by Noelle Adams
“You have to decide, mutually, on what’s best for everyone,” Samantha added, rising from her chair. “Consider all the pros and cons then agree on an approach to return some form of stability to the children’s lives. I would advise that you wait until after the funeral. Right now, your main priority is to prepare Jason and Alyssa to say goodbye to their parents. After that, one of you will have to make a monumental sacrifice.”
Kaya glanced over at Bryce. He was staring out the window, lost in his own time and space, as if she and Samantha weren’t even there.
*
Bryce took a swift glance at Kaya, huddled in her corner of the car with her coat wrapped tightly about her. They hadn’t spoken since they left Samantha’s office. What was there to say, anyway? Samantha had given both of them a lot to think about, and he supposed that was exactly what Kaya was doing—thinking about her future.
He, on the other hand, had embarked on a journey into his past even before they left the therapist’s office. Kaya’s tears and Samantha’s speech about doubts, fears, and feelings of inadequacy had hurled him back to the day he’d met Pilar, the day he’d promised to love her and protect her, and the day he’d failed her. Holding Kaya in his arms while she cried had reminded him of the reason he stayed clear of women who were prone to tears.
Like a gallant knight, he’d responded to a female’s call of distress—twice in one day. When it came to women, there was only one call Bryce responded to: the mating call.
And from the moment he’d seen Kaya in Steven’s office, Bryce had wanted to mate with her. He’d been envisioning them entangled in carnal sexual exploits, their damp, naked bodies slapping against each other until they were both satiated with lust. What he liked most about that fantasy was that Kaya’s antagonistic attitude toward him would make it so easy for him to walk away, unaffected, when it was all over.
But today, she’d let her guard down and revealed a side of herself that he despised for no other reason but that it took him back to a specific moment in time, a time he’d vowed never to revisit. Bryce wished he’d never gotten that close to Kaya. He wished he’d never touched her.
He took another glance at her. This time she turned her head and met his gaze. His heart jolted at the misty torture in her brown eyes.
“You can rub my face in it if you want,” she said.
Bryce turned his concentration to the road as he navigated his way along Route 80 East. Even though it would make his task of crushing Kaya a lot easier if she continued to distrust and dislike him, he really had no desire to continue this battle between them. Through no fault of her own, Kaya had been dragged into this situation. They were facing some difficult decisions, and like it or not, it would be better if they joined forces and worked together for the children’s sake instead of trying to beat each other down. “What am I supposed to rub your face in, Kaya?”
“Like you, Samantha thinks it would be a mistake for me to uproot the children from their home. She’s the expert, so she should know. At least now I know why Jason hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you, Kaya. He’s just a scared little boy.”
“I’m surprised he didn’t tell you what he’d overheard.”
Bryce chuckled as he exited the highway and turned unto Crystal Lake Road that ran the perimeter of the lake. “He probably thinks he would get into trouble.”
“Get into trouble with you? That’s a surprise.”
“Michael and Lauren had a big problem with him. He’s a little eavesdropper.”
“Like his Uncle Bryce?”
A muscle quivered in Bryce’s jaw. He needed no reminders that she had a fiancé waiting for her in Palm Beach. He spoke only when he thought his voice would not betray him. “It’s my house, Kaya. The phone rang. I picked it up. I hung up when I realized it was for you. If you wanted secrecy, you should have had your boyfriend call your cell.”
“I seem to have lost my cell phone,” she said without emotion.
“Well, I’m not going to apologize for doing something completely normal in my own home, so let’s stop wasting time on something so petty when we have far more important issues to deal with.”
She pressed her lips together and gave him an indignant flash of her eyes—one he thought was well deserved for his caustic tone, but he had no intentions of apologizing for that either.
“Since we’re on the subject of important issues, what were you about to tell me this morning before Libby came in?” she asked.
Bryce pondered her question. He didn’t know how she felt about her fiancé, how deeply she loved him. This morning he was going to suggest that she break off her engagement with Jack and move to Granite Falls permanently.
It was quite presumptuous of him, and of course he had ulterior motives, especially after finding her in such a disheveled state in the kitchen. She exuded sensuality from every pore of her sexy little body, from her curly, tousled hair to her fluffy, pink slippers. And the most arousing thing was that she didn’t even know it. She had no idea that his head had been spinning with lascivious thoughts as they stood there warring—thoughts of slowly undoing the buttons of her flannel pajama top, one at a time, of pushing it off her creamy shoulders, of kissing every inch of her smooth skin as it came into view, of feeling the weight of her voluptuous breasts in his hands. He’d wondered about her nipples—the shape, size, and texture of them. He’d imagined his tongue gliding across…
“What were you going to tell me, Bryce? What decision about my future have you made?”
Bryce shook his head, bringing his salacious thoughts to a screeching halt. “I was going to—” He stopped himself. He couldn’t ask Kaya to move to Granite Falls, not after Samantha had advised him to consider her feelings and the position she’d been placed into. Before all this happened, Kaya had a life in Palm Beach. She had plans to marry Jack and spend the rest of her life with him. She was obviously the marrying kind of woman, and since he could never offer her the joys of married bliss, it would be best to let her return to her life with Jack. By the time she had a baby or two with the lucky guy, she would have forgotten about these three she’d left behind in Granite Falls. “It doesn’t matter anymore,” he said in a tone that held a bit more ice than he would have liked to reveal.
Her eyes swept his face curiously before she pursed her rosy mouth and shrugged.
Bryce sighed as the white facade of his house came into view. The house he and Pilar had spent months planning. The house she never had a chance to make into a home for the family they almost had.
“I have a question for you,” Kaya said after a few moments of silence had elapsed.
“Yeah,” he answered cautiously.
“Back in Samantha’s office when I started crying, you held me in your arms, but then you withdrew so abruptly, as if being near me upset you. Did holding me bring back unhappy memories?”
The woman was too damn discerning. Another thing he disliked about her. The last place he wanted her was in his head. Women were only allowed in his bed. Never in his head.
“Who was she, Bryce? Who was Pilar?”
Bryce’s gut twisted into a painful knot. Who was Pilar? She was everything. Everything to him. He met Kaya’s wide, questioning gaze, and he knew if he didn’t tell her now, she’d ask again. “Pilar was my wife.”
A look of shock swept across her face. “Oh. I thought she was a serious girlfriend or a fiancée. I didn’t know you’d been married. I didn’t know you’re a widower. I’m sorry.”
She didn’t know a lot of things. “Pilar was never any of those. She became my wife the instant I met her.”
“Love at first sight,” she stated. “I’ve never met anyone who it happened for.”
“It happened for us. We loved each other the moment our eyes met. I knew instantly that I wanted to marry her.” Bittersweet memories churned inside Bryce. He’d often wondered if Pilar would still be alive if he hadn’t met her, hadn’t married her. What would her life, his life be like if he hadn
’t stepped onto that elevator in Chicago six years ago and found her crying? If they’d never met, would they have been married to other people, made babies with other people? Were they destined to meet, to fall in love, to marry? Was she destined to die such a senseless, violent death? What was the point of him loving her then losing her in such a short timespan? What was the point?
“And now she’s gone. How did she—”
“You have an incoming call from Libby Parker. Would you like to accept?”
Bryce exhaled a sigh of relief as the message alert came through the car’s stereo system. “Yes,” he said upon pushing the connect button on the steering wheel. “What is it, Libby?”
“Where are you guys? Are you almost home?”
“Why?” Kaya asked. “Is something wrong?”
“It’s Alyssa. She’s been crying hysterically and running around the house calling for her parents and you. I can’t get her to calm down. She thinks you went to heaven on vacation, too.”
Bryce put pressure on the gas pedal. “We’re almost home,” he said, and ended the call.
He glanced warily at Kaya. There was no need for them to say anything. They knew what needed to be done.
*
Kaya studied Jason as he and Anastasia played on the floor in the sitting areas of the second-floor balcony. He was making funny faces and noises, and Anastasia stared back at her big brother, kicking her little arms and legs and trying to mimic his sounds. It was such a sweet picture, one Kaya wished she could capture and replay over and over again. It was the happiest scene she’d seen since she arrived in Granite Falls, and a welcome change to the one she and Bryce had come home to a few hours ago.
They had found Alyssa in her parents’ bed, hugging Snoopy, and sobbing her little heart out. It was a pitiful sight. The child’s heart-wrenching sobs and questions about the whereabouts of her mommy and daddy had brought tears to Kaya’s eyes. Heeding Samantha’s advice, Kaya had been ready to tell Alyssa the truth about her parents, but Bryce had stopped her. He thought it best if she heard it when she was in a calmer and more receptive state of mind. Kaya didn’t argue with him, since he was the expert when it came to the children’s emotional needs.
Bryce’s promise to take Alyssa for a sleigh ride on the lake after lunch had gotten her out of bed and down to the kitchen to have some of the delicious lunch he’d ordered from Andreas.
After lunch and Libby’s departure, Bryce had taken Jason aside to discuss the conversation he’d overheard between Kaya and Libby, and about going to say goodbye to his parents. Kaya wasn’t privy to that conversation, but when he and Bryce returned from Jason’s bedroom, the boy’s attitude toward her had changed. He was more tolerant and civil. He’d even responded politely when she tried to strike up a conversation with him. They weren’t friends yet, but they weren’t enemies anymore. Bryce could have maligned her to Jason. But he hadn’t. She hadn’t yet figured out if his influence on Jason was good or bad for her in the long run.
With Jason temporarily in a better frame of mind, Bryce had turned his full attention to Alyssa. They’d been out on the lake for about forty minutes and probably should be coming in soon. It was below freezing out there—a fact that neither of them heeded when she’d pointed it out. They were true New Englanders. Kaya shuddered at the very thought of being out in that kind of weather for such a long time.
Kaya stilled when Jason suddenly turned and glanced over at her. For a few seconds, all that was audible in the room were the crackling sounds coming from the fireplace.
“You look like Alyssa,” he said, a mild curiosity in his silver-grey eyes.
Kaya chuckled. “I think she looks like me. You have your dad’s eyes,” she added, pushing the envelope just a tiny bit. “But you have your grandpa’s ears.”
He cracked a shy smile. “His big ears. Mommy used to tell me that all the time.” He broke their gaze and looked off into the crackling fire, his smile replaced with a sheet of sadness. Kaya’s heart went out to him. She was about to get off the sofa and join him on the floor when Anastasia kicked him in his stomach and gurgled. That pulled him out of his funk. He ducked his head and let Anastasia grab one of his big ears.
Kaya broke into a grin. When she used to tug on her father’s Dumbo ears, he’d toss her high in the air in retribution. She was never afraid because she knew he would always be there to catch her. He never let her fall. What she wouldn’t give to have those years back, to have those thick arms wrapped around her, protecting her, comforting her.
Pushing the memories aside, Kaya turned and gazed out the glass wall overlooking the back of the house. A single sleigh trail led away from the pier near the boathouse and further into the lake. From there, it turned into a maze of circles, and then again into one trail that disappeared around the pine tree line.
She wasn’t looking forward to telling Alyssa about her parents when she and Bryce eventually retuned. Kaya wished she had the power to fast-forward into the future to a happier time and place.
Dread pushed her off the sofa when she heard voices downstairs. She went to stand at the railing, her heart pounding against her chest as she watched Bryce climb the stairs with Alyssa in his arms. Alyssa’s arms were locked about his shoulders, her face buried against his neck, and Snoopy trapped between them.
He was so predatorily male, Kaya thought, captivated by his large frame, straight back line, and long, well-muscled limbs. There was nothing insubstantial about this man. He was born to conquer, to rule.
A hot flash of desire settled between Kaya’s thighs. How could she be feeling this mesmeric fascination with him at a time like this? They were in the wake of a tragedy with the air around them saturated with the stench and chill of death, yet her body constantly ached to be near him, to be touched by him, even when she was mad as hell with him.
She couldn’t shake the undeniable web of attraction that had been building between them since she first saw him in Steven’s office. Even before she’d turned around and encountered his yard-wide shoulders and powerful, bronzed physique coming through the door, her heart had already turned over in response to his voice. She’d trembled from his first gaze, burned at his first touch, and she was certain that Bryce had picked up the scent of her pheromones as she’d picked up his. But alas, it was just lust. What else could it be since he’d turned into a raging bull just minutes after the sparks had flared?
What Bryce had with Pilar was love. Simple and real. Kaya wondered about that feeling of instantaneous knowledge of a soul’s recognition of its counterpart in another. She definitely never had that with Jack or any of the other men she’d dated. Would she ever know it? Should she wait for it?
Kaya’s breath caught in her throat as Bryce walked across the landing toward her. Her heart drummed harder at each step he took. Even from a distance, she could feel the threat of excitement pulling tighter between them. There was no denying that they shared an intense physical awareness of each other. But neither was brave enough to explore it. It was not the right time, she thought when Bryce stood beside her, tall and straight like a towering spruce.
As she gazed up at him and detected the explicit sadness lurking in the perimeter of his dusky eyes, Kaya realized that they might never have a chance to explore the attraction between them.
She wondered how much of the sleigh ride he’d actually enjoyed. She knew that like her, he dreaded the next few moments when they would tell Alyssa about her parents. He’d already lived through the horror of losing someone he loved, and here he was doing it again. This time his pain was doubled, his grief threefold, because he had to absorb the loss of three children he loved.
He turned his head as Anastasia’s happy gurgle broke the spell. “How are you and Jason?” he asked in a lowered voice.
“We’re good.” Kaya smiled, thankful for the small blessing.
“Have you spoken to him about what he overheard?”
She crossed her arms over her stomach. “Not yet.”
“You know you have to. I tried to explain your reasons to him, but he needs to hear them from you.”
Kaya nodded. “I know. I will. I will talk to him.”
“Can I go play with Jason and Stasia?” Alyssa asked, pointing at her siblings.
“In a little bit,” Bryce said.
On unstable legs, Kaya preceded him into the center of the room and dropped down in the middle of one of the three sofas.
Bryce eased down beside her, unwrapped Alyssa’s hands from around his neck, and sat her between them. He took one of her small hands in his giant one and dropped a kiss on her head. “Alyssa, you remember I said that your Aunt Kaya and I need to talk to you about something important?” he asked in a voice that was gentle yet tight with emotion.
Alyssa wrapped her arm about Snoopy and rested her chin on his head. “Was I bad?”
“No. Never.” Kaya took her other hand and squeezed the tiny fingers. She was still such a baby. Kaya wanted to spare her the truth, but she knew she had to face the pain before she could heal and move on.
“Then why can’t I go play with Jason and Stasia?” She pointed at her siblings.
Kaya noticed that Jason had stopped playing with Anastasia. He was sitting up, his back against a club chair and Anastasia on his lap, but his full attention was centered on his other sister. He seemed to be vacillating between staying where he was and coming over to join them.
“Because we have to talk about your mommy and daddy,” Bryce answered.
Alyssa’s eyes brightened as she gazed up at Bryce. “Are they coming back from heaven? Are we going to pick them up at the aeroport? Are they gonna come out of your big plane, Uncle Bryce?”
Kaya stifled a sob. “No sweetie, your mommy and daddy can’t ever leave heaven. They can never come home, Alyssa.”
“But you said they’re just on vacation. Why can’t they come home?”