Changes of the Heart

by Judith Mccoy Miller

  With a modicum of dignity remaining, Maura turned and quietly limped toward the doors of the church. This is my husband, ’til death do us part. Lord, when will I ever learn to control my tongue, she half-thought and half-prayed, knowing it would be better had she never experienced the wonder of that impassioned kiss.

  FIVE

  Standing behind the counter of the Buchanan Mercantile Store, Luther watched as Maura laboriously measured and cut fabric for one of the few women who lived at the diggings with her husband. The customer probably hadn’t seen another woman for six months, and her mouth had begun moving the minute she eyed Maura and still hadn’t stopped. He noticed Maura giving the woman a smile every now and then or nodding her head, but the stranger didn’t seem to want conversation, merely a set of female ears to hear all the unspoken thoughts she had stored up in the past six or eight months.

  Maura led the woman through the store while pointing out or suggesting different items, all of which the customer agreed to purchase. Walking toward the counter, Maura looked toward Luther.

  “Have you sold all of the Christmas nutcrackers?” she asked, looking at the shelf behind him and seeing only an empty space.

  “I’m afraid so. I didn’t expect they’d be so popular, or I’d have ordered more,” he replied. “They were all sold just a few days after Thanksgiving.”

  The woman’s face dropped in obvious disappointment at the announcement. “I’ve been saving a little money each week to buy one,” she related. “I saw some last Christmas when we came to town, and I’ve been wanting one ever since.”

  Maura had been listening to the woman talk for almost an hour. It was obvious that she had come searching for a better life and was hungry for an existence beyond the gold diggings. It seemed so pitiful. Not so much different from my circumstances, Maura thought. I came searching for a life beyond what I had, and I’ve settled for being a wife in name only—while giving my time to work in this store, in addition to caring for the house and tending to his needs.

  “I’ll be back in just a minute. Please don’t leave,” Maura told the woman. “You’ll need to figure up her bill, Luther,” she called over her shoulder and left the store with both of them gazing after her.

  “I want you to take this and enjoy it,” Maura told the woman a short time later. The woman was outside loading their wagon with her purchases while Luther was helping her husband carry out some of the heavier provisions from the back of the store.

  “Oh, I can’t take this,” the woman said, pulling back the brown paper.

  “Of course, you can. I want you to have it. Believe me, it will give me far greater pleasure in your possession than in mine,” Maura convincingly replied.

  “If you really insist,” the woman answered in a faltering voice. Without hesitation, she wrapped her arms around Maura. “Thank you, thank you so much. I don’t remember the last time someone did something for me, not expecting anything in return. God love ya,” she whispered, a tear rolling down her cheek as she released Maura from her embrace.

  “Look, Jed! Look what she gave me,” the woman excitedly called to her husband as he and Luther reached the wagon.

  Maura didn’t look toward Luther as the woman proudly displayed the brightly painted nutcracker. “Ain’t it just grand?”

  “That it is, that it is. I’m not sure why you think having one of those things is so important, but I gotta admit it’s good to see you smile,” he told her. “Thank you for your kindness, ma’am,” he said, tipping his hat toward Maura.

  “You’re quite welcome. It was my pleasure,” she said, embarrassed by their zealous expressions of thankfulness. “I’d better get inside. Have a safe journey.”

  “Thanks again, and Merry Christmas!” the woman called after her.

  Maura stopped short upon hearing the wish for a merry Christmas. Soon it would be Christmas—the deadline for Georgette and Becca to move from Luther’s house. Merry Christmas no longer seemed like a joyous greeting but, instead, a quickly approaching ultimatum.

  Maura didn’t turn back but merely waved her hand in recognition of the words that the woman had spoken. She had just gone to rearrange the shelf of fabrics when she felt Luther’s breath on the back of her neck.

  “Would you like to tell me why you gave that stranger my nutcracker?” he asked in a steady voice.

  “I didn’t realize it was your nutcracker. You brought it home shortly after I arrived, and as I recall, you said something to the effect that I might find it either useful or decorative during the holidays,” she answered.

  “That’s right. But I didn’t mean it was yours to give away. I meant exactly what I said—that it might be useful as a decoration and to crack nuts during the holidays.”

  “Since I find nutcrackers rather unattractive, I wouldn’t want to use one as a decoration, and utilizing one to crack nuts is more for novelty than quick results. I’m sorry we’ve once again misunderstood each other. It seems that’s what we do best,” she commented as she began to straighten another shelf of goods.

  “Those nutcrackers aren’t cheap, you know. And you just gave it to her—a complete stranger,” he said, following after her.

  “Consider it payment for the privilege of working in your store,” she retaliated.

  “Working? You think the little bit you accomplish around here is work? As slow as you move, it’s about the same as having no help at all. It took you twice as long to measure and cut that material as it would a normal woman,” he fired back.

  “Normal woman? First I’m a cripple, and now I’m abnormal. Well, Luther, I’m going to take my crippled, abnormal body out of your store. Since I’m of little assistance, it’s good to know I won’t be causing you any great loss,” she said, limping toward the door, tears beginning to form in her eyes as she slammed the door behind her.

  “Maura! Wait up a minute. . .” Luther called from the doorway.

  She heard him but didn’t stop walking.

  “Maura!” he hollered. “Since you’re going home, why don’t you empty those extra trunks so that I can get them out of the house. There’s always folks needing steamer trunks. Most likely I’ll be able to sell them in short order.”

  She stopped in her tracks. Silly woman! He wasn’t calling after you to apologize. All he wanted was to be sure that you didn’t go home and rest or enjoy yourself for a few minutes, she thought and once again picked up her pace without acknowledging his comment.

  Entering the house quietly, she was careful not to disturb Georgette or Becca. She knew that Georgette would question her about why she was home in the middle of the day, and the last thing she wanted to do was answer questions. Although Georgette was aware of Luther’s attitude before the wedding, Maura believed it was improper to discuss their ongoing problems now that they were man and wife. When all of them were together, both Maura and Luther remained civil with each other, and Georgette was left to assume the two had resolved their earlier problems. Although it was obvious they weren’t ecstatically in love, they appeared to be adjusting to married life—at least to everyone else.

  Hanging her coat on the peg inside their bedroom door, Maura’s eyes fell upon Rachel’s trunks. Except for dusting, she hadn’t touched them since Luther placed them along the west wall of the room upon their arrival. Pulling the wooden rocker from the corner, she sat down and unlatched the largest trunk. Methodically, she began inspecting the items, although feeling like an uninvited intruder into Rachel’s life. When she had completed the task, she sat surrounded by stacks of belongings—those she would keep, those Georgette might want, and those that could be given to the needy. The stack to be given away was by far the largest, since Rachel’s clothing was styled for a woman of differing proportions and age than Maura or Georgette. Just as Maura was completing the chore, Georgette walked into the room carrying Becca.

  “I thought I heard someone in here. What are you doing?” Georgette inquired.

  “Luther thought I should go through Rachel�
��s belongings so that he could move the trunks out of the bedroom,” she answered. “I’ve picked out some items that may appeal to you. Why don’t you look at them, and if you’re not interested, I’ll put them in that stack,” Maura instructed, pointing toward the pile to be given away.

  “Don’t you want any of this?” Georgette asked, beginning to pick through the jewelry.

  “I’ve already looked at it and I did choose this one pin as a remembrance, but if you like it, I’ll take another. I’ve also kept her journal. She has a lovely Bible, Georgette. I’d like you to take it. That way you’d have your own for our daily Bible readings and for church services. Rachel had marked so many wonderful passages and made little notes along the margins. I think it will become a real blessing to you as you explore God’s word,” Maura tentatively suggested.

  “I’d be honored,” Georgette replied, opening the pages and looking at the underlined scriptures.

  Shortly after they had met on the ship, Rachel had suggested the three of them join together for a daily Bible study. Embarrassed by her lack of spiritual training, Georgette had confided in Maura that her father did not believe in God. Even worse, he had forbidden any members of the family to attend church or study the Bible. It was the one rule all of them had kept.

  It hadn’t been an easy task convincing Georgette that Rachel would view her lack of religious training as a challenge presented by God himself. Maura had carefully explained that Rachel would find it a privilege to introduce Georgette to the Lord. And she had. Before her untimely accident, Rachel had spent many hours nurturing, explaining, and guiding Georgette in God’s Word. Through Rachel’s loving spirit and God-given patience, she had led Georgette down the path of salvation.

  It had been a wonderful experience for Maura to observe the changes that continued to take place in Georgette’s life since her introduction to God’s grace and love. Precisely in God’s timing, she seemed to grow in her newfound faith. Much as Becca was thriving in her mother’s love and adoration, Georgette was flourishing in God’s loving acceptance of her as one of His children.

  “Are you thinking about our Bible studies with Rachel?” Georgette asked, pulling Maura from her thoughts.

  “Yes. She was such a fine lady and I miss her. It was such a privilege to meet her, but I’m sure the Lord is showering her with rewards as we speak,” Maura answered, giving Georgette a smile.

  “Do you think she would have forgiven me for having a child out of wedlock? I wish now I would have told her, but I was afraid she wouldn’t want to associate with me.”

  “She would have forgiven you, Georgette, and she would have told you that if you seek God’s forgiveness, it is there for the taking. Do you remember how excited Rachel was when you accepted Jesus?”

  Georgette nodded her head.

  “Being an unwed mother wouldn’t have changed any of that. Jesus knew you were going to have a child, but He didn’t turn you away. Surely you know in your heart that Rachel would have done no less.”

  “You’re right. She would have been loving and supportive, just like you. I guess it was easier to talk to you since you’re younger.”

  “Perhaps, but if you recall, you didn’t tell me, either. I only found out because of your illness. I don’t think you were all that trusting of me, either,” Maura answered with a laugh. “I’d better finish up before Luther gets home. Do you feel good enough to sit at the table and peel some potatoes?”

  “Of course I do. You go ahead and finish up in here. I’ll put Becca back in her cradle and have those potatoes ready in no time,” she replied.

  Going through all of Rachel’s belongings had been more of a chore than she’d expected. She lifted the lid of the remaining trunk, pleased it was the smallest. Primarily it appeared to contain Rachel’s family mementos and knickknacks. Picking up what appeared to be an old leather reticule, Maura was surprised at its weight when she attempted to pull it toward her. Carefully, she untied the leather thongs holding it tightly closed.

  “Georgette! Come here, right now!” she called out, forgetting the sleeping baby.

  “What is it? What’s wrong?” Georgette asked, rushing into the room.

  “Look,” she said, holding the leather bag open for her friend to see.

  “Oh, Maura! I wonder how Rachel came by all that money,” Georgette exclaimed.

  “She told me she had sold just about everything she owned. She must have owned quite a bit from the looks of what’s in this bag.”

  “What are you going to do with it?” Georgette asked.

  “I’m not sure. She had no family left, so I guess it’s ours. We’ll split it. You can do what you want with your half, and I’ll do what I want with mine,” Maura suggested.

  “It’s not half mine. The captain gave the trunks to you—it’s yours,” Georgette insisted, sounding frightened by the discovery.

  “Georgette,” Maura said, exasperated with the girl’s demeanor, “we didn’t steal this. There’s nothing to be afraid of.” Hearing Luther’s footsteps on the wooden porch, she whispered, “Please don’t say anything about this in front of Luther, at least not just yet.”

  “Whatever you say,” Georgette agreed, watching Maura place the bag in the carved oak chiffonier and then cover it with several articles of clothing.

  “Where’s supper?” Luther asked, walking into the bedroom just as Maura returned to the rocking chair. Georgette quickly exited.

  “I thought you wanted me to clean out these trunks,” she replied. “I realize a normal person could have finished by now, but as you can see—”

  “Stop it!” he ordered. “You’ve made it abundantly clear that I hurt your feelings. In fact, you always make it abundantly clear when you’re unhappy. Which, I might add, is most of the time. I told you the first time I laid eyes on you that I needed a wife to help in the store—someone that could keep up at a regular pace. I’m aware that you try, but there is no way you’re ever going to be able to perform as much or as quickly as someone without your. . .”

  He hesitated, apparently knowing whatever word he used would be wrong.

  Maura didn’t fill in the word for him. “Luther, if I don’t meet your needs in the store, perhaps you should hire someone.”

  “I’ve been thinking along those lines,” he quickly replied.

  “You have?” Maura asked, startled by his answer.

  “Let’s go out to the kitchen,” he suggested.

  Georgette was busy mixing cornbread when the two of them entered the kitchen.

  “I’ll be done with this in just a minute and then I’ll be out of your way,” she said, seeming to sense something was amiss.

  “No, sit down,” Luther offered, in an unusually benevolent manner.

  Looking toward Maura for confirmation, Georgette seated herself when she saw her friend nod.

  “Maura and I have been talking about how difficult it is for her to meet my expectations as a wife. In helping at the store, that is,” he quickly added when both of the women’s heads simultaneously jerked up and their mouths dropped open.

  “I meant, you know, with her. . .ailment, it’s uh. . .harder for her than a. . .” he stammered, looking for the right words.

  A deafening silence followed, neither of the women saying a word.

  “What I’m trying to say is that you’ve been living here with us, Georgette, and although you haven’t said anything to me outright, I’m sure you’ve been feeling you owe us something for all we’ve done for you and your baby.”

  “Luther! How dare you say such a rude thing to Georgette! I thought you wanted to talk about hiring someone to work at the store.” Just as she had uttered her last word, the realization hit her like a bolt of lightning. “Oh—I see, I see,” she said, beginning to rise from her chair while Georgette unwittingly viewed the unfolding scene, her eyes darting back and forth between the two of them.

  “Sit down, Maura,” Luther commanded, his voice leaving no doubt she should be seated. “I’m no
t proposing anything illegal or immoral, so you best just settle down.” He paused momentarily and looked at Georgette. “I feel it would be well within your Christian duty, Georgette, to repay us for our kindness by working at the store for a period of time. That way Maura could take care of the house and care for Becca while you’re working. It would be much easier on Maura, and I’m sure you’d prefer to make life easier for her. You see, it’s not what you expected at all, is it?” Luther asked Maura when he’d finished his proposal.

  “It’s exactly what I expected! I’ve learned what’s most important to you in the short time we’ve been married, and it’s not a wife. What you want is free labor to work in your store, and Georgette is a perfect slave. Just use a little guilt and feeling of obligation and she’ll come running to work for you. Tell me, Luther, how do you sleep at night?” she asked, breaking her resolve to hide their marital discord from Georgette.

  “Don’t make me out to be the villain. If you’d been honest with me in the beginning, none of this would have happened,” Luther shot back.

  “You’re right, Luther. What I did was misleading and dishonest, and if I had it to do over again, I’d certainly change things. But before there are any decisions made, I think we all three need to think and pray on this. It’s not a decision that should be made in haste,” she said, her voice quiet and subdued, a stark contrast to her earlier diatribe.

  “I don’t know what to say,” Georgette remarked and rushed from the room.

  ❧

  Maura hadn’t returned to work in the store since the evening that Luther suggested Georgette replace her. During the days that followed, she and Georgette had spent much time in prayer, but only one answer had come to them. Although Maura had doubts, she had stepped out in faith that this answer was what God intended.

  “I’m going to talk to Luther tonight, Georgette,” Maura told her friend. “He’s insisting upon an answer, and we’re as ready as we can be under the circumstances.”

  “If you’re sure. I don’t want God holding me accountable for anything that’s not in His will.”