“Hey, I’m just through here”, Tyler called from the kitchen.
William dumped his bag on the sofa and went to linger in the doorway. “Busy day?”
“A little, I send out a few pitches. Tinkered with some old pieces. You must have been busy, I’ve hardly seen you?”
“Lots going on at work” said William, not looking directly at Tyler as he spoke. “This smells amazing”, he said, which was both true and a safe topic of conversation.
“Thanks - I started combing through recipe blogs, I figured so long as I had a heap of spare time on my hands I ought to use it.”
William felt oddly exposed by how transparent Tyler always seemed to be. It still felt like a trap. If he was still going to therapy, he though vaguely, that might be worth bringing up.
“Did you- how much did you work when you were in Sydney? It seems like you’re still churning stuff out.” William was also, if he was honest with himself, feeling some of the old competitiveness which he’d had when they were in classes together, jealous of the ease with which Tyler seemed to write.
Tyler paused, turning his attention back to the pan on the stove. “That’s true. Maybe it’s that I feel like I’ve got the space, rather than time.”
William felt stuck, again. “Well, it looks like the extra space or time is paying dividends. I’m just going to go change”, he gestured vaguely towards his bedroom.
“No worries, this is a while off being ready anyway.” Tyler looked sincerely content, and William felt another stab of… what exactly? Guilt? Desire? He couldn’t tell any more.
Chapter 11.
Friday, and the planned date, eventually crawled around. William had stopped trying to escape before Tyler woke up every morning and let himself enjoy the ease of having him around a little more, even if it was making him crazy trying to figure it out. William had also, if he was honest, enjoying the minor visual spectacle of Tyler languidly stretching like a cat, which seemed to be a daily occurrence. He’d been trying to focus on the date with Ben, though, in the interests of his conscience, which was kicking off again about the relative morality of unabashedly checking out the (straight, he reminded himself) friend who was generously cooking him dinner every night of the week. He’d been texting back and forth a little with Ben, and when he went to buy a coffee on Wednesday, he’d felt himself blushing when Ben teased him from behind the counter, which seemed to bode well. William was also slightly self-conscious about how hard he was having to try to steer his emotions where he felt they ought to go, but at least he was trying.
After erring back and forth on it he made his bed before leaving to meet Ben, even though that usually seemed to curse him to come home alone. They were meeting at the little bar around the corner. Tyler was lounging on the couch as he left. “Going out?” he asked, looking up from the book he had propped on one knee.
“Yeah, I’ve- I’ve got a date.” William tried to ignore the tug in his gut as he said it.
“Oh, well, have fun then”, Tyler said brightly.
William smiled tightly, knowing it didn’t reach his eyes. “Hopefully.”
It was quite a lot easier to push thoughts of Tyler out of his head once Ben was in front of him. The table they were seated at was small and cozy, and their knees bumped under the table. William was vaguely aware that he hadn’t eaten much today, but also, he could sleep off a hangover tomorrow if necessary. Ben was telling an animated story about the small town he’d briefly lived in before moving here for school, and William thought he might have missed an important detail but was mostly relying on Ben’s tone of voice to figure out when he needed to react.
“I know the affair with the postman is a cliché, but anyway when they found out he was basically run out of town.” Ben shook his head. Even if William had lost the thread of the story somewhere along the way, he figured this was his cue.
“Small towns huh.” He glanced down and noticed both of their glasses were almost empty. “Another?”
Ben looked considering. “I could do. Here, or somewhere else?” He looked at William, his eyes dark.
William felt the slow burn of attraction which had been thrumming all evening peak. “Another drink at my place? It’s just around the corner.”
“I thought you’d never ask”, Ben grinned, draining his glass.
Once they were outside William led the way and Ben slid a hand onto his lower back, the weight of it warm and comforting. They stopped, waiting for a light change and William leaned over to kiss the corner of Ben’s mouth, feeling him smile under his lips. Ben turned to face him properly, pulling William into his body with the hand on his back and kissing him properly, leaning against the lamp post behind him, then almost slipping backwards. “Careful, I’ve had enough dating disasters for one week”, teased William, grabbing Ben’s elbow.
“Much further to yours?” whispered Ben, leaning in close to William’s ear, in a low gravelly tone which went straight to his cock.
“Next block”, replied William, willing himself to focus on not getting hit crossing the road. Fuck, it had been too long since he’d taken someone home.
Once they reached his door he turned to whisper “quietly, I’ve got a housemate” as Ben followed him in. “Unfortunately, I’m a screamer”, said Ben, seriously. William giggled, and led him by the hand into his bedroom.
Ben turned out to be just as happy to gently take the lead once their clothes started coming off. William sat on the edge of his bed, kicking off his shoes while Ben did the same, then moved towards him, bracketing William’s legs between his and pushing him backwards, moving forward so his knees were on either side of William’s hips. He leaned forward, holding his weight on his arms so the heat from his chest radiated but didn’t rest on William, and kissed him properly, without the teasing of before. “So, if you don’t put out on a first date, what do you like to do on a second?” he asked, innocently. William groaned, trying to sound frustrated by the cheesy line, but ending in a gasp when Ben ground his hips down, his cock pressing against William’s thigh.
“Oh my god, how do I make you stop with the lines.”
“Kissing me is a good start”, Ben replied, and leaned down to take William’s mouth again, bringing one hand down to run over William’s chest, letting it come to rest on the sliver of skin exposed where his shirt had ridden up. William lifted his hands to rest carefully on Ben’s waist and tug him down again, the hot weight of his body making his pulse pound in his ears. He shifted slightly and nearly slid off the bed, almost taking down William with him.
“Oops, shit” Ben giggled. “Maybe we should move up a little bit?” He wiggled to the side, shucking off his shirt and settling himself against the pillows. William followed him up, eyes sweeping across Ben’s body, which was all dense muscle and smooth skin, a trail of dark hair from his bellybutton down to the waistband of his jeans. He looked different to Tyler, who was longer and leaner, sinuous rather than built, and-. Fuck. William cut off that train of thought, focusing back on Ben, in front of him, who was looking at his face with an intense focus. He pulled off his own shirt, conscious that he didn’t look nearly as gym honed as Ben. Ben didn’t seem to be focusing on that though, looking hungrily at William, then hooking an arm around his neck to pull him back to keep kissing. The kissing felt intense, not hurried but deliberate and William was conscious of the little breathy moans Ben kept letting out. The light under Tyler’s door had been on when they walked past, and he knew noise travelled in the house.
Ben’s hand slid from his neck down his back and came to rest cupping the lower curve of his ass, pulling him down and grinding up at the same time, and William let out a hoarse moan as he did. “Oh, fuck”, he sighed. “Fuck, you’re so hot.” He usually tried to be a little smoother with words, but Ben was so intense and focused and right there, and it felt good to finally be getting some relief after weeks of being pent-up and frustrated with Tyler around. He stilled for a second, then pulled back into where he was and who he was wi
th.
“Everything ok?” Ben paused, his hand on William’s ass going slack.
“Yeah, yes.” William could feel the effort in his voice and leaned down to mouth at the line of Ben’s jaw. Every time he closed his eyes he kept seeing the stretch of Tyler’s shoulders, remembering how he’d smelled, like soap and cloves, when they’d kissed.
“Hey, really? You keep like, freezing. Are you sure you’re ok with this?” Ben sounded faintly frustrated, but there was a note of concern in his voice.
William paused, half a denial dying on his tongue. “Um.” God, no, even he couldn’t be this much of a disaster when it came to dating. “I- I’m a bit distracted.”
Ben sat back up, pushing William off him, the loss of the contact and relief and a disappointment all at once. “Should we maybe stop? It’s not- I don’t feel great about keeping going if you’re going to be like, fading in and out.” He looked rumpled and his lips were flushed from kissing, but William felt any arousal in him flickering and dying.
“Yeah, maybe. I’m- fuck, I’m really sorry. It’s not you, you’re- “
“It’s not me, it’s you?” there was at least a hint of humor in Ben’s voice. He cocked his head, looking at William intently. “Do I get to know what you were distracted by, at least?”
“Uh”, this was getting worse by the second, William thought, maybe he really should just give up on dating, resign himself to becoming a hermit, find a nice cottage on a mountaintop. “I um, last weekend…”
“Oh”, Ben’s voice was flat. “I’m not him.”
William shook his head, miserable. “I’m sorry”, he said, his voice small.
Ben had dressed without looking at William and shut the door loudly behind him as he left. William felt ill with anxiety and lay on his still-made bed with his eyes closed. After half an hour he resigned himself to the fact that sleep wasn’t coming, and stood up, planning to get something to eat. Most of the alcohol had burnt off by now, and he felt hungry underneath the tight grip the tension had on his stomach. He was standing in the kitchen in bare feet, eating toast held over the sink to catch the crumbs, when Tyler appeared at the door.
“Is everything ok? I heard, um, the door slam.” Tyler looked intensely concerned, his eyebrows drawn together, chewing the corner of his lip.
William looked up, feeling oddly guilty for having been snapped eating without a plate. Which made no sense, this was his house, and he could be a slob and get crumbs everywhere if he wanted. “Um. I brought my date home but. Yeah, just- I just wasn’t really feeling it, the mood was all off.”
“Ok”, Tyler sounded unconvinced. “Well, I just started re-watching Blade Runner, if you want to watch a movie with what’s left of the Friday night.”
“Oh, um”, William paused, swallowing a mouthful of toast and feeling a rush of gratitude washing through him. “Yeah, actually that sounds good.”
“Sweet. I’ll grab my laptop, you should see if there’s anything in the way of snacks in the cupboard.”
Just like that, William reflected, they seemed to be back to the comfortable ease of the previous few weeks.
Chapter 12.
Tyler was awake before him the following morning, and the smell of coffee crept under William’s door, which promised a better start to the day than he’d had for a while. For a week, at least. “You’re up early”, he said as he ducked past Tyler to pour what was left of the pot into a cup.
“Help yourself to coffee”, said Tyler drily. “And yeah, I woke up – weird dreams. I figured I may as well make the most of the day.”
“Hmm”, William was pretty unconvinced by the wisdom of that, but he was thankful for the coffee.
“I was thinking”, started Tyler. No, no, it’s too early for this, thought William, his heartbeat ratcheting up several notches. “About last night”, continued Tyler, “I don’t want to be like, cramping your style or getting in the way when you bring dates home.”
“You’re not”, said William quickly. “I don’t- it’s not like I go on a ton of dates anyway. You’re not in the way.”
“But if you did, I wouldn’t want to, you know?” Tyler was much too earnest for this early in the morning.
“I mean. I’m kind of a disaster zone when it comes to dates. I really don’t think that’ll be-“ he paused, changing tack. “Plus, I like having you around. I mean. If you want to, um, stay that is.”
“I do! But you shouldn’t be a disaster zone with dating.”
“I know that! It’s not like I try to”, said William, exasperated.
“That’s not what I meant, I mean like, you could meet someone who is what you’re looking for, so you aren’t a, um. A disaster. Are you- do you um.” Tyler was tripping over his words and started to blush, which was interesting. “Do you use hook-up apps, or like, dating apps?”
William grinned. “Tyler! Yes, I have used hook-up apps, like every gay man in 2019. I kind of hate them though, I never seem to find what I’m looking for.”
“I could. Um.” Tyler was turning an incredible shade of red, where had this come from? “Sometimes it’s good to have someone else look at your profile, you know, check how it reads.”
William boggled at Tyler. “They’re not- wait. Have you used hook-up apps?” he asked suddenly suspicious.
Tyler’s eyes were focused on a point behind William’s head.
“Oh my GOD. What! I didn’t know you were gay.”
“I’m not”, said Tyler, tightly. “I’m bi. Hence the, you know, the girlfriends.”
“I didn’t, um- “, William paused, thrown off by this development. “I didn’t realize.”
“I don’t think I ever brought it up. But you know, the offer stands. I need more coffee before that though.”
An hour later they were sitting at the kitchen table. William still wasn’t convinced this wasn’t actually just the worst idea he’d ever agreed to, but after the last week it was hardly going to scrape the sides of his tolerance for embarrassment. Tyler was taking it very seriously, a pen and paper in front of him, his chair pulled in close to William’s. “So, what are you looking for?” he asked brightly.
“Oh my god”, William leaned forward and held his head in his hands.
“God is probably a bit of a tall order”, observed Tyler, who seemed to have recovered from his earlier embarrassment.
“Maybe this isn’t a good idea, maybe I can just wait until I meet someone the old-fashioned way.”
“I mean, you still need to know what they might be like”, pointed out Tyler, reasonably.
He had a point, thought William. Maybe if he knew what he was actually looking for he might be able to avoid dating another Heath. Or taking home another nice guy like Ben and messing it all up, he thought, guiltily.
“I guess. Around my age”, he could hear Tyler scratching out notes, and immediately felt self-conscious and stupid. “Someone who sort of understands my work? Maybe a writer, or someone involved in teaching. Who knows roughly what I do all day, I know what they do?”
“That’s good, what else?” Tyler sounded uncannily like the therapist William had seen a few years back.
“I want them to be nice to me. Or just, nice in general I suppose? No more assholes. It might be good if they could cook, so I don’t end up living on cereal and toast for the rest of my life.”
Tyler glanced up, giving William an odd look, and kept writing.
“I guess I’m good at… practical stuff? I can drive, I keep on top of the house stuff, I can call insurance companies. I guess someone who appreciates that-“ he cut himself off. “I don’t know, this is all very specific. I just feel like someone who is nice and doesn’t steal my favorite jumper would be enough for now.”
“I mean, it is very specific”, agreed Tyler, carefully. “What would they look like?”
“Uh. Taller than me? Is that shallow? I like guys being a little taller than me. Dark hair, I think.” He closed his eyes trying to imagine a composite boyfriend who didn’t lo
ok exactly like Tyler and failing.
“Is this- “, Tyler paused, cleared his throat, and started again. “This is quite a specific description. Are you- you’re kind of describing, um, me.”
William blinked his eyes open, startled. “I…am?” he finished.
“It sort of sounds that way. I promise I’d never steal your favorite jumper, at any rate”, Tyler grinned, nodding at the primary colored monstrosity he was wearing and then at the charcoal sweater William was pulling down over his hands.
William opened his mouth to reply, then paused, frozen.
“I mean.” Tyler also looked kind of embarrassed, “I um. I sort of thought for someone who writes about subtext for a living you might be a little smoother than this.”
“Hey!” said William, then “I just- I didn’t.” He paused. “I thought you were straight”, he burst out, finally.
“Well, so did I until I was like 24”, Tyler shrugged. “So, um. Were you describing me?” he looked up, his face hopeful.
“Can I kiss you?” William asked, the words coming out in a jumble.
“Yes, god, please”, Tyler’s voice sounded high and strained, and he leaned across to pull William towards him.
The angle was awkward, both of them half twisted around in a chair to face each other, but William didn’t particularly care, Tyler was holding tightly onto his upper arm with one hand, the other resting on his jaw, and kissing him. It had started hot and frantic and now they were kissing more deeply, Tyler’s teeth grazing across his bottom lip. William was so achingly turned on he could hardly breathe.
“Can we-“ he pulled back from Tyler, panting in a breath. Tyler looked as wrecked as he felt, his pupils huge and cheeks flushed. “Can we maybe do this on a bed?”
“Yeah, yes” Tyler grabbed his hand and pulled him upright. “C’mon.”
Stopping kissing Tyler felt like agony, but also, a bed seemed like an excellent idea. William heaved in a deep breath and let it out through his nose, trying to stay calm. He was going to be making out with Tyler, who was hot and sweet and kept making a tiny soft moaning noise when William tugged on his hair, on a bed. The most pressing issue was probably going to be making sure he didn’t come too quickly.
Extra Credit: A Gay Love Story (Elliot Extra Book 1) Page 7