Mortality Bites - The COMPLETE Boxed Set (Books 1 - 10): An Urban Fantasy Epic Adventure

by Ramy Vance

  I shot Mary a sideways glance, and she nodded, letting me know that we were both thinking the same thing.

  Mary took a deep breath. “Speaking of Amaryl, I hope I’m not overstepping my place by asking, but I was curious why you’ve decided to cede your seat on the court to your daughter. You’re obviously still of sound mind and body, not to mention a valued member of the royal court.”

  Lord Neighlor never even flinched. I could see where his daughter got her balls from. “I’m afraid the answer to your question is rather complicated and would best be explained over tea. I’m expecting Amaryl any moment, and would love for the two of you to join us. I so seldom receive guests these days.”

  Mary’s posture stiffened just before footsteps neared. I looked over my shoulder just as Amaryl appeared. Other than a small flare of her nostrils, she gave no indication of surprise upon finding us with her father.

  “Ah, Father. There you are. I wasn’t aware you had guests,” Amaryl said stiffly.

  Lord Neighlor swept past us and planted a delicate kiss on Amaryl’s cheek just as a bell tinkled from the distance. “That would be our tea. Come, let’s return to the terrace.”

  Amaryl stepped back and motioned for us to follow her father. I didn’t like the idea of turning my back on her, but I doubted she’d try to pull anything too dramatic with her father this close by.

  My mother had relatives in London, and we visited often when I was a child. I remember having to get dressed in layers of uncomfortable clothing and sit still for what felt like an eternity while high tea was served. Let me tell you, the British high tea is a joy compared to the pomp and pageantry of the elven high tea. I get that the whole long-lived thing means they have more time to kill than humans, but you’d think they’d find better ways to pass the time than four hours of sipping water-logged leaves and eating tiny sandwiches with no crusts.

  We had been there for more than two hours and we’d both had enough. We locked eyes and Mary held up a finger, then pressed her question again.

  Lord Neighlor took a long sip of his tea, set the cup down and leaned back in his chair. “The simple answer is that I wish to give Amaryl what is rightfully hers. As I’m sure you’re aware, Gaelyn’s selfishness denied Amaryl her place within the court.”

  A look of utter contempt flashed across Amaryl’s face as her father spoke. I tried hiding my amusement by burying my face in my cup, but I wasn’t quick enough, and Mary kicked me under the table.

  “While I do not doubt your altruism, Lord Neighlor,” Mary said smoothly, “I can’t help but think that there must also be a less simple answer.”

  Lord Neighlor laughed. “You always were the perceptive one, Mary. I can’t help but feel sorry for your real family, for certainly our side got the better version in the exchange.”

  “I thought royal elders were supposed to have some kind of superior breeding and all that,” I said. “You need some manners. Maybe you should have considered swapping your own wretched welp out for some one like Mary. Definitely would have made things more pleasant around here, if you ask me.”

  Lord Neighlor didn’t even bother acknowledging my outburst.

  Mary’s face turned red, and her chest rose and fell rapidly as she tried to control her anger. “I am well aware that I am the product of a changeling exchange, and I’m also well aware that your mentioning it is your less-than-subtle way of subverting my question. Perhaps we should stop playing games and get to the point.”

  Mary’s tone was terse and I could feel the tension rising in the room. I was ready to get physical, if it came to that.

  The sound of someone approaching broke the mood temporarily. A few seconds later, Marion appeared in the archway. Amaryl motioned him toward her. He quickly moved to her side and whispered something in her ear. It was in Elvish, so even though I could hear him I had no idea what he was saying, but it apparently wasn’t anything good.

  Amaryl stood so quickly her chair toppled backward, and Marion pulled his sword.

  Lord Neighlor remained seated and unfazed. “I take it we have an issue, Amaryl.” His previously cordial tone was now as cold as a mountain stream.

  “Nothing I cannot handle,” she said as a ball of emerald-green light appeared in her left hand. She and Marion moved toward us as Mary and I scrambled backward from the table.

  Mary reached inside her overcoat and produced her sword. “Katrina, stay behind me,” she commanded.

  “I can take care of myself, Mary,” I snapped as I reached for the blood jasper.

  “Foolish child.” Amaryl laughed as she raised her right hand and sent me tumbling backward. I landed hard against the terrace floor. It knocked the wind out of me, and my ears were ringing. I started to me feet, then had to duck just as Amaryl’s energy ball connected with a huge tera cotta pot above me. It shattered, sending shards in every direction.

  Mary yelped as one of the shards caught her in the shoulder, tearing through dress and flesh.

  I rolled to the left and came up behind another planter. I was looking for anything that I could use as a weapon when Bob’s voice blasted into my skull. “Sweet cheeks, look out behind you.”

  I spun around and saw half a dozen of Amaryl’s guards rushing the terrace, swords drawn.

  “Shit. Mary, we got company,” I yelled, moving to the far side of the planter. I put all my weight behind it and gave it a shove. It hit the terrace and shattered. It would slow the guards down of a few seconds, but that was all.

  A primal scream made me look up; Bob was coming in hot, his talons poised to rip some serious flesh. “Run, Kat—I got you covered,” Bob screeched.

  Bob had provided just enough of a distraction for me to make my move. I grabbed the sharpest shard I could find and ran toward the table. Lord Neighlor was still sitting there sipping his tea as if the events going on around him were perfectly ordinary. I was only a few feet away when I saw a dark cloud swarming out of the garden. I skidded to a stop as the cloud ascended the stairs.

  Lord Neighlor chuckled. “Aren’t they beautiful? I do so love magpies.”

  Every ounce of air left my lungs as I screamed for Bob, but it was too late. They already had him in their sights. I stood frozen in place, not knowing what to do next. Fortunately, Mary knew exactly what to do. Two backflips and a single slash of her blade dangerously close to my throat severed the chain holding the blood jasper. My fangs descended, and the bloodlust began before the heart-shaped stone even hit the ground.

  “Do not make me regret this, Katrina,” Mary said sternly.

  I gave her a thumbs-up and shouted, “Rip them new assholes, Mary,” as I tore away the bottom two-thirds of my dress and pulled off my boots. I took the stairs two at a time. When my feet hit the grass, I covered the distance between myself and Bob at super-human speed. I also snatched a long-handled hoe from the ground along the way, and when I reached the swarm I started cracking some heads. Bob was holding his own, but I wasn’t sure how much longer he was going to be able to hold them off.

  “Man am I glad to see the real you, sweet cheeks. Let’s kick some fecking magpie ass and suck some blood.”

  The next ten minutes were a blur of beaks, claws, and blood. Bob was lethal, his talons shredding everything in his path. I swatted, snatched, and grabbed at least a dozen magpies, savoring their warm, sticky blood as I tore their tiny throats out. The magpies had put up a good fight, but they were no match for a crazed seagull and a vampire.

  Afterward, I bolted up the terrace steps just as Bob blurted out, “Holy feck, Mary. You are seriously one badass broad.”

  I was shocked to see the ground littered with elf carcasses. Lord Neighlor was long gone, and only Marion and Amaryl remained. They had managed to pin Mary against a wall and were now advancing toward her. Marion was twirling a wicked-sharp hand ax, and Amaryl had conjured a whip of turquoise lightning. She flicked her wrist, and a tongue of flame flashed toward Mary.

  I rushed toward the explosion, but stopped quickly when Mary s
omersaulted out from under a cloud of rock dust. She stopped in a crouch and brought her sword up just in time to deflect Marion’s ax. She extended her left leg and swung it in a wide semi-circle. She caught Marion mid-calf, knocking him off his feet and sending him toppling backward.

  “Give ‘em hell, Mary,” Bob cried out as he darted past me and straight toward Amaryl.

  Amaryl ducked and muttered something about a wretched bird as Mary launched herself into a series of flips and tucks worthy of a court jester, closing the distance between herself and Amaryl.

  I made a mental note to ask her how the hell she managed that in a dress. Hell, I couldn’t even walk without tripping in these damn gowns. Not wanting to be left out of the fight, I started toward Amaryl, but caught a sudden movement out of the corner of my eye. Marion was back on his feet. I was about to warn Mary when she reached inside her waistcoat and produced a small dagger. A second later, it was buried several inches deep in Marion’s shoulder.

  He howled in pain as he removed the dagger, and Amaryl scolded him, “Marion, dispense with the theatrics and go. My father will be waiting, and you’re useless to me now.”

  I couldn’t help laughing as Marion practically ran away, not wanting any more of Mary.

  Amaryl turned her attention back toward Mary. “Now, where were we? Ah yes, I believe I was about to kill you.”

  “Bite me, Amaryl,” Mary said with a chuckle and a wink in my direction.

  Amaryl growled, and out came her lightning whip again. This time she swung it low, aiming for Mary’s ankles, but Mary cartwheeled out of the way with little effort and sent another dagger hurtling in through the air. The blade connected with Amaryl’s tiara, knocking it from her head and spilling her long hair across her face.

  In the few seconds it took Amaryl to brush back the curls, Mary leapt like a panther and tackled her distracted opponent. They rolled butt cheeks over boot heels across the lawn, spitting and scratching like feral cats scrapping over a dead mouse. I ran after the tumbling pair wanting to make sure I had Mary covered when they came to a stop.

  With a pained scream, they rolled to stop. Amaryl had Mary pinned to the ground, but neither one was moving. I rushed toward them, then skidded to a stop as a pool blood spread across the grass beneath them. A second later I jumped back as Mary shoved Amaryl off her with a grunt. As I reached down to help Mary up, I glanced down at Amaryl. Another of Mary’s daggers was protruding from her rib cage, turquoise blood spilling rapidly from a large gash in her side.

  “I guess this means we will not have our day, Katrina.” Amaryl coughed, and bubbles of blood dotted her lips. “A pity, really—I had so looked forward to it.”

  “You’re not dead yet, and I’m no longer leashed. You still want to have a go at it?” I snarled.

  Mary grabbed my arm and squeezed it hard. “She will not survive her wounds. While I would have preferred a trial, she is paying the ultimate price for her hand in Gaelyn and Kalysta’s murders. It is enough.”

  “Fools,” Amaryl spat. “You have no idea what really happened. Their deaths were not by my hand. I loved Gaelyn—I would not have hurt him.”

  Mary and I exchanged confused looks, and Amaryl laughed again.

  Then Bob’s voice said, “Um, ladies. That’s what I was fast-flapping back here to tell you. According to our friends in the Seelie Court, Gaelyn and Kalysta’s death had nothing to do with old grudges. Something big is going down, and it’s got the Seelie Court shaking in their boots. But they did tell me that it wasn’t Amaryl walking the planes and snagging thistle of salt—it was her old man.”

  “Lord Neighlor?” Mary gasped.

  I scanned the carnage and finally noticed that he was nowhere to be seen.

  “Do not waste your time,” Amaryl said. “If I am right, my father is long gone and those who share his beliefs will soon be gone as well. The Fates may have spoken, but our magic is as old or older than their own, and what has been woven can also be unwoven by UnSeelie hands.”

  “What the hell does that mean?” I asked.

  “I have no idea,” Mary said softly.

  Amaryl coughed, took a few ragged breaths, then went limp.

  A single tear rolled down Mary’s cheek.

  “Is she … “

  “Yes, Katrina,” Mary whispered. “She’s gone.”

  The next few months were the worst of my life.

  Instead of gratitude, Aldie copped an attitude. At times, it was like he blamed me for what happened. We fought, made up, then fought some more. I was getting antsy and was ready to leave this place and never look back. When I’d finally had enough, I confronted my betrothed and gave him an ultimatum: shit or get off the chamber pot. I was leaving with or without him.

  I should have remembered that I was dealing with my equal in terms of stubborn self-absorption, because he quickly chose the chamber pot over love. We both said things we would most likely live to regret later. When neither of us had any words left, I returned to my room and packed my few personal belongings.

  I was halfway out the door when I felt the weight of the blood jasper against my chest and realized that if I was going to leave the safety of the palace and the UnSeelie Court, then I’d need to do so the same way I’d arrived. I caressed the cool stone for a few seconds, wondering if I was making the right decision or just one more of the endless mistakes I’d made since being turned.

  I made my choice and snapped the chain that bound my true nature. I turned and tossed the stone onto the bed and left without looking back.

  I had just about reached the outer perimeter of the UnSeelie kingdom when I sensed someone following me. I ducked behind a large oak and listened as someone approached. A figure in a dark-green cloak passed by, then stopped suddenly and spun toward me. I stepped out from behind the tree just as Mary dropped her hood.

  “I’m impressed, Katrina. There was a time when I could have easily snuck up on you.”

  “What are you doing here, Mary?” I asked with fake annoyance.

  Mary gave me a sad smile. “You forgot something.” She pulled the blood jasper out from the folds of her cloak.

  “I didn’t forget it—I left it behind on purpose,” I snapped.

  “Katrina, don’t be ridiculous. I know you. You cannot live with yourself if you return to your true nature,” Mary pleaded.

  “Mary, I appreciate your concern, but I’ll be fine. I promise not to eat anyone who doesn’t deserve it.”

  Mary shook her head. “Gods, you are a stubborn creature. Yet for some reason known only to the gods, I will miss you with every fiber of my being.”

  “Indeed,” I replied in my best Mary imitation, then laughed. “I’m sorry. You know I’ll miss our banter, and I just had to get in one more jab.”

  She rolled her eyes at me and tucked the blood jasper back inside her cloak. “Is there nothing I can say that will make you change your mind?”

  “No. This is not my home, and there is nothing left here for me.”

  Mary sighed and gave me a hug. “Very well, then. May the gods bless your journey.”

  “What about you?” I asked. “Will you stay?”

  Mary smoothed the front of her cloak and took a deep breath. “Yes, Katrina. This is the only home I have ever known, and Gaelyn, Kalysta and Aldermemnon my only family. Amaryl may be gone, but this is not over, and I’ve got much work to do here.”

  We shared another hug, this time with tears, and it lasted much longer. I just wish that Bob had been here to see it. I’m sure it would have given that pervy pigeon kinky dreams for days.

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  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Author Bio:

  Ramy Vance lives in Edinburgh with his wife, demonic baby, monstrous 5-year old and imaginary dog.

  Terrified, he pretty much s
tays in his office and writes.

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Contents

  Copyright

  1 - Mortality Bites

  I. TODAY

  1. Two Days Earlier

  2. Vampires, Others, Professors and Football Players

  3. History is for the Hyenas

  4. Beggars Evidently Can Be Choosers

  5. Libraries Don’t Just Have Books, You Know

  II. Intermission

  6. DayStalker, NightWalker

  7. Vampires Aren’t Only Humans

  8. Dirks and Lipstick

  9. Human Security Securing

  10. Hyenas and Denial Are Like Oil and Water

  III. Intermission

  11. Activists Play Football, Too

  12. Wise Sages and Pale White Riders

  13. Snakes and Sages

  14. The Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing but the Truth

  15. Jessica Fletcher, You Are Not Darling

  16. Sticks and Stones Hurt Waaaay Less than Words

  17. Up, Up and Away!

  IV. Intermission

  18. On a Hill, Beneath a Neon Cross, Waiting for Dawn

  19. Check Out What’s Been Checked Out

  20. Let’s Party Like It’s Your Last Day on Earth

  21. Screaming the Gods Back

  22. Changelings, Hyenas, Warriors and Angels

  23. An Ending of Sorts

  2 - Family Matters

  I. A Beginning of Sorts

  1. In Case You Haven’t Heard—The Gods Are Gone

  2. Danger, Lost Gods and Boyfriends

  3. Dorm Rooms, Changelings and Calculus

  4. The Past and All That Jazz