The Falls

by Cathryn Hein

  He drove out of the carpark one-handed, the other scraping his head in consternation. Since when did he defend his father? He didn’t even like the prick, but there’d been something about the conversation they’d had by his ute that he hadn’t been able to shake. A nagging feeling that Dom had meant every word.

  Driving usually settled Lucas, but the confrontation had darkened his mood. Not quite the way he wanted to arrive home to Teagan. He’d wanted to be cheerful. Lift her spirits with his good humour. Maybe spend a bit more time talking, see what happened. Let the discussion turn intimate. Perhaps even slide into lazy afternoon sex, followed by a snooze and then more sex. He hadn’t done that for ages.

  But as the gates of Falls Farm neared worry lodged in his gut and wouldn’t move. People didn’t arrive on your doorstep at dawn unless there was something seriously troubling going on. A check with Vanessa to see what was up wouldn’t hurt. Nor would mention of his offer of a room for Teagan either. He didn’t want Vanessa taking it the wrong way. Besides, he was curious about Teagan’s mum.

  A thin elderly woman was stooped over Betty and Wilma’s hutch when he entered the yard. As he pulled to a stop, she straightened, a white guinea pig in her arms, and he saw she wasn’t as ancient as her bearing suggested. Teagan’s mum, had to be. Lifeless, whitish hair retaining only a hint of copper, and sagging features, as if the personality behind them was crushed. Even so the familial resemblance was clear. In her day she must have been an attractive woman. She possessed Teagan’s sharp, birdlike essence and eyes.

  She stroked Wilma as she observed his approach.

  ‘You must be Teagan’s mum. I’m Lucas, a friend of Vanessa’s.’

  ‘Oh,’ she said, ‘hello. I’m Penny.’ She waved vaguely behind her. ‘Vanessa’s inside, making lunch.’

  He nodded at Wilma. The guinea pig was snuggled down making happy little high-pitched purrs in time with Penny’s caresses. ‘You’ve made a friend.’

  ‘Yes.’ She cuddled the pig closer. ‘Sweet little thing, isn’t she?’

  Something pressed against his leg. Lucas looked down to see Blanche curling around his ankles. He pushed her away with his toe. ‘Bugger off, Blanche.’ At the look on Penny’s face he smiled apologetically. ‘Blanche has a hankering for guinea pig.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Penny again, her widening eyes making her look suddenly even more like Teagan.

  Distracted, Lucas almost missed Blanche’s sneaky move. He glanced down in time to catch the cat in the process of slithering through the open hutch door. Hunkered in the corner, Betty began shrieking hysterically.

  ‘Oh, no you don’t.’ With a scoop he hoisted Blanche aside and slammed down the hatch. She landed on soft feet and bared her teeth.

  Penny looked as though she was about to burst into tears. ‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t realise.’

  ‘It’s okay. You weren’t to know. Blanche might act friendly but she’s as cunning as they come.’

  ‘Lucas!’ Vanessa waved from the verandah. ‘I’ve just made lunch. Did you want to stay?’

  ‘Sorry. Need to get home.’ He glanced at Penny and strode to the base of the steps. ‘Do you have a minute?’

  Vanessa understood his tone immediately. ‘Of course.’ She descended the stairs looking ridiculously girlish and sexy in a pair of faded skinny jeans, a pale-purple fitted T-shirt that followed every curve of her breasts, and matching suede flats. He couldn’t blame Dom for wanting her. Any man with half a dose of testosterone would. She gently extracted Wilma from her sister’s arms. ‘Why don’t you get ready for lunch? I won’t be a minute.’

  With childlike obedience, Penny wandered off.

  Vanessa sighed. ‘We were never close, you know, but it’s awful to see her like this.’

  ‘She looks pretty unhappy.’

  ‘Yes. Even worse than when I collected her from the airport.’ Her mouth thinned. ‘Last night didn’t help. Teagan and her had words and now she thinks she’s not welcome here. That she’s made everything worse. I’ve tried to tell her that’s not true but she needs to hear it from Teagan.’ Her gaze turned shrewd. ‘I don’t suppose you know where she is, because I know for a fact she’s not at Belgravia.’

  ‘At home. Turned up around six this morning. I don’t think she got much sleep last night.’

  ‘None of us did. It’s all Graham’s fault.’ Vanessa let out a growl. ‘I could throttle that man, I really could.’

  ‘Listen, I told Teagan she could board with me if she wanted.’

  Vanessa studied him but where he’d expected a cheeky dig he received coolness. ‘Altruistic of you.’

  ‘Just trying to help.’

  ‘I’m sure.’ Finally she smiled, although there wasn’t a lot of humour behind it. Tiredness was sapping even her irrepressible sparkle. ‘I suppose getting her into bed might help relieve some of that pent-up emotion.’

  ‘Not happening. We’re friends.’

  She arched a thin eyebrow. ‘Friends?’

  ‘Yeah. And not the sort with benefits.’ He winked. ‘Yet.’

  That brought on a laugh. ‘You’re playing hard to get? Oh, darling, I knew you were clever but that’s naughty. Poor Teagan.’

  He spread his arms. ‘She can have me. All she has to do is ask.’

  ‘But she won’t.’ Vanessa tapped his chest with a pale-purple fingernail. ‘And you know it.’

  Lucas turned serious. ‘I don’t think she knows what she wants right now. Seems safer to play the friend card. Work it from there.’

  ‘I think you’re right.’ She gazed into the distance. ‘It’s all so horrible. So much pain and bitterness. But she and Penny need to talk it out. It’s the only way.’

  ‘I’ll send her home after lunch.’ He released an exaggerated sigh. ‘There goes my chance for a bit of afternoon delight.’

  She gave him an understanding pat. ‘Poor darling.’

  ‘Easy for you to say. You haven’t been dreaming of her in that bikini these last couple of weeks.’ He kissed her cheek. ‘Hang in there. You’ll all be fine.’

  She squeezed his hand. ‘Thanks, Lucas. You’re a good boy.’

  ‘I am. And what a bloody great bugger it is, too.’

  Teagan rolled onto her back, stretched and rubbed her eyes. She stared at the ceiling for a moment, blinking away the last of her sleepiness. With the curtains closed it was hard to tell what time it was but she doubted she’d slept for long. She wasn’t good at sleeping these days. Hadn’t been for quite some time, if she thought about it.

  She shifted onto her side again, tucked her hands under her cheek and let her lids flutter closed. A floorboard creaked, too loud to be a normal house moan. Her eyes snapped open.

  Lucas stood in the doorway. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.’

  ‘You didn’t. Not really. I’d just woken.’ She sat up and rubbed at her mouth where an itch had formed and felt the crust of dried slobber. She quickly slid off the bed, angling away from him as she scrubbed furiously, hoping he hadn’t noticed. Parting the curtains, she put on a bright, high voice. ‘So what time is it?’

  ‘After two.’

  She let the curtains fall. ‘You’re kidding me.’

  He shook his head.

  ‘Shit,’ she said, scraping her messy hair from her face and turning to tidy the rumpled bed. ‘I’ve been asleep for hours.’

  ‘You needed it. Now you’ll need lunch. Corned beef, cheese and tomato sandwich okay with you?’

  ‘Lucas, you don’t have to. I can go buy us something.’

  ‘Trust me, you don’t want to be heading into the village right now. Not after what I just did to Col.’

  ‘That sounds ominous.’

  He grinned. ‘He was hanging around Tony’s, being a pest, so I said that for someone trying to save the village he was doing a fine job of sending its business owners broke.’

  She grinned back. ‘Oh dear. How did he take it?’

  ‘Stamped his foot.’ Lucas’s laugh echoed off the
hallway walls as he headed for the kitchen. ‘I told him he needed to watch himself. Bloke of his age could pop a vessel.’

  ‘You’re mean.’

  He turned while continuing to walk backwards, his palms held out, expression innocent. ‘Me? Mean?’

  ‘All right. A tease then.’

  He spun back around and entered the kitchen, his voice so low she almost didn’t catch the words. ‘You don’t know the half of it.’

  Teagan wondered what he meant but chose not to ask. A more important urge had hit. ‘Won’t be a minute.’

  By the time she’d finished in the bathroom and made it to the kitchen, Lucas had a board out, a slab of corned beef on a plate, a large block of tasty cheddar, and a couple of very ripe tomatoes set out in readiness along with an assortment of mustards and chutneys.

  He held up a knife. ‘Butter?’

  ‘Thanks. I’ll make us tea?’

  ‘That’d be great.’ He cut off a slice of butter and began to mash it on the board. Behind him the microwave beeped. ‘Frozen bread, I’m afraid. I wasn’t game to go into the bakery after Col.’ He retrieved the plate and set about buttering, swearing when the butter tore at the soft slice. ‘Butter tastes better but it’s a pain in the arse from the fridge.’

  ‘You could leave it out. Ness does.’ She jiggled the teabags to help the tea along. ‘Other than running into Col, how was your morning?’

  ‘Okay.’ He waved his hand at her. A wide plaster was strapped over the heel of his palm. ‘Only one minor injury.’

  ‘Do you get hurt a lot?’

  ‘Sometimes. Been bitten and kicked a few times. Mostly it’s rips and cuts, or being trodden on.’ He shrugged. ‘Nothing serious. The big one is watching your back with all the bending.’

  ‘Good thing yours is so strong then.’

  He winked at her, and a bolt of pure lust slammed her front on. ‘Too right. Do you want hot English mustard, wholegrain, fruit chutney or hot tomato?’

  Terrified of releasing an undignified squeak, she cleared her throat before answering. ‘Hot English.’

  ‘A girl after my own heart.’

  Teagan concentrated on jiggling the teabags. His heart would be lovely but a pipe dream. The rest of him though . . .

  With the sandwiches on two plates, Lucas trekked outside, holding the screen door open with his bum to allow Teagan through with the mugs.

  ‘This area is so great,’ she said as they settled at the outdoor setting. ‘It’ll be perfect when the vines are more mature.’

  ‘That’s the idea.’

  Warm afternoon sun filtered through the pergola. No breeze rustled the trees or paddocks. Only a few industrious insects darted. The landscape had an indolent air as though it, too, had just roused from a snooze.

  ‘Good to see you with an appetite.’

  She swallowed. She hadn’t meant to eat so fast, but her stomach had been twitching since she’d entered the kitchen and Lucas made a mean sandwich. ‘Believe it or not, I like food. Or I used to. For some reason when everything went to pot I went off it.’

  ‘Stress can have that effect.’

  She took another bite and chewed. ‘My friend, Emily is an amazing cook. All the women in her family are. You go to her place for dinner and it’s like being in a restaurant.’

  ‘You miss your friends?’

  ‘Yeah. Yeah, I do.’ She squinted at the cloudless sky. ‘It’s nice here though. The weather’s unreal.’

  ‘Not always. We get these filthy summer storms and it’s bloody freezing in the winter.’ He arranged his sandwich, ready for another bite. ‘But I like it. Can’t imagine living anywhere else now.’

  Teagan finished off the last of her crust and picked up her mug of tea. ‘Where were you from originally?’

  ‘Mum and I moved around a bit when I was little but mostly we lived in St Marys.’ When she looked at him blankly he smiled. ‘Typical western Sydney suburb, east of Penrith up the Great Western Highway. We were happy there. Knew the neighbours. Mum had plenty of work.’

  ‘What did she do?’

  ‘Nail technician.’ At Teagan’s expression he smiled. ‘Yeah, I know. She worked on human nails, I work on horses’. I didn’t even think about that when I started. I just wanted to do something with horses. Becoming a farrier seemed a good idea. Turned out a smart choice, too.’ He swept out an arm. ‘Bought me this place. Took a bit of scrimping and saving, admittedly, but I got there in the end.’

  ‘And your mum, is she still in St Marys?’

  ‘Sort of.’ His gaze slid downwards and he stared at the bite marks in his sandwich. ‘She’s in the cemetery there. She died a couple of years ago. Lung cancer. Never smoked a cigarette in her life. They say it might’ve been from the nail dust or the chemicals. She’d worked in beauty therapy since her late teens. Back in those days they never wore masks like you see now.’

  ‘I’m sorry. That’s really sad.’

  ‘Yeah. Shit way to die.’

  Teagan fingered the handle of her mug. From the way Lucas spoke, he’d adored his mum. ‘And your dad?’

  ‘Is an arsehole.’

  So they had that in common. She wondered what his had done. Something pretty bad, by his tone and sour expression.

  He finished the remainder of his sandwich and pushed his plate away. They sat sipping tea, listening to the quiet and occasional bird call. The hush brought back memories of Pinehaven, of spring there. The serenity of it. How, when Teagan went to its farthest reaches and stood still, it was as if nothing else existed in the world except her and nature.

  She’d loved those special moments. The sense of peace, of belonging. The way her feet felt planted in the soil along with the pasture grasses. Roots that ran from her heart to the rich earth below. Roots that had been snapped off without warning and left to shrivel.

  A month had passed since she’d taken her last step on Pinehaven, yet the agony of her loss felt sharper than ever.

  Lucas broke the silence. ‘Did you want a shower before you head home?’

  ‘Worn out my welcome already?’ She tried to sound amused but there was a catch in her voice.

  ‘Hey, I did say you could board if you wanted.’

  ‘I know.’ She gnawed on her lip as she thought of her mother, of last night’s distress. ‘I’ve got to change the mower blades and a few other chores this arvo. May as well put off showering until they’re done.’ She stood and gathered plates and mugs and then stopped. ‘You’re really kind, you know that?’

  ‘Learned it from my mum.’

  ‘She must’ve been a good mum.’

  ‘She was.’

  At the pride and love in his voice Teagan dropped her head, fighting a horrible urge to cry.

  He rose and wrapped his arms around her, his body solid and warm and comforting. ‘You’ll be all right.’

  ‘You think?’

  ‘I know.’

  She sniffed. ‘How?’

  ‘Because,’ he said, holding her away from him and winking, ‘you have awesome friends to look after you.’

  Lucas might have had faith, but Teagan’s was rapidly running out. She, her mother and Ness were parked around Falls Farm’s kitchen table, cooling coffees in front of them, and silence between.

  ‘It’s not so much the money, Mum,’ said Teagan, digging her fingers into her temple where a headache was pounding. ‘I would have – and did – give it gladly to save the farm. But it wasn’t being used to save the farm. Dad was gambling it away. You must have had some inkling. Didn’t a little bit of curiosity force you to look at the computer? He was spending hours on it.’

  Penny pressed a sodden tissue to the tears that had barely stopped falling since the conversation started. She looked like Teagan felt: haggard, tired and depressed. ‘I don’t really know how to use it.’

  ‘But you can send an email. You know what the desktop screen looks like? Surely you would’ve noticed the program?’

  ‘The new computer wasn’t like that. It
had a new system. All bright tiles. App things.’ She scrunched her face, bewildered. ‘None of it made sense to me. Then he started turning the screen off whenever I walked in and snapping at me about not respecting his privacy.’

  ‘But he was your husband. You laid in bed with him every night.’ Teagan stared at her mother, not understanding. ‘Why didn’t you say anything?’

  ‘I was scared!’ More tears brimmed and spilled over. Penny made angry swipes at them. ‘He wouldn’t talk to me anyway. He’d just grouch and roll over.’

  Teagan sighed and passed her a fresh tissue, then for something to do, stood and began to gather their mugs. Her mother’s hadn’t been touched.

  ‘No, I’ll look after that,’ said Ness. ‘You and Penny still have things to work through.’

  Teagan didn’t want to talk anymore. She wanted to go outside, breathe clean, fresh air. Play with Claudia and Mouse. Remove herself from this atmosphere of failure and despair.

  What made the discussion more torturous was the recognition of her own culpability. For all the arguments, all the yelling at her father, Teagan hadn’t marched into his office, switched on the computer and looked for herself either. The blame she was smothering her mother with was equally her own. Finding the words, the guts to admit that though, wasn’t easy.

  She rubbed her face and slumped back into her seat. ‘I’m sorry, Mum. It’s wrong to blame you. I didn’t take action either. I should have.’

  ‘But what could you have done?’

  ‘I don’t know. Walked in there when he was out?’

  ‘He’d put a lock on the door, love.’

  ‘Not until the end. There would’ve been a key somewhere. I could’ve kicked it in. I should have done something instead of burying my head in the sand, hoping it’d all be okay.’ She let out a shaky breath. ‘It’s not as if I wasn’t warned. Em kept telling me I needed to check the accounts, but every time I asked Dad did his nut. It was so much easier to let it slide. If anyone lacked guts, it was me.’

  Feeling Vanessa’s gaze, she looked up. Her aunt wore an approving smile. Teagan managed a tiny smile back then turned again to her mum and stretched out her hand.