“Mmmm. It might be ready to show people soon, but I don’t really know.”
“Do you feel like a double feature Gen?” William knew the change of subject was hugely obvious, but he didn’t really care.
“Nah, I’ve got work in the morning. It’s picking up again now the weather doesn’t totally suck.” Gen shifted forward, grabbing her bag from under the sofa and standing up slowly. “Same time next week? You pick the film next time Tyler”, she smiled.
“I’d love to”, said Tyler, looking calm and collected which William felt was manifestly unfair.
Once Gen had left it was just the two of them in the lounge, which suddenly felt even smaller than usual. William didn’t have much furniture, but the couch and table seemed to crowd the room and he was hyper-aware of how close he was to Tyler again.
“How was your hangover?” asked Tyler.
“Uh. Pretty killer, to be honest with you.”
“Same, god. I think I slept until like 5pm. Might have given myself jetlag all over again.”
Were they just pretending everything was normal? What was going on? William felt anxious and on edge, but the hot shame flooding through his body was also making him feel slightly aroused. This is a new one, he thought to himself. “I should probably get some sleep”, he said, his voice stilted.
Tyler didn’t seem to notice. “Yeah, me too. Or try at least. I’m just going to make some food first though, I won’t keep you up if I’m rustling around the kitchen?”
William shook his head. “I sleep through everything, pretty much. Goodnight though.”
Once he was in bed William lay perfectly still, his arms behind his head, under his pillow. He still felt warm and over-stimulated, trying to reconcile the swirling tension of kissing Tyler last night, his lips pressed up against William’s, with how casual and at ease Tyler had seemed in the lounge. He tried to will the blood still rushing through his cock to ease, hoping he hadn’t accidentally pushed his fondness for unattainable men over the edge into an honest-to-god fetish.
Chapter 9.
William was accidentally making a habit of getting out of the house in half the usual time, and he felt under-slept and rumpled when he locked the door behind him on Monday morning. Figures that the only thing which he liked more than an orderly morning routine was taking evasive action to avoid awkwardness which probably only existed in his head, he reminded himself. William, like most good millennials, had a brief foray into therapy and knew just enough to identify this current behavior as avoidance. He hadn’t stuck with therapy long enough to figure out why that was bad, exactly. After all if you ignored things for long enough, they sometimes went away all on their own. Not that he was doing a great job of ignoring the crush which seemed to have taken over his life in less than a month.
He slouched unhappily towards campus, yawning hugely and feeling annoyed in a generalized kind of way, which was worse because he couldn’t actually direct it anywhere. Tyler was still soundly asleep, and hadn’t been anything approaching a jerk last night, so there was no good reason William couldn’t just work from home today, apart from his own hang-ups. He’d committed to being on campus now though and piloted himself towards Reg’s. If he was going to be grumpy and out of sorts he may as well be awake to experience it properly. As if to complete the hat-trick of irrational moodiness caught himself hoping that Ben wasn’t in today, because he didn’t want to be an asshole but also wasn’t sure if he had the energy for Ben’s flirting this morning.
He thought he might finally be catching a break, seeing only Jodie behind the counter.
“Will!” she waved, flipping a tea towel over her shoulder as she pulled a tray of cups out from under the counter. “How was your weekend?”
William looked at her, miserably.
“That good hmm? It’s eclipse season.”
William had less than zero idea what that meant, and said so.
“Big revelations, big emotions, not a lot of sleep. Good time to put your phone in flight mode and have a bath.”
“I really could have done with that advice on Friday. Quad shot, and… do you do those muffin things?”
“We do scones. They’re Reggie’s favorite, but hardly anyone buy them. Pretty good though.”
William nodded, and Jodie started making his coffee. There wasn’t anyone behind him in the line – too early for most students to be on campus, and staff didn’t seem to come to Reg’s much.
“So, what did you do?”
“It’s a long story. Nothing terrible, just embarrassing.”
“Boy trouble?”
“How do you do that? Witchcraft?”
Jodie giggled. “Nah, that was just a lucky guess. Ben had a bummer of a first date Saturday, he’s been complaining all morning, so it was on my mind, I guess. He’s out buying cigarettes on his break now.”
“Ben smokes?” William hadn’t noticed, but then he figured he’d pretty comprehensively annihilated his sense of smell with his own habit.
“Not usually, but I guess it counts as an exceptional circumstance.” Jodie dumped a scone on a plate, slid it across the counter along with William’s coffee and rang up his total. He handed her a note, telling her to keep the change and moved carefully to his usual spot by the window, trying not to drop the scone or spill his coffee. His streak of passable luck held, and he made it to the table with both intact. Call it misery loving company but he did feel slightly better knowing someone else was striking out when it came to dating as well. He reflected that that wasn’t a terribly charitable or generous position to take, then decided he didn’t care overmuch.
He’d left the house in such a hurry he hadn’t actually brought anything to read aside from his phone and tabbed distractedly through a few of his social media feeds before giving up and staring out the window as he downed the coffee. It was grey, the last gasp of winter maybe, and he suspected the turnout for classes this week was going to be poor. As he gazed out the window, he noticed Ben skulking by the corner of the building, scowling at his phone and holding an unlit cigarette cautiously between thumb and forefinger.
William turned to the half-eaten scone, wrapping it in a napkin and tucking it into his satchel (grad school habits died really hard, alright) and headed outside. He was having second thoughts about how much energy he had for Ben’s flirting, especially given it looked like today might be a rare respite from the full force of it.
“Need a light?” he called, as he walked towards Ben.
“Uh. Yes?”, Ben looked up, slightly guiltily. “Thanks”, he said, as he took the proffered lighter.
“Picking up a new habit?” asked William, sounding much more cheerful now he was back on solid ground in terms of conversation. Teasing Ben was familiar at least.
“Something like that”, said Ben. He took a tiny inhale and stifled a cough.
“Have you ever actually smoked before?” asked William, tapping a cigarette out of his own pack and lighting it, the movements second nature.
“Not since high school”, admitted Ben.
“You shouldn’t start”, said William, inhaling deeply, “take it from me.”
“A persuasive argument”, said Ben, then “what are you doing up this early?”
“Just felt like getting out of the house, is all.”
“It is beautiful out”, Ben gestured with his cigarette at the drizzling rain. “Long weekend, then?”
“Something like that. Jodie said yours was about the same?”
Ben looked at William sharply, then paused to take another drag. “It was something, that’s for sure.”
William paused, consulting his internal moral compass and finding it spinning wildly. “Want to commiserate over a drink later on?”
Ben looked at him suspiciously. He’d been attempting to put the moves on William with no real success for several months now. “Really?”
“Yeah. I’m trying to be more social before the semester crushes me under grading again.” It wasn’t a lie, exactl
y.
“Yeah, I would. Give me your number and I’ll text you after my shift?” Ben dug his phone out of his pocket and handed it to William who keyed in his phone number. Ben took it back and William could feel his phone vibrate in his pocket.
William wasn’t convinced he wasn’t just making another dramatic mistake, but at least he didn’t live with Ben. Plus, if it went well it might take his mind off Tyler.
Ben texted again about three o’clock when William had more or less exhausted what he could reasonably get done in his office and was just about to admit defeat and head home.
“Just finished. Meet about 7?”
“Suits me. Anywhere in particular?”
Ben texted back the name of a bar which William recognized as, well, cruising adjacent at any rate, so it was definitely a date rather than just friends complaining over a beer. He shut down his computer and steeled himself for what he knew would almost certainly be a perfectly normal interaction with Tyler, which he would blow completely out of proportion.
In fact, when he arrived home the house was empty. There was a note on the table in Tyler’s tidy and upright handwriting, held down by the heavy green vase which someone (Tyler) had filled with golden freesias:
Hi Will!
I’ll be out until a bit later on, I’m checking out the yoga studio across town. Yoga class runs until 8, I’ll grab some groceries after that. Don’t wait on me for dinner though.
Tyler
Well. William was in two minds, half relieved and half internally chiding himself for working himself up so comprehensively about something which turned out to be a complete non-issue. And now he had the house to himself to get ready for his date, or drink. Whatever it was.
William took his time in the shower, feeling the nervous apprehension he hadn’t in a long time. He hadn’t gone on a date which had been organized (as much as this was organized) in a while – despite explaining to Tyler that he usually liked to know someone before sleeping with them, which was true - he did prefer that, he’d also had his share of mostly-anonymous hook-ups. That had been the bulk of his love life for the last year, because he had preferences, sure, but he also had needs. It was sort of novel to be going out to meet someone he kind of knew, who he also kind of liked. He tried to force down thoughts which threatened to intrude about kissing Tyler. He was going out with Ben, who was attractive and nice, and most saliently, was also gay.
He finally switched off the shower when the water started to cool, stepping out and toweling off his hair. It could still be coaxed into something tidy with a bit of time and effort, but he really needed a haircut soon. He pulled a clean pair of jeans out of his chest of drawers (really pushing the boat out, he thought to himself), tried on and then discarded four shirts, eventually settled on the first one he’d picked, and frowned at his reflection in the mirror. He figured Ben had agreed to go out for a drink after seeing him this morning, which was hardly his best. This version of himself was probably perfectly fine date material.
Chapter 10.
Ben was waiting for him when he arrived, sitting at a table outside the bar, looking a little tidier and less coffee-stained than William was used to. The packet of cigarettes, which it looked like he’d hardly touched since this morning, was placed in front of him, next to a mostly full glass of red wine.
“I hope you don’t mind that I got a head start. I felt rude taking a table without buying something”, he explained as William walked over.
“No, not at all”, William paused, not sure what the etiquette was. Did they… hug? Shake hands? He really had forgotten how to date. Ben made the first move, standing up and kissing him on the cheek, but close enough to the corner of his mouth that the meaning was clear.
“I’ll just go and grab a drink, I’ll be back in a second”, William gestured towards the bar.
He returned a couple of minutes later with a glass of red. “You had a good idea there”, he said, nodding towards Ben’s wine.
Ben smiled and raised the glass. “Are we toasting something?”
“We could. Jodie seemed to think it was eclipse season. Want to toast to that finishing?”
“I’m not sure it has just yet, but sure. To no more eclipses. Whatever that means”, Ben clinked his glass against William and raised it to his lips, eyes locked on William’s.
William hadn’t experienced Ben’s flirting when he wasn’t in overdriven customer service mode and was pleasantly surprised by how alluring it was.
“We’re not actually going to commiserate about our weekends, are we?” asked William.
“I mean. I’m not in a hurry to relive mine. You?”
William shook his head. There was a pause.
“So, what did you do before you were Professor Heartthrob?” asked Ben, cheerfully.
William rolled his eyes. “I’m 99% sure that’s not a real title. And grad school, here.”
“Before that though? I mean, I assume you didn’t spring fully formed into the college ten years ago or whatever.”
They really were doing the first date thing, huh. “It’s really not that interesting, truly.”
Ben took a sip of his wine. “Indulge me anyway.”
Two hours and three glasses of wine later and William was surprised by how much fun he was having, despite how the day had started. Ben was hot, but once he was away from the coffeeshop he was also capable of turning his quickness to keeping William on his toes with conversation than moved beyond blatant flirting.
“I’m just not convinced, why do I need to be able to write about my composition to be assessed on it?”
“I mean, isn’t music theory a thing?” William was hazy on the details, but he thought that sounded right.
“It is, but it’s like. It’s not theory-theory. It just explains how things fit together. So that you know what you’re doing if they don’t.”
“Isn’t that sort of the same thing then? Like, explaining why it fits or why it’s outside the frame?” William frowned.
“It’s a different thing. I don’t know, I can talk about it, but I hate writing it. It’s not what I’m good at.” Ben waved a hand, vaguely brushing away the idea.
William smiled. “I guess I can’t relate to that – writing has always been where I’m comfortable. I can’t do music, though.”
Ben paused. “You sort of do though, when I saw you writing the other day. You said you needed to figure out what went in the middle to fit together where it needed to go, right? It’s like building a composition around a melody or a theme.”
“Can’t you sort of work that backwards into writing then? Write to a- “, he paused, thinking for a long moment and drawing a blank. “To a melody?” he tried. Three wines were maybe enough for a school night.
Ben looked dubious but nodded. “Something like that, I guess.” He drained the dregs in his glass. “One more, or…?”
William shook his head. “I have to teach tomorrow. Plus, I got myself in enough trouble over the weekend, I’m not getting drunk for... for a few days at least.”
Ben smiled wickedly. “What kind of trouble?” He’d been lazily playing footsie with William for the last ten minutes or so.
“Not the fun kind.” Well. It had been fun at the time.
“Home to bed then?” Ben’s eyebrows were slightly raised; an invitation.
“I guess so.”
“Need any company for that?”
It was kind of nice having someone be so direct, William thought. He paused, considering the offer. “Probably not tonight” he decided. Ben looked briefly disappointed but recovered his poker face quickly. “What are you doing Friday though?” William asked.
Ben pulled out his phone, flipping a calendar open. “Nothing yet. Did you have a suggestion?” Ben looked up at William through heavy eyelashes, and he momentarily regretted his decision not to invite him home, feeling the thread of want spiking through his veins.
“Drinks again? There’s a nice place in my neighborhood.” Was it poor f
orm to take another guy to Tyler’s first-date bar?
“Perfect, it’s a date.” He smiled widely at William and made to stand up from the table. “Ready to head off?”
William stood up, relieved to discover the wine hadn’t actually hit him any harder than he expected, and Ben stepped in close to him, reaching down to grab his hand. It was a surprisingly sweet gesture, for how dirty some of their earlier flirting had been. “See you Friday”, he murmured and leaned into press a kiss to William’s lips. It was brief, nothing like the hot want and messiness of Saturday night, but he could feel behind it what Ben was holding back.
William managed to completely avoid Tyler that night, and again the following morning, although he knew he needed to stop being such a dick and just face up to him. Also, early mornings weren’t a good look on him, he reflected, poking at his decidedly slept-in looking hair in the bathroom mirror after class. As he tried to flatten it with his fingers, or at least make it look intentional he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.
“Do you have plans for dinner tonight?” It was Tyler.
William sighed. This was obviously what he got for hosting possibly the world’s most conscientious houseguest. “Not yet, are you cooking?” He put his phone on silent, resigned himself to the fact his hair was just going to look… like this, and headed off to his next class.
There was, of course, another message waiting when he finished an hour later.
“Yeah! There’s a risotto I’ve been wanting to try. Message when you’re heading home and I’ll start cooking.”
The completely normal way Tyler was treating him was going to drive William insane. Did he just make a habit of making out with his friends? “Sounds good” he sent and stomped off to the staff kitchen to make another coffee.
When he finally arrived home it had been dark for an hour at least but was still warm outside. The house smelled amazing, and William felt some of the tension which he’d been winding through his shoulders for the last few days start to evaporate.
Extra Credit: A Gay Love Story (Elliot Extra Book 1) Page 6