by Noelle Adams
He didn’t press after that. Erin had been more than generous in that department, considering her condition. He would give her a well-deserved break. He gathered the cups and teapot onto the tray. “Be right back,” he said and headed for the kitchen.
Dare had just deposited the tray onto the marble countertop when he heard a yell. It was Erin and she was shouting his name. He jogged back to the sitting room to see what the fuss was about.
What Dare saw made his blood run cold. Erin had collapsed onto the floor. She was clutching her stomach and moaning.
He rushed over to kneel by her side. “What’s wrong?’
“Cramps,” she gasped, her brow beaded with perspiration. She gritted her teeth and clutched his hand with a strength that rivaled a weight lifter’s. “I think…I’m going into labor.”
“Labor?” he all but shouted. “You’re nowhere near due yet.”
“Tell that to the baby,” she half-laughed half-groaned, then she was clutching his shoulders with both hands, shivering with the pain that shot through her body.
“We’re going to the hospital,” he said and lifted her into his arms.
“I’m not dressed,” she gasped. “My bag. It’s not packed.”
“Forget all that, Erin. We have to go now.” His heart pounded so hard it hurt. What the hell was going on? Erin hadn’t even hit her seventh month yet. How could she be having contractions? He placed her in the back seat where she could have more room to stretch out then he jumped into the Jaguar and speed off to the same hospital he’d visited just hours before.
As soon as they rushed into the emergency room Erin was wheeled off to a private room where the doctor on duty did an assessment. That was when they realized that Erin had been spotting.
“What does it mean?” she asked, her eyes wide as she clung to Dare’s hand. “Am I going to lose my baby?”
The doctor patted her hand. “We’ll run some tests then we’ll see what’s going on.” He waved his hand to a waiting orderly. “Ultrasound department,” he said and the man came forward at once to take Erin away in her wheelchair.
Dare was right behind him. “I’m coming, too,” he said. There was no way he was going to allow them to take Erin out of his sight. But there was something weighing on his mind, something he just could not shake. As he followed the men he cleared his throat. “Doctor,” he said, “if she…exerted herself, could that cause her to lose the baby?”
“These things can happen,” the doctor said with a nod. “But what kind of exertion are you speaking of?”
“Exertion of the…sexual kind.” Dare could not believe he was feeling embarrassed to speak to the doctor about something as normal as sex between two married people.
“That shouldn’t be a problem as long as you’re careful,” the doctor replied. “Now if she had other kinds of exertion that’s a whole different matter. Did she do anything out of the ordinary? Lift anything heavy, perhaps?”
Dare’s heart gave a jolt. How could he have forgotten? “Yes,” he said as a feeling of guilt washed over him. “Me.”
“You?” The doctor looked at him as if he’d gone mad.
“I was knocked unconscious during the hurricane,” Dare told him. “She rolled me onto a bedcover and dragged me out of a bedroom and down a hallway.”
“Down a…” The look the doctor gave him was one of incredulity. “She didn’t.”
“I’m sorry to say, she did.” Dare’s voice was quiet, his thoughts far away. This was his fault. If anything happened to Erin or the baby he would never forgive himself. “And she didn’t complain of any pains at the time?”
“No, nothing.” Dare shook his head. “We even made love after that.”
The doctor let his breath out with a huff and Dare didn’t know if it was out of disbelief or disgust. He wouldn’t blame him for judging. He was disgusted with himself. What kind of husband was he to put his pregnant wife through all of that?
“She’s a strong woman, Mr. DeSouza,” the doctor said. “I can see it in her. And we will do all that we can for her and the baby.”
All that we can. He hadn’t said they’d be fine. He’d given no assurances. That was not what Dare wanted to hear.
When they got to the ultrasound room they wheeled Erin in and Dare went to follow but the doctor put up his hand. “I’m sorry but it’s very cramped in here. The technologist needs the limited space to work and I need to be there to see what’s going on. Could you wait over there, please?” He pointed to a row of chairs along a nearby wall.
Dare felt like throttling him. It must have shown on his face because the doctor backed away then quickly pushed the door shut. Dare slapped the wall with his open palm. He would have preferred to put his fists through the wall, he was so frustrated. He needed to be there for Erin. He needed to hold her hand, give her his strength, be her support. Suppose she called out for him? And he needed to see what was going on with his baby.
He walked over to the row of chairs but could not sit. Instead, he paced up and down and then stopped in front of the closed door then paced up and down some more. He looked at his watch. He couldn’t believe only three minutes had passed. He checked the time on his cell phone, not believing, but yes it was correct. Damn. How long would he have to wait? This waiting was driving him crazy.
He stepped away from the door and paced some more. He was on his sixth trip to the door when it popped open. Erin was back but this time on a stretcher and her eyes were full of tears. Dare went to her and as soon as she saw him the tears began to flow freely.
“The baby is in distress. He can’t survive inside me. They have to take him.” She began to sob and as she stretched out her hand to him Dare felt powerless. All he could do was take her in his arms and hold her while she cried. A tap on his shoulder jerked him out of his pain. He turned to see the doctor at his side.
“Please. We need to get to the operating room right away. Emergency C-section.”
Then before he could do more than plant a kiss on Erin’s forehead they were wheeling her away, leaving him standing alone in the middle of the corridor.
Then followed the worst two hours of Dare’s life. Other patients were wheeled in to the ultrasound room, other family members came until the chairs lining the walls were filled and still he paced, not caring if he looked like mad man, not giving a damn what they thought of him. He could not rest until he knew his family was safe.
So many thoughts flashed through his mind. What if the doctors had to choose between mother and child? What if he lost one of them? Or both? It didn’t bear thinking about. God knew, he would give all his money, every single penny to know that they were both all right.
And if this was what love meant, then he loved them, Godammit. He loved Erin DeSouza and he loved his baby and he was making no apologies for it. He just prayed they’d both make it through so that he could show them how much he loved them.
He was at the point when he felt he would go mad with worry when he saw the doctor in his green scrubs heading down the hallway toward him. He didn’t wait for him to get to him. He met him halfway, his eyes searching the doctor’s face, trying to read the news that was to come.
“They’re…okay?” His voice sounded strained even to his own ears. He could hardly speak. The anxiety was killing him.
The doctor sighed.
Dare almost had a heart attack. Jesus, a doctor sighing. That was not a good sign.
“They’re both resting,” he said with a small smile.
Dare let his breath out in a whoosh. They were alive. Both of them. That was a start. “Are they okay?” he asked again.
“Mommy is doing well,” the doctor said, “but it was a difficult surgery. Baby was in a lot of distress.”
Dare glared at the doctor. He was just inches from strangling the man. “What the hell does that mean? Is my baby okay or not?”
“Mr. DeSouza, please,” the doctor said, putting up a hand. “There are other people-”
“I don’t
give a flying fig who else is here. Tell me what’s going on with my baby.”
“She’s been taken to the intensive care unit to be placed in an incubator. She’s only two pounds and needs to be placed in a protected environment.”
She? Hadn’t he heard ‘he’ somewhere? But it didn’t matter either way. He just wanted his baby to be all right.
“Will she survive, doctor?” He kept his voice low, guilty at his previous outburst but still too concerned to worry about an apology.
The doctor pursed his lips. “Her chances are better than fifty percent but I don’t want you to get your hopes up, just in case.”
Better than fifty percent. It wasn’t enough. He wanted to hear that she was perfectly fine, she’d be all right, she’d grow up and graduate from high school and give him all the grief that teenage girls gave their middle-aged dads. That was what he wanted to hear.
But the doctor was giving him no such assurances so he clung to the only positive word he’d been given. Better. Better than fifty percent. He would hold on to ‘better’ and make it real.
“Can I see them now?” he asked.
The doctor nodded. “I’ll take you to your wife. She’s conscious but a bit groggy. You can see the baby afterwards.”
Dare nodded and followed him down the hallway. He was taken to a private room where Erin lay in the bed, pale and quiet, her eyes closed. He pulled up a chair beside her and gently touched her arm. Her eyes opened and he could see her trying to focus. “Dare,” she said, her voice weak and scratchy, “where’s my baby? Is he all right?”
“It’s a she, Erin,” he said. “We have a daughter. She’s in the ICU right now and they’re taking good care of her.”
“Is she going to be all right?” Erin’s eyes searched his face, looking for the same assurance he’d just sought from the doctor.
He took her hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. “She’s very tiny, Erin. Only two pounds but if she’s anything like her mother she’ll pull through all right.”
“How?” Erin whispered. She looked up at him, her eyes full of distress. “How can she make it?”
“She will,” Dare said, his voice firm with conviction. In his heart he knew that his daughter would be all right. They both would. Leaning over he kissed Erin on the forehead. “Just rest for a while. I’m going to check on her.” Then he gave her a reassuring smile. “Start thinking of girl names till I get back.”
With that Dare left her and headed to the intensive care unit. The nurses there were welcoming but they refused to let him go into the nursery.
“The babies in this section are very delicate,” they told him. “Their immune systems aren’t developed yet. We have to make it as sterile an environment as possible.”
They took him to a wide glass window and it was from there that he got his first view of his daughter, so tiny and pink in her incubator, with a shock of dark brown hair that made him think of her mother. There were strings and tubes leading from her mouth, her nose and her arm and his heart ached at the little one’s cold and sterile introduction to the world. He should be able to hold his daughter close right now. She should be lying on the comfort of her mother’s breast. But she was all alone and so tiny. How would they even care for her?
But as he stared at her, so small but yet so beautiful in her cocoon of glass, he knew they’d find a way. The baby had done her part by bravely making her way into the world. Now it was time for him and for Erin to play their part.
“You’re a fighter, little one,” he whispered through the glass, “and we won’t let you down.”
***
Nearly eight weeks passed before Erin and Dare were allowed to take Soleil Denise DeSouza home from the hospital. By that time she weighed four pounds and had grown another inch. The nurses warned them she was a feisty one, kicking up a windstorm when she was ready to be fed and demanding to be held when it was naptime.
“You have to put your foot down,” one of the nurses warned Erin, “or else she’ll walk all over you. You need to show her who’s in charge.”
Erin smiled and thanked the nurse for her advice but when she looked into her daughter’s big brown eyes how could she refuse her? She’d already been through so much in her little life that Erin could be excused for spoiling her a little bit, couldn’t she?
And Daddy was even worse, jumping up at every cry, checking on the baby every hour of the night. Within a week he’d begun to look so ragged with exhaustion that Erin had to banish him from the nursery for an entire night just so he could get some sleep.
Through it all Francine was a savior. She knew all about babies, having raised three of her own plus a handful of grandkids. She guided Erin every step of the way through the feedings, burpings, bouts of colic and a brief period of jaundice. Finally the whole family settled into a comfortable rhythm - daddy, mommy, baby and adopted grandma - and finally Erin felt that her world was at peace.
Her love for Dare blossomed and she felt she could not love him more than she did right then. Each time she watched him holding Soleil, singing softly to her as she stared up at him with those adorable brown eyes, her heart swelled with pride and she couldn’t help smiling. She’d come a long way but so had he. Who would have thought that bad boy billionaire Dare DeSouza could abandon his big shot image to play peek-a-boo and do goo-goo-gaa-gaa speak? She loved it, and in her eyes he was a bigger man for taking the time to amuse his baby.
And on top of all that he’d shown her nothing but love and respect, catering to her every need and going out of his way to make her feel loved. When he wasn’t holding Soleil he was holding her, making her feel like the center of his world.
When Dare returned to work after Soleil had completed her second month it took Erin a while to adjust. She’d gotten so used to having him there that she couldn’t help missing him. Still, she knew Dare’s work was a big part of who he was. He loved what he did and she knew his work made him feel fulfilled. Besides, he had a lot to do on the last resort he’d bought so she needed to give him some space.
One evening as she sat feeding Soleil, Dare walked into the sitting room looking handsome as usual in his business wear. He gave her a peck on the cheek then kissed his daughter on the forehead.
“Guess what?” he said as he loosened his tie. “I got a call from your friend. She said she’s been trying to reach you on your cell phone but all she keeps getting is your voice mail.”
Erin’s heart jerked. “My friend?”
“Yes, the one who came to visit. She’s been trying to get in touch with you for the longest time. Did you disconnect your cell phone?”
“Ahh, no,” she said, which was the truth. But it wasn’t the whole truth. The fact was, she’d turned off her cell phone the day Soleil was born and had refused to turn it back on since then. She’d been living in a bubble of her own making. She’d done everything she could to insulate herself from the poison darts that Robyn could throw. But now she could see that her efforts had all been in vain. Robyn was determined to burst her bubble and send her reeling back to reality.
“Did she say what she was calling about?” Erin asked. It took all her effort to keep her face calm and her voice steady.
Dare shook his head. “No, but she left a number where you can reach her.” He dug into his pocket and pulled out a slip of paper. He rested it on the table nearby and shifted the vase onto the edge of it to keep it from blowing away. “Give her a call as soon as you can,” he said. “It sounds as if it’s pretty important.”
Erin pursed her lips. She knew exactly what was so important for Robyn. She was intent on ruining her life. But she would not give her the satisfaction of being the one to reveal her secret. She’d run away from her truth long enough and now she was tired of running.
“Dare,” she said as she put the baby on her shoulder and gently rubbed her back, “we need to talk.”
Twelve
Dare looked at her, curious. “About what?” he asked. “Something to do with Soleil?�
� Then he grinned. “Has she been a naughty princess? I know she loves to boss her mommy around.”
“No,” Erin said, her voice solemn. “It’s about me.”
Dare frowned. “About you? Is everything all right?”
She shook her head. “No, but let me set the baby down for her nap and then we’ll talk.” Still rubbing Soleil’s back she got up and headed for the nursery.
Dare stood there in the sitting room, confused. Erin had seemed so peaceful when he’d come in but now he could sense her agitation and it bothered him. It had something to do with this Robyn woman, he was sure. Her whole demeanor had changed at the mention of Robyn’s name.
He threw off his jacket and dropped onto the sofa to await her return. He didn’t have to wait long. Erin approached and her face was serious. Whatever she wanted to talk about was not going to be fun.
She sat in the chair across from him and folded her hands in her lap. She was so beautiful, with her dark hair curling around her face and onto her shoulders, and those hazel eyes that were so expressive. Now, though, they were clouded over with what looked like heartfelt pain. He sat up and reached for her hand but she pulled it back.
“What’s going on, Erin? Is something wrong with you?” At her nod his heart jerked inside his chest. “Are you sick?”
She shook her head.
“Then what is it?” he demanded, beginning to lose patience. She had him on pins and needles and was taking her own sweet time in clearing up the mystery. “Just spill it.”
She sighed. “All right, I will.” She plucked at the fabric of her yellow sundress and then began to twist it with her fingers. Clearly, what she had to say was not easy for her. “I’ve not been honest with you, Dare. I’m not who you think I am.”
His eyes narrowed as he stared at her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
She sucked in a deep breath then let it out slowly. “It means, when I tell you who I really am you’ll probably want me out of your life. For good.”
That gave him pause. What in the world could Erin have done to let her say something like that? He loved her. Couldn’t she see that? There was nothing that could make him want her out of his life.