by Valerie Parv
As if stung, she dropped the shirt on to the bed and whirled around. He had come straight from the shower, wearing only a towel wrapped around him like a sarong. His chest was bare and glistening with droplets of moisture.
Her tongue darted across her parched lips. ‘I didn’t…I just…I keep thinking about Denise.’
‘She’ll be fine. She’s a bit groggy from something the doctor’s given her, but she and the baby are in the best hands. They wanted to get her to hospital, so I said goodbye and gave her your love.’
‘Good. Thanks.’ She gulped as a tear rolled down her cheek. She tried to brush past him, but he caught and held her. When she tried to wrestle free, his hold tightened.
‘Don’t fight it. It’s only reaction. This has been a traumatic night.’
‘B-but it’s over.’ Why should she feel so tremulous now when the worst was behind them?
‘That’s the best time to give way—when you’ve done your part.’
He was only being kind, doing what anyone would have done in the same circumstances, she told herself. It didn’t mean anything. But it felt so good to have his arms around her, like a homecoming after far too long away. She gave a soft sigh. ‘I can’t help thinking of what could have gone wrong tonight.’
He crooked a finger under her chin and lifted her head. ‘As I told you, it didn’t, so relax.’
If he hadn’t kissed her lightly to seal the assurance, she might have found the strength to return to her own room, but the touch of his lips was as heady as wine. Thirsty for more, she was hardly aware of tilting her head back in silent invitation. ‘Oh, Bryan.’ All her longing for him went into the two words.
Exactly when the embrace changed from comforting to something deeper she wasn’t sure, but she felt it in the way his arms tightened around her.
It was madness, but with every sense working on overdrive she was powerless to end the embrace. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to. Tonight she had seen a new life born and it had touched a chord deep inside her, a need she hadn’t even known she possessed. She had also seen how fragile and precious life could be. As was love.
She opened her eyes and he read the message in them. His mouth sought hers, and there was no more comfort in the kiss. In its place was an urgency so powerful that it filled her with wonder. Excitement coursed through her as the hands which had given life to a new baby now slid across her fiery skin, his touch tender yet demanding.
Lost in the enchantment of his embrace, she threw her head back, needing him as she had never needed another human being, wanting him as she had never wanted another soul.
The baby’s first cry found an echo in the sound which escaped from her own throat as he buried his face in her shoulder. ‘Yes, Bryan, yes.’
Cupping his head, she let her fingers tangle in his hair. His hand slid inside her shirt and she gasped as he found her breast and massaged it, her nipple tingling as he palmed it gently but insistently.
Slowly he eased her backwards until she lay across the bed, his shirt crumpled beneath her. She tried to speak, to tell him of the wonder of this moment, but his kiss sealed her lips and she knew there was no need for words. His kiss was as sweet as wine and his arms were a safe haven she needed desperately. When he unbuttoned her shirt, she gave a cry of delight as her breasts spilled into his hands and she saw his eyes light with appreciation of her beauty.
When he took her in his mouth, she writhed in delicious torment. His towel had fallen unheeded and his body moulded against her, magnificently masculine and demanding.
Under his touch, the rest of her clothes slid away until there were no more barriers. His hard body felt hot, heavy and wonderful against her feminine softness as he came to her.
‘Not quite yet,’ he murmured, reaching a long arm out for his bag. ‘Help me to be ready for you.’
He made the precaution a shared pleasure, she thought in wonder as he guided her hand lower. She teased him at first, drawing out the suspense until she could stand it no longer, then quickly sheathed him so there would be no more delays. Wanting him was like the most exquisite hunger, gnawing at the deepest recesses of her being.
When he satisfied the hunger at last, a soaring sensation tore through her. His possession was as wondrous as she had dreamed it would be, more so for being real at last.
She clutched him, wanting him even closer, wanting the impossible. No greater closeness could exist anywhere. With him, she moved and breathed as one.
The dream went on and on. An ache gathered inside her, a wanting such as she had never experienced before. The urgent feeling tantalised her, just out of reach. Then it was there, rolling over her in mind-tearing waves until she felt as if she must die of ecstasy.
His fingers gripped her shoulders as he crested the peak with her. Slowly, slowly, she coasted down the other side, her ragged breathing gradually returning to normal.
Only then did the enormity of what she had done dawn on her. Swept away on an emotional tide after the birth of the baby, she had allowed Bryan to make love to her in spite of all the reasons why it was wrong.
A sharp pain stabbed through her. How could she have forgotten that he was promised to someone else? She sat up and drew her knees up against her chest. He slid a hand down the satiny skin of her back. ‘What is it?’
Her chin sank on to her knees. ‘I didn’t mean this to happen.’
‘Neither of us did. Tonight was like being in a war zone where all the normal rules are suspended.’
Her heart sank. His meaning was all too clear. Nothing had changed between them. This was merely an aberration because they had both been under such tremendous pressure. Making love to her had been a safety valve, nothing more.
Stiffly she got out of bed and reached for her shirt, thrusting her arms into the sleeves mechanically. ‘You could stay,’ he said as he watched her.
Shaking her head, she gathered up the rest of her clothes and pulled her shirt around her like a robe. ‘No, I can’t.’ She had already made enough mistakes for one night.
She noticed that he made no more attempts to stop her as she fled back to her own room.
CHAPTER TWELVE
THE lowing of the calves beneath her window roused Jill from sleep. Groggily she looked around. Where was she? Then the night’s events came flooding back and she felt her face grow warm.
She knew what was wrong. After the emotioncharged arrival of Denise’s baby, Bryan had made love to her. Thinking of the way she had gone to his room, she wanted to run and hide. How could she have behaved so recklessly? How could she face him this morning? Or herself?
‘Good afternoon, sleepyhead.’
She forced a smile. ‘Afternoon? What happened to morning?’ she asked as her brother came in with a tray of coffee and hot buttered toast.
He grinned. ‘You slept through it. I only came in because I heard you stirring.’
She sat up, pulling the covers around her. ‘You should have woken me hours ago. How are Denise and the baby?’
‘I rang the district hospital this morning and they’re both doing well. I’ll go over to see them later in the day.’
Sipping her coffee, she smiled at her brother. ‘Congratulations, Daddy.’
‘Congratulations yourself, Aunty. I’ll bet you never expected to be part of the action.’
She grimaced. ‘It’s still hard to believe.’
Nick nodded soberly. ‘I hate to think what would have happened if Bryan hadn’t known what to do.’
This wasn’t the time to tell Nick that it was Bryan’s first and only experience of delivering a human baby, she thought. ‘Where is he now?’ she asked. She felt far from ready to face him yet.
It seemed she was worrying needlessly. Nick looked uncomfortable. ‘He flew back to Bowana earlier today after getting a telephone call from someone called Christine or something.’
Her heart gave a painful lurch. It hadn’t taken Bryan any time at all to fly back to the other woman’s side. ‘It wouldn’t have been Christa, by an
y chance?’
‘That’s the name. Apparently she needed him urgently, so he dropped everything and flew home. He said to tell you he’ll contact you as soon as he can.’
The toast turned to ashes in Jill’s mouth and she swallowed hard. She shouldn’t be surprised, but it hurt to have Nick spell out the reality. How could she have been such a fool?
‘Maybe you should rest a bit longer. You’ve gone quite pale,’ Nick said in concern.
She lifted her chin. ‘I’m fine, thanks. As soon as I’ve finished this, I’ll get up and make myself useful around the property.’ At least Wildhaven needed her, even if Bryan didn’t, she thought miserably.
Her brittle tone betrayed her. ‘Is everything all right, sis?’
‘Just reaction after last night, I expect,’ she said with forced cheerfulness.
‘Well, don’t overdo the chores. You’re still convalescing yourself, remember?’
‘Yes, boss.’
He gave her a suspicious look. ‘When you call me boss, I worry.’ He dropped his voice. ‘I gather you didn’t expect Bryan to take off for Bowana this morning.’
Her eyes clouded and she focused on the coffeecup cradled between her hands. There was no point in pretending. Nick knew her far too well. ‘I should have expected it, but I guess I was hoping against hope that things would turn out differently.’
He tilted an eyebrow at her. ‘This Christa wouldn’t be the fly in the ointment, would she?’
She gave a heavy sigh. ‘Yes, she is. He’s engaged to her.’
Nick let out a sympathetic breath. ‘Bad luck, sis. It’s shades of David Hockey all over again, isn’t it?’
‘No, it isn’t. This time I’m not giving up so easily.’ Even as she said it, she knew it was true. Finding out that David was married, she had quietly left the scene, nursing her damaged feelings in solitude. Yet David’s marriage had foundered soon afterwards through no fault of Jill’s. Who knew what would have happened if she’d refused to give up?
The truth was, she hadn’t fought for David because she hadn’t really loved him. Bryan was different. She knew now that she loved him with all her heart and soul. She couldn’t let him go so easily, not now she had known the unbearable sweetness of his possession. If Bill Bernard was half the man they all thought he was, he would want Bryan to be happy, she was sure. Maybe she could plead with Bill Bernard to intercede on her behalf. It seemed unlikely that he would take her side against his own daughter, but miracles did happen. Last night was proof.
Nick watched her warily. ‘What are you scheming about now?’
‘What makes you think I’m scheming about anything?’
‘I know that look, little sister, and all I can say is, Bryan McKinley better watch out.’
A woman scorned had nothing on a woman loved, she thought as she shooed Nick away and got out of bed. Her head was buzzing with plans. As soon as Bryan telephoned, she would let him know she was coming to Bowana.
A day later, her plans started to look foolish. Bryan still hadn’t phoned, and it was all she could do not to try to contact him. Only the thought that his silence was intentional held her back. She couldn’t bear it if he told her he never wanted to see her again.
Two of Bryan’s men had driven her car to Wildhaven that morning, but had left almost immediately, before she could ask them what was going on at Bowana.
She eyed her car thoughtfully. Tom Noonagar could service and refuel it for her, then she could drive north without waiting for Bryan’s call.
If she wasn’t welcome, she couldn’t feel any worse than she did at this moment. But at least she would know the truth, once and for all. Bryan loved her. She knew it as well as she knew her own name. The only uncertainty was whether he would make a place for her in his life.
When Nick returned from the hospital he brought the welcome news that Denise would be allowed home the next day and the baby soon afterwards. She hugged him warmly. ‘That’s wonderful news, Nick.’ It also meant he wouldn’t miss her help with the property.
Nick looked doubtful when she told him her plans. ‘I’m not happy about you setting off on your own.’
She planted a sisterly kiss on his cheek. ‘You don’t have to be happy about it. You only have to make sure my car’s in good shape.’
‘It’ll be in tiptop shape,’ he promised. ‘Will you at least take a two-way radio with you?’
At least she’d be able to contact someone if she ran into car trouble. ‘Yes, I will,’ she agreed. ‘And thanks for caring so much.’
Her brother had the transceiver installed by lunchtime, and gave her a thorough lesson in its use, including the required frequencies for contacting the flying doctor service. ‘If you get lonely you can tune into the galah session.’
She smiled. ‘I haven’t heard that expression since we were kids.’
It was the term used to describe a sort of openline radio session when residents of far-flung stations could chat to one another. For her, there would be no chatting on this trip. Her head was too full of plans for what she would say to Bryan when she saw him.
Nick was still trying to talk her out of going when she set off. She had ample supplies of fresh water, enough food to feed an army, as she laughingly assured him, and advice on handling every conceivable emergency.
‘You didn’t lecture me like this when I travelled with Bryan,’ she protested.
‘You were in his hands then.’
She was still in his hands, if the truth be admitted. Her entire future depended on the reception he gave her at Bowana. ‘Give my love to Denise and the baby,’ she told Nick as she got into the car.
‘I will. Tell Bryan we’re naming the baby James McKinley Richter after the man who brought him into the world. We want you two to be godparents. Do you think he’ll agree?’
‘After midwife, godfather should be a snap,’ she said.
Before her brother could think of anything else to delay her, she gunned the motor and drove out through the gates of Wildhaven.
Nick was right: it had felt different travelling in convoy with Bryan. His presence had reassured her. She felt his absence more keenly than she would have thought possible as she navigated the first rough stretch of bush track towards the billabong where they had shared their first billy of tea together.
She bypassed the billabong and drank her tea by the roadside, under the shade of a stately desert oak. With only the birds for company and the occasional wild camel running ahead of her car to avoid the prickly spinifex grasses, she felt more alone than she had ever done before.
To pass the time as she drove she put the finishing touches to the tourist project in her head. David’s article would start the ball rolling, then other papers and magazines would follow, with television and radio coverage as well if they were lucky.
The publicity would fuel interest in the pioneer cattle drive, which would be marketed as a holiday package to tourists in Australia and overseas. If it was the success she hoped, the Bowana cattle drives would become a ‘must do’ for visitors to the outback.
She would more than pay her debt to Bryan for writing the damaging column, she thought with satisfaction. How different things would have been if the mistake had never occurred. She would never have met him, she thought with a pang, far less fallen in love with him.
That column had a lot to answer for.
Her attention was drawn to a stand of native white cypress trees, their artistically gnarled grey limbs fringed with green, in contrast to the earthy tones around them. Why hadn’t she noticed these strikingly handsome trees on the last trip?
She hadn’t noticed them because they hadn’t been there, she thought with a shiver of apprehension. For the first time she noticed a track leading to the base of a small sandstone rock formation which nature had shaped and banded into folds. It was also unfamiliar.
Worriedly, she stopped the car and walked the short distance to the base of the rock formation, noting how delicate ferns grew in the crevices o
f the overhanging rocks. At one end of the rock formation was a cluster of Aboriginal paintings.
The designs of circles, lines and squares were faded and weathered with age, but she recognised the wavy outline of a rainbow serpent and what looked like tribal figures carrying the snake on their shoulders.
She shivered, not understanding the meaning, but instinctively recognising the spiritual importance of this place. She didn’t belong here.
Back at the car she faced facts. Somehow she had turned on to one of the seismic ‘shot’ lines Bryan had told her about, the wide, inviting ‘highways to nowhere’ bulldozed out of the bush for gas and oil exploration.
The phantom highway ended not a hundred metres from where she stood. Beyond it was virgin bush.
Wearily she reached for the radio, but before she could do more than activate it a voice breached the silence. It was such a welcome voice that she almost broke down in tears.
‘Bryan, is that you? Over.’
‘Jill, where the hell are you?’
She almost laughed aloud. If she knew the answer she wouldn’t be on the radio, calling for help. ‘I don’t know,’ she admitted shakily. ‘I turned off on to one of those exploration corridors you warned me about. It runs out not far from where I am.’
There was a moment’s crackling pause, then he came back on the air. ‘Give me what landmarks you can.’
In as much detail as she could, she described the track leading to the sandstone bluff and the cave paintings she’d discovered.
‘It sounds as if you’re at Lightning Man rock,’ he explained. ‘It’s a sacred place where the thunder and lightning were supposedly made by the dreamtime spirits.’
‘It sounds silly, but I have the strangest feeling I shouldn’t be here,’ she told him, clinging to the reassuring familiarity of his voice as to a lifeline.
‘You shouldn’t. Lightning Man is taboo to women. I wouldn’t hang around if I were you.’
A shiver gripped her and her hand tightened on the transceiver. ‘I don’t plan to stay longer than I must, if you’ll just tell me the best way out of here.’
‘Do you recall seeing a windmill a few kilometres before the sandstone bluff?’