Wanting Winter

by J. L. Ostle

  “If you say it’s not what it looks like, I will hit you,” he says angrily. “You have a beautiful girl, who is sweet inside and out, who gave every guy on campus zero chance, but gave you a chance, and you decide to fuck her over with her best friend?” he says with so much venom in his voice.

  “She was blackmailing me,” I try to explain.

  “Now this is going to be good. How was she blackmailing you?” He crosses his arms.

  I sigh wondering how to say this. “I know this is fucked up, but she gave me a blowjob and after that, she said if I didn’t sleep with her that she would tell Winter. I can’t lose her Drake. I had to do what she said.”

  Drake shakes his head looking at me like I’m dirt on his shoe. “So she started blackmailing you after you let her give you a blowjob? Why did you let her suck you off in the first place?” he yells. “You shouldn’t have let her touch you. This is so fucked up.”

  “Drake quiet it down.” I look around me.

  “You haven’t been with your girl a week and you cheated on her. You had the nerve to be angry with me over a stupid dance.” He shakes his head.

  “Listen I know, but you can’t tell Winter. I literally was ending the whole thing before you came in.”

  “Yeah it looked like it. That’s why her lips were all over yours and her dress was above her waist.” He tries to walk around me, but I keep blocking him.

  “I want to be with Winter; I just dealt with things poorly. Please man,” I beg.

  “You know, as you were fucking Candice, your girlfriend—who has basically passed out—was telling me how amazing you are, how she has fallen for you and that she never wants to lose you. I sat there listening to her pour her heart out about you and you were doing the unthinkable.” He looks to the ceiling before looking back at me. “She won’t forgive either of you.”

  I couldn’t feel worse than I do right now. “I will make it up to her. Please man. Just don’t say a thing.”

  “You do realize what you are asking? You can never get angry with her when someone hits on her, or is nice to her, as it's not her fault. And don’t you dare get angry with me when I have done nothing wrong when it comes to her.”

  I nod frantically. “Yes, I promise.”

  He nods once. “Fine, but if you fuck anyone behind her back, then you don’t deserve her.”

  “I won’t.”

  “Has he calmed down?” Candice asks. We both turn, facing her.

  Drake looks at her with so much anger and hate. “You are a complete bitch. You only fucked him because your friend had him. Blackmailing him to sleep with you; that is just a new low blow. How desperate and pathetic are you?” he yells at her.

  “Don’t you talk to me like that,” she yells back at him.

  “Why? What are you going to do? You have nothing to blackmail me with. You are a jealous bitch because Winter is beautiful and amazing, and you hate that men fall at her feet to be with her as they see you as nothing but a blow-up doll. You are ugly, not enough makeup in the world can cover that.”

  I see her eyes prickle with angry tears. “Says the guy who likes his best friend’s girl. How does it feel to like a girl who won’t look twice at you?” she spits back.

  “Least I wouldn’t betray my friend to be with her. I like her because she shines, and you…” He looks her up and down, scrunching up his face. “You’re just dark and black. You fill that emptiness with men’s come,” he says before walking away.

  “He is the pathetic one,” she says.

  “No, we are,” I tell her, and I head back to where my girlfriend is, and there she is asleep in the booth. I notice the redhead bartender say something to Drake before going. Obviously she was looking after her while Drake came to find us.

  That’s why he caught me out, because Winter needed me.

  Drake lifts her, carrying her, and I walk towards him. “Let me carry her.”

  He walks past me. “I don’t think your hands should touch her right now.”

  I look at my hands and see nail and lipstick marks. I am sure that happened when I was basically strangling Candice.

  I can’t believe I did that.

  She liked it though.

  But so does Winter.

  Fuck.

  We grab a cab. The whole ride back home is filled with uncomfortable silence. Drake keeps Winter in his arms while he looks out the window angrily. Winter looks so peaceful snuggled into his chest, a small smile on her face.

  I look at her and I could hit myself.

  I look at Candice, who is sitting up front, and, like she knows that I’m watching her, she turns and looks at me with sad eyes. She was also hurt tonight, and not just by me. I know she is a bitch, but looking at her, I know there is something that I haven’t wanted to admit to myself.

  I’m also attracted to her.

  Drake is right: if Winter was with him, he wouldn’t have let Candice touch him. But I am also sure that Drake wouldn’t have jerked off at school in the first place.

  I always think first with my dick.

  Even though I hate Candice for putting me in this situation, deep down, I wanted it. If I didn’t I wouldn’t have allowed it.

  I have just wanted to blame her.

  To justify it.

  Once we get to the apartment complex, we all climb out of the cab. Drake turns, facing Candice. “You should go,” he says bitterly.

  “I am staying with her tonight; she will wake up knowing something happened if I’m not there.”

  I have never heard Drake growl, but he does, and it’s almost scary.

  “Fine.” He turns, and I help him open the door. He walks up the stairs, holding onto Winter like she doesn’t weigh a thing.

  When we get to her apartment, Candice opens the door and I tell him where Winter’s room is. He takes her there, putting her in bed fully dressed, taking off her heels and placing them on the floor then pulling the sheets over her. He puts on the bedside light and leaves. I stand in the doorway watching her.

  She looks so beautiful.

  He soon comes back with a glass of water and some painkillers laying them near the light; he looks at me once before heading to the living room.

  I walk into Winter’s room sitting on her bed, tucking some of her hair behind her ear and she smiles in her sleep like she knows it’s me. I sigh looking to the ceiling. I feel like I’ve known her for so much longer but in just a few days, I have wrecked her life.

  Why couldn’t I have stayed away?

  I’m a player.

  Always will be.

  Knowing all this, I still can’t bear to let her go. Being around her feels too amazing, having her smile at me, and look at me like I’m her everything, and it’s something I’m not ready to give up just yet. But with Candice, my body deflates. She’s exciting, and something is there, something different than what I feel towards Winter.

  Kissing her on top of her head, I stand up, closing her door. I head to the living room where there is a standoff between Drake and Candice.

  “We’d better go,” I tell him.

  He just continues to glare at her before nodding and walking to the door.

  I follow suit.

  “Trent wait,” she calls out.

  “What?” I ask defeated and tired.

  “Is he going to tell her?” She bites her lip; my eyes go to her mouth before looking away then looking back at her.

  “No, he’s not.” I see her body relax, she doesn’t want Winter knowing any more than I want her knowing. She was bluffing all along. “I better go.” I quickly say.

  She takes hold of my hand stopping me. “I guess that’s it.”

  “I guess so.” I try to walk again but she pulls me back, kissing me, her hand going to the back of my head and pulling me into her before pushing me away. She glances up at me and I stand there looking at her for a moment before walking out of the door and up the stairs to my place. Heading into my own apartment, I don’t see Drake which means he’s gone strai
ght to his room.

  I don’t blame him for not wanting to be around me.

  I don’t want to be around me.

  I slump on the couch, my hand going in my hair in frustration.

  I sit there in my own self-pity before deciding to head to bed. I stand up when there is a tap on the door. If I wasn’t sitting in pure silence, I wouldn’t have heard it. I open the door to see Candice standing there a little unsure.

  “What are you doing here?” Has this girl got a death wish? I walk into the hall, closing the door.

  “I had to see you.” Her eyes look into mine.

  “Just go. We’ve been caught; it’s over.” I turn to head back inside when she pulls my arm so she is once again kissing me.

  She pulls back a little. “I know you want me, physically anyway. Knowing we are caught makes me want you even more. I am so wet and aching for you. I need you inside me or I’m going to explode.” She pants against my mouth. I feel her hands glide down my shirt to my erection. “I need you inside me, Trent, please,” she begs, kissing me again.

  I end up kissing her back, pinning her against the wall and lifting her dress. She quickly unzips my jeans, pulling them down. I bend down, positioning myself, and with a quick motion, I am inside her. I thrust fast into her, her hands on my shoulders, one of her legs wrapped around me, arching her body into me. I fuck her hard and fast. I keep going until we both quietly moan out our release and I pull out.

  Once again, I was inside her without wearing anything.

  I just stand there, looking at her confused. “You better go,” I say, after a few minutes of silence. She nods, walking away I press my head against the wall tapping my fist against the it wanting to punch it, but I know it would lead to suspicion.

  What the fuck am I doing?

  What the fuck do I do?

  Twelve

  Winter

  I wake up with the worse headache to mankind and a mouth as dry as a desert. I feel like I swallowed cotton wool last night. Sitting up, I almost throw up when things go a little dizzy.

  How much did I drink last night?

  I groan when I remember all the shots.

  I groan again when I remember my dance with Drake.

  God that is embarrassing.

  I look around my room, a little disappointed that Trent isn’t here. I do see he’s left me a glass of water and some painkillers, and I smile at his thoughtfulness. Taking them, I sit for a few minutes before standing on wobbly legs, heading to the bathroom.

  I must have been really drunk for him to put me to bed with my dress still on.

  Taking it off and putting it in the hamper, I turn the shower on boiling hot, and, waiting for that to heat up, I look in the mirror. I look like a panda with big black eyes, and my hair looks like I had a fight with a cat.

  Stepping into the shower, I let the water hit me as I lean against the wall for support and after washing my body and hair, I come out feeling a little better. I brush my teeth twice and walk in the living room in just my towel. Instantly smelling coffee and food, I see Candice putting plates of pancakes and bacon on the dining table and glasses of juice.

  “Morning, thought I’d make breakfast as you let me stay last night,” she says, heading back to the kitchen bringing out mugs of coffee.

  I take a seat, my stomach grumbling. I am weird when I’m hungover. People get sick smelling and looking at food. Me? I could eat a horse, a cow, and every animal on a farm.

  “That is so sweet of you; you are the bestest friend in the world.” I start digging in. “I am so sorry about last night. How drunk was I? How did I get home?” The last bit of the night is a little blurry.

  “You passed out.” She chuckles but it seemed a little forced. “Drake carried you home and into bed.”

  I look up surprised. “Where was Trent?” I notice her cheeks flush a little.

  “He was a little drunk also, so he was in no state to carry you—safety and all that.”

  At least I wasn’t the only drunk one.

  “It was a good night last night, well from what I can remember, minus the little spat because I kicked your ass in dancing,” I laugh. “We have to go out next weekend.” I take a drink of my orange juice, feeling so much better.

  “Yeah, maybe,” she says sipping her coffee, and looking like she is in her own world.

  “I didn’t embarrass myself, did I?”

  “No, you were fine,” she reassures me.

  I am finishing off my plate when I hear my phone alerting me that I have a message and I go to the coffee table where my phone is, smiling that it’s from Trent.

  “That Trent?” she asks.

  I nod.

  “What’s he saying?” She sips her coffee.

  “He is asking how I’m feeling and that he wants to wine and dine me tonight,” I say with giddiness.

  “That’s nice,” she says, looking into her coffee cup. “He really does like you, doesn’t he?” She looks at me.

  I take hold of her hand and she looks at me with an emotion I can’t decipher. “Hey, you are still my best friend; nothing will change that,” I reassure her.

  “I know that.”

  “I do like him, Candice, and yeah I hope he likes me as much as I do him. He’s different, y’know. When I’m around him, I don’t feel like the Ice Queen on campus; I feel like I’m a teenager all over again.” I sigh.

  “I know. I’m happy for you,” she says before standing, taking her half-eaten food into the kitchen. When she comes back, she is looking at her phone, texting someone. “I’d better head out. Fill me in about your date when you get a chance away from lover boy.” She hugs me and leaves.

  I eat the rest of my breakfast and decide to spend the morning on the couch to chill. I still feel out of sorts and I want to be refreshed when it’s time for my special date.

  Trent

  I woke up at the crack of dawn, my head a mess. I tried clearing my thoughts by going for a very long run, but it didn’t do any good.

  I just thought more and more.

  Drake knows, and I know Candice was bluffing about telling Winter, so I’m free from the blackmail, from her, unless my best friend decides to use it against me, but I know he isn’t the type to do something like that.

  I’ve made my choice.

  I sit on the bench at the park a few blocks away from the apartment complex, waiting for Candice to meet me. I need to tell her where we stand. I look up when I sense her coming and she looks different, her face is fresh from makeup, making her look younger, more vulnerable. She gives me a small smile before sitting, tucking her hair behind her ear before facing me.

  “You spoke to Drake this morning?” she asks, and I shake my head. “I bet you really hate me.”

  I can feel her looking at me, but I’m looking to the ground.

  A part of me does hate her, hates how she used me as her sex toy, but another part—one that has grown over the last couple of days—is turned on by her. “I need to ask you a question and I need you to be honest.” I face her, and she nods slowly. “Why did you do it? Do you hate Winter that much?”

  She sighs, shrugging. “I don’t hate Winter; she is the first girl I befriended who isn’t a two-faced bitch. When she ended up having a crush on me, I felt so wanted, so needed. She fell for me, the real me. I liked her looking up to me, and then you came along. I saw the look in her eyes.

  “I guess the bitch in me came out. I honestly thought you wouldn’t take my shit and that you would just end it with her. When you didn’t, I ended up enjoying teasing you, messing with your head. But it was the way you got turned on by me. The sex was so good, and I didn’t want it to stop, but deep down I know it’s because I kind of like you too.

  “Last night, you could have pushed me away, told me to fuck off, but you felt it: the need. I know now that I have fallen for my best friend’s boyfriend.” She stops, and I look at her surprised.

  She likes me.

  “I don’t want to end it with Wint
er.” I lean forward pulling my hair.

  “I know,” she whispers.

  “But I know I can’t be with her and keep this secret—I can’t be with her knowing that I may have feelings for her best friend.”

  She looks at me so quickly with her mouth open.

  “I don’t want to hurt her any more than I already have. I have been with her for a week, and how we’ve treated her, it's just cruel. She doesn’t deserve that.”

  “I know. So you are going to end things with her, for me?” She smiles at me.

  I move closer to her. “You have to realize that I’m still going to want her: I have feelings for her, but I need to see if there’s something between us once and for all.”

  “I understand.” She breathes, nodding.

  I palm her face in my hands, moving in slowly, and kissing her lips gently. She relaxes into me. Closing my eyes, I know I am doing the right thing: there is something here and I can’t be with Winter knowing I want someone else at the same time. Truthfully, I know I would probably cheat on Winter again. At least Candice knows where I stand and how I feel.

  I pull away and she has a dreamy look on her face before she looks away.

  “Why are you taking her out on a special date tonight?”

  “I want to end it in the nicest way possible.”

  “Okay. Tell me when you are free. If you need me to be there, just ask.”

  I pull her to me so she is straddling me as she wraps her hands around my neck. “She is going to hate us both.”

  She nods, biting her lip. “I just want you to prepare yourself for what is to come; it's not going to be plain sailing.”

  “I just hate that I’m going to lose my best friend, but hopefully in time she will forgive us.”

  I nod even though I know Winter won’t.

  How can you forgive someone who slept with your boyfriend through blackmail and ends up getting the guy? I just know this is going to get ugly.

  Winter

  I decide to do some yoga, so I put on my yoga pants and sports bra, and start to stretch and sweat out all the toxins in my body. I am doing downward dog position when there is a knock on the door. Groaning I stand up, answering it, and I almost slam it shut angrily when I see who is on the other side.