Big Girl Panties

by Stephanie Evanovich

  Logan released her and looked around the room. Two suitcases were situated near the doorway, the confirmation of her statement. He returned his befuddled gaze to her. “You’re going back to Toronto?”

  “Oregon,” she stated simply.

  “Oregon?” he repeated, fully aghast. “That’s a terrible idea. You were miserable there!”

  She gave him a sad little smile. “Your time for telling me what is and isn’t a good idea has passed, Logan. Besides, I think I’m ready to go back there, be part of a family again.”

  “A family that you told me didn’t want you for anything more than a nurse and maid,” he told her. “Where they have an illness that can’t be cured without active participation. You can’t save them if they don’t want saving.”

  She shrugged. “No family is perfect. They don’t even know I’m coming. And I’m not that same girl anymore, thanks in part to you. I’m stronger, focused. I’m going to stay with Tina for a while, till I find a place to live. Once I’m settled, I’ll make the call. They’re starting to deteriorate, my father rapidly. I don’t want to have any regrets about whether or not I was a lousy daughter.”

  “What about this place?” he asked her, still trying to reconcile the words that were coming out of her mouth with the meaning behind them.

  “It goes on the market tomorrow. No matter how long it takes, I can wait it out,” Holly said. If it takes too long, I’m willing to take a bath on it, she added to herself, anything to get away.

  “I don’t want you to do this,” he said.

  “What you want no longer matters,” she told him quietly. “And it’s going to be okay, for both of us. I’m sure of it. You’ll be ringing in the New Year saying, ‘Holly who?’ I guarantee it.”

  There was nothing more to say. Logan took a step back and turned, making his way to the door. Before exiting, he turned back to her with his single beautiful eye, the one that wasn’t swelling. “I’m really sorry I hurt you, Holly.”

  “I’m really sorry I gave you a black eye, Logan. But if it makes you feel any better, I was aiming for your nose,” she said.

  “Thanks for missing. That would’ve really sucked,” he told her, wanting desperately to kiss her again one last time and knowing it wouldn’t make any difference. It would only prolong the agony. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

  She nodded and he left the room. Holly listened to the sounds of his footsteps going down the stairs, a brief quiet exchange of voices, and the sound of the front door closing. She threw herself on the bed and began to sob.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Logan didn’t bother acknowledging the intrigued look on the doorman’s face when he entered his apartment building. What was he supposed to tell him, that he hadn’t been mugged? That yes, it hurt every bit as much as it appeared to? Lowering his head, Logan opted not to make direct eye contact and walked briskly to the elevator. He pushed the UP button and offered a prayer of thanks when the doors immediately opened. He selected his floor and leaned against the wall, waiting for the doors to close, staring at the floor. It felt good to not have to look the world in the face, although he wasn’t accustomed to feeling the weight of guilt heavy on his shoulders. Just before the elevator doors closed, a woman entered, taking her place on the other side of the elevator. The doors closed and the elevator ascended.

  He recognized the perfume even before his gaze drifted from her designer shoes up her long legs to finally settle on her face. It was a face that was smiling slightly.

  Just when he thought his night couldn’t get any worse. “Jesus Christ, news travels fast,” he muttered.

  “This sort of news does anyway,” she replied cautiously, testing the waters of his mood. “Bet a hickey doesn’t seem so bad now.”

  Logan refused to answer and instead sighed, returning his stare to the floor. “What are you doing here, Natalie?”

  “I was waiting for you in the lobby, but you blew right by me. I came to see if you’re all right. And see for myself if it was actually true.”

  The elevator dinged and came to a stop at his floor, the doors opening. Logan got out with Natalie following behind him.

  “You have a lot of nerve showing up here,” he said over his shoulder as he walked briskly down the hall.

  “I wanted to try to explain.”

  “So explain,” he replied, never breaking his stride.

  “I wanted to explain what really happened. How badly Holly overreacted,” she told him, quickening her pace in the effort to keep up with him.

  “That sounds more like accusation than explanation.” Logan stopped in front of his door, pulling his keys out of his jacket pocket. Natalie caught up to him and placed her hand over his before he could unlock the door.

  “I know you’re probably furious with me. I don’t blame you. Please hear me out,” Natalie said.

  Even with his pounding headache, her beauty was remarkable. So graceful, so delicate, it was hard to believe she could be so completely malicious. Still, she seemed sincere. With all the fight in him depleted and depression setting in, he exhaled loudly before relenting.

  “Sure. Come on in.”

  Logan unlocked the door and went inside, instinctively holding it open for her. He turned on several lights and made straight for the couch, taking a seat. Resting an elbow on his knee, he placed his good eye directly into his palm, applying pressure to his eye socket in the hopes of relieving his headache. Without looking up, he could feel the shifting of the couch as Natalie took a seat beside him.

  “She really did a number on you,” Natalie finally said.

  “Is that what you came to talk to me about?” Logan replied into his forearm, his eyeball still firmly ensconced within his palm.

  Natalie settled back on the couch. “You didn’t deserve this, Logan. You didn’t deserve to be made a fool out of. When I got the phone call that this happened, I couldn’t believe my own ears.”

  “Just out of curiosity, who told you?” Logan asked, not really wanting to know.

  “Cliff Caldwell from the Post,” she told him as gently as she could. ‘It’s going to be on Page Six.”

  “Great,” Logan said blandly, lifting his head out of his hand and sitting back against the couch with another sigh. He looked at Natalie and resisted the urge to laugh. Her concern was evident. He thought he also recognized a touch of remorse.

  “He said the picture’s not very good though, and they probably won’t use it. It’s nothing more than a blurb. They’re not even using names other than Chase’s.” She gave him a small contrite grin before continuing. “Once he told me what she was wearing, I knew right away what happened. I’m so sorry, Logan. I swear, I only said five words to her—of course, one of them being ‘quack.’ I had no idea she was that unstable.”

  The urge to laugh won out as soon as he heard the word “quack” and it started the replay of the night’s events in his head. A chuckle of irony escaped. “You know what? I totally believe you.”

  Natalie breathed a sigh of relief. “You do? Thank you. I really did feel awful, even if I wasn’t the one to push her over the edge.”

  Logan said nothing, disinclined to reveal anything more about Holly than Natalie already knew. If Natalie wanted to believe that Holly was irrational or insane, so be it. There was little to be gained by Natalie’s knowing her words had had the desired effect, or why. The fact was, he had nothing to say, about anything. He wasn’t interested in making Natalie feel any worse or any better. His only interest was the woman a town over who was hours away from leaving.

  Natalie continued to watch him. All traces of the lothario she’d previously known were gone. There was no hint of his easygoing wit or his playful smile. He looked not only battered but broken. She was uncomfortable, began to doubt her reasoning for showing up. At first, she was certain the timing couldn’t have been more perfect. He would be supremely pissed off at having that sort of attention drawn to him. But he would also probably want to move on as quickl
y as possible, even if he was admitting he missed the psychopath who had done this to him. The Logan sitting beside her was a man she didn’t recognize. He looked disheartened and not ready to move on anywhere. He wasn’t even going through the motions of trying to hide it. She finally said, “You really do look awful. Can I get you a couple Advil or some ice?”

  Eager for a few moments of solitude, he nodded. “Advil would be great. I think I have some in the medicine cabinet.”

  Natalie hurriedly stood up to retrieve the pain reliever and get him a glass of water to take it with, leaving him alone in the living room. There was no doubt in his mind that what Natalie told him was the truth. There was also no doubt that Holly was clever enough to piece the whole scenario together with only one word to go by, especially after Amanda confirmed Holly had reacted to hearing it. Nobody could have predicted the kind of scene Holly would create. It would be easy to lay the blame on Natalie, but deep down he knew the culpability was his alone. Tina was right. It was bound to happen. He had been so careless, thoughtless even. If it hadn’t been Natalie, eventually it would have been someone else. Still, he couldn’t stop from grinning, thinking how entertaining Holly’s display must have been to watch for those with no emotional stake in it.

  Natalie came back and handed him the capsules and a glass of water, sitting back down next to him. She waited for him to knock the Advil back with a hearty slug of water.

  “Thanks,” he said, adding, “Forgive my manners. Help yourself to anything you want.”

  Natalie waited before quietly asking, “Anything?”

  Logan looked at her curiously for a moment before shaking his head. “Come on, Nat, you don’t really want to be my rebound skank.”

  She slammed back against the couch, crossing her arms over her chest, clearly put off. “Not when you put it like that. Anyone ever tell you that you have a way with words?”

  He waited for her to look at him before pointing to his eye and saying sarcastically, “Yeah. I did get a memo.” And then he laughed. Natalie couldn’t stop her smile from forming either. He took a deep breath before settling his gaze on her, shaking his head again. He said with sincerity, “I’m sorry. I’m not sure when my mouth became my worst enemy, but you know what I mean here. I’d fuck you tonight, because you’re here and you’re offering and I’m a putz like that, but it’d be all about her.”

  Her. Natalie crossed her legs and tilted her head, continuing to study him. This time she noticed he was actually untidy. The collar was sticking up from his pin-striped suit jacket. His shirt was wrinkled and unbuttoned, his tie loose. He looked miserable. If he would just give her a chance, she could fix it, all of it. They belonged together, they were a much better fit; surely he would see that now. She smiled again. “I can see you haven’t completely lost your touch. You can still make the most repugnant things sound positively charming.”

  “It’s a gift,” he replied with no real conviction.

  She continued to stare at him, weighing the risks, before confessing, “I really missed you, Logan. And I’d like to think I’ve grown a lot. You were good for me in so many ways. I’m not saying we try to pick up where we left off. I’m still traveling anyway. We can go back to enjoying each other’s company. Keep it casual. And I get your nostrings-attached thing, especially after what you’ve just been through. I’ve kissed a lot of frogs since I stopped seeing you. Maybe you kissed a couple, too?”

  If she was trying to convey through subtle wordplay any slight at Holly, he wasn’t biting. Instead, Logan said wearily, “I’m sort of laying off all the animal references for now.”

  Natalie giggled, encouraged by his remark and general nonreaction to her disclosure. She sat up straight and licked her lips nervously. She leaned her head in slightly toward his. When he made no move to pull away, she brought her head in closer and tentatively placed her mouth over his.

  Her lips were soft and warm, just as he remembered them. Her breath was sweet. But there was just no magic. No awe or surprise. No wide-eyed wonder triggering his hunger. His own lips responded, but without enthusiasm. His hands remained limply at his sides. Natalie detected his hesitation. She opened her eyes to find his lifeless ones looking vacantly ahead. She slowly pulled her head away and leaned back on the couch. Demurely, she folded her hands neatly in her lap.

  “I didn’t mean to be pushy. We just always had chemistry. You’re right. Maybe you just need some time.”

  He threw his hands in the air, landing them on his knees. “And that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. It won’t matter tomorrow or a week from now; it’s still going to be all about her. This girl isn’t going to be out of my system any time soon.” He looked up from his hands and at her. “You deserve to be worshipped.”

  “Worshipped?” Natalie snickered. “Once again, you leave me feeling insultingly flattered. I’d like to think I’m slightly less demanding.”

  Logan smiled sadly at her. “There’s no insult of any kind attached. You’re a beautiful girl who deserves a guy’s full attention. A guy who’s willing to do backflips to get you to notice him and dotes on you to keep it. I’m not that guy. I wish I could be.”

  It was in that moment that Natalie knew she had made a mistake in coming. Her plan, while it had worked, had also backfired. Logan wanted for her all the things he was doing for someone else. All her initial suspicions were confirmed. Logan’s playboy days were over. He had fallen, and hard. If she wasn’t seeing it for herself she wouldn’t have believed it. She had just chosen to ignore it. But she couldn’t any longer. Natalie nodded at him, reaching for her purse. She started to rise. “Why the hell do you have to be so nice? You even make a brush-off sound sweet. I would say lose my number, but I get the feeling it’s already gone.”

  Logan didn’t respond to that, but he did stand up. Together they made their way to the door. “Thanks, Natalie, for coming by, clearing things up. For understanding that right now I’m a hot mess.”

  When they reached the door, Natalie turned around to face him one more time. “She must have been crazy to risk losing you.”

  “I’ll be sure to tell her, if she ever speaks to me again,” Logan replied, thinking that if he didn’t get Natalie out the door in the next thirty seconds, she might see him start to melt down.

  He was unmistakably distraught. She stared at him a second more. Then Natalie started to laugh, uncontrollably. She couldn’t help it.

  “You find something about that funny?” he asked her irritably.

  “I do,” Natalie replied, catching her breath. “I find it hilarious that she’s the most average, run-of-the-mill woman I’ve ever seen in my life. She has no glamour and certainly no refinement. She humiliated you publicly, and in a pretty major way. Now the only thing you can think of is how to get her back.” Natalie started giggling again, right into Logan’s red frustrated face, before turning to walk out the door.

  “But the best part?” she said with infuriating glee. “She’s making you sweat it.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Holly woke up the next morning to the sound of her cell phone’s alarm. It was just before five. She felt lethargic and worn out, having spent most of the night crying. Once again she was mourning the loss of a man who had stepped in and changed her world. Only this time, she was left in a world she was now confident she could conquer without him.

  “Oh hell no!” she said out loud as she sat up, rubbing the salty crust her tears had formed from her eyes. “This is not the way you are going to start the first day of the rest of your life!”

  She got out of bed and headed for the bathroom, disrobing and lecturing herself on the way. After a quick shower, she dressed and took her suitcases down to the front door to await the car service that would be picking her and Tina up at six to take them to the airport. Tina’s suitcase was already there. Holly could hear the sound of the television coming from the living room. She found Tina fully dressed, sitting cross-legged on the couch, watching CNN.

 
Tina looked up and said excitedly, pointing to the television, “You made the news.”

  Holly froze. “What are you talking about?”

  “Well, not you exactly,” Tina said while still bouncing on the couch in amusement. “They just had a story about a skirmish at Chase Walker’s house last night. I’m guessing you’re the ‘unidentified assailant’ who broke into their charity party and started a melee resulting in one minor injury. You’ll be happy to know that you’re still on the loose.”

  The grip of fear was immediate. Holly had been so wrapped up in plotting her scheme that she had forgotten there could be that kind of fallout. Chase had never been anything but nice to her. She’d repaid that kindness by giving him bad publicity. She slowly shook her head.

  “That is so not funny,” Holly said, bringing her finger to her mouth. “I hope they at least mentioned the charity.”

  “Sorry, they didn’t. What a bunch of bullshit; I’d hardly call it a melee. And you didn’t break in, you had an invitation.”

  Holly began chewing on her fingernail. Her mind began to race. It was too early in the morning for this. She said distractedly, “They probably said that to save my ass.”

  Tina watched Holly from her spot on the couch and asked, “Holly? Are you having second thoughts?”

  “No,” Holly replied quickly before moving on to another fingernail. “Suddenly I’m thinking I can’t get out of town fast enough.”

  “What are you so worried about?” Tina giggled. “Afraid Walker’s going to show up here and put you over his knee?”

  “Don’t believe everything you hear. He’s not like that,” Holly replied irritably, dropping her hand and taking a deep breath. Tina’s jokes weren’t helping. Last night she didn’t care what happened, but with the new day came logic and regret and a sense of self-preservation. She hadn’t only done this to Logan; she’d essentially stabbed Chase and Amanda in the back as well. She felt the panic start to mount. “But what if the only reason they didn’t tell the police it was me was because of Logan? What if by now they know I kicked Logan to the curb? They don’t need to protect me out of loyalty to him anymore. What if now they decide they want to get justice?”