Nothing to Hide

by Isabel Sharpe

  “What area? Park Slope?”

  “Not far from there.” Yeah, right. Only a world away. Park Slope had become trendy and expensive, salon blondes pushing designer strollers past sushi shops in neatly kept brownstones, lattes in hand. Nothing like her neighborhood in Kensington, where kids hung out on the stoops and yelled, jostled for control, for power, and harassed passersby. You had to have a pretty tough mouth and attitude.

  Allie had learned to speak without an accent from TV, watching news and movies and squeaky-clean sitcoms. She might come from that neighborhood, but she wasn’t going to look or act or sound as if she did.

  “Where did you grow up?”

  “Long Island. Town called Old Westbury.”

  Allie forced a laugh, freezing inside. She shouldn’t be surprised, though Erik had never mentioned the town. Old Westbury was one of the wealthiest towns in the country. Vanderbilts and Du Ponts and Winthrops lived there...and Meyers apparently. Her father had taken her driving there once, pointing out the various immense estates, telling her not to settle for her mother’s life, that he hadn’t and that she shouldn’t either.

  “That bother you that I grew up there?”

  “No, no, no.” She was protesting too much. “Not at all. Must have been wonderful.”

  “My dad taught at the State University branch there, but yeah, Mom’s family owned a house there, big enough for three families.”

  Three? Most houses she saw that day could have held twice that many. “Where did her family money come from?”

  “Some early shipping magnate, we’re talking colonial days. Then Josephine’s husband, Walter, managed to save the family fortune from being lost to the Depression. Old Westbury is beautiful, but once I was old enough to realize life wasn’t like that for everyone, it got uncomfortable pretty quickly.”

  “I can imagine.” She couldn’t. Not remotely. Once he realized life wasn’t like that for everyone? How old had he been, twenty-five? Her upbringing would seem sordid and pitiable to him.

  Allie took a deep breath in the dark. Or maybe it wouldn’t. Projecting her own crap onto him wasn’t fair. And yet, she was more convinced than ever that he’d never be able to comprehend her life any more than she could comprehend his. So why bother telling him?

  “You said you have five brothers. Are you close to them?”

  Allie twisted her lips, wondering how it would sound to say no. He and Erik had their differences, but they were obviously family in a way Allie and her brothers weren’t, and probably never had been. “We don’t hang out all the time. We have pretty different lives.”

  “Allie?”

  “Mmm?”

  “Why is this conversation making you so uncomfortable?”

  His perceptiveness took her aback. With her last boyfriend, Raymond, she could have dumped gasoline on herself and been in the process of lighting a match, and he’d come into the room and ask if she’d seen his iPhone. “What makes you think I’m uncomfortable?”

  “Your body is a brick wall.”

  “Oh.” She sighed, moving restlessly, trying to relax. “Well, I don’t know, really. My childhood wasn’t that interesting. I’d rather hear about your career plans.”

  The waves gurgled in and sighed out; crickets sang hymns to the night; trees whispered their secrets to the breeze.

  “Hmmm. Okay. My career plans. Those really aren’t interesting. And they’re only dreams at this point. But...let me think how best to describe it.” His turn to fidget on the sand. “Workplace philosophies in this country are evolving and our company isn’t. That’s the sound-bite version.”

  “And you’d like to be able to help clients cope with the future instead of the present or past.”

  “Exactly. Let’s say you’re my client. My current company would examine this situation and say, hey, blanket, beach, darkness, very romantic, a good fit. However, as CEO of my new company, I’d say, okay, this is nice, but it could be better. Allie, why don’t you try lying closer to Jonas so he can put his arm around you and really hold you?”

  “Interesting recommendation.” Ridiculously pleased, Allie moved closer and found herself enveloped comfortably in his arms, her head resting on his warm shoulder. “Wow. This is much better. You’ll be a huge success.”

  “See? Now tell me, what would be your dream job?”

  “Designing costumes for stage or screen. I majored in graphic design, because I figured well-paying jobs would be easier to find in that field. I did take some courses in apparel design, but in New York I’m competing against a bazillion people with full degrees.”

  “Ah, Allie.” He sighed heavily. She could hear his heart thumping in his chest. “Maybe when we go home, we should both take a leap of faith. I keep telling myself to, but it’s still not happening.”

  “Maybe we should.” Except he had a safety net that could support a 747 falling out of the sky. She’d be an immediate splat on the pavement. “But right now I’m going to enjoy my time here with you and Josephine.”

  “You know, I was wondering...” He kissed the top of her head. “Are there any more good stories in that diary? Because I was thinking if you felt it very important to dress up and seduce me again, I would be glad to help.”

  “Oh, Jonas.” She suppressed a giggle, sliding her hand to the center of his chest. “You are so sweet. Thank you. I might take you up on that.”

  “Yeah? When? Now? Middle of the night? First thing in the morning?”

  This time she couldn’t stifle her laughter. “Maybe tomorrow...”

  “What time?”

  She ran her hands down his chest, over his fly, then back up again. The awkwardness between them was forgotten now that talk had turned sexual again. She’d keep telling herself that was plenty until she believed it.

  “You just leave everything up to Josephine and me.”

  8

  “NOW THIS―” Erik poured remarkably steadily from yet another bottle he’d excavated from the depths of his parents’ liquor cabinet “―is a very fine tequila, the highest grade, extra añejo, which means—”

  “Don’t tell me, let me guess.” Sandra held up her hand. She was enjoying Erik’s company tonight much more than she’d expected to. Of course trying about ten different kinds of the highest-quality aperitifs, wines and liqueurs could make just about any situation pleasant. But aside from trying too hard to impress her, he was clearly intelligent and knowledgeable. She felt strangely at home with him in a way she never quite had with his brother. With Jonas she’d always been aware of the class difference that didn’t really exist between them. “Extra aged.”

  Erik banged his hand on the kitchen counter between them. “Ten points for the woman in the sexy shorts and outrageously low-cut top!”

  “Ding, ding, ding! Get her a prize!” She hoisted her glass to him, then let a small sip of the exquisite amber liquid past her lips. “Ooh. Nirvana in a glass.”

  “Don Julio Real. You’re drinking about twelve bucks’ worth right there.”

  “This?” She had about an ounce in her glass. “This itty bitty little drop?”

  “It’s not cheap.” A beat later he realized she was playing him. “Hey, cut that out.”

  “What?” She blinked innocently, then dropped the act. “Nothing is cheap in this house and you know it.”

  “You hate that, don’t you?” He swirled his glass, held it to the light, took a slow, careful sip and closed his eyes ecstatically. “Ah, que magnífico!”

  “No, I don’t hate that. I just don’t always see the point.” She took a larger swallow, strangely tempted to tell him the truth, that she’d grown up in a mega-mansion in Greens Farms, Connecticut, sullen and rebellious, loathing her parents’ worship of the almighty dollar. And look at her now, kneeling at the same altar. “Except this stuff. If I had your money I’d buy this, too.”

  “Take a bottle with you when you go.” He gestured to the glass-fronted cherry cabinet.

  “Really?” She tipped her head. “
So what, you’re my sugar daddy now?”

  “Sandra.” He concentrated hard on her face. “You drive me crazy. I hope you know that.”

  “Sexually?”

  “Sure. Sure.” He nodded enthusiastically. “But also because I can’t tell when you’re kidding. It keeps me off balance.”

  “Ah.” His admission surprised her. “You need to feel safe with a woman.”

  “I usually do.” He winked at her. “But I don’t need to right now. You’re exciting.”

  “Well.” Sandra lifted her chin, feeling a bit breathless. “Good to hear.”

  “Why, you want to excite me?”

  “Absolutely. And for the record, I was kidding about you being my sugar daddy. If you want to spend money on me, all you have to do is...” She took a slow sip of tequila. “Marry me.”

  Erik laughed at that, as she hoped he would. A warm laugh. A nice one. She joined him because it felt so good to laugh with someone. And because she was starting to like him more and more, as she unearthed bits of him that were worth more than the rich guy who lived to get laid.

  “Money is great, but the cliché is true, it don’t buy happiness. Not the kind that lasts, anyway. I can get a high from a cool new toy, a new computer, a new phone, being the first to own brand-new technology. Or from a new woman, or a trip to somewhere I’ve never been. But when I get tired of the toy, the woman moves on or I return home, I’m back where I started.” His features darkened. “That’s what Allie was about. A shot at a life with real value—something lasting and important. I’m tired of being a rich playboy.”

  Sandra lifted a cynical eyebrow. “Then give it up.”

  “Not that tired.”

  “Right.” She understood more than he knew. Easy to complain about money when you had plenty. “The gift you love to hate.”

  “I know. It’s hard to understand when you’re...” He stopped abruptly.

  “Lower class?” She put her hand on his to stop his protest. “I do understand, Erik. But Allie isn’t going to make your life perfect.”

  “I thought she’d be really good for me. I still do.”

  “How?”

  “She’s smart and interesting. She has depth. Plus she’s classy and beautiful and isn’t after my money.”

  “So wait.” Sandra pretended confusion. “You don’t want a woman with enough brains to value money?”

  He guffawed at that, bringing to his face a boyish energy that was really appealing. She was developing a serious tipsy crush. “I like you, Sandra. You’re smart. And practical.”

  “Ooh.” She feigned dismay to hide her pleasure. “I’ve been called many things, but smart and practical? Not so much.”

  “You’re sexy, too. I am insanely hot for you.”

  “And Allie?” Sandra pinned him with her best schoolteacher look. “Are you insanely hot for her?”

  He glanced down at his glass. “She’s a beautiful woman. I definitely want her.”

  “That’s not what I asked, Erik.”

  “Okay.” He met her eyes defiantly. “Yes, I am hot for her.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  He leaned forward until their faces were about six inches apart. His eyes were a really intense blue with long dark lashes, longer than his brother’s. “Crazy hot for her.”

  “You know what’s happening out there right now, with her and Jonas?”

  Erik’s face twisted. He drew back. “Yeah.”

  Sandra jabbed at him triumphantly with her index finger. “That’s the only reason you think you’re crazy hot for her right now.”

  “Not true.”

  She let that slide. They both knew it was. “Before this, have you ever wanted a woman who didn’t want you?”

  “No.”

  “But you wanted to marry this one.” She paused to let him mull that over. “Did it ever occur to you that going after a woman who constantly rejects you keeps you safe from having to commit to this life you say you want?”

  His eyes narrowed. He poured himself more tequila and topped off her glass. “Anyone ever tell you you’re a major pain in the ass?”

  “Only when I’m right.”

  “What about you? Still no tears over Jonas going at it with Allie?”

  He was on the offensive now. Good to see. She’d get bored of a weak man. “None.”

  “Yeah? You weren’t in love with him?”

  “Nope.” She took a bigger swallow than she needed. “Like him a lot, though.”

  “How about the men before him? Ever been in love?”

  She narrowed her eyes. “What are you getting at?”

  “Why aren’t you married?”

  “Don’t want to be.”

  “How do you know you’re not scared of it? Going after shallow relationships to keep from really falling?”

  Sick anger burned through her, anger she was old enough to recognize as coming from his having hit a nerve dead-on. Little shit. He’d pay for that. She drained her tequila, got up, went around the counter to the sink, filled the glass with water and drank it empty, taking her time until she was calm again. “Let go of Allie, Erik. Your brother has her.”

  “It’s preordained. Jonas gets everything. He always has.”

  His bitterness shocked her. She sat back down on the stool next to his. “What’s that about?”

  “Look at him.” He flung an arm in the general direction of the cottage. “He’s better-looking—”

  “Debatable.”

  “More athletic.”

  “Possibly.”

  “Smarter.”

  “Could be.”

  “More successful.”

  “Definitely.”

  Erik scowled. “Feel free to disagree vehemently.”

  “Nuh-uh.” Sandra waggled her finger at him. “That’s not what you need from me.”

  He gave her a slow once-over that should have offended her, but didn’t. “How do you know what I need from you, Sandra?”

  “You’d be surprised.” She started counting on her fingers, trying to forestall a blush. “According to you, your brother is better-looking, more of a jock, smarter and has a better job. Anything else?”

  “Better relationships.”

  “Hmmm... What’s next? No, wait, let me guess...he’s your mom and dad’s favorite.”

  Erik’s eyes turned hurt. “How did you know that?”

  “I didn’t.” She spoke gently, not wanting to make fun of him now. That pain she understood. “But it seemed a logical next on the list of grievances.”

  “You have any siblings?” He clutched his glass in both hands on the counter, his body close to her.

  “Nope.” She put a hand on his shoulder, surprised at the hard muscle underneath her fingers. “Honey, your list is not based on fact. It’s all in your head. I wrote the book on crappy self-esteem. Took me a long time to get past it, and I still struggle. But it’s worth doing. You have to love yourself in a healthy way before you can expect other people to.”

  “Pffft. New-age crap.” He made the pronouncement mildly, more stubborn than sullen. She had the feeling he was listening.

  “I bet you’re thinking if Jonas gets Allie, it’s another nail in your coffin of self-worth, huh?”

  “Oh, jeez, put it in a psych textbook.” He looked so much like a scowling kid getting a deserved scolding that she wanted to laugh. But she understood that kind of pain, too, so she wouldn’t.

  “It’s not about Allie, Erik.”

  “No? What is it about?”

  “You.” Sandra put her hand on his thigh, a practiced sultry smile on her face. Bingo. Right where she wanted him. “Having a fun time up here after all.”

  Erik turned toward her, his eyes lit with sexual fire. He’d heard her. “Is this more flirting or serious?”

  “Serious.” She leaned toward him, breasts crowding each other in her tight turquoise top. “Take a good, long look and think about it.”

  “Look and think?” He gave his head a brief shake. “Can’
t do both.”

  She nearly spoiled her sultry pitch with a giggle. “There are rules, however.”

  “Rules.”

  “Yes. We’re going to play a little game. One you’ve never played before.”

  “Okay.” He hadn’t taken his eyes off her breasts. Her nipples reacted to his gaze by coming wide-awake, which made him stare harder. She was amused...and turned on. The alcohol, probably.

  “You’re going to do something with me I’m betting you never did with any other woman.”

  “Oh.” He took in a deep breath, blew it out, then met her eyes in that aggressive I-want-you way that made her have to steel herself not to back down. “I’ll do it, whatever it is.”

  There went his deep feelings for Allie. First offer he got elsewhere, he jumped at. Gee, didn’t every woman want to be loved like that?

  “I’m only worried about one thing, Erik,” she whispered.

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.” She trailed her index finger across his mouth. A sexy mouth, slightly fuller than his brother’s. “I’m afraid if you have me, I’ll ruin every other woman for you.”

  He smiled his quick smile and chuckled. “I’ll take that risk.”

  “Okay. Here it is.” She leaned in to his ear. “We’re not going to have sex until you open yourself to me. Emotionally.”

  He reared back to read her expression. “What?”

  “Well?” She gestured triumphantly. “Have you ever done that with a woman?”

  “I was trying to with Allie. It didn’t work out.”

  “This will work out. But only if you tell me things about yourself. Big things, revealing things, secrets you’ve never told any of the women you’ve been with. Like feeling crappy next to Jonas. Each time you admit something deeply personal, you get a reward.” Sandra brought his head down between her breasts. “This.”

  “Mmm.” He nuzzled her, his touch and breath warm on her skin.

  She slipped off the stool, took his hand and guided it around to her bottom. “And this.”

  His breath hissed in between his teeth. “Oh, yeah.”