“Why aren’t you getting any, by the way?”
The waiter finally approached, bearing martini glasses. “Oh, thank God,” Gwen groaned. “The topic of celibacy requires lubrication, don’t you think? No pun intended.”
“That was totally intended.”
Gwen waggled her eyebrows in answer. “I don’t know why I’m not getting any, honestly. Half the reason I started working at the university is because I thought it’d be a great place to meet good men.”
“And is it?”
“Does it look like it is?” she asked, taking a swig of her green drink. “No, after seven years of working there, I’ve finally realized that I’m a second-class citizen. Nobody there wants to date someone with a GED.”
“You didn’t finish high school? What happened?”
“Oh, the usual stupidity. Shortsighted teenage rebellion. I’ve been taking two classes a year at the U for a while, but that’s a long haul. I’m going to be the college secretary with no high school diploma for quite a while yet.”
“Come on,” Olivia said. “Surely not every guy cares so much about that.”
Gwen frowned. “You know how it is. They start out focused so completely on tenure that they can’t think of anything else. Then once they get it, they’re competing for prestige. There’s nothing prestigious about me.”
“Your boobs are pretty prestigious.”
“Christ, if you make me spit out this drink, you’ll be in trouble. But…you’re right. These men don’t know what they’re missing out on.”
“Well, they know a little bit,” Olivia said, gesturing toward Gwen’s cleavage.
When Gwen laughed really, really hard, her cleavage bounced, and even Olivia found herself staring. She felt a brief moment of utter jealousy.
“Oh, don’t glare at me that way,” Gwen said. “I’d rather have Jamie Donovan than my awesome breasts.”
“Yeah, but you get to keep your breasts forever. Jamie’s just a loaner.”
“Are you sure?”
Olivia rolled her eyes. “Come on. I’m not an idiot.”
“You know who is an idiot? Victor.”
“In some new way?” she asked.
Gwen nodded. “Yes! I talked to Lewis’s assistant. I gather there was some sort of trouble.”
“He did it, didn’t he?” Olivia groaned. “I knew it. That bastard.”
“So someone really did rat you out?”
“Yes! Victor, obviously. He called Lewis and told him I was sleeping with a student. The irony’s so thick I can barely breathe.”
“I don’t think Victor’s the one who did it.”
“What do you mean? You just said he was being an idiot.”
“Sure, but that’s a constant, isn’t it? What I meant was that Victor called Lewis afterward. From what his receptionist could gather, Victor called to assure Lewis that you’d never do anything inappropriate.”
“Oh.” Olivia shook her head in confusion. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure, but that’s not the crazy part. Victor told Lewis that this was all just a rough patch. That you two were going to reconcile.”
“He did what?”
“I figured he was delusional, but I thought I’d better ask.”
“It’s… Of course it’s delusional. Why would he say that? Our divorce was finalized a year ago!”
“Have you been nicer to him lately?”
“No! We’ve hardly even talked. I mean, when we first separated, he kept insisting that he didn’t want a divorce, but he dropped that and seemed to move on.”
Gwen nodded. “I’ve seen this happen with other friends before. Haven’t you?”
Olivia had no idea what she was talking about and her confusion must have shown.
“Men can be totally reasonable about a divorce when they’re getting the sudden chance to sow their oats. They feel free and young again. Sure, the divorce hurts, but there are nubile ways to soothe those wounds. So everything is steady and reasonable, going along just fine. Then the wife starts to date, and it all changes.”
“But that’s not fair.”
“I’m sure it happens the other way around, too, but yeah, it’s not fair. I had one friend who’d been getting along just fine with her ex for two years. They shared custody and they were a model for how divorced parents should behave. I was so impressed.”
“And then?”
“And then she met someone and fell in love, and suddenly the ex was taking her back to court for stricter visitation rules and lower child support payments. He’d never give an inch on any scheduling compromises. It got ugly. The moment she stopped dating the new guy, things settled down again.”
Olivia rubbed her forehead. “I just…I’m sure it’s not that serious with Victor. I talked to him about Lewis. Maybe he was only trying to find a way to help me.”
“Maybe.”
But Olivia found it hard to believe her own words. Especially with the ugly things he’d said to her a few days ago. “So your friend said Victor definitely wasn’t the one who’d called Lewis in the first place?”
“She didn’t know anything about it. I can ask her to try to find out, but…”
“No, I don’t want to get anyone in trouble. I suppose it wasn’t Victor after all. Unless he created an elaborate plan to get me in trouble and then save my job.”
“And then you’d fall at his feet in gratitude. It’s possible.”
“It is not!” Olivia laughed, picking up her glass for a much-needed drink. “Plus he wouldn’t take the chance of looking like a crazy person to Lewis.”
“Good point.”
“Even if he has gone stark raving mad.”
“I’ll drink to that.” Gwen finished her drink with a sigh. “If you don’t mind my asking, why didn’t you and Victor have kids?”
Olivia rearranged her silverware and considered the question. “I don’t know. At first, I thought we’d have kids, but Victor wanted to wait until his career was more established. After a while, he seemed to want to just wait. I guess I just had to let the idea go. It was probably for the best. I’m an only child. Babies make me a little nervous.”
“Is your family here?”
“No. They’re in St. Paul. And my mom wouldn’t have been any help. She didn’t quite know what to do with her own child. Anyway, now I’m too old.”
“You are not.”
“I’m thirty-five! Do you know how many years it would take for me to meet the right guy and get married?”
Gwen grinned. “Maybe you could have Jamie Donovan’s love child.”
It was Olivia’s turn to choke on her drink. “Good Lord. Yes, that’s just what I want to be is one of Jamie’s baby mamas.”
“Does he have more?”
“Not that I know of. He’s certainly got protection handy no matter where we find ourselves. So what about you? Do you want kids?”
Gwen looked down at the table. “I don’t know. I always thought…” She cleared her throat. “I always thought I’d get another chance, but…”
“Another chance?” Olivia sobered at the solemn sound of Gwen’s words.
“I had a daughter when I was eighteen. I gave her up for adoption.”
“Oh.” She reached out to touch Gwen’s hand. “I feel like I should say I’m sorry, but maybe those aren’t the right words.”
Gwen nodded and her gaze rose. “I made the right choice. I know I did. She has a great family. But the older I get… It’s not that I’d make a different choice, but I feel like I should’ve been more aware that she might be my only child. I should’ve at least known that when I said goodbye to her.”
“Oh, Gwen.” Olivia squeezed her hand. “You’re only twenty-eight. You’ll meet someone wonderful and have a family. I don’t have any doubt. You’re such a nice person.”
“I’ve got a great personality, huh?”
“And a prestigious rack.”
Even though it sounded a little watery, Gwen laughed and slapped Olivia’
s arm.
“Did you ever manage to drop into Paul’s office?”
“I was just kidding. He asked you out, Olivia. I don’t want to horn in on that.”
She rolled her eyes. “Oh, sure, I’m used to keeping all the men for myself, but I can’t be too selfish this time. I’m otherwise occupied.”
Gwen shook her head.
“He’s cute.”
“I know,” Gwen grumbled. “I Googled him.”
“So talk to him.”
“About what? My favorite new reality show? I’ve learned the hard way that I don’t have anything in common with these tenured guys. I still eat ramen every Monday night.”
“You do not.”
Gwen winked. “Only when I’m too lazy to cook.”
“We’ll see,” Olivia said, conceding nothing. If Gwen wasn’t going to drop by Paul’s office, then Olivia would arrange a meeting herself. He’d seemed nice. He was obviously smart and successful and looking to date. He was exactly what Gwen needed, and Olivia was finding him a little lacking in the kilt department.
“I’ve never told anyone about the adoption, by the way. So…”
“I won’t betray your confidence,” Olivia promised. “You hold one of my secrets, too.”
“Are you talking about Jamie or Victor?”
“Okay, two secrets, I guess, but one of them seems to be getting around pretty fast. I was talking about Victor’s little indiscretion.”
“I still say you should’ve busted his ass.”
“It wouldn’t have changed anything. And in the end, he would’ve kept his job and made sure I lost mine. Then it would’ve been easier to make me come back to him.”
Gwen’s eyes fell for a moment. “I’m sorry I never said anything to you. We weren’t close then, and I wasn’t a hundred percent sure he was cheating. And sometimes people don’t want to know the truth.”
“I know that. Believe me. It was all there for me to see if I’d wanted to. I realize now that it happened before, but I didn’t want to look too closely. You don’t need to feel guilty about that. And you’re right—if you’d been the one to tell me, we wouldn’t be friends right now. It would’ve been weird.”
“Screw it then. Want another drink?”
“Absolutely.”
Their food finally arrived, and Gwen ordered another round. Her eyes stayed on Olivia as she took her first bite of salmon.
“What?” Olivia asked.
“I kind of thought you’d leave after the divorce. Go work for a school in Denver.”
Olivia found it hard to swallow. “Mmm.”
“Did you think about it?”
“Sure,” she lied, trying to hide the fact that the idea terrified her.
“I mean, you could go anywhere, not just Denver. Anywhere. There’s nothing keeping you here. In fact, you should find out if they have any openings at Hawaii State.”
She could go anywhere. She knew that. And she didn’t understand why the thought made her want to cry. She was free now. There had to be a school somewhere that was looking for knowledge like hers. All this tension and awkwardness with her ex would be gone in an instant.
But the very idea hurt her deep inside, like acid gnawing through the core of her. “Hawaii,” she murmured. “I’ll have to check that out.”
“Do it. Then find out if they’re hiring any administrative assistants.”
Olivia raised her new drink and even managed a smile, but she knew she’d never look into it.
Was she that afraid of change? Was she so weak that she couldn’t imagine going somewhere new, trying something different? She was trying to stretch her wings and take more chances. But the idea of searching out a position at a new school made her feel sick.
Baby steps, she told herself, hoping that was all it would take. But maybe she wasn’t brave. Maybe Jamie Donovan made everything so easy that it didn’t take any courage at all.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
“OH, GOD,” OLIVIA SCREAMED. “Oh, no.”
“Hold on,” Jamie urged.
She wrapped her hands tighter around the bar and squeezed her eyes shut as the coaster crested the hill. “Why am I doing this?”
“You know why!” He laughed.
“This isn’t fun!” she cried just as the world dropped from beneath them and gravity disappeared. Olivia didn’t scream. She pressed her teeth tight together and held her breath as if she were plunging into water.
When they swung into the bottom curve, she finally gasped for air.
“Are you okay?” Jamie asked, his big hand closing over her knee.
She nodded, still trying to catch her breath. But by the time they hit the next hill, Olivia was laughing. Hard. She couldn’t manage to stop, even when the coaster flew into its last long stretch and Jamie pulled her in for a kiss.
“You look exactly the same way you do after sex,” he said.
“Because I’m laughing?” She collapsed into giggles again at his look of outrage.
“I was thinking more of the breathless screams.”
“I bet you were.”
He kissed her one more time before helping her out of the car. “Where to now?”
“I can’t take any more. My voice is almost gone.”
“Come on. One more ride.”
Exhausted as she was, she was having a great time. “Okay, but something small. The merry-go-round.”
“God, no. Not unless you want to see me puke.”
Olivia stopped in her tracks. “You’re kidding. The merry-go-round makes you sick?”
Jamie glared. “What? It’s the spinning. Not, like, the gently bobbing horses.”
“First, you’re ticklish, and now this?”
“Just keep it quiet, all right? I’ll lose my man card.”
“Oh, I’m pretty sure you’ve got a permanent membership, Mr. Donovan. No one can ever take that away from you.”
He pulled her out of the flow of traffic, tugging her hips into his. “Ms. Bishop, you’re not implying something vulgar, are you?”
She leaned closer and let her breath chase over his ear, knowing that he’d shiver at the feeling. “Absolutely not. It’s not vulgar.” She brushed her lips against his ear. “It’s gorgeous.”
Jamie growled before he let her go. “How about the Ferris wheel?”
“Can you handle that, big guy?”
“Stop trying to flatter me.”
Olivia grinned at him over her shoulder and set off toward the Ferris wheel. “That wasn’t supposed to be flattery.”
“Sorry. You said ‘big guy.’ That’s all I heard.”
When they reached the Ferris wheel ten minutes later, her cheeks ached from laughing. What was it like to be Jamie, so carefree and easy? So confident and cheerful? She relaxed into the rocking seat with a sigh of happy relief.
The first high turn was a frightening thrill, but after that the ride turned peaceful. She laid her head on his shoulder and watched the city rise and fall before her. At the very top, the breeze was brisk and cool, but Jamie’s arm was pure heat draped around her. She felt as if she could simply curl into him and fall asleep.
On their fourth rise to the top, the wheel slowed to a stop, leaving them stranded in the sky as more passengers boarded. Silence settled over Olivia and Jamie, as if time had stopped and left them rocking.
“This is nice,” he said, his thumb stroking her shoulder. “It’s beautiful.”
It was. The setting sun had dipped behind a bank of clouds, leaving them with a perfect view. Olivia looked out over the city, to the mountains beyond, and she thought of leaving it behind. She could simply get in her car and drive. Through the mountains, across the desert, all the way to the ocean. And that didn’t scare her. Not at all.
The night before, she’d lain in bed for hours, poking and prodding at her psyche, trying to puzzle out her fears. And it had finally hit her.
“Jamie,” she said softly.
“Hmm?”
“I told you I never wanted
to be a teacher.”
“You’re good at it, though.”
“Maybe, but I never wanted it. Ever.”
The wheel began to turn again, pushing them toward the mountains, then sinking them to the ground.
“You wanted to work at restaurants?” he asked.
“Yes. I grew up around restaurants. My parents were investors, and over the years, they were partners in several places. We went out to eat constantly. But the part I always liked best was before the restaurant opened. The excitement of the new idea. The brainstorming and planning. Watching as an empty space was made into something beautiful. The thrill of opening day, all of it sizzling with the risk of failure. That was what I wanted.”
“So, what happened?”
She shrugged. “I went to school in Virginia, just to get away from my parents. Typical teenage stuff. ‘They don’t understand me. They never will.’ I just wanted to be far, far away. I worked at restaurants to support myself, trying my best to get jobs with places that were just starting up. Six years later, I’d finished my master’s and fallen head over heels in love.”
“With Victor.”
“Yes.” The wheel reached the top again, and they fell in a slow circle. “And he didn’t need a wife who worked fourteen-hour days, seven days a week. His career was important. He needed support. So, instead of sinking money into a small business, we bought a house, and I took a job teaching.”
“You gave it up.”
“I did. All of it.”
“You can start over,” he said. “That’s what I’m doing. Trying to get to what I really want. Trying to make up for…other things.”
“Do you ever feel trapped? Like there would’ve been something better for you if you weren’t obligated to your family?”
Jamie let his head fall back. He stared up into the tangle of metal spokes above them. “No. Mostly I just wish things were different for us. I wish my brother could tone it down. I wish I’d gotten my shit together earlier. I wish I hadn’t… I wish my parents hadn’t died. But I like what I do. I don’t feel trapped.” He lifted his head and looked at her. “You don’t have to feel trapped, either. You’re not trapped.”
“I’ve spent so many years teaching. I’ve invested my whole professional life in it. How can I walk away from that?”
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