The Works of William Harrison Ainsworth
Page 835
WANDERINGS OF AN IMMORTAL.
— I
Was spurned and hated — but no more — I am
Immortal now — Hundreds of untold years,
That now lie sleeping in the gulf of time,
Shall rise and roll before me ere I die.
WANDERINGS OF AN IMMORTAL.
For me the laws of Nature are suspended: the eternal wheels of the Universe roll backwards: I am destined to be triumphant over Fate and Time.
I shall take my distant posterity by the hand; I shall close the tomb over them.
ST. LEON.
IT was not a vain desire of life, or a fear of death, that made me long for immortality; nor was it the cupidity of wealth, or the love of splendour, or of pleasure, that made me spend years of anxious study to penetrate into the hidden recesses of Nature, and drag forth those secrets which she has involved in an almost impenetrable obscurity; but it was the desire of revenge, of deep-seated and implacable revenge, that urged me on, till by incredible exertion and minute investigation, I discovered that which it has by turns been the object of philosophy to obtain, and the aim of incredulity to ridicule — the philosopher’s stone. And yet, I was naturally of a mild and compassionate disposition. I had a heart open to the tenderest and best emotions of our nature; injury heaped on injury, — received, too, from one whose highest aim ought to have been to manifest the gratitude which he owed to me, who, in the hour of danger and adversity, should have been the readiest to offer assistance, — has rendered me what I am.
It is useless to add to the instances of human depravity. I will not relate the miseries which I endured. I will not look back upon the prospects which have been blasted by the perfidy of him whom I thought a friend; suffice it, that they have been such as the soul shudders to contemplate; such as planted in my soul a thirst of vengeance, which I brooded over, till it became a part of my very existence.
I soon found, that by human means I had little chance of revenge. My enemy was powerful and cautious, and all my plans were anticipated and baffled. I determined to have recourse to darker agents. I had been accustomed to intense and mysterious study, and I knew that there are beings who exercise an influence over human affairs, and are, likewise, themselves in subjection to the wise and omnipotent Being, who is the mover of the first springs of the mighty machine of the universe. I knew, too, that it was possible to exert a power over these beings; and henceforth, I applied the whole force of my mind to the acquisition of the knowledge, which would make me the possessor of this power. Ten long years I employed for this purpose, and my efforts were crowned with success. But though I could summon these spirits before me, and compel them to give an answer to my inquiries, that was all; I could not, I was sensible, subject them entirely to my will, without making, on my part, certain concessions, and to ascertain what these were, was the object of my first trial.
I fixed on a night for this my first essay, and it soon arrived. I repaired to the spot which I had selected. Its secrecy was well calculated for my purpose; it was a dark and lonely glen, but it was rich in romantic beauty. Rocks, whose brinks were covered with underwood and wild herbage, frowned on each side; a few stunted oaks threw out their roots clinging to the precipice, and an immense elm on one side spread its wide arms around. The bottom of the area was covered with dark luxuriant grass, interspersed with wild and fragrant flowers. At one end a narrow but deep river tumbled its waters over the precipice, and rushed down, sometimes almost concealed by jutting fragments of rocks covered with moss and plants, which clung to it as if for protection from the force of the cataract; then again spreading out and dashing its roaring waters along, till it finally vanished under ground in a cloud of mist and foam.
The moon was shining brightly, and I ascended an eminence which commanded an extensive prospect. On one side, wide and fertile plains extended themselves, spotted at a distance with straggling cottages and small hamlets, bounded with forests, whose dark and heavy masses contrasted finely with the fight of the adjacent landscape. On the right, the river rolled its waves in calm windings, between banks of lively green, adorned with groves and clusters of trees, till it terminated in the waterfall, which dashed far beneath me with a softened murmur. It was a delightful scene. The sky was beautifully clear; fleecy clouds skimmed over it, lighted up with a silvery lustre that they caught from the moon-beams, which bursting from behind them as they passed, fell on the waters of the stream and the cataract, and trembled on them in liquid beauty. Waves, rocks, woods, plains, all glittered in the lovely rays, and all spoke of peace and harmony.
As I gazed on the beauties which Nature had here scattered with so profuse a hand, I heard the tinkling of a sheep-bell. What associations did this slight sound conjure up to me! All the loved and well-remembered scenes of childhood crowded on my mind. I thought of times and of persons that were fled; of those who were joined to me by kindred, who were united by friendship, or attached by a tender passion. Again, those short but blissful moments were present — perhaps more blissful, because so short — when I had strayed, at this same witching hour, with one whose remembrance will survive the eternity which I am doomed to undergo; — when we had gazed with all the rapture of admiration on the works which attest the power and mightiness of Providence — had listened to the note of the evening songster, and the sighs of the wind among the leaves; and with hearts unstained by one evil thought or passion, and feelings unmixed with aught unworthy, had breathed forth our pure and fervent vows to that Being, whose altar is the sincere bosom, and whose purest, most grateful offering, is a tear.
The night advanced. It was time for me to begin my terrible solemnities. I trembled at the thought of what I was about to do. I hesitated whether to proceed; but the hope of revenge still impelled me on, and I resolved to prosecute my design. It was soon done. The rites were begun; the flame of my lamp blazed clear and bright; I knew the moment was approaching when I should hold communion with beings of another world; perhaps with the prince of darkness himself. I grew faint, a heavy load weighed on my breast, my respiration grew thick and short, my eyes seemed to swell in their sockets, and a cold sweat burst from every pore of my body. The flame wavered — it decreased — it went out. The heavens were darkened: I gazed around, but the gloom was too great for me to see any thing. I looked towards the waterfall, and, amid the mist and obscurity which covered the place of its subterraneous outlet, a star shone with wild and brilliant lustre. It grew larger — it approached me — it stopped, and a brighter radiance was diffused around. The Evil One stood before me.
I gazed with wonder and astonishment on the being that stood before me in terrible beauty. His figure was tall and commanding, and his athletic and sinewy limbs were formed in the most exquisite proportions. His countenance was pale and majestic, but marked with the mingled passions of pride, malice, and regret, which, we conceive, form the character of the rebel angel; and his dark and terrible eyes gave a wilder expression to his features, as they beamed in troubled and preternatural brightness from beneath his awful forehead, shaded with the masses of his raven hair, that curled around his temples, and waved down his neck and shoulders; and amongst the jetty locks, a star, as a diadem, blazed clear and steadily. Never had I seen aught approaching to his grand and unearthly loveliness; I saw him debased by the grossness of sin, and suffering the punishment of his apostasy; yet he was beautiful beyond the sons of men. I saw him thus, and I thought what the spirit must have been before he fell.
Our conversation was brief: I wished not to prolong it, for I was sick at heart, and his voice thrilled through my whole frame. I rejected his offers, strong as was my thirst for vengeance. A small glimmering of cool reason, which I still retained, prevented me from sacrificing all my hopes of hereafter, to the gratification of any passion, however ardent. The demon perceived that I should escape his toils, and all the wild and ungoverned force of his fiendish nature burst forth; and overcome with fear and horror, I fell senseless on the ground. When I awoke, al
l was still; it was quite light. I felt the light breezes sweep over me, and I heard again the roar of the cataract. I arose and looked round, but there was nothing to indicate the late presence of the demon, with whom I had held unhallowed communion. I departed from the glen; the sun was just rising, and his rays shining on the summits of the lofty and distant hills. The air was sweet and refreshing, and the sky, rich in the glories of the opening morning, was painted with beautiful tints, which blend insensibly with each other, and present so lovely a feast to the eye of one, who loves to study the beauties which Nature offers on every hand, and in almost every prospect. The birds were singing in the trees; the flowers, which had drooped and hung their faded leaves the evening before, again raised up their heads, enamelled with dew; every thing was gentle, beautiful, and peaceful. The charm communicated itself naturally to my disturbed and agitated mind, and for a short time I was calm and serene; the headstrong current of my passions was checked, and the thought of revenge was forgotten. But I returned into the world; I found myself an object, by turns, of scorn and pity, and of hatred. Again, I cursed him who had wrought this wreck of my hopes; and again, was vengeance my only object.
I resolved to have no further communication with the beings of whom I have spoken, I determined, thenceforth, to depend on my own exertions. I again applied myself to study, and began to inquire after that secret which could bestow immortal life and wealth. I sought the assistance of none, but depended entirely on myself. I laboured long, and was long unsuccessful. I ransacked the most hidden cabinet of nature. In the bowels of the earth, in the corruption of the grave, in darkness and in solitude, I worked with unceasing toil. My body was emaciated, and I was worn almost to a skeleton; but the vehemence of my passions supported me. At last, I discovered the object of my search. It will prove how strongly my mind was riveted on one sole object, when I say, that when I beheld myself possessed of boundless riches, and, through their agency, of almost boundless power; when the pleasures and temptations of the world lay all within my grasp, I cast not a thought on them, or on any thing, save the one great object, on the furtherance of which I had bestowed such unremitting toil of body and mind.
At this period, I learnt that the object of my hatred was going abroad, and I lost no time in preparing secretly to follow him. He shortly departed; and having disguised myself, I also commenced the journey. I was always on the watch for an opportunity when I could surprise my enemy alone; but I was still unsuccessful. We at last arrived at a sea-port town, and it was determined to proceed by water, and I entered as a passenger into the same vessel. I had never before been at sea, and the scene was new and astonishing to me, but I could not enjoy it; I saw every thing through a cloud. The ardent passion of revenge, which burnt within my breast, consumed and obliterated every gentle or pleasant feeling. At another time I should have enjoyed my situation; I should have beheld the seemingly boundless expanse of water around me, and have felt my soul expand at the view; but now I was altered, and my views of surrounding objects altered with me.
I had much trouble to keep concealed, for on board of a ship the risks of discovery were greater, because my absence from the deck, where the other passengers were accustomed to catch the fresh sea breeze, though for some time unnoticed, might at length cause me to be regarded as a misanthrope, who detested the society of his fellow creatures, which I wished to avoid equally with any other surmise which might make me an object of attention. I was standing one evening watching the gradual decline of the sun as he sunk into the heart of the ocean, which reflected his rays, and the lustre of the clouds around him. A sudden motion of the ship caused me to move from the spot on which I was gazing, when I observed some one looking steadily at me. My eye met his — our souls met in the glance — it was he whom I had followed with such relentless hatred. I sprung towards him. I uttered some incoherent words of rage. He smiled at me in scorn. “Madman,” he exclaimed, “dost thou tempt my rage? — Be cautious ere it is too late — you are in my power — one word of mine can make you a prisoner; think you that I am ignorant of your proceedings against my life? — No — every plot, every machination is as well known to me as to yourself; — you confess it — your eye says it — seek not to deny it; for this time you are safe.” He staid no longer, but retiring to his cabin, left me too astonished with what I had heard, to attempt to detain him. Could it be that he had spoken true? was he indeed so well acquainted with my actions? But if so, why had he not disclosed what he knew, when the civil power could at once have forfeited my life and deprived him of an enraged foe? Was it that he hesitated to add to his guilt by the death of one whom he had driven to desperation by his treachery? or did some spark of awakening conscience operate on his mind? I was confused with my thoughts, for I knew not what to think; I passed the time in gloomy and painful meditation, and was glad when evening came, that I might retire to my place of repose.
I was awakened by the sound of men trampling over my head, the stretching and creaking of cordage, the dashing of waves, and the violent and repeated motions of the vessel. The wind, which had been remarkably still the preceding day, was blowing with the utmost violence, and roared amongst the sails and rigging of the ship as if it would split them to shivers. It would be useless to attempt to describe what has so often been described far better than I am able to do. I was filled with most dark and melancholy ideas — I paced the cabin in a state of feverish anxiety; but yet I knew not why I felt so. It was not the storm, for my existence was beyond the power of the ocean to destroy. The tempest raged with unabating fury during the whole night. At length a plank of the ship started, and she rapidly filled with water. The boats were got out, and the crew and passengers hastily endeavoured to get into them. The boats were not large enough to contain the whole number, and a dreadful struggle took place; but it was soon terminated by those in the boats cutting the ropes, fearful of perishing, if more were added to their numbers. Just as the boats were cut from the vessel, I saw my hated foe spring out of the ship; he was too late, and was whelmed in the ocean. I thought my hopes of vengeance would be entirely frustrated. I sprung after him. I fell so near him, that I caught hold of him. He grasped me by the throat, and we struggled a moment; but a wave dashed us against the ship’s side, and we were parted by the violence of the shock. Daylight was breaking, and occasionally, when lifted up by a wave, I could discern bodies floating amongst casks, planks, and pieces of broken masts. In little more than a minute after we had left the ship, I saw her sink. Her descent made a wide chasm in the waves, and the rush of the parted waters was dreadful, as they closed over, and dashing up their white foam as they met, seemed to exult over their victim. I was dashed about in the water till I was exhausted: I could no longer take my breath, and began to sink; I struggled hard to keep up, but the tempest subsided, and I was no longer borne up by the force of the waves. I descended — they were the most horrible moments of my life. I gasped for breath, but my mouth and throat were instantly filled with water, and the passage totally obstructed; the air confined in my lungs endeavoured in vain to force an outlet; I felt a tightness at the inside of my ears; the external pressure of the water on all sides of my body was very painful, and my eyes felt as if a cord were tied tightly round my brows. At last, by a dreadful convulsion of my. whole body, the air was expelled through my windpipe, and forced its way through the water with a gurgling sound: — again the same sensations recurred — and again the same convulsion. Then I cursed the hour when I had obtained the fatal possession which hindered me from perishing. Ardently did I long for death to free me from the sufferings which I endured. In a short time I was exhausted, the convulsions became more frequent but less powerful, and I gradually lost all sense and feeling.
How long I continued in this state, buried in the sea, I know not; but when I recovered my recollection, I found myself lying on a rock that jutted out into the ocean. I got up, but could scarcely stand, so great was my weakness; I soon, however, regained my faculties, and my first object was
to ascertain where I was. I examined the spot — it was desolate and barren, but it seemed to be of considerable extent. I wandered about till hunger reminded me that I must look for food. A few shell-fish, which I picked up on the shore, satisfied for a time the cravings of my hunger. I then sought for a lodging, which might in some degree shelter me from the fury of the elements. There seemed not to be a tree on the whole surface of the place, nor were the slightest traces of a human habitation visible. At length I discovered a cave, into which I entered, and in which I passed the remainder of the day and the following night. I slept long and soundly, and was greeted, on awaking, by the hoarse and sullen murmurs of the waters breaking against the rock. I advanced to the shore, and strained my eyes over the sea; but nothing was discernible, save the uniform sheet of water, and the black clouds which seemed its only boundary. The day was gloomy, and hoarse seabirds flew round, screaming and flapping their wings. The hours passed slowly on, and this day passed like the preceding one, except that I discovered a spring of water, which in my present situation was a treasure. At night I retired to my cave, where a little sea-weed, spread upon sand, was my only couch. The next day I determined thoroughly to examine the place on which my unhappy fortune had cast me, and I accordingly set forth, dropping sea-weed and pebbles at short intervals, to enable me to find my way back to the cave. I wandered as near as I could guess about two hours, without perceiving any difference in the scenes around me. I was about to return, when a sound struck my ear. I listened — I turned my head, and beheld at no great distance a human figure. I rushed towards it — it was my enemy! He saw me approach, and seemed astonished; but he did not move, nor attempt to avoid me. “At last,” I said, “I have met thee on equal terms;” now thou canst not escape me.”