yourself. I can handle Rachel, and if and when the time comes that she insists upon visiting you, we’ll make advance arrangements so that your condition will be hidden from her view. I’ll not argue about this, Georgette.”

  “You’re not my mother! What makes you think you can tell me what I must do?” the younger girl retorted, angry that Maura was determined to have her way.

  “It’s certainly a fact I’m not your mother, but I’m as close to any female assistance as you’ll find when it comes time to have your child. Besides, you know I’m only doing what’s best for the two of you,” Maura responded.

  Georgette was quiet for several minutes, and Maura rose from the chair and picked up her bonnet and cape.

  “Where are you going? I haven’t gotten out of bed. I’ll do whatever you think is best. Really I will, I promise.”

  Georgette couldn’t see the smile that crossed Maura’s face. “I’m going to go and get us something to eat. Do you think you can keep down a meal, or would you prefer just a bowl of soup?”

  “I know this will probably surprise you, but I’m ravenous,” Georgette replied with a sheepish grin.

  “That’s a good sign. I’ll see what I can do about solving that problem. You stay in bed so nothing happens while I’m gone,” she instructed the girl.

  Fortunately, Rachel and the other passengers hadn’t arrived for dinner when Maura entered the dining room. Spotting one of the cooks coming from the kitchen, she crossed the room as swiftly as possible and approached him.

  “Excuse me, but would it be possible for me to have two trays prepared and delivered to Miss Blackburn’s cabin?”

  “Dinner won’t be ready for another half hour, but I’ll have the trays delivered before we begin serving. If the winds become any stronger, you may want to keep to your cabin after dinner. May turn into a rough night from the looks of things,” he told her.