by Noelle Adams
He turned, his face softening only for her. “It’s all yours. Enjoy it.”
“We’ll finish this later,” he said to Kaya. “You should get dressed. You heard Libby. The roads are bad. I suggest you plan on driving into town with me,” he said on his way out.
“What was that about?” Libby whispered, rescuing Anastasia from a dumbfounded Kaya. “The tension in here is as thick as cheese. Is he upset about something other than—you know, you taking them to Florida?”
Kaya stood up. “I have no idea. The man’s moods change like the wind.”
“Did he do that?” Libby pointed to the spilled milk and cereal on the floor.
Kaya chuckled at Libby’s sense of humor. She grabbed a roll of paper towels and some cleaning fluid and got down on her hands and knees. “I wish all the mess in my life could be cleaned up this easily.”
“Come on. It can’t be that bad.”
Oh yes, it can.
A sister she’d only met once was dead. She’d inherited three penniless children whose wealthy godfather’s new mission in life was to make hers miserable. Her career was in jeopardy, her fiancé had dumped her, and Bryce was making decisions about her life.
It was that bad!
Kaya dumped the soggy paper towels into the garbage, washed her hands, and pulled a cup of coffee from the bag Bryce had brought. “You heard the man. I should get dressed. Help yourself,” she added, pointing to the bag. “Compliments of your boss.”
*
“So, when were you going to tell me about him?” Bryce suddenly asked.
Oh, so now he wanted to talk, Kaya thought after several attempts to engage him had failed. They’d driven along Route 80 West for at least twenty minutes, most of which Kaya had spent gazing out in silence upon the white hills and thick forests that made up the White Mountain Range on the right side of the road and the skyscrapers of downtown Granite Falls on the left.
“Kaya?”
Kaya turned and caught his gaze. “Tell you about whom?”
“Your boyfriend, or should I say fiancé?”
Kaya cleared her throat. She was surprised his answer hadn’t sent her into a panic. Instead, she felt somewhat relieved that he knew about Jack. Yep, just as she expected, he already had a private investigator on her tail. “How do you know about Jack?”
“He called you last night.”
“You were eavesdropping on my conversation? Of all the lowdown dirty rotten tricks I expect from you, I never thought you would eavesdrop on my private conversation, Bryce.”
“First of all, I was not eavesdropping on your conversation. And second, I could not care less whether or not you have a boyfriend.”
“Then why are you getting so worked up?” If the veins in his neck got any fuller with blood, they would pop.
He crossed the Aiken River Bridge and turned left onto Industrial Drive. “I’m worked up, Kaya, because you’re planning to raise my children with some man you haven’t even mentioned.”
“They’re not your children, Bryce. And besides, Jack and I—” She stopped herself. If he’d heard the entire conversation last night, they wouldn’t be having this one today. She sighed, grateful he hadn’t heard Jack ceremonially dumping her. That would have been humiliating, and it would give him another reason to force her to give up the kids.
“Who is he?”
“Nobody.”
“You’re marrying a nobody? That’s just fantastic. Nobody is going to be a father figure to my children.”
“Jack isn’t—” Kaya clammed her mouth shut again. What was the use of explaining anything to him? He was determined to fight her tooth and nail for the children, whether or not Jack or any other man was part of her life. It didn’t matter what she did or what she said, she couldn’t win with him.
He shot her a lethal glance. “Jack isn’t what?”
Kaya sighed as they passed Fontaine Conference Center on the left and Andretti Industries on the right, two monstrous skyscrapers that occupied entire blocks. From the center of the town, the steeple of Granite Falls Community Church loomed above the skyline like a beacon of hope to the residents and visitors of the area. Libby had told her that the church was as old as the town, but that it had recently undergone a complete renovation and expansion. Compliments of Fontaine Construction.
The man was an enigma to Kaya. He’d built a house he didn’t live in, and he’d renovated a church he didn’t attend.
“What about Jack, Kaya?”
Kaya turned her head. “I don’t want to talk about Jack. Right now, my main concern is Jason and what Samantha has to say about him. That should be your main concern as well.”
He made a right turn, cruised around the Esplanade, and parked in a space in front of the row of red brick buildings that lined the riverfront. He shut off the engine and grabbed her arm, his rapier glance penetrating deeply. “Why so secretive, Kaya? What are you hiding? Nobody in this town knows anything about you. Yet we’re supposed to trust you with three children we hold dear to our hearts.”
Kaya lowered her gaze to her arm where he held her firmly. Even through the thickness of her sheepskin jacket she could feel the heat from his touch. They’d been at odds since the moment they met, and she was so tired of it. Why couldn’t he just accept that Michael and Lauren had chosen her over him? Maybe if he tried to be nicer to her, more understanding of her feelings as she has been of his, he might get somewhere with her. “Their parents trusted me. Shouldn’t that be enough, Bryce?” She yanked her arm from his grasp and opened the car door.
The instant her foot hit the pavement, she knew it was a mistake. She felt herself flying and fumbled for the door handle. She missed.
“Damn stubborn woman.”
Kaya let out a gasp as two strong hands closed around her waist and lifted her back into the car. Her body collided with a wall of hard, warm muscles that smelled intoxicatingly male. She remained in the strong prison of his arms for a few breathless moments until her heart returned to its normal pace. Swallowing her pride, she gazed up into his face. “Thank you.”
His eyes bore into hers and the sad mystery in their obsidian depths beckoned to her irresistibly. The strange surge of affection Kaya felt for Bryce in that single moment alternately thrilled and frightened her so much, she shuddered outwardly.
His arms tightened about her, his lips parted slightly, and Kaya swore his head started to descend, before he caught himself and abruptly pulled his arms from around her. He placed his hands on the steering wheel and looked straight ahead, his body stiff and motionless.
Kaya took the cue and slid back to her side of the car. Whatever magical connection they’d shared in that moment was over. She pulled her coat about her as the frigid cold from the open door seeped under her skin.
“Stay where you are if you don’t want to break your pretty little neck,” was all he said before hopping out of the car and coming around to her side.
Kaya took his arm and let him help her across the slippery sidewalk. She paid little attention to the passersby and spectators, looking out from the restaurants and cafes, who’d obviously witnessed her mishap a few moments ago. She hadn’t fallen, but she was embarrassed nonetheless. She clutched Bryce’s arm a bit tighter as he led her up the steps to the main entrance of the building.
He said nothing, nor did he look at her. He just kept her close to his side, letting her know he was there to catch her if she stumbled.
At least he thought her neck was pretty enough to save.
Six
Samantha ushered Kaya and Bryce into her office and closed the door. “Please.” She pointed to a sofa on one side of the small, but sunny room.
Kaya sat at one end of the sofa while Samantha took a seat in a chair opposite her. Bryce took up vigil near a window, leaning stiffly against the frame, obviously still perturbed about their argument over Jack and that tense moment they’d shared after she almost cracked her skull on the icy pavement.
“I might as well get t
o the reason I asked you here.” Samantha picked up a pen and a notepad filled with notes from the coffee table, and donned her reading glasses. “As you might suspect, it’s primarily about Jason’s attitude toward Kaya.”
Kaya’s hands twisted nervously on her lap.
“There are two reasons for his behavior.” Samantha offered her a soft smile then consulted her notes. “First is an unconscious fear of betraying the love he has for his mother.”
“I’m not trying to take his mother’s place,” Kaya said. “I’m just trying to—” What was she trying to do? She wasn’t his friend. She wasn’t even his aunt in the true sense of the word.
She was a stranger who’d shown up on the worst day of his life, expecting him to welcome her with open arms. Perhaps if he’d grown up like her, devoid of love and attention, he would have eagerly soaked up the affection she offered. But he’d had the real thing. Genuine love. He wanted the mother he’d lost, not some bumbling, substandard substitute.
“It’s not personal,” Samantha stated. “Jason would have the same reaction to anyone who assumed his parents’ roles.”
“Then why doesn’t he react that way toward Bryce? He’s assuming Michael’s role as father.”
“He knows me.” Bryce eyes flashed imperiously.
“Bryce is right. He’s always been a part of Jason’s life. Jason knows what to expect from him. He’s not a threat.”
“Are you saying I’m a threat to Jason? I will never hurt him, Samantha.”
Samantha removed her glasses and laid them on the coffee table. “Not intentionally, Kaya. Bryce isn’t a threat because he doesn’t have custody of the children. He will always be exactly who he is, Uncle Bryce. You, on the other hand, are their legal guardian, their mother by default. From now on, every decision you make about your life will have a huge impact on theirs. Jason is scared of more changes, and rebelling against you is the only way he thinks he can keep you from destroying the rest of his world.”
“Jason was able to perceive all this in his little nine-year-old mind?” Bryce asked, his voice rich with skepticism.
“I wish I could give him credit for insightfulness. The truth is, he overheard Kaya telling Libby about her plan to take them to Florida.”
“Oh, no.” Kaya’s hand crept to her throat.
“I knew you’d done something to upset him,” Bryce said.
“Let’s not start throwing blame around,” Samantha warned. “I understand Kaya’s position. She’s just as scared as these children, Bryce. She had a life of her own before all this happened. And from what I’ve heard, she wasn’t even aware that Michael and Lauren had made her legal guardian until after they were gone. If I were in her shoes, I’d be thinking along the same lines. She’s responsible for those children, and in order to provide for them, she feels she has no other alternative but to return to her comfort zone, her career, the life she knows.”
Finally, somebody understood her. Kaya looked up to find Bryce watching her with a hint of speculation in his eyes, as if he were assessing her, measuring her against something, or someone. It was the same look he’d given her in the car just before the “almost” kiss.
“I never saw it that way,” he drawled. “I suppose it’s only fair to consider her position.”
Was that an apology?
“Great,” Samantha exclaimed. “Showing consideration for each other is a good start. There’s a lot of tension between the two of you. I felt it last night. I feel it now. Children have high sensors for discord.”
Samantha’s eyes fixed on Bryce. “Jason looks up to you, Bryce. He respects you and he loves you. He’ll feed on any negative vibes you send Kaya, making it more difficult for her to form a relationship with him. You have to be careful how you relate to her when you’re both in his presence. Do you understand what I’m asking?”
“Yes. I’ll try to be nicer to her,” he grumbled, clearly annoyed at being told to curtail his feelings.
“That shouldn’t be too hard,” Samantha said. “Now, Alyssa.”
“Alyssa? Alyssa seems to be the only one who’s dealing well considering—”
“Come on, Kaya. She thinks her parents are in heaven, on vacation.” Bryce stated, making quotation marks in the air at the word “heaven”. “She’s been asking when are they coming back. I’m no psychologist, but I know it’s not healthy to avoid the truth just because it’s painful.”
“Bryce is right, Kaya. When children this young suffer such a traumatic loss, the brain protects itself from the idea of permanent departure and the lack of stability and security by asserting that the separation is temporary. Alyssa’s stuck in what we call a “frozen block of time” where the grief is on hold or non-existent. She’s separated from her true emotions, and merely existing in a state of emotional suspension. She won’t be able to move forward until she understands that the loss is real and permanent.”
Kaya stirred in her seat, feeling even more ill-equipped to undertake her new responsibilities. When she walked into Samantha’s office, she thought she only had one child’s emotional state to worry about. But now Samantha was telling her Alyssa was also in trouble. “What can I do?” she asked in a choked voice.
“There’s only one thing to do,” Bryce said, moving away from the window. “Tell her the truth.”
“Right again, Bryce. You have to explain the accident, using an analogy that explains the meaning of death. You know her best. There must be some experience you shared together that would help her understand. Then offer her the choice to say goodbye to her parents.”
“You— you want us to take her to the funeral home?” Kaya asked.
“Both she and Jason should be given the choice to see them. It’s the only chance they’ll have. It will help them to accept the loss, which is the first step toward healing. If they decline, that’s okay. Encourage them to do something else to help bring closure.”
“Like what?” Bryce asked.
“Children Jason’s age like to pick out the burial clothes, or write a poem or letter to a departed parent. It makes them feel important.”
“And Alyssa?” Kaya could scarcely get the words past the constriction in her throat.
“Children Alyssa’s age like to draw or color pictures to place in the caskets. Some leave parts of a special toy, like a puzzle piece, or one of a pair of something, so each time they look at the part they kept, they’ll have a sense of eternal connection.”
Kaya closed her fist around the locket against her sweater. Her bond to her father.
“The bottom line is, Alyssa needs to know beyond the shadow of a doubt that her mommy and daddy aren’t coming home, that they’re in heaven forever.”
Kaya dropped her head in her hands. She remembered her childhood hopes that her father would walk through the door one day, pick her up and tell her that he loved her, that he would never leave her again. But he never came, and the next time she saw him, he was stretched out in a casket, stiff and cold. Then, and only then, did it sink in: her daddy was never coming back for her. He had truly abandoned her.
Perhaps she should have been happy she had a sister—half or not—someone she could share her pain with, since Nadine didn’t care one way or the other that her father had died. But how could she have honestly, in her twelve-year-old mind, accepted Lauren when her father had chosen his other daughter over her?
He’d walked out of her five-year-old life to build one with Lauren and her mother. And now here she was, twelve years later, contemplating ruining her life, putting the security she’d built for herself into jeopardy to raise Lauren’s children.
How was she to keep Jason’s world intact when hers was falling apart? Where was she going to find the strength to burst Alyssa’s happy bubble and tell her the truth?
Kaya was powerless to stop the tremor in her lips or the tears stinging her eyes. She was suddenly aware of Bryce sitting next to her, his strong arms enfolding her. Again.
“It’s okay, Kaya.” His warm breath f
anned the top of her head. “We’ll get through this together.”
Kaya dropped her cheek on his chest and drank in the comfort of his nearness, the strength of his masculine support, wrapping her in a cocoon of physical warmth like she’d never had before.
His firm hands massaged away the tension in her back and shoulders. The steady beating of his heart beneath her cheek soothed away the longing in her soul. This embrace was so much more affectionate, more meaningful than the one they’d shared in the car. He was her gentle giant—her rock.
She pulled out of his arms, embarrassment and frustration added to the turmoil in her heart. No matter how hard his tenderness hammered at the wall of her defense, she had to stay strong. They were still at war; he’d made that absolutely clear when he’d turned away from her in the car. She wouldn’t put it past him to use her weakness against her, to try to convince her once again to give him the kids and return to her happy childfree life in Florida.
He pulled a tissue from a box on the center table and handed it to her. His countenance had changed from concern to indifference. He pushed to his feet and moved away as if being near her, holding her in his arms again, was a terrible mistake.
Perhaps it was a mistake for both of them, for she’d experienced a side of him that made her hunger for more. She didn’t want to depend on Bryce Fontaine for anything, least of all comfort.
Kaya turned to Samantha. “I’m sorry. It’s not like me to fall apart like that. It’s just that this— this whole situation is new, moving way too fast, and is so overwhelming. Three days ago, I had only myself to think about. Now I have three children whose lives will be affected by every decision I make from now on.” Kaya shook her head as a new batch of tears welled up in her eyes. Damn Jack for leaving her at a time like this.
Samantha gave her a sympathetic nod. “That’s parenthood, Kaya. It’s perfectly normal for you to feel this way. Every new parent experiences the same doubts, fears, hesitations, and feelings of inadequacy you’re going through. But I’m glad to hear Bryce say that you’ll do this together, because the children need you both. You have full legal custody, but Bryce has deep emotional ties that are far more powerful than any will or therapy can provide. It is imperative that they maintain that connection.