Love Today

by Delaney, Delia

  “The new baby will call her mom, yes. He or she is going to be born to Taryn and Jared, so the new baby will call them mommy and daddy.”

  “But he’s my daddy,” she stated with an obvious pout.

  That surprised me to a degree since she’d never called him that before. But Jared was set on raising Maggie like she was his own, so I guess it was a given she would feel that way. I just didn’t know how her young mind worked sometimes, and especially because we’d had this conversation on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. We explained the whole parental guardian concept, and Maggie seemed content that we’d always be in her life. She wasn’t to “Mom” and “Dad” titles, and I was okay with that. I wasn’t comfortable taking my sister’s place.

  “Do you want to call Jared ‘daddy’?” my mom asked her.

  Maggie looked at her curiously. “Can I?”

  My mom was so casual about it as she shrugged and said, “Of course you can.” She also glanced at me because she knew what she was about to do, and since my mom and I had differing opinions about the matter, she added, “I think you deserve a dad, and another mom.”

  I could see Maggie’s wheels turn as she looked at me again. It made me a little nervous because I never wanted to take over that role my sister had as her mother, and my mom knew that too, but because I was so sensitive to it, I decided to wait for Maggie’s response.

  Finally she said, “Makes sense to me. I gotta go potty.” Jared came through the door at the same time she got up from the table and she said, “Gross, Daddy, go shower.”

  He almost tripped over the dog as he watched her skip down the hall. My mom and I kind of chuckled, but I was sensitive to his feelings and joined him where he stood when he asked, “Did she just call me daddy?”

  I smiled and said, “Yes, she did. Apparently she’s been waiting for the okay and she just got it.” He really was all sweaty from mowing the lawn so I wrinkled my nose and added, “She’s right. Gross.”

  He grinned and said, “Hey, you’ve always kissed me after a concert. Don’t tell me ‘gross.’ ” I knew what was next but he grabbed me before I could escape his sweaty kisses all over my face.

  “Yeah, but that was just sweat!” I laughed as I tried to push him away. “You’re all dirty and grimy!”

  “And you love it because it’s manly. And because your yard looks awesome.”

  I couldn’t disagree so he released me with a big smile. I did wipe some sweat off my face to be dramatic but he ignored it because of other things on his mind.

  “So what was the daddy conversation about? She asked if she could call me that?”

  “Yes, and my mom told her she deserved to have a dad. I’m happy about that. She’s never had a dad until you.”

  “Well what about you? Did she call you mom too?” He was smiling, but it faded when I shook my head.

  “Nah, but I’m okay with that.”

  He studied me for a second. “Well it’s gonna happen, Taryn. And you don’t need to feel guilty about it.”

  “Well, we’ll see,” I began, just as Maggie returned to the table. I heard my mom ask if she washed her hands, and after she answered yes, she resumed eating her dinner. “I tried to holler at you that dinner was done, but you were on the back half and couldn’t hear me.”

  “I’ll go shower quick.” He kissed me before he left, and on the way by the table, he tugged on Maggie’s ponytail.

  “Hey,” she protested with a giggle.

  I watched Jared disappear down the hall as I returned to the kitchen. Maggie had pretty much eaten most of what was on her plate and asked if she could watch cartoons. As soon as I gave her permission, I wasn’t surprised when my mom said, “Sounds like it’s time for the next step.”

  I sighed. “Just because that happened doesn’t mean it’s time for that.”

  “Make it official, Taryn,” she said, following me to the stove. She watched me mix the stir-fry and re-fluff the rice. We were out of range for Maggie to hear, but she still quietly added, “To give Maggie a real family is the best thing you can—”

  “We are a real family,” I replied firmly.

  It was her turn to sigh. “I know you are. But make it official so it’s easier on her in the long run. You are her parents now. She needs to have the same last name. And your loyalty to Rachel… I just don’t understand it. I can’t see any reason why she would have a problem with you adopting her daughter, Taryn.”

  “It that normal? I mean Maggie was born to Rachel, not me. She’s still her mother. I don’t want to take that away from her.”

  “She’s not here anymore.”

  “I know that. So I’m just supposed to take her kid like she never existed?”

  “The circumstances are a little different. Her mom was murdered. Now Maggie has to miss out on a life of calling someone ‘mom’? Come on, Taryn. Be fair.”

  “You don’t understand. Jared understands, but you don’t.”

  “What is it that I don’t understand?”

  I didn’t respond because I wasn’t willing to talk about it. My husband knew every fear I had when it came to Maggie, but my mom was also a mother. Why didn’t she get it?

  “Taryn, sometimes a decision doesn’t always have the perfect, most obvious answer. But it still needs to be made anyway. Sometimes it’s just a matter of weighing the pros and cons.”

  “Well what if you don’t know the value of those pros and cons? What if you underestimate one of those things and it backfires on you? What if your decision comes back to bite you in the ass?”

  “Then that’s what was meant to happen because you did the best you could. Choices aren’t always easy. Let me ask you one question, Taryn… What is one thing that would make you feel comfortable about the decision?”

  “It’s not possible, so it doesn’t matter.”

  “What’s not possible? Rachel’s approval?”

  I didn’t answer since she was right.

  “Taryn, Rachel wouldn’t want to leave her daughter without a family, so she entrusted her to you. Your name was on the will; you are who she wanted Maggie to be with.”

  “It says ‘guardian.’ It never said ‘I want Taryn to take my place as Maggie’s mom.’ ”

  My mom sighed. “Those are not terms you specify in a will. Adoption is a personal choice beyond the legal guardianship. Both of her parents are deceased, Taryn. There is nothing that is stopping you from legally adopting her. She’s almost six years old. You and Jared are going to have a baby together. The baby will be forever bound to you both, but you just want to be Maggie’s court appointed guardian? How do you think she’ll feel about that in the long run?” That hurt deeply, and my mom knew it. But she continued with, “Think of Jared. Now she’s calling him dad. Well he’s the husband of her legal guardian but nothing beyond that—”

  “Stop it, Mom. Why are you doing this?”

  “Because I want you to see beyond your fears. You can do something for Maggie that will make a huge difference in your life, but you’re afraid of offending your dead sister? Really, Taryn… What has Rachel ever done for you?”

  “Just because you two didn’t get along doesn’t mean I didn’t get along with her.”

  “Did you?” she asked, seeming truly surprised.

  I took a moment to think about it as Jared entered the kitchen, well aware we were in some sort of disagreement.

  “I probably understood Rachel in certain ways because I was her sister,” I finally answered. “No, she and I weren’t close like I wish I could have been, but it’s a little late for that. But whatever it was that she couldn’t stand at home, it fell in my lap also. I was lumped in with all of those bad experiences—or whatever she considered them to be—and I feel like I never had a chance.”

  My mom was surprised again. “Are you saying that we are the reason that you and Rachel were never close?”

  With a sigh I replied, “I’m saying that she looked at it that way. I didn’t know a lot of things that were going
on with Rachel when I was younger. I mean you guys were constantly fighting and most of the time Rachel ended up taking off. I was the little sister—four years younger than her—so obviously she never confided in me. All I ever knew was that she got grounded after some big shouting match or breaking curfew or something. I never knew what exactly it was that she did wrong.”

  My mom didn’t reply right away. At first I thought it was because I had a point, but then she shook her head. After a deep breath she said, “Honey, there were a lot of things about Rachel that we didn’t want you to know. And to be honest, I was glad that the two of you weren’t close. I’ll also admit that when you started talking to her on the phone a couple years ago…I was worried. I was afraid that… Well, you’ve been such a good kid and…I didn’t want her to rub off on you. As a parent you wish your kids could see things the way you do, but sometimes…I guess you have to trust them.

  “Your dad was the one that suggested you help out with Maggie. I disagreed with him. I didn’t want my other daughter to oppose us like Rachel—there, I said it—and I was against it. But…I knew that you wanted to get to know your niece and that Rachel was finally giving you that chance to be close to them. I understood that, so I went along with your dad when he encouraged Rachel to have you for the summer. You had such high regards for your sister…”

  “She was my sister,” I said quietly.

  “I know. And I understand that. So we hoped for two things: you’d either see what we’ve been through all these years, or you would somehow rub off on her. Either way would have pleased me but… I didn’t expect the rest, of course. And I guess I didn’t see how your life was going to be changed so much. I just thought you would learn something, come home, and continue your life here. I guess fate might have had you end up with Maggie anyway, but Rachel didn’t change her will until after you’d been in Washington for a month.”

  I raised my eyebrows, unaware of that. “What was in her will before?”

  My mom shrugged. “Nothing. Maggie would have gone to a family member—us, hopefully, if her paternal relatives didn’t fight for custody. Thank God the Grahams didn’t go that route.”

  “So you and dad could be raising Maggie right now, not me.”

  “No, it’s the way it should be, Taryn. Maggie is with the right family.” She looked at both Jared and me. “The two of you will give her the life she deserves. I only want you to see that it’s meant to be that way. You have the ability to fix something that’s broken. We all want for you to become Maggie’s parents permanently. I’ll respect your reservations, Taryn, but I really think it’s time to make it happen.” She gave me a hug and told me she loved me. Then she hugged Jared and added, “I think it’s a conversation you both should have with Maggie. I know she’s ready.”

  She headed out after that, first stopping in the backyard to say goodbye to Maggie. Jared didn’t say anything right away. I think he was waiting for me to say something first because it had been my conversation with my mom. But he did gather me in his arms for a hug, which was Jared’s typical method of showing support no matter how I was feeling.

  “I just don’t want her to ever resent me for it for some reason,” I spoke against his chest.

  “I know,” he replied, and he kissed the top of my head. “But let me ask you something.”

  I moved to look at him and he took his hand and held my face. After looking into my eyes for a few seconds he said, “The three of us are a family in my book. No buts about it. It’s always going to be that way as far as I’m concerned so…I think your mom is right. And I know how you feel about it, Taryn, but I think it’s time to forget about what Rachel would think because we really should talk to Maggie and seek her opinion instead.”

  He was right, and I knew it. Even when Rachel was alive I had wished that Maggie were mine. I had a hard time dealing with those feelings when my sister died. Jared knew that, and we’d talked about it several times, but I think he was expecting that I’d get past it sooner. He was incredibly patient with me and never pushed, but maybe he saw the need to this time.

  “Let’s have a little family meeting, huh?” he asked. “Let’s go outside with Maggie and just see what comes of a few questions, okay?”

  He waited for my response so I nodded. But before we left the kitchen I took his hand and said, “Before we go can I asked one thing of you?”

  He nodded. “Of course. Anything.”

  I took a slow breath of air and said, “I know you’ll always be honest with me but…if it comes down to, you know, Maggie wanting to keep things the way they are… I’m all right with it, okay? I’m not going to feel bad or anything or…”

  Jared smiled and he gave me another hug. “Okay, I won’t mind explaining to people why she calls me daddy but still calls you Taryn.” I scoffed playfully because I knew he was teasing, but he added, “But just so you know…it’s never going to come to that. I already know her answer.”

  He kissed me and took my hand to walk outside.

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  “Jared! Jared! Over here!”

  “Jared, can we get a picture?”

  “Jared, this way!”

  The demands from photographers continued as my husband took my hand and helped me out of the limo. I’ll admit I had being graceful faked pretty well after spending the past six hours in a satin Armani dress that matched Jared’s burgundy vest. But eight months pregnant wasn’t my ideal fashion statement to make as I walked the red carpet with Jared Miller on his Grammy night. It was hardly a choice for me, though. He had begged me, and when those beautiful green eyes were in pleading mode, it was impossible to say no.

  The actual awards ceremony was over. We were now headed for an after party that was being hosted by Jared’s record label, and after making it through another horde of reporters outside of the building, it was nice to see faces that I knew inside.

  Maggie had been with us earlier at the Staples Center, where Jared and his band received three different Grammy awards and performed the final act of the show. It was an incredible experience, but I was absolutely wiped out. So was Maggie, which is why we’d taken her to the L.A. home first where my parents were staying for the night—just so I could tote my rotund belly around town to support my hubby.

  “I owe you several days on a private island,” Jared said to me as he kissed my temple. We’d sat down on a comfortable couch and he ordered us water. It felt so good to be off my feet.

  “Several weeks,” I corrected him.

  He gave me a crooked smile. “Anything you want.” After making brief conversation with a few people nearby he turned his attention back to me. “How are you feeling, though?”

  “I’m fine,” I shrugged honestly. “These shoes are probably the most comfortable heels that can be found, but my feet are tired. Other than that, we’re doing well.”

  He smiled and placed his hand on my stomach. “Ah, someone is awake and kickin’ to party.”

  “Yes,” I lightly laughed. “He’s definitely developed your schedule.”

  “Hey little man, take it easy on your mom. She’s hanging in there for me.”

  I looked at him and smiled. Taking his hand I said, “I am so proud of you, Jared. I’m not even talking about your career. You know how proud I am of that. But you are the best husband and father in the world. I couldn’t ask for a better man.”

  “Don’t make me cry, Taryn. Not here.” He looked around the room, pretending to feel uncomfortable. I only laughed because he was definitely his own man and never cared what other people thought of him. “You’re the best,” he smiled, kissing my lips. “This has definitely been the right note to leave on.”

  I studied him for a few seconds, recognizing the contentment on his face. Jared had decided to take a couple of years off, and even though I’d discouraged it at first—I didn’t want it to be a mistake—I knew his mind was set. He wanted to be with his family, to spend quality time with Maggie and the new baby. He would still write and
compose for a new album, possibly do some minor appearances now and then on his own or with the band, but Breaking Point was due for, well, a break.

  We’d barely been at the party for thirty minutes when Jared decided he was done for the night. Some more photos of him with his band ensued as we made our exit, and when we were alone in the limo again, I actually fell asleep snuggled up next to him. I was definitely ready for my own hiatus from the music scene.

  I think it was barely seven o’clock when Maggie came bounding into our bedroom the next morning. I was nearly dead to the world but at least Jared was somewhat coherent to talk to her and answer questions. What was weird was looking up to see both of my parents standing in the doorway, as well.

  I didn’t really have a chance to question why they were creepily hovering outside our bedroom because it was obvious that something was up. My mom asked Maggie to put on some cartoons, and when she left, I sat up when my dad said, “It’s over, Taryn. Rachel’s case is closed.”

  My mouth hung open, totally surprised. I was ready for him to say that Nathan Oliver had been found guilty, or that he confessed, or that he was now serving a life sentence. What I did hear was, “Kevin Harris has been charged with second degree murder.”

  Again I only gaped at him, and it was Jared that replied, “Kevin?”

  My dad nodded. “We found out yesterday but didn’t want to bother the two of you on your big day. But yes, the short version is that Kevin was embezzling money from the company and cheating clients. Rachel found out about it and was investigating him on her own. To have proof, I guess. He found out about it, tried talking her out of turning him in—he was going to pay her to keep quiet—but she refused.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “So he killed her?” Moisture pricked my eyes, and it could have been because of the early morning, but my parents became a blurry mess in front of me.

  “Actually he told her he came up with a plan to return all the money without anyone knowing if she would help him out. He asked her to meet with him that night and they ended up at the marina because a client had a yacht there. He, uh, killed her there. He couldn’t leave her body so he carried her outside just as a crew was showing up for a fishing excursion.”