The Shattered Genesis (Eternity)

by Rudacille, T.

  “This ship was meant to transport a large group of people from Earth to Pangea. That was its only purpose. And yet...”

  “Let me stop you now because I know that you're getting ready for one of your monologues.”

  “Please do because quite frankly, I am too exhausted to continue but very interested in the answer you are going to supply to my query.”

  “How are you even still forming sentences like that?”

  If I hadn't been so tired, I never, even under threat of bodily harm, would have said what I said next.

  “You're holding my hand and despite my fatigue, I am still over-analyzing what that might mean. As a result, I am attempting to scare you off.”

  We stopped, both needing to rest on one of the loveseats at the end of the hall. He was looking at me but my eyes were darting around, searching for anything else to focus on. In fact, if one of the breathtakingly hideous Reapers were to be standing in the hallway with us, I would sooner look at it than at James' handsome face in that moment.

  My eyes burnt at the sight of clashing colors of paint on one of the aforementioned decorative vases. I had always hated green and yellow together and if the painter of that particular vase had walked by me, I would have allowed myself just a single outburst of strong feeling in order to promptly slap him in the face for creating such an atrocity.

  Those are the things that I thought about when I was avoiding a particularly unpleasant emotion.

  Another moment of that heavy silence was going to kill me faster than the heart attack I had experienced earlier.

  “Are we sitting because we're tired or because you want to have a heart-to-heart? Because, though I am tired, I will force myself to run if you begin a conversation on feelings. I don't like them. I have no use for the ones I have and that is why they remain repressed, always. And...”

  “You are very strange, Brynna.”

  I looked at him finally. I had looked at him, even into his eyes, many times before, but I had never noticed them to be so brilliant. Violet was jealous of the fact that I was the only child with blue eyes and I had always joked that I was special, as I possessed the recessive gene and she and Elijah possessed the dominant. I would always be the unique one and they would always be ordinary. A part of me wasn't kidding. But James's eyes, though I had originally thought them to be the same dark brown as most other people's, were deeper and more beautiful than I had ever cared to notice before.

  No, my rationality screamed at me, Stop looking at him. He's a man which makes him dangerous and you do not need human contact. You do not need human contact.

  “You are quite possibly the strangest person I have ever met.”

  There was another long moment of silence and I closed my eyes, shaking my head slightly as I said, “I don't even know what you want me to say to that.”

  “You don't have to say anything. I know that's new for you.”

  “Are you being condescending right now?”

  “That did sound condescending, you're right. What I mean is that I know it's hard for you to always come up with something to say for yourself and the people you care for. If you don't know what to say, you don't have to say anything. I won't be offended.”

  I looked at him now, smiling slightly, before nodding. I had never allowed myself to remain quiet on anything. At first, I spoke to avoid being overlooked. Then, I spoke to defend my sisters and brother. After that, I spoke to scare people away. It was exhausting to live without a moment of quiet.

  “Of course,” He smiled again, “if you do have something to say, I love hearing it. You might drive me absolutely insane sometimes with it but that doesn't mean I don't want to hear it. Plus, I know that you're going to make it heard whether I like it or not. You'll make it heard whether anyone likes it or not.”

  “I will.” I replied with a slight laugh.

  “Wow. I am so used to the scowl that I am shocked to see you laugh.”

  “You've seen me laugh before.”

  “You always cover your mouth when you laugh but that time you didn't.”

  “So it seems I am not the only one who analyzes everyone I come in contact with.”

  “No. If I'm going to be honest, I am fascinated by you. You're just,” His brows furrowed slightly in genuine awe and slight confusion, “strange.”

  “Should I be offended by that?”

  “No. Definitely not. It's cool, really. I mean that. It's kind of amazing.” He shook his head back and forth quickly for a second and then said, “I am very tired. I would never be saying all of these things if I wasn't so tired.”

  “I'm tired, too.” I looked at him again. “James, I should be telling you that we need to put distance between us. I should be telling you that this is all wrong. You're older than me and I'm not the easiest person to get along with. I hurt people, sometimes on purpose. Every person I have ever known has been hurt profoundly by me. I've let them move closer to me at times just so I could push them away later. Violet, Maura, and Elijah will never recover from what I put them all through, just by being who I am.” I stopped talking because the exertion was beginning to wear on me. It wasn't just the act of speaking that was weighing me down faster than I could fathom but the actual words. What I was saying had never been admitted out loud but the words spilled out of me, sensing that this was their first and last chance to be heard. I finished the rambling admittance with what was the most candid, most painful confession of all:

  “I am a toxic human being.”

  He reached out, put his hand on my face, and leaned closer to me. Our eyes stayed locked together and his other hand stayed wrapped around mine.

  “You're not.” He said softly. “You're one of the best people I know.”

  I couldn't help but laugh bitterly as I said, “You must be exhausted...”

  “I am. But that doesn't mean I'm not right. Do you want distance between us? Tell me and you'll have it.”

  I leaned forward, my eyes closed now, and pressed my forehead to his. My hands rested on either side of his neck and I felt his grasping my face still. There, in that moment, I knew that I had to face the unknown. I had to carry every burden of my family in order to keep our lives moving. It was a task too great and too terrifying to realize suddenly, but I did. In response to his question, I shook my head.

  As we faced what was ahead, I knew, more surely than I had known anything else in my life, that though my logical brain was telling me that he must be pushed away, my heart was begging me to keep him. I needed James Maxwell more than I had ever allowed myself to need another human being in the entire span of my existence.

  The thought of having him anywhere else but by my side was one that I could not bear. So, I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face there, still shaking my head. As usual, I tried to pull away immediately but was able to stop myself that time.

  I needed him. The thought made my heart flutter. The thought made me sick.

  XXX

  “Where have you two been?!” Maura exclaimed furiously as she threw her hands up in the air the way she always did when she was substantially irritated. “We woke up. You’re both gone. They’re wheeling people out of here covered in sheets.”

  “How many?” James asked as I walked over to kneel down beside Penny, who was sitting up and drawing in a great yawn.

  “There were seven that we saw. Who knows how many?” Elijah replied. “So what happened? Do you think the drug really did kill people?”

  “I am sure it did.” I replied dismally. “It almost killed me.”

  “What?!” Maura exclaimed before storming up to me, grabbing my face tightly in both hands and staring into my eyes as though she’d be able to assess my health by glaring at me. “What happened?!”

  “It was mild, according to the doctor. Don’t worry about it.” I shook her off and sat down next to Penny on her bed.

  “Are we in space?” She beamed brilliantly up at me, her blue eyes that were identical to mine gleaming with girlish
wonder and glee.

  “We are.” I said with a smile of my own. “Do you want to go see something cool?”

  “You still haven’t told me exactly what happened and you’re not going anywhere until you do.” Maura snapped at me furiously. The placid, gentle joy I had felt as I spoke to Penny disappeared without warning, leaving an uncomfortable, black void that left me cringing almost visibly.

  “Maura, it is not even a big deal!” I exclaimed angrily. My outburst was unwarranted and practically inarticulate, considering how normally, when I dealt with strong emotions, I did so with poised sentences, as I am sure you have gathered.

  Who was she to demand an explanation? Why was she, quite suddenly, so concerned about me?

  “It was a heart attack.” James answered with a touch of irritation poisoning his reassurance. I did not know towards whom his hostility was directed. “It was very mild and the doctors said she should have no lasting side effects from it.”

  “Your heart has always been fine.” Maura replied instantly. “She’s twenty two. How could she have had a heart attack?”

  James shrugged slightly, “Because it was caused by the sedative. They had to get something together quickly that would be powerful enough to knock people out for a full day and a half. Given how rough the takeoff was and how quickly we were moving, they had to have something to keep everyone calm. They didn’t worry too much about the side effects.”

  “We can see that!” Maura continued, much to my growing offense. “Now, at least seven people are dead.”

  “The world was going to end. They didn’t exactly have time to let the FDA screen the drug.” I huffed irritably.

  “Would you just relax?” Violet snapped at me. “God! Did you sleep at all?”

  “Yes, I did, thank you so much. Just because I slept doesn’t mean that I’m not still suffering through some mild irritability at being asked asinine questions. Come along, Penny.” I grasped her hand and we strode ahead of Elijah, Maura, Violet and James.

  “Just ignore her. She’s just in bitch mode.” I heard Violet mutter to Maura softly.

  “Profanity is the weapon of weak-minded men, or in your case, girls.” I called to her over my shoulder.

  Violet exclaimed in contentious exasperation but I heard Elijah chuckling to himself.

  “Don’t encourage her!” Violet snapped at him.

  James stormed up to Penny and me. When his hand grasped my upper-arm roughly, I immediately snatched it away and frowned at him dangerously. His earlier belligerence in the conversation had been directed towards me, I discovered, though I could not have cared any less.

  “You know, you really should go easy on her.” James muttered to me quickly. Perhaps if he had merely suggested that I take a more zen approach in regards to my association with Maura, I might have taken his thoughts into consideration. I might have even followed his guidance on the matter. Instead, his tone was harsh, demanding... I would not be told what to do by any man but certainly not one I had only just met. My frown darkened to a virulent scowl that I thought would scare him away.

  “Yeah, I know that look.” He nodded and furrowed his brows in a show of condescension that was sure to earn him a harsh kick between the legs from me. “It's not scaring me. Listen, I know this is tough for you. But it’s tough on everyone. You are acting like a nasty, spiteful child right now and it needs to stop.”

  Already, my resolve to refrain from ever making true, civilized human contact was overtaking my need for attachment. The former was stronger than what I had assumed was a basic, chemical need for James Maxwell. Ordering me around was certainly not helping his case, either. In fact, his sudden embrace of an abusively coercive disposition proved what I had so long believed about all men: Once they believed that they had a woman under their spell, their entire being changed. They had to feel as though they were totally in control by whatever means necessary.

  Sometimes I thought of myself as a soldier on the front-line of defense. Consider it idealism or perhaps even a delusion far beyond grandeur, but I believed that it was my duty in life to guard not only myself and my sisters from the advances of men like James, but to inform all women, young and old, on the ways to recognize and successfully (albeit figuratively) dispatch a man who hid his beastly nature behind his handsome face.

  That's what I thought when I was young, anyway. Yes, I was that type of feminist, I am sorry to report...

  I glared at him in scornful silence before clearing my throat in irritation.

  “James, just because I embraced you does not mean you can now tell me what to do. Do not assume that because you witnessed a moment of weakness in me that I am now suddenly at your command. Resist your nature as a male, please.”

  “I figured that was coming.” James told me, without missing a beat. “So you’re back to normal. You’re back to being a nasty, arrogant, bitch right? I know that's your thing. We’re back to that?”

  I smiled at the thought of sticking a pin in his now laughably large ego. He had managed to weaken me momentarily when we were in the hallway. He had exposed the human being beneath the machinery for a second in time. Now, he gave himself undeserved credit for accomplishing what others believed to be an impossibility. The one moment where I had foolishly allowed myself to drop my guard, even if it was only slightly, was a victory for him because he had done what so many others had tried and failed to do in regards to conversational and emotional intimacy with me.

  I was partially responsible for the lapse in my judgment. But he was mostly to blame. Suddenly, I hated him for it. I was keen to self-loathing in those days so I hated myself as well. However, I was also keen to passing the buck, as they say, and so, James received the brunt of my reproach; he had not given up his quest to expose my inner fragility until he had succeeded.

  Because of those things, I would put both him and myself in our respective places.

  “We were never anywhere else, James.”

  Quinn

  “Quinn? Quinn, wake up!”

  When my eyes shot open, they watered in the harsh light that was casting Alice's face in shadow.

  “Is it back? Is the thing back?” I asked through slurred speech as I sat up quickly. “Whoa…” My hand flew up to grasp my head that was suddenly spinning in complete circles. “What’s going on?”

  “It’s okay.” I felt Alice’s arms around my neck and her lips press to mine. “We made it. But it happened. We’re here. But it’s gone. Everything is gone, Quinn.”

  Her face was buried in my neck and I felt her tears as they streamed from her eyes.

  “Did you see it, too?” I asked her, feeling my hands trembling as I held her tightly. The familiar smell of her hair and the feeling of her body pressed to mine remedied the horror I still felt at witnessing the end of the world in my dreams.

  She nodded and stammered out, “But… but… we’re level. We’re alright, baby. They said we're going to make it...”

  I pulled away to look her over, making sure that she really was alright. Nothing about her appearance gave me reason to be alarmed and I breathed a sigh of relief.

  Her hands flew up to grasp my face as she kissed me. We fell back on my cot, kissing passionately, prompting everyone to turn and look at us, some in disgust and some in admiration. After we had broken apart, I watched a guy in his twenties pump his fist in the air triumphantly when I looked at him.

  “It's love, man! It will keep us together!” He exclaimed and because we knew he was just goofing off, we found ourselves cracking up despite the horror we still felt bubbling in our chests over what we had seen.

  “Let’s just be happy right now that we’re alive, okay?” Alice asked as she kissed me every couple of seconds. “Let’s be sad later.”

  I looked into her beautiful green eyes and nodded.

  “We’re here. We’re together.” I told her and I couldn't help but smile slightly. “You’re right. We need to be happy about that, especially after everything that's happened.”
/>
  Her smile emerging suddenly at what I had said was all the affirmation I needed.

  “Let’s go see the ship. People have been talking about how awesome it is.” She pulled me up and once I was on my feet, we were hugging again, laughing to ourselves for no reason at all. The world had ended and everything we knew was gone. But there was, admittedly, a certain excitement at having survived. It wasn’t a matter of boasting in the faces of the dead. Every human has the basic instinct to survive and we had. There was no way we couldn’t celebrate our lives being spared, even if we didn’t understand why we had been so fortunate.

  Our hands were clasped together as we hurried out of our housing compartment on the third floor.

  “The lady next to me said that we have to go upstairs. She said it’s amazing!”

  We were running up the stairs, laughing like children in the midst of escaping from school for a day off. When we threw open the door with the word “Atrium” printed boldly across, we were stunned into silence. Even our gleeful laughter was rendered inert.

  We walked forward in a daze, our mouths open in awe. Outside of the window was a display so fantastical, it was worthy of a place in some medieval fairy tale. Lights were swirling and glittering, the stars around them twinkling in the distance. The window from floor to ceiling allowed us to see perfectly this spectacular array of colors and shapes that flew past us at a speed we could not even begin to fathom.

  Alice looked at me as we stood with our faces to the glass and mouthed, “Oh my God!” We were both laughing, unable to shake the joy we felt so strongly without apology or excuse. When her fingers linked with mine, my grin only grew wider.

  “I could stand here all day. Can you believe this?” I asked her.

  She shook her head, her eyes still wide in disbelief at what we were witnessing. In that moment, I felt truly lucky to have survived. Our reward for all we had suffered was that sight seen by so few. It was that childlike amazement we felt.