My Mother Grows Wallflowers

by C. L. Howland

  Shoving her blankets back, Mina looked over only to find Emma’s bed empty. She stretched and lay there a few minutes longer before reaching under her bed for a plastic bag and making her way to the kitchen. Emma sat at the table eating a bowl of cold cereal.

  “Hey, kiddo. What’s up?”

  “Not much.” Emma shrugged, studying an old fashion magazine. Glancing up, she noticed the bag in Mina’s hand. “What’s that?”

  Mina handed her the bag. “A present. From Sam.” Mina knew it contained a pair of leather sandals with beading like the ones he’d sent Sarah. Emma loved them.

  Emma peeked in the bag. “Look. Look. He sent me some.” Pulling the sandals out, she dropped one to the floor and slid her bare foot in. “These are so cool.” She put the other one on, twisting her foot one way and then the other to get a better look. “Sarah’s beads are red, but these are so much cooler.” Pink. Somehow, Sam managed to find the same style with pink glass beads. “I love them. Can I have his address, so I can write him to say thanks?”

  “Sure. I bet he’d love that. You can write him any time you want. I think they all look forward to getting mail.”

  “I bet. I know I’d get lonely if I was away from home all by myself. Even as weird as our house is.”

  Emma had definitely figured it out.

  “When is he coming home anyway? It feels like he’s been gone forever.”

  “Tell me about it. I haven’t seen him in almost a year.”

  “Yeah, well that means he hasn’t seen you either. But at least you’ve had the rest of us; he hasn’t even had that.”

  She’s right. I guess I’ve only been thinking about it from my point of view. “Thanks, Em, for putting it in perspective for me. I’ve been feeling sorry for myself, but I know he wants to be here as much as I want him to be.” I hope. Resting her chin on the heel of her hand, Mina watched her younger sister continue to admire Sam’s gift. “I thought they’d go with the pink sundress we bought at Play It Again.”

  “Good idea. I can’t wait to tell Sarah. Can we fix my hair like this tonight?” Emma picked up the magazine again.

  Looking past Emma’s thin finger with its bitten down nail, Mina considered the small picture of some Hollywood type, two long streaks of pink in her artfully dyed platinum blonde hair. Mina shook her head. “I don’t think so.”

  “Why not? The magazine says you can get the same look, but much cheaper. See?” She shoved the magazine under Mina’s nose. “Kool Aid. We’ve got plenty of that.”

  Mina knew she was right there. Both she and Emma stopped drinking it long ago, but Ma kept buying it. There had to be fifty packets up in the cupboard. “No.” Mina shook her head and dropped a couple of slices of bread into the toaster. “Ma’s going to be wound up enough about going tonight. Don’t get her any more upset. How about I French braid your hair? Maybe we can steal some small flowers from one of those silk arrangements Ma has up in the shed.” Emma’s hair was as flyaway as ever, so even that hairstyle was going to take some doing. Maybe if I use some of Ma’s hair spray; that stuff should hold it in place. The few times she’d seen Ma put her hair in those pink plastic curlers and then comb it out, she sprayed enough hair spray to not only choke both the girls, but turn her gray hair into a crunchy helmet. Hopefully, Ma wouldn’t do that tonight, but even that would be better than the black and gold lamé headband she’d taken to wearing lately to hold her lank hair in place. “Has Ma mentioned to you what she’s wearing tonight?” Mina tried to keep her voice nonchalant. “I’ve got the clothes we bought for them all set to go. I’m going to surprise Ma; maybe she’ll let me try to do something with her hair.”

  Emma stopped chewing her mouthful of cereal and sat staring at Mina.

  “What’s the matter?” Mina filled a chipped coffee mug with milk and sniffed it. “Is the milk no good again?” It smells okay.

  Swallowing, Emma put the magazine down on the table. “No, the milk’s okay.”

  “Good.” Mina took a cautious sip anyway. Grabbing her toast and the peanut butter, she spread some on and took a bite. “So, did she say anything?”

  Emma shook her head.

  “Well, I’m going to go surprise her then. Maybe we can have a girls’ day of getting ready.” Mina put her toast down. “Where is she anyway? Out back?”

  Emma shook her head again. “She’s lying down.”

  “What? Why?”

  “She’s sick.”

  “Sick how?”

  “Barfing. That’s what Dad said.”

  Ma’s sick? Thoughts of getting ready as a group evaporated. Mina went down the hall and tapped on the bedroom door before leaning on it to push it open. The room was dark and the sickly sweet smell of overripe fruit assailed her nostrils. Oranges? “Ma? What’s wrong?” Mina was barely able to make out her mother’s shape under the blankets.

  “Flu, I guess.”

  “Do you want some tea and toast?”

  “No.”

  “Maybe you’ll feel better once you eat something,” Mina encouraged.

  “I’m not hungry.”

  “Do you need to go to the doctor? Maybe they can give you something to settle your stomach.”

  “No. I already took some Pepto. I just need to rest. I’m sure I’ll be fine in a couple of days.” Ma’s voice sounded feeble.

  A couple of days? She isn’t going to graduation? Mina should have known. In fifth grade, all the kids in her class participated in a national essay contest, and Mina won the New England Division. The school received five hundred dollars toward new books for the library, all purchased in Mina’s name. Her prize was a plaque to be presented at a special assembly just before school let out for Christmas break. Her dad had to work, but Mrs. Thompson was going to bring her mother. Unfortunately, Ma came down with the flu. Again, when Mina was a sophomore, one of her English classes was based on writing one-act plays that were submitted to the University of Vermont’s drama department. Mina won, and once again, her parents hadn’t seen it, due to her mother’s sudden flu. “Ma, graduation’s tonight.”

  “I’m well aware of that. But I can’t help it, I’m sick.” Ma’s voice sounded more angry than weak now. “Your father’s going, that’ll have to be good enough.” Rolling over, she faced the wall. “I need to get some sleep.”

  “Ah, okay.” Mina didn’t know what else to say. She slipped out the door, pulling it closed and walked back to the kitchen. “She’s not going to graduation.” She doesn’t even care enough to see me graduate. Boy, this just keeps getting better and better. Slumping down in a chair, Mina laid her head on her arms.

  “I’m sorry, Mina. But Dad’s going. That’s good, right?”

  Lifting her head, Mina pushed her hair back out of her face, wanting to go crawl into bed herself. Well, they couldn’t both hide out from the world. “You’re right. If you help me straighten up, we’ll figure out something for dinner, and then you and I can spend the afternoon getting ready. How’s that sound? Work for you?”

  At Emma’s nod, they set about putting the kitchen to rights. While doing the dishes, Emma held up an empty plastic cottage cheese container. “Do I have to wash this? There are about a hundred of them under the cupboard.”

  Mina shook her head. “No, throw it in the trash. I’ll take it out when we’re done. She’ll never know.” And that’s the way they cleaned the rest of the kitchen. When they were done, the counters were cleaned off, the kitchen floor swept and mopped, and the stove and refrigerator spotless. Ma could have a hissy fit about her stuff later while they were at graduation. Mina was sure she’d be recovered enough by then to come out of the bedroom. “Okay, dinner. What should we have?’

  Emma shrugged and shook her head.

  Neither of them really knew how to cook, though Mina had learned some of the fundamentals over the years from Lilith Miller. “Well, let’s look in one of Ma’s cookbooks. We can read, so we can figure this out.” They looked over several possible recipes, rejecting all of them, becau
se of a missing ingredient or two. Thinking it over for a minute, Mina made a choice. “Let’s do this. We’ll use the recipe where you bake the chicken with vegetables and gravy.”

  “We don’t have any chicken.”

  “I know. We’ll use pork chops instead. Then we’ll cut up the carrots, onions and potatoes and put them around the meat like it says. Instead of gravy, we’ll use that can of cream of mushroom soup in the cupboard. Then we’ll seal it up and bake it. What do you think?” Mina asked.

  “Do we have to make the soup first?”

  “I don’t know. Let’s just dump it on and smother everything. I think the meat will have liquid. That should work. If not, we’ll add some water later.”

  They set about putting it all together. When finished, they slid the pan into the refrigerator and straightened up the kitchen again. “I think it’s going to be good.” Emma’s words and smile were touched by pride.

  Mina nodded in agreement. “I think you’re right. Now, we have a couple of hours, let’s get ready.” Gathering their outfits, Mina and Emma took showers, and then painted each other’s toenails and fingernails in a light pink. Sitting at the beat up yard sale vanity that had replaced their milk crates a while ago, Mina French braided Emma’s hair, tucking small pink and white silk apple blossoms along each side of the braid. Using Ma’s hair spray, Mina glued the whole thing together. It looked great, stiff to the touch, but great.

  “Will you put some of this on?” Emma held up a small compact of pale pink eye shadow.

  Mina bought it, along with mascara and blush, on a shopping trip with Winona a couple of years ago, but hardly ever used it. Mina knew Ma wouldn’t approve, but this was a special day. “Sure.” She applied it with a light hand along with a hint of mascara and blush.

  “Thanks.” Emma smiled at Mina’s reflection in the mirror behind her.

  Mina smiled back. “You look beautiful.” And she meant it. Dressed all in pink with her wheat-colored blond hair arranged neatly in place, vibrant blue eyes and the slightest tinge of color on her cheeks, Emma looked like the classic image of an angel. Pale and ethereal, yet striking. She’s going to grow into a beautiful woman. Her sister was no longer the nervous little girl who depended on Mina for so much. The melancholy thought had Mina feeling sad all over again. Snap out of it.

  “I have the perfect thing, hold on.” Mina lifted her mattress. Pulling out a small box, she opened the hinged lid, carefully removing a fine chain with a single pearl dangling from it. Hooking the clasp, Mina settled the necklace around Emma’s throat. “Perfect.”

  “Sam sent you this?”

  Mina nodded.

  “I’ll be careful with it; I promise.”

  “I know you will. Okay, I’ve got to get going. Winona and Tom are going to be here soon. Can you go turn on the oven and put the pan in?”

  Emma nodded and was gone.

  At first Mina was going to braid her hair as well, to keep it out of the way, but changed her mind in the shower. She decided the best way to get through tonight was to pretend Sam was here, instead of jumping out of planes or shooting something or whatever training it was he was working on now. He liked her hair down better, so Mina combed through her hair after getting out of the shower and pulled back the front pieces, securing them with a small barrette at the back. The rest she left alone, and it had dried into masses of tiny natural ringlets hanging down her back. Slipping on flat white sandals, Mina reached for the light blue sundress Winona had insisted she buy instead of her usual black and added the same light touches of makeup as Emma’s. Gold hoop earrings and a fine gold chain, a birthday gift from Sam, were her only jewelry, the same as every day; she never took them off. Glancing in the mirror, Mina shrugged. Despite its pale color, the dress felt loud. It’ll have to do. It didn’t matter anyway. She was supposed to go to the Millers afterward. Winona was giving Tom a small graduation party, and she expected Mina to stay overnight. Joe was due home from school any time, and if he wasn’t already there, she’d probably end up curled up in Sam’s bed with her face buried in his pillow. The t-shirt she’d taken from his laundry basket had long ago lost the scent of him, but she still slept with it every night. She’d play it by ear. Maybe she’d come home with Dad and Emma; she wasn’t in the party mood.

  Emma stuck her head in the bedroom door. “Dad’s home.”

  Mina stood and smoothed down her dress. She’d heard her father’s pickup pull into the back driveway. “One more touch.” She beckoned Em over, giving her a spritz of the green tea fragrance Mina always wore, her one real indulgence to vanity.

  Closing her eyes, Emma inhaled. “I love that stuff.”

  “Me too.” Mina gave herself a spray. “I’ve gotta go. Let’s see how the food is doing.”

  “You look pretty too, Mina. I love that dress. We should take a picture, so we can send it to Sam.”

  “Good idea, kiddo. I bet Winona will have her camera. We’ll ask her.”

  Stepping into the hall, Mina contemplated for a moment whether to open the bedroom door across the way. Ma hadn’t made an appearance since Mina talked to her this morning. She decided against it and continued on to the kitchen with Emma. “Hi, Dad.”

  “Well, look at you two. You’ll be the prettiest girls there tonight.”

  “Thanks.” Mina took his lunch box and set it on the counter. In used sundresses? Not much competition for the name brand stuff kids like Blair Whitman would be wearing. Who cares? After tonight, you won’t have to deal with people like her anymore. “I’ve got to go. I guess Ma has the flu again.” Mina was unable to keep a hint of sarcasm out of her voice. “Emma and I did dinner, and Emma put it in the oven. It should be ready soon.”

  “Do I have time to shower first?”

  She nodded. “Definitely.”

  “I wonder what your mother meant for me to wear. I’ll ask her after we eat.”

  He didn’t sound too happy about the prospect of getting Ma out of bed. Stepping into the living room, Mina reappeared with a clothes hanger. “I picked these up for you. Nothing too fancy, but it’ll get the job done.” She laid the clothes over the back of one of the chairs. “Black pants, blue dress shirt, and blue and black striped tie.” A horn sounded outside. “That’s them. I gotta go.” Mina scooped up her cap, gown and a small overnight bag. “Em has the tickets, and they put in an elevator last year to the main floor, so don’t try climbing the stairs. Em, make sure he uses the elevator. Bye. I’ll see you there.”

  Mina kept her eyes on the marshal, trying not to sway to the music as they marched down the aisle. She and Missy Stone were the two shortest in the class, so they led the double line of the procession, Missy’s stomach a huge bump under her white gown. She and Mike Freeman were about to become parents any day now. Standing in front of her seat, as the rest of the class marched in, Mina kept her head straight forward, only moving her eyes to scan the crowd. Locating Emma and her Dad, she was surprised to see the Millers two rows back on the other side of the gym. Sarah, Winona, Mr. and Mrs. Miller both. They’re all here? They didn’t have anyone graduating. Looking at Winona again, Mina could see she was all smiles. Of course, Tom had just come through the gym doors; being one of the tallest, he was at the back of the line. As he climbed the risers, Tom gave Mina a wink, and she smiled back. She’d always liked him, even after the incident when they were freshman. He and Winona were such a good match, two happy people, happy to be together. They made it seem so simple. After school, he was going to one of the Vo Techs for agricultural management, and she was going to work as a classroom aide at the same elementary they attended as kids and take classes at night. She could’ve gone away to school, but Winona wanted to do it this way since Tom would be living at home too.

  Principal Brown gave his usual address and several guest presenters gave out scholarships. By the time a couple of the more musically inclined kids in the class had finished a slightly off key duet, the temperature in the gym was on the rise as usual, too many bodies, not enou
gh ventilation. Mina used the program to fan her face, trying to ignore the clingy feel of the polyester robe as it stuck to her back. Madison gave her speech, and Mina had to admit it was good, very inspirational. Much better than I would’ve given. Two underclassmen carried out a small table with several neat piles of dark blue leather cases. Finally. She’d be happy to get out of this gown and idly wondered if anyone would even notice if she wasn’t in the receiving line. What are they going to do? Take my diploma away?

  Principal Brown picked up one of the cases on top. “Melissa Margaret Stone.” Missy smiled and waddled across the stage to receive her diploma. He continued down the row until Mina knew it was her diploma, he held. “Wilhelmina Mason.”

  Mina heard a smattering of applause, likely the Millers and her dad. Rising, she placed the program on her seat and started across the stage as Sarah and Emma did their best imitation of the Miller whoop, only to be overshadowed by someone who knew how to really carry it off. Mina kept walking, resisting the urge to look out at the audience. Joe. He must be home. Well, that takes care of sleeping in Sam’s bed tonight. Shaking the principal’s hand, Mina turned to go back to her seat, giving her Dad and Emma a little smile. For once, her Dad’s smile was wide as he clapped the best his gnarled hands would allow. A few minutes later, she noticed her father discreetly pull out the cloth handkerchief he always carried and dab at his eyes. He’s crying? Not wanting to embarrass him, she glanced at the Millers, expecting to encounter Joe’s contagious grin. He wasn’t there. Maybe he’s out in the entryway. The gym was packed after all; people stood in the back and filled both doorways.

  Soon the music teacher played the recessional, and they marched out of the gym to applause. Too late, Mina realized the marshal had led them right into receiving line formation. She was at the start of the line, and people were already grabbing her hand and pumping it up and down. She knew her Dad wouldn’t come through the line; he couldn’t stand that long. He was probably still sitting in the gym waiting for the crowd to thin out, so he could work his way to the elevator. Mina slid halfway behind the girl next to her and shook one more hand before working her way behind the line, pulling off her cap and gown as she went. Going against the flow of foot traffic, she worked her way back up the stairs to the entryway of the gym, squeezing past two old ladies waiting their turn at the elevator. Glancing through the doors toward the far end of the gym, sure enough, her Dad sat there alone studying the program, waiting patiently. Mina was halfway down the center aisle formed by the rows of disheveled metal folding chairs when she heard the whoop again. It drew her father’s attention too. Turning to say something to Joe, she stopped and blinked as her cap and gown slid to the floor. It can’t be. It can’t be. Oh, please let it be. Rocketing forward, she’d only taken a few steps before he met her and lifted her clean off the floor. Sam. Sam. Sam. Mina couldn’t believe it. Holding tight, she buried her face in his neck. Oh my God. It’s him. He smells so good. It’s him. It’s him. Her mind raced, unable to fathom he was really here. Overwhelmed, tears slid down her cheeks.