The Longing

by Wendy Lindstrom

  “I think he chopped it down after Boyd busted a rib.” Kyle shrugged and laughed. “I don’t recall.”

  “Remember that fort we tried to build up there?”

  “God, yes! My father almost killed me over that.”

  Kyle laughed and Richard set his fork on his plate. He turned to Amelia and Catherine, his smile of remembrance genuine. “We helped ourselves to Mr. Grayson’s lumber. Every night after chores I would meet Kyle, Duke, and Boyd at the mill and we would haul those long planks half a mile up the gorge. It about broke our backs, but we hauled, sawed, and pounded nails every night for a week before Mr. Grayson realized his lumber pile was diminishing. When he discovered we were using his prime lumber to build ourselves a fort, I thought he was going to murder us right in the yard.”

  Richard glanced at Kyle and they both snickered as if they were still boys. Despite her anxiety over Richard’s presence, Amelia leaned forward, intrigued by Kyle’s childhood and his friendship with Richard. “What did he do?” she asked, directing her question to Kyle.

  Kyle smirked. “Dad put us to work shoveling sawdust at the mill.”

  “We must have shoveled a hundred wagons full of that damned stuff before he let us off the hook.” Richard took a drink of ale, then laughed. “I begged my father to pay Mr. Grayson for the lumber, but he said the work would be good for my character.”

  “It wasn’t that bad.”

  Richard gawked at Kyle. “I could barely stand upright for a week!”

  “You just weren’t used to shoveling. I was glad to make some money.”

  “That’s right!” Richard hooted and Amelia exchanged a look with Catherine. “Mr. Businessman here sold the sawdust for insulation.”

  “We were able to buy the rest of the lumber we needed for our fort, weren’t we?”

  Richard lifted his glass to salute Kyle. “True. I got my first lesson in business from you. Do whatever you have to do to survive.”

  Amelia’s gaze shifted between Richard and Kyle and she could see the enjoyment in their eyes, the smiles on their faces attesting to a long friendship and years of fun memories. Despite her misgivings and anxiety over Richard, she knew she could never break that connection between her husband and Richard. Somehow, the two men needed each other.

  As Amelia and Catherine were clearing the last of their dishes from the table, Catherine commented to Kyle that their home was beautiful.

  Before Kyle could acknowledge her compliment, Richard gestured toward the parlor with his glass. “Ask him to show you the rest of the house,” he said. “The master bedroom is especially nice.”

  Catherine’s face paled and it seemed to Amelia that the woman purposely avoided meeting Kyle’s eyes. “I’m sure it is, Richard, but I’m not imposing on Amelia to give me a tour.”

  “Let Kyle show you through.”

  It seemed they all exchanged glances simultaneously, but no one said a word.

  Richard lifted his glass. “Go ahead. I’ll stay here and give Amelia a hand if she needs one.”

  Catherine finally glanced at Kyle, but it was a helpless look that elicited Amelia’s sympathy. Richard could be so pushy sometimes. God pity the woman for having to live with him. And God help Amelia if she had to spend time alone with him.

  “Go with them, Richard. I’m almost finished in here,” Amelia said, carrying their stacked plates to the sink. She didn’t care if they took a tour or sat and visited, as long as she didn’t have to take part.

  When Amelia heard the shifting of chairs and the sound of footsteps cross the kitchen, she breathed a sigh of relief to finally be alone. She filled a tub with hot soapy water and started to submerse the plates in the dishwater.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were marrying Kyle?” Richard asked, his mouth so close to her ear that Amelia squeaked and dropped a plate into the dishpan.

  She clutched her stomach and turned toward Richard, who had trapped her between himself and the sink. Amelia glanced toward the door that connected the kitchen and parlor, but Richard’s quiet chuckle drew her attention back to him. “Don’t worry, Kyle’s giving Catherine a tour of your bedroom. They’ll be a while.”

  Although they had been provoked into it by Richard, the thought of them alone in her bedroom put an uncomfortable knot in Amelia’s chest. “Why aren’t you with them?”

  “I wanted a minute alone with you.”

  Amelia stepped back and bumped against the sink. “You’re in Kyle’s home, Richard.”

  “I’m aware of that.”

  “Well, he trusts you.”

  “He should. Kyle’s my friend.”

  “Then act like his friend.” His eyebrows lifted, but Amelia ignored his offended look. “You manipulated Catherine and Kyle to get them out of your way so you could purposely put me on edge. And don’t tell me you aren’t aware of what I’m talking about.” She drew a shaky breath and smoothed her damp hands down the front of her dress. “I don’t want to come between you and Kyle, so please stop this nonsense.”

  “Is that some sort of a backhanded threat?”

  “No, Richard.” Amelia sighed with frustration. “I just want you to be his friend. Forget you ever knew me before tonight.”

  “Amelia.” His voice was soft, contrite. “I know it’s too late for us and I accept that. I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry our past relationship is causing problems for you and Kyle.”

  “What?” She stared at him.

  “Kyle has hinted that your marriage is under some strain.”

  She gasped at his audacity. “Kyle told you that?”

  Richard ignored her question and squeezed her arm. “If you need to talk, you know where to find me.”

  When Kyle stopped in the doorway and saw Richard caressing Amelia’s arm, he could barely restrain himself from leaping across the kitchen. Richard touched everyone like that; a slap on the shoulder, a jovial handshake, an arm around the shoulders. Hell, he’d just hugged Catherine in the doorway not two hours ago. It was just his way and it probably meant nothing, but Kyle knew better than to trust anybody.

  His own damned brother had married the woman who was supposed to marry Kyle. That was Kyle’s fault for not paying attention. He wouldn’t make that mistake again.

  In three long strides, Kyle crossed the kitchen and grabbed Richard by the back of the neck. “Get your hands off my wife.”

  Richard laughed, apparently believing Kyle was teasing him. “I was just complimenting Amelia on supper.”

  “Well, do it without the use of your hands.”

  Richard lifted his palms as if to protest his innocence, but Kyle hauled him away from Amelia and gave him a nudge toward the door. “Come on, you hound. Let’s take Catherine home and stop at the Pemberton for a nightcap.” Anything to get Richard out of his house and away from Amelia. “I won’t be late,” he said, glancing back at Amelia’s surprised face before guiding Richard and Catherine out the door.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Though Kyle had calmed his jealousy, and he and Richard had enjoyed a few mugs at the Pemberton, there seemed to be an underlying tension between them the next morning when Richard and Catherine met them in the churchyard.

  Catherine smiled and exchanged greetings with Amelia, but she gave Kyle a brief, intimate glance he hoped no one else noticed. It had been hell showing her through the house last night, pretending they barely knew each other, when the whole time Kyle’s guilt was burning like acid in his gut. He’d hated bringing a former lover into his house and unintentionally playing Amelia for a fool. She had been so gracious and warm to Catherine, and though Richard seemed to make Amelia uncomfortable, she’d welcomed him, too. He’d also hated treating Catherine so callously. Even though she’d only wanted friendship, it still felt awkward and cruel to show her through the house he was sharing with another woman. The brief apology he’d given her in the bedroom seemed pathetically inadequate.

  “Richard and I wanted to wish you a Happy birthday,” Catherine said to
Kyle, her cheeks flushed a soft shade of pink that nearly matched the overskirt of her dress. A tower of gold curls spiraled down her neck and over the crest of one plump bosom, and Kyle couldn’t deny her beauty, but it was appreciation instead of attraction that made him notice.

  Amelia’s startled expression made Kyle cringe. He’d forgotten about his birthday. It was just another day to him, but Amelia’s hurt look made him sorry he hadn’t remembered. “Thank you, Catherine.”

  An awkward pause ensued before Richard spoke to Amelia. “The meal and...companionship last night were both delightful,” he said, but to Kyle’s surprise Amelia’s expression remained strangely blank, as if she were working hard to keep any emotion out of her eyes.

  Amelia thanked Richard, then turned to Kyle wearing a fake smile. “We really must get home so I can finish your birthday cake.”

  Kyle nodded to Richard and Catherine and guided Amelia to the carriage. The minute they were out of the yard, she turned on him. “Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?”

  “I didn’t remember until Catherine mentioned it.”

  “How on earth could you forget your own birthday?”

  He shrugged. “It’s not important to me.”

  “Well, it is to me, Kyle! I felt like a fool not knowing my husband’s birthday. I felt humiliated. When we get home I want you to make a list of your brothers’ and mother’s birthdays so I don’t have to suffer this embarrassment again.”

  “My mother’s birthday is today.”

  “It is not.”

  “It is. She was hoping I would be born on her birthday so I entered the world two weeks ahead of schedule to please her.”

  Amelia snorted. “Typical of you to be an aggressive infant.”

  “When’s your birthday?” he asked.

  Amelia crossed her arms over her chest, suspecting that Kyle was trying to derail her from chastising him. “I’m not telling you.”

  He smirked at her. “Is that supposed to be a pout on your face?”

  She tried to glare at him, but his brows lifted and Amelia caught herself staring. It happened every time he looked at her, as if he could see right into her mind and read her thoughts. She didn’t need to read his to know he was contemplating kissing her, that he was at the end of his patience with holding himself back, that they would be consummating their marriage today or tomorrow. During the week she’d sensed his reserve breaking down as clearly as she could now see the desire filling his eyes. Last night she’d been sound asleep when he came home, but today, the entire afternoon and evening stretched out before them without a thing to do.

  “I have a surprise for you,” she blurted, hoping her outrageous idea would jar Kyle out of his preoccupation with the mills and help her bridge the awkward gap between them. She didn’t want to give Kyle any more reason to fill Richard’s ears with complaints about their marriage. “We have to change our clothes though.”

  He frowned.

  Before she realized what she was doing, Amelia pressed her fingertips to the crease in his forehead. “Why on earth do you frown over everything?”

  “I don’t.”

  “Yes you do!” She lowered her hand. “You have a permanent crease between your eyebrows.”

  “That’s from squinting in the sun.”

  “It’s there because you’re always irritated with something. Don’t you ever have fun, Kyle? Isn’t there something you like to do that makes you smile?” She met his stare, challenging him to deny his perpetual frown.

  “I’ve got a lot on my mind.”

  “Who doesn’t?” she asked with a laugh.

  “Why do we have to change our clothes?”

  “You’re not allowed to ask questions about a surprise. And you’re not allowed to frown for the rest of today.” He glanced at her and she put her hand on his arm. “It’s your birthday, the sun is shining, and it’s gorgeous outside. Can we just try to enjoy the day together?”

  “Whatever you want.” His shoulders lowered as though fatigued. “What am I supposed to wear?”

  “Your work clothes. We’re going to the lumberyard.”

  “What?” he asked, his expression appalled as he pulled into their driveway. Sunday was their only day off and by the look on Kyle’s face, the lumberyard was the last place he wanted to spend his birthday.

  “Stop frowning. We won’t be working,” Amelia said, climbing out of the carriage before he could help her. She headed toward the house. “I have to change and put water on to heat for laundry, but I’ll meet you out here in fifteen minutes.”

  Kyle nodded, but when he met her back at the carriage, his face was devoid of his usual frown and it lifted Amelia’s spirits so much she hummed softly all the way to her father’s lumberyard. No matter what she had to do, she was going to find a way to connect with her husband today.

  She barely gave Kyle time to put the horses in the barn before she caught his hand and dragged him out behind the mill. “Your surprise is down here,” she said, picking her way along an overgrown path that cut down into the gorge. Please let it still be here, she prayed silently, her eyes scanning the rocky, tree-lined bank.

  “What are you looking for?” Kyle asked, his forehead beginning to crease as he walked beside her.

  “My boat. And stop frowning.”

  He relaxed his face, but only because surprise had lifted his ears and eyebrows. “You have a boat?”

  “There it is!” Amelia hurried to a mound that looked like a fallen tree on the rock-strewn creek bank. She tugged it upright and huffed out a breath. “We’ll have to dig the sand and dirt out of it before we can put it in the water.”

  “That boat won’t float five minutes, Amelia.”

  “Where are the oars?” She knelt down and scraped the sand with a flat rock. “I always kept them in the boat. The wind must have tipped it up.” Of course it had been four years since she’d used the tiny rowboat her father had given her, but she wasn’t about to tell that to Kyle. This was the only beautiful gift she had left to share with him. “Here they are!” She dug her fingers beneath one oar and tugged it from the mix of sand, soil, and rock. “Tip the boat over for me so we can knock the debris out of it.”

  “We are not putting that thing in the water.”

  “Why?” Amelia swung to face him. “What are you afraid of, Kyle? That you might get wet? Or that you might actually have some fun?”

  His head jerked back as if she’d slapped him, but his eyes filled with challenge and he marched forward and grabbed the edge of the boat. Well, there was lesson number three. Give a man food, sex, or a challenge if you want him to do something for you. She was finally getting the hang of this.

  “This is insane.”

  Amelia grinned and hauled the other oar out of sand. “I know, but it’s better than working, isn’t it?”

  “You don’t think this is work?” he asked, but to her surprise, the expression in his eyes was almost teasing.

  It took them ten minutes to get the boat into the water, and another five before Kyle deemed it seaworthy and they climbed in. The plank seats were so close, Kyle had to plant his feet on either side of Amelia’s legs and gird her knees with his thighs. He reached for the oars and Amelia pulled them from his grasp. “This is your birthday present. Relax and enjoy the ride.”

  “I’m not letting you row.”

  “Kyle darling, shut up.”

  His eyebrows slashed down and Amelia burst out laughing. “I knew you couldn’t go an hour without frowning.”

  “I wasn’t frowning. All right, maybe I was, but you told me to shut up.”

  “That’s not half of what I wanted to tell you this morning when I found out it was not only your birthday but your mother’s, as well. What on earth are we going to give her for a gift?”

  “I bought a necklace for her when I was in Philadelphia.”

  “Thank goodness. We’ll have to take it by later.”

  Kyle grimaced. “The party starts at seven o’clock.”r />
  “What party?” Amelia asked, feeling her stomach tighten in anxiety.

  “The one I forgot to tell you about.” Kyle had the grace to look chagrined and he sat back and braced his palms along the dirty edges of the boat. “Evelyn’s having a surprise party for my mother tonight. I was supposed to tell you yesterday.”

  “What?” Amelia gaped at him. “Kyle, how could you forget something so important?”

  His gaze perused her from her hips to her mouth. “I’ve had other things on my mind.”

  Heat burned up Amelia’s neck, but she forced herself not to turn away. Sunlight and leaf shadows flitted across Kyle’s hair and shoulders. His eyes caught sparks from the sun and Amelia admired her husband as she moved the oars through the water.

  “Where are you taking me?”

  “Down the river of truth,” she said, then smiled at him. “As long as I’m rowing, I get to ask you questions and you have to answer them honestly. If I stop rowing, it’s your turn to ask questions.”

  He snorted. “You won’t last for ten questions.”

  “I’m rowing downstream. Guess who’s rowing back?”

  He laughed and Amelia’s heart flipped. “You should do that more often,” she said, still mesmerized by his wide smile and beautiful teeth. “You have a wonderful laugh, and it’s much more attractive than that frown you’re so attached to.”

  “Is that a criticism or a backhanded compliment?”

  “Both, but since I’m rowing that means I get to ask the questions.”

  He laughed again and hope filled Amelia. She could tell that he liked her sassiness. Kyle admired people with the nerve to stand up to him as she’d done that day at the mill when she refused to go home. He’d been sincere during their wedding reception when he’d said he appreciated a woman’s intelligence. And ironically enough, for a staid businessman, he seemed to enjoy her outrageous behavior.

  Thank God, because she felt wild today with the sun and breeze in her face. She would show Kyle her true personality today, and if it wasn’t enough to ease his disappointment in her lack of virginity, then in her heart she would have the comfort of knowing she’d tried to give him everything she had left.