Wanting Winter

by J. L. Ostle

“I know I don’t have any right to ask, but maybe one day when you can forgive me…”

  I turn, stopping him angrily. “I will never forgive you. I am praying for the day when I no longer feel anything but hate for you. Once I graduate and leave this town, you will be dead to me. You will be nothing but a bad memory. Funny that, once again, the next boyfriend I get, they want someone else.” I laugh but its hollow. “I am going to be stronger; I am going to be better, and it will be you that will always remember me, thinking I could have been the one. We both know deep down you and Candice won’t last, but we could have. Enjoy the good sex while you can, before she gets bored and starts fucking about,” I say. I pay for my drink before heading back to my table, but once again I’m being stopped.

  “Winter, please. I don’t want it to end like this,” Trent pleads with me, cupping my face. “I need you in my life Winter.”

  “You fucked up, not me. You need to deal with the consequences. You lost me.”

  He squeezes his hands tighter on my face. “Winter…” He stops when we hear Candice, and Trent steps back away from me.

  “Winter, are you bothering my boyfriend?” Candice comes over, linking her arm with his.

  “No. It’s your boyfriend who’s bothering me.” I try and walk away but Trent takes hold of my hand. I pull it away. “Don’t touch me. You lost every right to touch when you got your dick down that bitch’s throat.”

  “Winter…”

  “Trent, let’s just go. She’s too pathetic to listen to what you have got to say.” She tries to pull him away, but he doesn’t budge.

  He tries to pull his arm away from her. “How can you say that? We just hurt her.”

  “Don’t bother, Trent. This is what she is like towards people who bore her; we are nothing but dirt on her shoe. I bet she gave you the sad eyes, teared up, telling you how bad she felt. It’s what she does when she feels like she’s in trouble.”

  “Fuck you.”

  “Don’t fucking shout at me,” I yell at her.

  “Just get over this depressive bullshit and move on.” She sways her hand like she is shooing away a dog.

  “Me move on? I just found out you were blackmailing my boyfriend to fuck you behind my back.” I yell in her face. “You were fucking him when you were meant to be my friend. Why? Because you are a pathetic, jealous, spoilt brat. I used to wish I was you, but you know what? I’m glad I’m not; you are a lonely, ugly bitch. Once Trent sees the real you he will end it and you will be alone. The only ones willing to give you company are those who are after an easy fuck.” I spit at her. I walk towards her, wrapping my hands around her neck, squeezing hard.

  “Winter,” I hear Trent call out to me.

  Candice’s fingers go to my hands, but I don’t let off. “Your boyfriend still wants me; that’s why he won’t stay away—that’s why he didn’t stop kissing me yesterday. He is drawn to me; you and I know it. You are scared that he will realize that he made a mistake, but he is stuck with you now. You ever look my way again, I will hurt you so bad that even your own parents won’t recognize you, even though I bet they couldn’t choose you from a line up anyway.”

  Tears prickle her eyes.

  “Winter, let go,” Drake says from beside me, his hands going to mine.

  I let go, and Candice almost falls to the floor. “You stay the fuck away from me.” I turn to go

  “Trent why don’t we go fuck in the locker room; it is where it all started.”

  I walk towards her, my arm pulling back before my fist connects with her face. I cry out in pain, shaking my hand.

  Fuck that hurt.

  I look to Candice, who is on the floor. No one comes to her side apart from Trent, who is looking at me with an expression I’m unsure of.

  I walk towards them, and Candice looks up at me. She is looking behind me. I do the same. I see the jock table, Patrick, Drake and a few others at my side. I face her with a smirk and bend down so we are face to face. “You have no one, not really. Me? I have the school.” I hear the Dean shouting, making his way towards us.

  “What the hell is going on here?” he roars, looking at each of us.

  I feel my arm being pulled, so I’m a part of the crowd. I turn to Joshua who gives me a nod.

  “Well? What happened?”

  “That crazy bitch hit me.” Candice stands up.

  The Dean faces me with a look of surprise. I am the good girl; he and I both know it. “Is that true?”

  I shake my head looking innocent. “No, this other girl hit her and walked away as Candice slept with her boyfriend. Candice is blaming me because I found out she was also sleeping with mine and she’s afraid he is going to get back with me,” I explain.

  The Dean puts his hand to his head seeming confused. “Is anyone willing to support Candice Walters’s accusation?” He looks around the room and no one says anything.

  “This is bullshit. I want her expelled. Trent tell him she hit me.” She looks to Trent who looks at me.

  I look to him, biting my lip and he shakes his head. “Candice, we can’t blame Winter for what that girl did.”

  “Wait, what? No, Trent. Why are you lying? She just hit me,” she whines.

  “Miss Walters, if no one is coming forward, there is nothing more that I can do. Why don’t you head to the nurse’s office and get your face cleaned up. Everyone else, please continue and take your seats.

  Joshua, Patrick, Drake and I stand there unmoving as everyone around us gets back to their seats, but their eyes are still on us. My eyes are still on Trent who is watching me. I can see that torn look in his eyes.

  “Trent, are you coming?” Candice asks in a high-pitched voice, but his eyes are still on me.

  “Don’t worry, I got her,” Joshua says to him coming to my side, putting his arm around me, comforting me. Trent looks at his arm with an angry look, but he has no right to feel like that.

  “You better go,” I tell him, turning around and linking my arm through Drake’s, Joshua’s arm still around me, guiding me back to his table. I sit down, my body vibrating with so much anger.

  My hurt is being replaced by this hate and anger for them both.

  I don’t turn around, but I know when he leaves. I look ahead of me, squeezing my fists causing my nails to dig into my palms. I remember why I don’t date boys in college: even when you think they are different, they aren’t.

  “Winter, are you okay?” Drake asks me with a concerned voice.

  I face him, seeing sadness in his eyes for me. “I need to move on fast; I can’t stand feeling like this. I am so angry. Hitting her felt so good and all I want to do is hit her again. I know he is your best friend, but I want to cut his dick off with a pair of kid’s scissors,” I huff.

  “You and cutting men’s bits off,” Drake laughs, and it makes me laugh also.

  “So I take it she mentions cutting men’s things off often,” Joshua says smiling at me.

  “Holy shit man, I have lost count how many times she was going to cut a man’s dick off; I am sure she has mentioned cutting yours off, too.”

  Joshua looks at me with wide eyes.

  “Don’t worry. That was when you were an ass, but if it weren’t for you guys, I would be so alone right now.” I smile to each of them.

  “You have us. You won’t be alone.” Drake takes hold of my hand.

  “Exactly. We are here for you,” Joshua adds.

  “Don’t forget me,” Patrick adds.

  I nod, my anger calming down.

  For now.

  “I think I’m going to skip my last class; it’s not until an hours’ time anyway. I think I’m going to go and get pampered to make myself feel better.” I stand up, they all stand with me.

  “You want me to come with?” Joshua asks.

  “I could give you a lift,” Drake offers.

  I giggle at their concerned faces. “I will call a cab. I know you think I’m fragile right now, but I still need that independence. I don’t want it to be where
I rely on you.”

  “But you can rely on us. Rely away.” Joshua smiles at me.

  “If I need to I will. For now, I want to get my hair and nails done. I need to sharpen my claws for any future altercations.” I wink at them, grabbing my stuff and leaving. Before I walk out of the door, I face them, and they are watching me, I shake my head laughing to myself.

  I need to be alone right now, and they are kind of smothering me. I am glad I have them, but they can’t treat me like I’m going to break any second, even if deep down I’m waiting for it to happen.

  Calling for a cab I stand near the curb, looking through my phone and sighing in frustration when all I see all over my newsfeed is me, Candice and Trent. People are talking about it, but I like that women are taking my side and saying what Candice did was wrong. It’s when I see pictures of Candice and Trent kissing—picture after picture of them—that I get upset. They look like they’re from this morning and him dropping her off at her classes before lunch. I switch off my phone and when the cab arrives, I climb in telling him where I need to go.

  On the drive over, I try not to think too much, even though since I found out, questions after question have entered my head. I want to know every detail of their sordid affair, but I don’t think I could handle really knowing.

  When I get to the beauty salon, luckily it's near enough empty and they can squeeze me in to do whatever I want. I am taken to a chair and I only wait a few minutes until a girl in her late twenties with long blue hair bounces over.

  “So what are we doing for you today?”

  I look in the mirror at my reflection and I don’t mean to, but I end up crying, covering my face with my hands. I feel the girl’s arms around me, holding me and I don’t pull away.

  I feel so pathetic; I didn’t expect to cry but it happened.

  Wiping away the tears angrily, I apologize to the girl.

  “Don’t be sorry. I’m guessing that a man must be involved. What did the bastard do?” she asks.

  “He was sleeping with my best friend,” I tell her, and she looks at me with wide eyes.

  “That is just wrong; you poor thing. How long were you two together?”

  I bite my lip before answering. “I know this is going to sound stupid; it was only a week, but he was different, you know. I let him in. I was falling for him. I think what hurts really is that he cheated on me with someone who has been my best friend since I was a freshman.” Hearing the words from my own mouth makes me realize how stupid it sounds. I mean, who gets upset over a week-long relationship?

  Me. That’s who.

  “You can’t control how you feel, or how your heart feels. If you’re hurt, you’re hurt,” the girl says, putting her fingers through my hair. “What hair color does the girl have?”

  “Blonde.”

  “Well. We don’t want to go blonde then. Why don’t we give you a complete makeover, show him what he is missing?” She smiles at me.

  “I think that’s what I need. A new me.”

  “Great. By the time you leave this place, you are going to look so different, and then all you will need is a new wardrobe. Get clothes that show off your long legs and cleavage; no harm in giving people a little tease.” We both laugh.

  “I think I will.”

  I let her get to work and I get my nails done while I wait for the color to settle in my hair. I tell her about what happened today and she gives me a high five when I say that I hit Candice. When she tells me I can turn and look in the mirror, I feel almost giddy.

  Closing my eyes, I turn around and when I look at myself, my mouth hangs open. My long wavy brown hair is now straight, with layers and feathered in, but it’s the color that I’m in awe of: it is now black with blue highlights.

  I look like a rockstar.

  “What do you think?” the girl asks.

  I run to her, hugging her with tears in my eyes. “I love it. I hardly recognized myself. I can’t wait for everyone to see the new me.”

  “You said you didn’t like men having power over you: don’t let him have it. You are a strong, beautiful girl. You go to school tomorrow with an ‘I don’t give a fuck’ look,” she tells me.

  “I will.”

  I pay her and leave, smiling and feeling like the weight on my shoulders has been lifted. I go on a shopping spree and by the time I head home, I have bags upon bags full of clothes and shoes. I am sure my parents won’t mind me treating myself.

  Putting my clothes on the couch, I look to the door to see a blank envelope, and walking towards it, opening it up, my hands go a little shaky as I read over the words.

  Winter,

  I know you don’t want to hear from me, but I had to tell you that I messed up. I wasn’t thinking straight. I wasn’t thinking at all.

  I know I don’t deserve forgiveness, but I hope one day you will.

  I miss you

  T x

  I guess Candice is already showing her true colors to him. Well, that’s his problem now. It didn’t stop him from sticking his tongue down her throat. I rip the letter up angrily, throwing it in the trash. I am not letting him get to me.

  He’s now in my past.

  Tomorrow is a new start for me—a new chapter in my life.

  Like hell he will be any part of it.

  Fourteen

  Winter

  Waking up this morning, I feel chirpy, getting that excited feeling. I tell Drake and Joshua to meet me at school. I want to see their reactions to my new look face to face.

  Stepping out of my car, I look down at my black leather skirt and my suede, ankle boots, making sure I look okay. I have even gone for a white t-shirt that stops at the bottom of my ribcage showing my midriff, with a tight, short black leather jacket.

  I grab my bag and start walking towards the entrance and I already notice people stopping to stare at me. I’ve always gone for neutral makeup, but today I have used smoky eyeshadow, making my eyes really pop.

  I hear a few whistles from guys as I walk by them. When I spot Joshua and Drake talking, I head their way and like they can sense me, they both turn and they have to look twice to realize it's me. Their mouths hang open, their eyes trailing my body.

  “Holy shit,” Drake says when I stand in front of them.

  “I can’t think…” Joshua says, his eyes going to my legs—to my cleavage. “If I was still an asshole, I would be trying to get in your knickers right now.” His eyes have gone dark. “Fuck it, I still want to get in them right now.” He winks at me.

  “I will take that as a compliment.” I stand between them so they are on either side of me. “So you approve of my new look?” It may not be a huge drastic change, but it has made me feel better, giving me that little pick me up feeling.

  Drake starts rubbing the back of his neck, looking to my breasts then quickly looking to the ground, then to the sky. “You look really good,” he finally says.

  I am giggling at their reactions when I hear someone say Candice and Trent are coming our way. I stand there, blocking the emotions from my face, putting a wall up so neither of them can see what I’m feeling. They look in my direction, but it takes them a moment to realize it’s me.

  Candice looks me up and down and I see her jaw tick.

  Trent’s eyes trail down my body and slowly back up again, and when his eyes connect with mine, his head goes to the side trying to see something that isn’t there. He looks a little sad for a moment before they go to my legs then to Drake and Joshua.

  “Drake, you wanting to join us for lunch?” Trent asks him.

  “I don’t think so if she’s going to be there.” He glares at Candice who glares back at him.

  “You can join them if you want,” I tell him. I don’t want him to feel like he has to be on my side. He is Trent’s best friend.

  “He doesn’t need your permission,” Candice spits at me.

  “I know that,” I tell her.

  “I’d rather let Winter cut off my dick than sit anywhere near her,” Dra
ke says, crossing his arms. My eyes go to his arms. Why have I never noticed before how big his arms actually are?

  He is wearing a tight t-shirt that is hugging his body and, blimey his body looks good. My eyes trail all over him. When he turns to face me, I look up at him feeling my cheeks blush. He knows I was checking him out; he smiles shyly at me before glancing back to Trent.

  When I peek over to Trent he is watching between me and Drake. “Okay,” he says.

  Candice links her arm through his and they start walking away. Trent turns, staring at us both before facing forward again.

  “I feel a little bad.” I lean back against the wall.

  Joshua stands at my side. “Why? You did nothing wrong,” he says.

  “I know, but Drake, you’re his friend, and he needs you too. I can’t be selfish and take up all your time.”

  He takes hold of my hands squeezing them. “If I wanted to hang out with him I would. When I’m home, we hang out. He knows we don’t talk about you or Candice. If he even brings you up, I give him a look. He has got me, but while he is around her, I don’t want to be around him. He made his choice.

  “Let’s head to class and not think about them anymore.”

  Joshua gives me his arm to take and they both guide me to my first class.

  The rest of the week goes the same: I bang into Trent and Candice, but we don’t say anything to the other. Trent tries to catch my eye when he gets a chance, but I try to avoid his direction. Drake and Joshua have been Godsends; it has been nice having two men looking after me. They know not to over worry about me or they get my silver tongue.

  Rumors have spread once again, but this time they’re about which boy I am with now.

  Drake has told me that Trent has questioned him about it, and I also notice that Trent and Candice are arguing more and more as each day passes. I guess their honeymoon phase is over.

  Finishing class on Friday can’t come fast enough. I feel like the days have dragged but at the same time not. I just can’t wait to get out of this place. I am heading towards Drake’s car when I spot Joshua and Drake leaning against it, smiling at me.