by Vicki Green
“Nice to meet you, Brianna,” I respond. Irish gives her a hello and a small smile.
“Oh. It’s nice to meet you both as well. Jen’s been talking nonstop about her brother.” She smiles and then looks at Irish. “And Irish. So good to meet you. I hear we’ll be working together very soon.”
Irish looks up but is wringing her hands in her lap. “Yes. I’m very excited about it.” Another fake smile. Something is wrong, and I don’t like not knowing what it is.
We have a great time talking, well, most of us. The longer we stay, the longer I want to shake some sense into her and make her tell me what it is that’s eating away at her. She’s definitely not the Irish I know and love.
Pop stops by the table to say hi to everyone. “Where’s Kane? I wanted him to meet Jen,” I ask.
“Oh, you know. Found a girl pretty early and they left together.” He shakes his head and walks away telling us to have a good time. Kane. Love him like a brother but he reminds me of what I used to be. I hope for his sake he’ll meet the woman of his dreams, like I did, and stop playing around. I know for a fact it’s not a good place to be. Oh, when you’re young and sowing wild oats, that’s one thing, or looking for the right woman, but he’s just like I used to be. Doesn’t want to get tied down. Having too much fun. But in the end? People get hurt.
Another hour goes by and I can’t take it anymore. “Come on. We’re going home.” I grab her crutches and then her hand. She doesn’t fight me at all. Again, not like her. “It was great meeting you, Brianna. I hope to see you around.”
She flips her hair over her shoulder and smiles. “Bria, please. I’ll be around for quite a while. Nice to meet you, Irish. I look forward to working with you.”
Irish situates the crutches and smiles. “Thank you.”
Jen waves. “Don’t wait up for me.” I give her a nod and lead my girl out of the bar.
I get her to my truck, and we drive in silence all the way home. I’m fit to be tied by the time we walk in the front door. Irish yawns, “I’m going to bed. I’m sorry but I’m exhausted. We have to be there early in the morning.” She hobbles off, and I shake my head. Do I confront her? I’m not sure I want her going into surgery tomorrow without finding out what’s going on. My fists are clenched as I walk into my bedroom. She’s already changed clothes and is in bed, under the covers. I walk over and sit down beside her. She looks up at me, her eyes wet from crying.
“Baby, what’s wrong. Please tell me. I can’t help if you don’t tell me.”
She leans up on an arm and looks into my eyes. “Please don’t call me that,” she whispers.
“Call you what?” Now I’m really confused.
“Baby.” The word comes out in less than a whisper.
I run my fingers through her hair leaving my hand against the soft skin of her face. “Why? It didn’t seem to bother you when I called you that before. What’s changed?” She looks down. I move my hand and cup her chin, drawing her face up until she looks at me again. “Irish. You’re scaring me. What is it? What has you so upset that you’ve become a shell? I miss you. Please talk to me.”
I wipe away a tear with my thumb and watch as her chin quivers. “Well, I….” She looks down, staring at her fingers pulling at the comforter.
“Irish. Look at me.” Her eyes slowly move up to mine.
We stare at each other for a few minutes until I think I might go mad.
“I’m pregnant,” leaves her mouth in a whisper, her eyes closing. My hand falls onto my lap.
I shake my head, blinking my eyes rapidly. “What did you say?”
Her eyes snap open and she struggles to sit up. I can’t move. I’m not sure I heard her correctly. She covers my hand with hers. “Caylan, you’re going to be a daddy.” Now I’m sure I heard her. My heart rate increases and love flows through me at an irregular speed. I grab her, wrapping my arms around her tightly. She buries her face into my neck. A daddy. I move back but only until I can look her in her beautiful wet eyes. I’m not sure I can smile any bigger then I am.
“For real?” She nods rapidly, a smile growing. “That’s why your stomach’s been upset?” She continues to nod. “That’s why you shut down? You were afraid to tell me.” It wasn’t a question but a fact. Her nod only confirms it.
She places her hand on the side of my face. “I’m sorry. We’ve never had a chance to talk about kids. Hell, we haven’t had a chance to talk about much of anything. I was worried you’d be upset. Leave me.”
Placing my hand on the back of her head, I stare into her eyes, trying to pour all my love for her into this one look. “Irish. I would never leave you. It would be like leaving a part of me behind. You’re my heart, my lifeline. Without you, I’d be just an ordinary man. With you, I mean something, I am someone. Someone who has a full heart. Full of you.” Her mouth crashes against mine and we become all hands. Needy. Wanting. Loving. I can’t get close enough, get enough of her. She’s my all. My everything. Without her, nothing matters. And now, we’re gonna share bringing a new life into this crazy world. Her stubbornness and smart ass. My stamina and caring. Together this baby will be the best of both of us. My love has grown.
Irish
He pushes me down onto the mattress and we make haste in removing each other’s clothes. Skin on skin. Warm. Soft. I can feel the definition of the muscles on his chest and stomach against mine. He’s perfection. “Irish,” he moans as he sinks into me. I can’t lift my leg with my bad knee so I wrap the other around his slim waist, my foot pressing against his bottom, pushing him into me deeper. God, he feels amazing. My hips meet his movements instantly, instinctively. I arch my back as his lips cover my nipple, his teeth nipping, then sucking. My hands grip his huge shoulders. I’ve dreamt of this so many times. My fingernails dig into his back as he pushes into me hard. His mouth moves up my skin, kissing along the way, until I feel his warm breath in my ear. “Fuck, Irish.” His air rushes into my ear, and my hips buck as my legs begin to shake. “This is how we made our baby. From our love.” I cry out his name, my head leaning back and my eyes closed tight. Euphoria is the only way I can describe the feelings burning through me. His love, passion, ignites me, filling me with desire as I let go.
“Irish!”
I open my eyes to the most beautiful thing I’ve ever witnessed. His face looks pained but then a peace washes over it. Serene. His head is leaning back, his eyes closed and his lips are slightly parted. I run my hands down his massive arms as his body shudders with his release. He looks like a statue, immortalized. There’s a sheen of sweat covering his gorgeous body, glistening by the moonlight streaming in through the blinds over the window. Perfection. There’s no other way to describe him. And he’s mine.
“I love you, Caylan,” I say clearly, precisely.
His eyes open as he looks down at me reverently. “I love you so much.” His mouth turns up into a grin, his eyes gleaming. I see his love for me in them. He leans down and kisses me hard. When he moves he pulls out and I feel the loss immediately. He lays on his side, still kissing me with all his love pouring from this one kiss. His hand moves up to my face, his fingers brushing back the damp matted hair from my forehead. So tender. “I love you. I love you. I love you.” He keeps repeating after each kiss on my face. His smile is beautiful. Breathtaking. It catches my breath just to look at him and how he looks at me. “Come on. I’m running us a bath.” He leaves me and I suddenly feel cold. I watch him walk, with barely a small limp from his injury, as he goes into the bathroom. I turn on my side, my hands moving under my cheek, and just stare at the door. I’m the luckiest woman on the earth. I’m so glad I finally let go, gave myself to him. Trusted him. I won’t be afraid to tell him anything ever again.
After a nice soak, relaxing against his chest, we revitalized and made love again. This time it was slow, unhurried. I felt every ridge, every muscle and vein, in his arms and chest. His tight abs told me just how hard he’s been trying to get healthy again. It’s just one of the things
I admire about him. Taking care of himself. After we dried each other, he helped me to bed, tucking himself around me, his arm protective over mine, and his hand splayed over my flat stomach.
“Move in with me,” he whispers into the back of my head, moving strands of my hair with his breath.
I giggle. “I am living with you, silly.” I can feel his smile from behind me.
“I mean, physically move your shit in my apartment, and move in with me.” My eyes open, my mind starting to race. “Quit thinking and just do it, Irish.” I smile. “I have two bedrooms. One can be for our baby. And I have a small room that you can use as an office so you can work some from home.” My eyes widen at the thought. He makes a good argument. “We have more room here and it’ll be closer to your office when it moves into the building when it’s done.” He has a valid point or two. I’m turned over abruptly, and I giggle again. He looks into my eyes as he brushes some of my long wayward hair away from my face. “Stop thinking. Move in with me. Let me take care of you and our child. Let’s really begin our lives together.”
I search his eyes and find nothing but truth, honesty, love. “Okay,” I whisper through my huge smile.
He leans down and kisses me, his fingers pushing into my hair. I can’t begin to think of how I’m feeling right now, right this second. I’ve never had love like this, never thought I would. I’ve always been there for others. Jonas. Tiffany. Taren and Brock. Kane. I’ve never minded, never thought twice. Now, for the first time, someone loves me, wants me. No, I can’t even being to think of how to describe what I’m feeling right now, put into words or thoughts.
The next morning, we’re at the hospital by five o’clock. I yawned all the way there. Now, I’m lying on a very small uncomfortable bed. Caylan is holding my hand as a nurse leaves the room. She just gave me a shot in my IV that is supposed to put me to sleep. “When you awaken, it’ll be all over. Then you can begin to heal.” I turn my head and yawn as I look into Caylan’s loving eyes. “And I get to order you around and take care of you until you’re on your feet again.” He waggles his eyebrows and I let out a laugh. His thumb begins to rub over my hand, soothingly. My eyes start to grow heavy, my body relaxed. “Sleep now, my love. I’ll be here when you wake up. I’m not going anywhere.”
My eyes open slowly. I’m in a different room. Why am I in a different room? Dr. Martin told me I’d wake up in the same room and then when I was awake enough I could go home. Confusion sets in as I start to shift my eyes. Caylan is sitting in a chair beside me. It looks like he’s been crying. I look down and see my leg is on top of the covers, my knee bandaged. Well, my leg is still there. More confusion. I look back over at Caylan. His head is bent low, his arms resting on his legs, his hands clasped together. It’s almost as if he’s praying. Something’s wrong. But what?
“Caylan?” My voice sounds strange, like I’m still half asleep.
His head raises. He smiles. It’s forced. His eyes look sad. “Oh, hey. How are you feeling?”
“What is it? Something’s wrong. You’ve been crying.” My voice comes out stronger, determined. Scared. He pulls his chair up and takes my hand. His other hand covers the top of my head, his thumb rubbing across my forehead. Is he consoling me? That’s what it feels like. “Why am I in a different room, Caylan? I was supposed to go home after the surgery. Why am I here?” I get louder when I see his eyes fill with tears. “Caylan?” My voice breaks. I feel my eyes welling with tears.
“I’m so sorry, my love. You started hemorrhaging. They said you were cramping.” What? What is he not saying? “Sweetheart, you lost the baby.”
I blink rapidly, my mind in overdrive. “But I just came in for knee surgery. I don’t understand.” I start to raise but his hand on my head pushes me back down gently.
“I know, love. I know. The doctor had to call in an OB/GYN into the operating room. He said it was nothing that we did. He said unfortunately, this happens sometimes. It was probably one reason why you felt so ill. Had you been cramping before?”
I lay back in defeat. “I thought I was getting my period.” I choke on a sob.
“I’m so sorry. The OB/GYN said even if she’d known, there would have been nothing she could have done.”
Another sob leaves me. “Don’t tell me it’s okay. Don’t tell me we can try again and have more kids. Please…. Just don’t say anything.” I begin to cry, part of my world crumbling. He scoots his chair closer and leans down, moving his arms around me, burying his face into my chest. He’s crying too. He lost this baby as much as I did. His body shakes as he cries. I lean my head against his and cry with him. Cry for our loss. Cry for our unborn child. I’m not sure what to do, how to feel, what to say. So I say nothing. My tears say it all.
I’m not sure how long we stay this way, not wanting to let go of each other. The door opens, and I watch a nurse walk in. She appears to be older, maybe in her late fifties. Maybe how I imagine my mom would look. Her hair is pulled up into a bun. Slight graying around her face. She smiles and I try to push Caylan back but he’s too strong. He stopped crying a little while ago but has been clinging to me. Still smiling, she shakes her head slightly and walks over to the other side of the bed.
“Are you in pain? Do you need anything, dear?”
I need my baby, my life. I just nod slightly, a tear traveling down my face.
“You poor thing. Here let me get you something. Are you thirsty?” She pulls a shot from her pocket and pushes the needle into the IV tube. I nod again. “Anything special?”
“May I have a Diet Coke, please?” My voice scratchy from lack of use and crying so hard.
“Of course you can. Would your husband like anything?”
I don’t even want to correct her. He might as well be. “Can you bring a regular Coke?” She smiles and nods again then leaves us alone. Several more minutes pass and I begin to rub his back. I’d think he’d fallen asleep, but every once in a while he lets out another cry, softly. I’m done crying. I don’t think I have any more tears left in me. Finally, he raises his head. His eyes are swollen and red, much how mine probably look. “I want you in bed with me. I really need you to hold me. Think we can both fit in this tiny bed?” The corner of his mouth lifts slightly. He stands and puts his arms underneath me, lifting me carefully and moving me over until my arm is against the rail. The stainless steel cool against my skin. But I don’t care. I’m not feeling much of anything anyway. He sits down on the little bit of hard mattress and puts his arm around me as he lifts his legs onto the bed. He pulls me close, and I try to turn into him but my leg makes it hard to do. I lay my head on his chest. His arm tightens its hold. He raises his hand and places it on my head, brushing back my hair in soothing strokes.
“The doctor said you could still go home today. The OB/GYN said she’d be back later to check on you. If all is okay they both said you can be released.”
I raise my head and look at him. “I want to go home. Our home. I want to move in with you completely. We both lost someone today, I can’t bear to lose you too.”
I lower my head as he kisses me tenderly on my forehead. “You’ll never lose me, Irish. Never.”
The nurse brings us cups with ice and our drinks. She sits and talks with us for a while. She told us she is sorry for our loss and proceeds to tell us how she lost her first child. Much the same except was in a hospital for a different outpatient surgery. She too had been having cramps and thought it was normal for her first time. “Sometimes we don’t know why things happen the way they do. However, they make us stronger, love harder, and appreciate what we do have.” Wise woman. Her words seemed to help, a little.
Two hours later, Caylan took me home. We laid in bed and just talked, holding hands, and just loving each other. He made me soup later that evening and when Jen came in, he took her into the living room and told her what happened. I stayed in the bedroom, thinking, and crying some more. We will heal. We will learn to accept. We will be together.
One week later….
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“Have a great weekend, Irish!”
I wave at Emily, who’s becoming a fast friend and such a great partner on this project. We’ve been planning and packing since I’ve returned two days ago. I feel great and with Caylan helping me with my leg exercises for my knee, I tossed my crutches away and walk with only a slight limp. After a couple of days had passed since I’d lost our baby, Taren and Brock came over and my bestie held me, both of us crying as we rocked in each other’s arms. Brock left with Caylan and met Kane over at my old apartment and packed up everything then brought it all over here to my new home. Our home. I’d called the landlord and told him to keep the deposit for his troubles but he was really nice about it all. Everything is not in its place yet, but Caylan bought me a desk and put it in the small room, calling it my home office. So cute. He put my bedroom furniture in the spare bedroom and got rid of the old set that was in there. It’s really starting to feel like my home. After all, I am with the man I love with my whole being.
Jen left the day after I came home from the hospital, hugging me goodbye with promises of coming back and for us to visit her in Georgia as soon as I can get a little time off.
Caylan’s been doting over me every day and night and I only love him more for it. I’ve always been used to taking care of myself or my brother and sister. Feels weird yet nice to have someone who loves me so much and taking care of me for a change. I take care of him too though. He deserves it and more.
“Irish! Hurry up. Your ride is here!”
I look at the hallway and see Patty smiling at me. She took the front desk job after Brett fired the horrible woman. Thank God! And Caylan’s jealousy issues were put to rest as well. You see, Brett is gay so there’s no chance for him and me, like the thought ever crossed my mind when I have a strong, hot and sexy man at home. I giggle to myself. Now Caylan? He’d better watch out for himself. Brett has a secret crush on him. Shaking my head, I chuckle again as I pick up my briefcase and start walking towards the hallway. I begin to walk faster as thoughts invade my head of the hot date waiting for me outside. I say my goodbyes as I pass other employees and reach the front door. I stop short when I see my man leaning against his truck. A huge smile on his face, those hazel eyes gleaming at me, and a bouquet of peach colored roses in his hand. Our life together has just begun. I take a deep breath, hold my head up high and smile. “Going my way hot stuff?”