Phoenix Feather

by Angela Wallace

  Aidan shifted uncomfortably. “Didn’t sleep well.”

  Chris frowned and dropped his gaze to the floor as though lost in thought. Aidan got up and swept her arm under his elbow to lead him into the kitchen. Trent was offering Phoebe a choice between two flavors. She stirred a cup of coffee and stared at the boxes, but her eyes glazed over, as if she didn’t really see them. Chris put in Phoebe’s favorite and what he wanted.

  The silence in the kitchen grew awkward and oppressive. Aidan volunteered to help Trent make breakfast. She wanted something to do so she didn’t have to focus on everyone’s faces.

  “Trent,” Chris spoke up. “You have a list of what you need from town. Do you think you and Aidan can go by yourselves? I’d like some time alone with Phoebe.”

  Aidan’s hands stilled and she looked at Chris.

  Phoebe’s head shot up. “Are you feeling sick?”

  “No.” He took a steadying breath. “I think we should talk. Can you tell Trent what else you might need?”

  Phoebe nodded, and shot Aidan a panicked look. Aidan gave a small shrug to indicate she didn’t know what it was about, and that she certainly hadn’t told him about the night before. Aidan glanced at Trent, whose brow was furrowed. Maybe he knew what it was about.

  “No problem,” Trent said. He handed Aidan a bowl and gave her a meaningful look. “I was thinking about leaving right after breakfast.”

  Aidan nodded. “Sure.” She glanced one more time at Chris and Phoebe. Phoebe looked frightened, but Chris seemed calm, resolved. She’d have to ask Trent in the car.

  They ate with sparse conversation, and Aidan dressed quickly so they could leave. She met Trent at the door. Chris said goodbye and told them not to have too much fun. Aidan climbed into the car and started the engine while Trent scraped ice off the windshield. Then he hurried to jump in the driver’s seat, rubbing his gloved hands together as they waited for the car to heat up.

  “Do you know what’s going on?” Aidan asked.

  Trent’s brow wrinkled as he considered his words. “The facades are coming off. We’ve all been guilty of it—pretending nothing’s wrong because we don’t want to hurt anyone else.” He shook his head. “It was bound to come out eventually.”

  “Yeah.” Aidan looked down at her lap. “Phoebe’s been having nightmares. I’ve…”

  “What?” he prodded gently.

  She felt her eyes grow warm and blinked the moisture away. “I’ve been having despairing thoughts about being left alone when everyone’s gone. I mean, everyone dies eventually.”

  He removed a glove and reached over to clasp her hand. “You’re not alone right now.”

  “I know.” She tried to smile at him. “But it’s confusing. I’m so happy when I’m with you, and so hurting when I’m with them, and I feel like I’m going to burst, that it’s impossible to hold both those feelings inside at the same time.”

  He squeezed, his fingers stiff and cold in hers. “I feel the same way.”

  Really? Was it mortal then, to feel this way? If they could survive it, so could she. If he felt it also, then maybe she was even less alone than her fears would try to convince her.

  “There’s so much to be happy about and to enjoy. And I feel guilty, because you’re making me the happiest man on earth, while at the same time he…doesn’t have that, and it doesn’t look like he ever will. It feels selfish.”

  “Yes,” Aidan nodded. “Selfish is the right word.”

  “But,” Trent said firmly, and pulled her hand close to his chest. “What would Chris tell you?”

  She groaned, knowing he was right. “To keep living, to be happy. Isn’t that what we were doing though?”

  He shrugged. “Yeah, but I don’t know if that means pretending all the bad stuff doesn’t exist at all, that it doesn’t affect us.”

  Aidan tilted her head at him. “How did you get to be so wise?”

  Trent chuckled. “I don’t know about that.” He let go of her hand and shifted the car into gear. “I just know what we were doing didn’t seem to be working out as well as we all thought.” He pressed the gas and the car’s tires crunched over snow.

  Aidan watched the snow-covered trees go by as they drove down the mountain. “I like it up here,” she said. When it was her time, this is where she wanted to come. She wanted to die among the remnants of pleasant memories.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Aidan stretched and looked at the clock. She had slept in this morning of all mornings. She got up and dressed quickly before going downstairs. The sweet smell of bananas and batter greeted her. Phoebe, for once, was up before Aidan, and sat under the tree sifting through gifts.

  “You’re not shaking them, are you?” Aidan asked.

  Phoebe lifted her chin in a haughty manner. “Just prioritizing.”

  Aidan gave her a playful look and then went into the kitchen. Trent stood next to the waffle maker as batter sizzled between the hot plates and oozed out the sides.

  “Ooh, wow. You could have waited for me; I would have helped,” she complained lightly.

  Trent kissed her on the cheek. “You were sleeping. Merry Christmas.”

  Aidan put her hands on her hips in a mock pout. She surveyed the bowls and countertops with distaste.

  “What?” Trent asked. “You don’t like bananas in your waffles?”

  “No, I was just remembering what you said about cleaning up after cooking at the firehouse.”

  He laughed. “This is nothing.”

  They heard Chris Ho-Hoing as he came down the stairs, bellowing “Merry Christmas” and “I smell food.” They gathered around the table with their plates piled with waffles and passed the butter and syrup around while speculating on what presents lay in wait for them under the tree. There was a strong sense of relief compared to earlier that week. Sadness and worry still lingered, but it had been brought out in the open and now sat at the table with them, somehow making it less of a monster.

  “I’ll clean up later,” Phoebe said when they had finished. “Presents now!”

  They moved to the great room. Aidan sat on the couch with Trent, Chris sat on the other sofa, and Phoebe knelt on the floor in order to pass gifts around. She reached in for a rectangular wrapped gift and handed it to Trent.

  Aidan pressed her lips together—it was her gift—as he ripped through the wrapping paper and pulled out a large, spiral-bound book.

  Trent looked at the title and laughed. “‘Recipes When Cooking For Large Groups,’” he read. He flipped through the pages. “This is too tempting to pass up, despite the cleanup it’s going to leave me.”

  Aidan smiled. “That was the idea.”

  Trent grinned in amusement as he surveyed the recipes. “Oh, yes, new experiments.”

  Chris eyed him warily. “Experiments? I’m glad I’m not the test subject.”

  “I thought you were the official taste tester?” Phoebe said wryly.

  “Give him ours,” he retorted.

  Phoebe handed Trent a small box, which he unwrapped to reveal a wristwatch. A stainless steel band held a square, white clock face against a black background. The hour and minute hands stood out in bright blue.

  “Wow. This is nice.”

  “And waterproof,” Chris said. “So you won’t have to worry about it when you’re working.”

  “Thanks, guys.” Trent slipped it on and held his wrist up for them to see.

  Chris opened Aidan’s present next. He raved over the collection of Science Fiction books she had gotten him: Red Mars, Dune, and Ender’s Game. The large round package wasn’t hard to guess as some kind of ball. It turned out to be a soccer ball for Phoebe. There were pictures of them all put into beautiful black and silver frames, fuzzy socks, and coffee shop gift cards.

  “Phoebe,” Trent said. “The envelope next to the Rudolph ornament.”

  Phoebe searched for it and handed it to him. He passed it to Aidan. Curiosity made her giddy. She opened the flap and pulled out what looked like a rec
eipt card, except there was no price. Aidan studied it a moment and then looked at Trent.

  “What is it?” Phoebe asked.

  She grinned. “Salsa dancing lessons.” She leaned over and wrapped her arms around his neck. “This is fantastic.” She kissed him in front of Phoebe and Chris, and was grateful they didn’t make any obnoxious noises about it.

  They finished unwrapping the other small gifts, stocking stuffers and trinkets such as candy and sticky note pads, stuff Aidan and Trent had picked up in town the other day. The phone rang and Trent went to get it.

  “Great,” Aidan heard him say. “Chris, the package is here.”

  “What package?” Phoebe asked.

  Aidan got up and went to the front door. Bryan was pulling into the driveway. Aidan and Phoebe exchanged confused looks.

  “Have you two planned something?” Aidan asked.

  Trent grinned. “Well, Chris planned it; Bryan and I helped.” The girls watched as Bryan unloaded a cardboard box from the front seat and carried it up the steps.

  “The box is squeaking,” Aidan said as he brought it inside.

  Chris put his arms on Phoebe’s shoulders. “This is your real Christmas present.”

  Phoebe hedged toward it and lifted one of the flaps. She squealed with delight and pulled a fidgeting white puppy with floppy brown ears out of the box. It whimpered and tried to lick her face.

  “He’s so cute!” she exclaimed.

  “She,” Chris corrected. “A King Charles Spaniel. You like her?”

  “Oh,” Phoebe moaned. Yep, she was sold.

  Chris shook Bryan’s hand. “Thanks, man.”

  “My pleasure,” Bryan replied. “Hi, Aidan.”

  “Hi.”

  Trent slapped Bryan on the back. “I got some waffle batter left. Want some?”

  Bryan seemed to perk up at that. “Banana waffles? Sure.”

  Aidan followed Phoebe and Chris into the great room where they set the puppy on the floor in the middle of them and let it run around. Bryan sat at the table and watched while Trent fixed some more waffles.

  “Was she any trouble?” Trent asked.

  “Nah.” He yawned. “Doesn’t sleep much, like a real baby, I guess.” He shrugged at Trent’s look. “I wasn’t sleeping much anyway.”

  “Still a lot of work?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Does she have a name?” Phoebe asked.

  “I’ve got the paperwork for you somewhere.” Bryan patted around his jacket pockets and pulled out an envelope. He squinted at the name written on the front. “Ah, Gypsy.”

  “Oh, how cute.” Phoebe ruffled the puppy’s ears. “I like that.”

  “Oh,” Aidan said, and got up. “Trent, where’s Bryan’s gift?”

  “On the mantle.”

  Aidan retrieved it and brought it back into the kitchen and handed it to Bryan. “From Trent.”

  Trent rolled his eyes at her, but she ignored him. She had already signed the gift card, but she didn’t have to say it out loud. Trent came over and stood with a plate of fresh waffles in his hand, waiting while Bryan opened the envelope. Aidan watched the corners of his mouth curve upward, though strained, as if they weren’t used to the direction.

  “Thanks,” he said, his voice betraying more emotion than his face was willing to.

  Trent put the plate in front of him. “You’re welcome. Are the dog supplies in the trunk?”

  Bryan nodded and Trent took the keys from him. Aidan put on her boots to help bring in the dog food, bed, and toys.

  “Oh,” Phoebe gasped. “You guys are amazing.”

  “Um,” Bryan coughed. “There are some more gifts in the paper bag.”

  Trent rummaged around until he found two small boxes wrapped in plain brown paper. Aidan smiled at the simple wrapping. She found it sweet, and fitting to Bryan’s personality. One had her name on it, and she felt slightly apprehensive as she carefully undid the tape on both ends. She pulled out a plain cardboard box and opened the lid. She was stunned. Inside on a piece of white tissue lay an eighteenth century sundial compass, an authentic one at that. Aidan ran her fingers over the hand-polished bronze. She used to have one like it, back when it was the standard way to tell time. She watched the needle swing as she swayed from side to side.

  “It’s beautiful,” she breathed. “Thank you.”

  He shrugged one shoulder in discomfort and grabbed his mug to occupy himself. Aidan smiled. The man was growing on her. She could see how proud Trent was, which only made her happier.

  Phoebe squealed again in delight at something Gypsy did, or possibly even just for looking at her with those big brown eyes. Aidan laughed at the sound. It was nice, and reminded her of what life had been like two months ago, before the diagnosis.

  Trent came up behind her and slipped his arms around her waist. He leaned his head next to hers and swayed with her in his embrace. “Do you want one?”

  She laughed. “Maybe later. I think I’ll enjoy being a doting aunt first.”

  Bryan stood up from the table. “Thanks for the waffles. And for the gift.”

  Trent released Aidan and rolled his eyes. “You’re not trying to leave already, are you?”

  Bryan’s mouth set in a grim line. “I want to close this case.”

  “Is Jess still at Kathy’s?” When Bryan didn’t answer, Trent continued, “You can at least stay until she calls to say she’s going back to work.”

  Bryan’s jaw worked as though to argue, but he didn’t, so everyone migrated to the great room where they could talk and watch the puppy play. It was a memorable Christmas for many reasons, both sad and happy. In so many ways it felt like a shift from the life they had all been leading to a new path. The trip had meant to be a break from everything, one that would end and they would return. Aidan hadn’t known that it would serve as a launching ground, and that they wouldn’t be going back to the way things were. While it saddened her in the way loss does, she was excited for what it might also bring.

  ***

  Any other Christmas or birthday before now, Bryan might have scoffed at such a gift. Today though, it was like the beacon of a lighthouse pointing him in the direction he needed to go. He had been making progress, as Jess and Trent kept affirming to him, but a small part of him still had to force things. Rock climbing, however, at least back when he used to do it, came naturally. The gift card to the store with the indoor rock wall was just what he had been looking for: that next step to reclaiming the life he had abandoned.

  He was glad he came up for Christmas. He was even glad he picked up that puppy from the pet store and did that favor for Trent and Chris. The gratitude everyone seemed to be feeling for each other felt almost electrifying, making every topic of conversation worth laughing about and participating in.

  Bryan watched the way Trent held Aidan in his arms, and the way she leaned into him. They both had serene looks on their faces. He could see them together for many years, and he was surprised by the sudden image of his own parents leaping into view where Trent and Aidan sat. He wanted to relax and just be happy for them, but there was still that nagging, that irrepressible fear of something he had yet to put an end to, and it threatened to terrify him more than any other evil he had ever faced.

  “Are you guys going to stay through the New Year?” he tried to ask nonchalantly.

  “I have to be back at work Sunday,” Trent replied.

  Bryan nodded in understanding, but inside he felt the urge to try and convince them to stay. If they went back to the city before Bryan could arrest the serial murderer, then Aidan would be in danger again. He tried to calm himself by thinking about how she had been safe this week, and had had a wonderful time in addition to that. Bryan just wished he knew what he could do to keep it that way.

  His phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out and glanced at the caller ID. “Merry Christmas, Jess.”

  “Merry Christmas!” the others around him shouted.

  “I’m glad to hear you’re
still up there,” she said.

  “Yeah,” he said with a small smile. “But I’ll be heading back soon.”

  “No need. I had an idea, but we can’t act on it until tomorrow.”

  “About the case?” he asked, and moved to the kitchen where he wouldn’t be overheard.

  “I was thinking about how we were making this list of possible targets,” she began. “And it occurred to me: how did our killer get his list?”

  Bryan paused at the thought. “He’d have to have access like we do.”

  “Right. So I figure we take that sketch of Scott we got from the chop shop guy to the State Adoption Department. It’d be possible for him to break in and just steal the records, but if he was going to get the records from other states, I think he probably works for Social Services.”

  Bryan snorted. “Not a bad way to make a few contacts for his side businesses.” And then Jess’s previous comment clicked. “But the offices are closed on holidays.”

  “It’s just one day, Bryan. Enjoy time with your friends. We’ll get him soon.”

  “Yeah.” He knew she was right, but that didn’t make him feel like following her advice. They were closing in, only to be put off by a day any normal person looked forward to every year. It was a little infuriating. “No new disappearances or bodies?” he asked.

  “None.”

  What is he doing? “Okay. See you tomorrow.” He hung up and went back into the great room.

  “Work calls?” Trent asked.

  “Not really.” Bryan sat down again. “If you can bear it, I can stick around a while longer.”

  Trent grinned. “I’ll do my best.”

  Phoebe and Chris took Gypsy outside for a walk, Trent went to clean up the remnants of breakfast in the kitchen, and Aidan started gathering up the pieces of wrapping paper and stuffing them in a garbage bag. Bryan helped by picking up the scraps near his chair.

  “Thanks for the gift card.” He had noticed her name inside the envelope.

  “Have you ever gone climbing in the mountains?” she asked.

  “A few times in college.” He hadn’t realized what he’d lost when he let those friendships go.